Winter Roses
by StephanieKryx
Summary: AU. I really, really suck at summaries. Piper's life is boring until she runs right into a tall, dark and beautiful stranger. Alex is the most complex person the blonde has ever met. A human maze. She is drawn to Alex's darkness the way the brunette is drawn to her light. Meeting one another changes each girls life in numerous ways, not all of them good.
1. Just Around the Corner

Winter Roses

It had been another in a series of consecutive bland days. The leaves had still crunched beneath her feet as she walked briskly to work after the every day bus ride. She and her best friend still made their usual greetings to one another, then set about getting their small shop in running fashion before opening time. The conversation was lukewarm as always, neither woman having much interesting to say, as both were at seemingly slow points in their lives.

The customers that came into the store went about like they did every other day; come in, drink coffee, read, buy nicknacks and novels, have deep conversations with their friends or strangers. Not in any particular order. Time still went quickly for the young woman and before long, she left the quaint little shop, walked the short distance to the bus stop -crunching leaves all the while- and went home. Nothing special. Nothing different.

The young blonde entered her apartment building and smiled softly at the few people she passed by on her walk to the elevator. Upon seeing that there was already a large group of people waiting to use the lift, she decided that the stairs, though tiring, would be the best bet. So, the tall girl turned on her heel and made her way to the rarely used stairwell. Living on the 7th floor was only ever anoying when she had to climb roughly 70 feet to get there. The blonde didn't think to slow down her usual powerwalk into something a bit more suitable for rounding corners, until she'd already done it. She collided into something soft and firm at the same time.

"Hey! Watch where the fuck you're going!" An angry voice shouted as the blonde stumbled backwards, nearly falling down onto her bottom. And she would have, had a strong hand not gripped her by the forearm and pulled her into a standing position. Grey green eyes studied her own from behind thick black frames in a way that made the blonde feel like she was something under a microscope. It was uncomfortable and she shied away from it, focusing her own deep blue eyes instead on something else.

The hand still holding onto her forearm was what her gaze decided to land on. The skin was smooth and pale, unblimished save for a tribal band tattoo wrapped just above the wrist. She could tell the hand was strong by the secure grip it still had on her. Long, slender fingers, the nails short and painted black. Her blue eyes traveled up from the fingers, past the hand itself and on up the arm. It was bare until about midway up, where a red and black checkered flannel overshirt was rolled up at the elbow. Her eyes continued to take in the arm of the stranger until she reached the shoulder. Long black hair that curled slightly at the ends rested there. She could see the black t-shirt beneath the overshirt and pale skin exposed where the neck of the shirt had been cut purposefully. A simple, yet elegant silver chain hung around the long, slender neck and was weighed down beneath the neckline of her shirt by a charm of sorts that the blonde couldn't see.

"Are you okay, kid?" The voice spoke again, this time not angry, but instead a bit confused if not also slightly amused. Her voice was unlike any the blonde young woman had ever heard before. She was sure she'd remember a voice like that if she'd ever heard one before. It had a low timbre, not exactly deep, but husky and sensual without trying.

The blonde's head snapped up at the question and once again her eyes met the grey-green of the stranger. They were beautiful eyes, lined simply in winged black eyeliner and complimented by thin, perfectly arched brows. Without her consent, blue eyes searched again on their own accord, taking in the straight nose, and stopping on the full, dark lips she hadn't even noticed before. As she watched, a lopsided smirk formed on said lips. She felt her own cheeks begin to heat up as she was certain she was now the color of the stranger's shirt.

"I-I'm fine." The blonde stammered, ducking her head again and trying to move around the woman who'd managed to embarrass her so easily. However, the other woman didn't release her arm.

Their eyes met again and the stranger let go of her arm. "What's your name?"

"Piper." The blonde managed to mumble, somehow unable to look away from those beautiful eyes this time. "Who are you?"

"My name is Alex." The taller of the two said, her smirk still present. "I just moved in upstairs."

Piper swallowed the lump that formed at Alex's statement. Her heart, for some strange reason, did some sort of fluttery thing it hadn't ever done before. "That's cool. I live on the 7th floor with my cat Phoebe." She inwardly cursed herself for volunteering that information when Alex hadn't asked. She'd probably made herself look like an idiot. An idiot with a cat named Phoebe.

Alex chuckled and the sound released a swarm of deranged butterflies directly into Piper's bellly. "You're cute, kid. Maybe I'll see you around, yeah?"

The blonde's eyes widened and she found herself staring blankly at the attractive woman for a few horribly long seconds before she snapped out of her apparent stupor and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be.. cool. Yeah."

Damn it. Piper cursed herself again. _Smooth._

Alex chuckled again and looked down, trying to hide how her usual confident smirk had transformed into a wide, toothy smile. She hadn't ever seen anybody as cute as this Piper girl. She was just a little bit shorter than Alex, had a thin frame, long wavy blonde hair and her teeth were perfect. Now if only Alex could get her to smile, she'd be happy.

"Yeah? Well then.. Could I buy you a coffee sometime?" Alex asked, hoping she was right and that the young blonde _was_ in fact, interested.

Piper couldn't stop the giant megawatt smile that took over her face, no matter how hard she tried. "That'd be great," she managed to say even if she found it impossible to meet Alex's eyes now.

Alex gave herself a mental high-five and tried to tone down her own smile, but couldn't. She didn't know what it was about this girl she had literally only just met, but she knew she wanted to find out. Alex had never been one to date, but coffee wasn't a date, was it?

"Okay, cool.. I'll uh.." Crap. What would she do? Alex felt around her pockets, coming up empty in her search for a pen.

Piper found herself chuckling softly at how suddenly Alex had gone from cool and confident to just as scatter brained as she had been. The black haired woman looked up at her at the sound and when their eyes met they both released an awkward laugh.

"I live in 713. I'm there basically all the time. Well, except for when I'm at work. Then I'm at work." Piper said, mentally face-palming at her wonderful way with words. "So, yeah. Uh.. you can come by and knock and if I dont answer just like.. leave a note?"

Alex fiddled with her glasses, pushing them up the bridge of her nose in a nervous gesture, nodding. "Yeah. Maybe I'll actually have a pen and paper then."

Piper smiled, "Maybe."

Alex shook her head, laughing at her own awkwardness. "I'm usually not this forward, but I'm actually on my way to get coffee _now_.. So, would you maybe want to go with me to save us both the trouble of trying to contact one another later on? I bet the coffee place even has a pen I could borrow."

The blue eyed young woman's cheeks were begenning to hurt from how wide she was smiling. "That'd be fine. I just need to put my things up in my apartment first. Do you want to go ahead and go and have me meet you there or-"

"I'll wait here. I mean.. I'd rather not sit there looking like a lost puppy waiting on you to show up." Alex rolled her eyes at her own statement. "Not that you'd take forever to get there or anything. I just mean-"

"Alex. It's okay. You can come up to mine if you want and then we'll walk there together. Would that be better?" Piper offered, her confidence level rising as she watched Alex's earlier confidence seem to get jumbled up with nerves.

The taller woman ran a hand through her hair and nodded as she remembered something, "Yeah. Going back up stairs would be a _lot_ better, actually."

Piper quirked a brow at her in question.

Alex's eyes went wide at how her own statement must have sounded. "No! No, that's not what I meant. Although, I do find you attractive and certainly wouldn't be caught dead complaining if _that's_ what were to occur there. God. Fuck it, that's not what I meant to say, either.. I just mean that I forgot my wallet at my own place and it's like.. Right beside yours."

A moment of incredibly awkward silence passed in which Alex wished the floor would swallow her up. For the blonde, she just couldn't get over how adorable the tall brunette was being in the moment, even if it was completely on accident. She was sure that Alex wasn't generally the type of person that liked being considered 'adorable'. Piper took in the rockstar look of the woman. Her long dark hair, black t-shirt beneath the red and black overshirt, grey skinny jeans that looked like they were painted on. Tattered old combat boots. The black nail polish, perfect eyeliner, and a black beanie she hadn't noticed before. All of those things paired with the earlier confidence, smirk and arched eyebrow made Alex seem like someone who was used to getting exactly what she wanted. Now, however, the young woman who seemed to be just a few years older than Piper, was blushing like a school girl and studying the floor like it had suddenly become the most fascinating thing she'd ever seen.

Piper couldn't stand it anymore. She took hold of the wrist closest to her and pulled Alex's hand out from the shirt pocket. Ignoring that it was sweaty, she tugged on the hand until Alex finally looked up at her, still slightly pink. She motioned with her head for Alex to come with her and began the walk up the stairs once again, this time at a slower pace. She never thought to let go of the hand she held in her own, and Alex never bothered to, either. So, they walked and in hand up to the 7th floor.

"You go get whatever you need and I'll drop my backpack off. Meet out here in 5 minutes?" Piper suggested, still having yet to release Alex's hand.

Alex, having finally recovered from her newly aquired pink coloring, chuckled and smiled once again, something she found very easy in Piper's presence. "Yeah. I can do that."

"Five minutes." Piper said again in a joking tone, her megawat smile making another apearance.

"You have to let go of my hand first, though." Alex smirked, arching a single brow at the blonde.

Piper looked down at their joined hands and let out a nervous laugh. "Right."

The blonde released her hold on Alex's hand and met her eyes once again before shaking her head at herself and pointing towards her apartment door. Alex gave her a warm smile in return and they both chuckled before walking away from one another. Piper entered her apartment a few seconds before Alex entered her own and closed the door behind her. She dropped her backpack in it's usual spot by the door and then leaned against the wall. After a full minute of absolutely nothing, she decided to go check her makeup and use the restroom. Phoebe meowed at her relentlessly all the way from the livingroom to the bathroom. Piper knew she'd have to feed and water her before she left.

On the other side of the wall, Alex was still leant against her door, trying to figure out how she'd managed to turn into a little girl with a giant crush so easily. So fucking _quickly_. She sighed, ran a hand through her hair again and then set about to find her stupid fucking wallet. After finding it on her bedside table where it usually was, she went to the bathroom and checked her eyeliner. She was looked just like she had 10 minutes earlier when she'd left her home the first time.

Alex shoved her wallet in her back pocket, no easy feat considering how tight the jeans were, but once it was in place, she made her way out of the apartment, side stepping and dodging boxes all the while. Once back outside in the hallway, she fidgeted with her glasses before deciding to check her phone while she waited for the cute blonde to come back out.

She had no missed calls and no texts. That wasn't unusual. Alex had been on her own for a while now. Her best and only friend had been sentenced to 3 years in prison a year ago and since then, things had only gone from bad to worse. Alex sighed. She had been in the city her whole life, but only 2 days ago moved into this apartment. So far all she'd managed to do nothing but put her twin mattress in the floor of her new room and put her bedside table where it always went. Her clothes were still in garbage bags and all her books were still in boxes. The few kitchen suplies she had were in the kitchen, but were also still in the single box she'd packed them in. It was kind of depressing, really. Alex thought of her photo albums and sighed. They, at least, held happy memories. A frown found its way onto her face, a facial expression that had become common for the tall woman.

Piper had been stood outside for a few moments now, and Alex had yet to notice her presence. The other woman was frowning to herself and the look made Piper feel sad. Earlier, Alex had been either smirking or full on smiling but this.. This worn out frown that she saw now seemed like it was something that Alex did often. Maybe it was the way Alex was staring at the floor, eyes moving back and forth as she thought deeply to herself. The tall woman checked her phone and sighed, shoving it back into her pocket.

"Shit, you scared me." Alex said a moment later when she finally looked up from the same spot on the floor she'd been staring at for a while now. "How long have you been standing there?"

Piper decided not to let Alex know that she'd seen her so lost in thougt. "I just walked out, actually."

Alex smiled again and Piper was relieved to see it replace the frown. "Did you tell Phoebe about me?"

The blonde grinned, "Yes, actually."

"Ah. And her reaction?" Alex teased, offering the slightly shorter woman her hand. She figured since they'd already held hands once, that it wouldn't be weird to offer again. She smiled when Piper laced her fingers through her own and decided that she liked the way their hands seemed to fit so well together.

"She meowed. A lot." Piper said, allowing Alex to lead her past the elevator and down the stairs they'd been walking up only moments before. She wasn't sure why, but she felt very comfortable in Alex's presence. Like it was normal, like she'd known the woman much longer than maybe 20 minutes. Piper knew for sure that she'd like to know the brunette better; figure out why she'd looked so very sad a few minutes earlier. Maybe going for coffee would turn into something more. Piper didn't want to fool herself; nobody had said the word date. But, maybe if things went well they might decide to go on one. If Alex was as single as Piper was, that is.

"Meowing is a good thing. Hopefully." Alex said, smiling at the blonde girl beside her. She took in the slender form of Piper, liking how good Piper looked in the tight cream colored sweater and nicely fitting jeans. Usually, Alex went for a type a little rougher around the edges, not kind, funny, obviously priveliged young women like this one. Piper was her oposite in just about every way, but for some unknown reason, Alex didn't give a fuck. Truthfully, she thought a change of pace might be good for her. She wanted to see how coffee went and if it went as well as she hoped, she inteded on asking Piper on an actual date. The only problem with that was that Alex had never been on a date before.

"Yes, I think so. So, Alex, what do you do?"

Alex lifted her brows. "Wow, right to the chase with you, huh? Havent even reached the coffee shop yet."

Piper simply looked at her expectantly.

"I actually dont have a job at the moment." Alex admitted, knowing that it probably wouldn't do her any favors to keep that bit of information to herself. "But, I have some money saved up from my.. last job."

Before Piper could ask what her last job had been, Alex asked her what it was that _she_ did for a living. "My best friend Polly and I own a little used bookshop on the other side of Brooklyn. We make soap that we sell in there and we have coffee and pastries."

Alex was impressed, "Wow. That's really cool. Maybe I'll come by and see you in action sometime."

"That'd be great. Where are we going, exactly?" Piper asked once they finally made it out into the hustle and bustle of the streets. They were imediatly hit by a strong gust of wind and Piper automatically turned into Alex, sheilding herself from the bitter cold. Alex, for her part, had reacted just as quickly as Piper had, her arms wrapping around the smaller blonde while bits and pieces of trash blew about and cold, tiny droplets of water pelted her.

When the wind died down, Piper was the first to realize what had just happened. She lifted her head away from where it'd been hidden in Alex's warm neck and looked at the other woman. Alex blinked at her, their faces so close that they nearly had to go cross eyed to see one another properly. Piper was nearly overcome with a desire to kiss the sof lips before her and then scolded herself for staring at them. They hadn't even been aquainted for an hour yet!

Alex swallowed and loosened her arms from around Piper's waist, freeing the blonde from her hold. Piper smiled, her cheeks a little pink. They laced their fingers once again and Alex began to lead Piper across the street, dodging people right and left. She simply wanted to get out of the cold. Alex fucking hated the cold.

"When did it get so cold out here? It wasn't this cold on the way home." Piper grumbled. "You never told me where we're going."

"Red's." Alex answered. She'd been going there for years. Red's was owned by Red, who was the older Russian lady that was her best friend Nicky's mother figure. Ever since her own mother had passed away, Red had treated Alex like a daughter as well, always speaking her mind and sometimes even popping Alex on the back of the head if she was being especially reckless.

"Oh. I've never been there before." Piper mused, glad that the shop wasn't very far away. They were almost there, actually.

Alex slowed them to a stop outside the bright red door that had "RED'S" painted on it in shiny gold. She hadn't been here in a several months. Maybe Red wouldn't give her a hard time since she had a girl with her. Hopefully. She opened the door for Piper and followed her inside.

The were assaulted with the smell of Red's famous Russian sweets and soft music playing in the background. Aside from the soft conversations of the patrons, it was just like it always was. Except it was missing the loud laughter of Alex's best friend. That simple fact made it feel wrong, but Alex knew that Piper didn't know that. So, she smiled and led Piper to the front counter, where there was a cashier that Alex didn't recognize. Where was Morello?

"Welcome to Red's. What can I get for you?" The young girl questioned, her attitude not exactly what Alex was used to from her experience at the little shop. The young woman was pretty, dispite the very unfortunate neck tattoo and terrible corn rows in her naturally blonde hair. Her red name tag said 'Tricia' in white capital letters.

Piper ordered a french vanilla coffee while Alex ordered hers black. Tricia sighed, "I gotta ask if you guys want a slice of pie or something."

"Apple for me. Piper?" Alex looked to her companion.

"The same for me, please." She smiled at the cashier.

"A'ight. Go sit somewhere. I'll bring it to you." Tricia said, turning to get their orders together.

As soon as they were sat down at a boot in the far back, Piper looked at Alex with wide eyes. "Wow. She seems _really_ excited to work here."

Alex laughed softly. "Red always has quite the crew around here."

"So Red is the owner, I'm guessing, since this place is named after him?"

"Red's a she." Alex corrected, taking her glasses of to clean off the specks of moisture they'd gathered on the journey to the coffee shop. She put them back on and smiled softly at the blonde. Suddenly, she felt a blow to the back of her head and yelped in surprise.

"I don't hear from you or see you in _months_ and then you just show up and dont even come to say hello?" A thick Russian accent questioned from behind her. Alex looked at Piper, who was wide eyed and seemingly frozen aside from her eyes, that went back and forth from Alex to who she knew was Red standing behind her.

"Hello, Red." Alex grumbled, which earned her another smack to the back of her head. She winced and rubbed the spot that had been hit twice now. Red never learned to ease the force of her slaps, they were always hard and you were lucky if it wasn't the back of her hand because her studded rings hurt much worse.

"Fix your glasses." Red said, noticing that two smacks in a row had all but knocked them from Alex's face.

Alex clenched her jaw in frustration and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose before removing her beanie that had become too loose for her liking. She prepared herself for what she knew was coming next.

"And put your hat on right. It's never all the way on. Always just barely hanging. I'll never understand you kids." Red griped. She watched as Alex did as told, knowing the young woman was only doing what she was told because she didn't want to be griped at any more in front of the pretty girl she'd brought with her.

Piper watched the two women in silence, looking away only when Alex had been knocked on the back of the head the second time, and then again when she'd had to fix her glasses. She was embarrassed for Alex, who appeared to be holding it together only for her bennifit. Piper was certain if she hadn't been there, Alex would have said something to Red, but hadn't wanted to be hit again in front of her.

"Where have you been, Alex? You haven't come around for 10 months. Almost a year! No word to anybody. Just moved out of your mother's house and nobody knew where you were. You didn't answer anybody's calls or texts." Red motioned her hands around wildly, before motioning for Piper to scoot over. The blonde quickly did as instructed, afraid of having the red headed Russian angry with her, as well.

Red sat down beside Piper and leant on the table of the small booth, eyeing Alex sternly. She pointed a finger at her, "You can't just run off, Vause."

"Nobody has called me, Red. Nobody has texted me. The only person who _has_ talked to me is Nicky and that's only through letters." Alex said in a low voice, almost too soft to hear.

"What do you mean? I texted you and called you myself after we didn't hear from you for a month!" Red said, astonished.

"Yes, I am aware. But nobody tried after that.. Look. I'm sorry I never responded. I'm sorry I haven't come by in a while. But, I'm here now, right? Doesn't that count as something? Can we please not air _all_ of my dirty laundry in front of her?" Alex nodded towards Piper, who looked increasingly uncomfortable. Fuck. She'd already blown it and they hadn't even had their fucking stupid coffee yet.

Red looked over at the pretty blonde Alex had brought with her and then narrowed her eyes at the raven haired girl. "Fine. But you will come by tomorrow morning and we will talk. Understand?"

Alex sighed, thanking whatever diety may exist for the tiny break. "Yes. Tomorrow morning. I'll be here."

Red didn't say another word, just got up and walked away to her office in the back where the kitchen was. Piper was pressed into the wall beside her, twiddling with her thumbs nervously. Alex rubbed her temples and flinched when two plates were all but dropped carelessly onto the table before two cups of coffee were sat down next. Tricia looked Alex up and down while sucking her teeth before walking off.

"If you wanna leave you can. I'd get it." Alex mumbled, picking at her pie with the fork she'd just unrolled from it's napkin.

Piper looked up and saw the beaten look on Alex's face, how that frown she'd seen earlier was back firmly in place. Alex met her eyes briefly and Piper could see the frustration and something that looked a lot like grief in them. She unrolled her own fork and shrugged, "Everyone's got dirty laudry, Alex. If it'll make you feel better, I'll tell you some of mine."

A small, weary smile tugged at Alex's lips. "Yeah?"

Piper nodded, "Yup."

Alex gave the blonde a greatful smile. "You don't have to tell me anything. Just give me a chance to prove that I'm not a _complete_ mess."

The blue eyed girl took a sip of her coffee and sighed happily at the taste. "This coffee is deliscious." She dabbed at her mouth with the napkin, "Let's make a deal, okay?"

Alex rose a brow at her in suspicion, waiting to hear what it was that the blonde had to say. She was glad that Piper didn't seem to have been scared off, yet. Yet, being the key word. Of course, they could leave today and never see one another again. Piper could just be trying to let her down easy. Which was something that had never happened to Alex before. In fact, she'd never been on the recieving end when it came to endings of any sort. Romantically, at least..

"I won't hold anything that Red said against you because I don't have any clue what happened or why she was so.. Upset. But, if you happen to hear anything about me in a negative light, you have to do the same thing. Let's give each other a chance to explain anything if we have questions." Piper said, hoping she wasn't sounding too forward. After all, even if she did feel like she and Alex had some sort of weird, newly aquired connection, they hadn't known one another very long at all.

The brunette gave Piper a smile that nearly broke her heart. It was equal parts thankful and disbelieving, like the green eyed woman wasn't used to being given a chance once people knew anything about her. Sure, Piper was both curious and nervous about what she'd heard, but she didn't feel like it should justify kicking the beautiful woman to the kerb. Especially when she didn't even know what it was that Red was so angry about aside from Alex's apparent yet brief disappearance.

"Deal." Alex said in her low voice, before taking a bite of the best apple pie she'd ever had.

"I do have a question, though." Piper said before taking her own bite.

Alex froze and hesitantly met beautiful blue eyes. "Anything, kid."

"Are you single?" Piper blushed at how abrupt it came out.

Alex smirked, visably relieved that the question hadn't been as serious as she'd feared it could be. She quirked a brow at Piper, intent on lightening the mood and teasing the blushing blonde a little. "I might be. It really just depends on who's asking."

Piper chuckled quietly and rolled her eyes. "Oh, you know. Just a nerdy blonde girl with a cat named after her favorite Friends character."

Alex couldn't contain her laughter. "Do I know this blonde?"

"Not very well. But she finds you very interesting. And attractive." Piper said, deciding Alex would have known that already by how much she'd been blushing around her.

The green eyed woman looked down at her table, biting her lips to try and contain what she knew would be an alarmingly large and probably lopsided smile. When she felt like she had her face under control, the brunette looked up at the adorable blonde again. Piper had her head slightly tilted towards her, a hopeful look on her face. "You're really fucking cute."

Piper blushed, yet again. "You keep saying that."

"Tell that blonde girl that I am, in fact, single. So, if she's interested, I'd like to take her on an actual date. One that does not include angry Russian women that like to hit me. Or rude cashiers with awful neck tattoos." Alex said, watching as Piper's megawat smile made yet another appearance. The dimple in her right cheek was just the cherry on top. God, she was beautiful.

"Ask me yourself, silly." Piper said in a quiet, awed voice, her eyes searching Alex's face.

Alex smirked. "Wanna go on a date with me? Like.. to the park or.. Fuck, maybe somewhere indoors so we don't freeze our tits off. I've never been on a date before. Tell me where you want to go and I'll take care of the rest. Please?"

Piper laughed at how Alex's smirk had transformed into a nervous, pleading smile. "Do you like to read, Alex?"

Green eyes lit up, "I _love_ to read."

"So, let's eat somewhere and then we can go to a bookstore or the library or someplace else where there are a buncha dusty old books." Piper offered, her eyes never leaving Alex's.

"Is that a yes, then? You'll go on a date with me? I never heard you say 'yes'." Alex joked, unable to contain her smile this go-round.

"Of course, Alex. Yes. I'll go on a date with you."

Piper chuckled when Alex shook both fists in the air and let out a tiny 'Woo!' Maybe she wasn't the nerdiest one at the table. Alex blushed and looked down, "I was trying to make you laugh.."

"Well, it worked." Piper stated, taking another drink of her coffee, which had now cooled off quite a bit.

For a few comfortable moments, they ate and sipped their lukewarm drinks in silene, smiling at one another every once in a while. A reminder that the moment was certainly real and that it was all really happening. The day had gone like any other for the most part. And then the blonde had run right into Alex as she rounded that corner. Piper was glad she had decided against the lift.

AN: This is the first story I have had the balls to publish, so please review and let me know what you think.


	2. Messy Minds

AN: Thank you everyone for the reviews! I'm glad that so far everyone is taking to this story of mine. I have to let everyone know that things will be getting a bit darker in this chapter as we learn a little more about my version of Alex. I was planning on updating on the weekends as that's the only time I have internet access on my laptop, but I am not sure I will have the chance at all this weekend coming up. So, I'll go ahead and give you guys the 2nd chapter now. Let me know what you think!

Winter Roses

After well over two hours of easy flowing conversation, the two women decided to head back home before the temperature outside decided to drop any lower. They stepped out of Red's and both Piper and Alex shivered violently in the unwelcome cold. They huddled close and started their walk back.

"Goodness, why didn't I bring a jacket? It's like -2 out here!" Piper nearly squeaked, one hand clutching Alex's and the other shoved into her pocket.

"Because you're a lunatic." Alex replied in a shaky voice, sidestepping and dodging other people like before, only this time much faster.

"Hey! You're not wearing a coat, either." Piper wined, smiling despite feeling like her face was frozen.

"That is because I am also a lunatic." Alex replied.

Once they finally made it inside their apartment building, they opted for the elevator this time. They stood for a few moments waiting on the door to open with an older couple that smiled kindly at them. When it was their turn, they all stepped into the lift. Alex pushed the number 7 and asked the other couple which floor they needed.

"We're on the 3rd floor, darling." The older woman said, her brown eyes twinkling from behind her thick glasses.

Alex pushed the corresponding button and the doors closed.

"You two make such a lovely couple." The woman said, a dreamy smile taking over her weathered face. "When it gets hard, always remember to talk about it, dears. Come along, Albert."

The old man smiled at the young women before following his wife out of the elevator and onto the 3rd floor. Alex and Piper looked at one another, unable to contain the light, nervous chuckles that escaped them. Then they both caught sight of their reflection in the mirrored wall opposite them. They were standing as close to one another as they could, Alex's left arm around Piper's shoulders while her right hand was rubbing up and down Piper's arm to try and create friction to warm the blonde up. Piper had both arms around Alex's slender waist, her face leaning against the left side of Alex's chest.

"Oh," Piper said softly, realizing now why the elderly couple they'd just met thought that they were together. She met Alex's eyes in their reflection and made no move to change their position. Alex seemed content as well, so they remained that way until they reached the 7th floor.

"I have a question. It may be inappropriate but I'm gonna ask you anyway." Piper said as Alex walked her to her door.

Alex, who had been quiet ever since their walk home, stepped closer to Piper and gave her a gentle smile. She pushed her glasses on top of her head, giving the blonde full access to her large, grey-green eyes. Piper swallowed at how open and vulnerable Alex looked and had to stop herself from kissing the woman then and there. She settled for licking her lips and averting her eyes for a brief second.

"Do you want to.. I mean is y-your heat on? I could make us some cocoa if you wanted to come in." Piper closed her eyes and sighed, "In case it's cold in your apartment. You're invited to mine."

Alex grinned at how cute the blonde was. "Okay. But only because you invited me so adorably."

Piper unlocked her door, blushing at her fumbling words and also because she could feel Alex's body heat directly behind her. If she were to turn around, they'd be face to face and Piper knew she wouldn't be able to resist the urge to kiss Alex if that were to happen. Maybe that's why she'd invited Alex into her apartment. Piper knew that technically they hadn't even been on a date yet, but they were planning on it the following night, so since knew she _would_ kiss Alex the next night anyway, would it really be such a bad thing to go ahead and do it a little sooner?

She led Alex inside and told her to make herself at home. Both women were glad for the warmth Piper's apartment offered and Alex wasted no time going to sit on Piper's simple, yet comfortable sofa. The brunette was still cold even though it was much warmer inside Piper's apartment than it would've been inside her own. She kicked off her boots while Piper tried to clean up a little bit, even though the place was already clean. Alex curled up into a ball and pulled Piper's afgan over herself, shivering all the while. Then, she spotted the book the blonde must have been in the process of reading. She lifted it off the coffee table and flipped it over to read the back. Content that it was probably a good book, Alex expertly opened it with one hand and held it up while her other placed her glasses back on the bridge of her nose. She began to read, waiting on Piper to tire herself out of cleaning an already spotless home. Then, she felt like she was being watched.

Alex slowly lifted her eyes from the book and turned her head to the right, where she saw a black cat with bright yellow eyes and long fur, staring at her from the other side of the sofa. She reached her hand out and clicked her tongue softly, calling for the cat. "Hi, Phoebe."

Upon hearing the familiar sounds of both the clicking and her name, the small cat squeaked a tiny meow before making her way over to Alex and rubbing her head all over Alex's extended hand. She was purring loudly and then, as if she'd known Alex her whole life, which consisted of an entire 6 months, Phoebe walked over Alex's legs and curled into the small space between her lap and the arm of the couch. The dark haired woman chuckled before going back to her reading.

Piper, having witnessed the interaction between her cat and her.. Alex, smiled and then decided to make her way back into the room lest Phoebe or the book steal all of Alex's attention. She sat down Alex's hot chocolate and then her own before making her way around the coffee table to sit on the couch, sure to leave a little over a foot between herself and Alex's curled up form.

"Hi.." Alex said shyly, fidgeting with her glasses. She wondered how Piper always managed to sneak up on her. She closed the book and sat it down before picking up her cup and blowing on it to cool off the steaming hot liquid. "Thank you."

"You look comfortable." Piper teased, raising her brows at the pretty brunette who looked like she had been there a million times rather than just this once.

"You tol-"

"I like it." Piper interrupted, "I like that you're comfortable. And Phoebe seems to like you, too."

Alex blushed and looked down at the black cat, who was still purring away. "Yeah. She just kind of.." Alex gestured with her hand at the cat, who was settled in nicely, eyes narrowed as if she were daring anyone to try and make her move.

"She does that.." Piper smiled. "But only if she likes you. There have been a few people who've had the misfortune of meeting Phoebe's dark side. I swear she's the sweetest thing until she doesn't like someone. Then it's like.. she's a ninja and will do anything to mortally injure someone she doesn't particularly care for."

Alex chuckled. "Oh, my. I'm glad she likes me then."

"Me, too." Piper said softly.

The green eyed woman thought for a moment before deciding she should probably offer Piper her covers since they did belong to her, after all. Alex unbundled them a bit and when the blonde sat her cup down, Alex tossed the pink and black afgan onto Piper's lap. "Sorry I stole your blanket."

Piper shook her head, smiling from ear to ear. "It's okay. We can share." She scooted a little closer to Alex even though the afgan was large enough for them to share even if she'd been sat much further away from the brunette. Once they were almost touching, she settled in crosslegged and covered both of their laps. Phoebe didn't care that she'd been covered up, just continued her purring.

They sat quietly for a little bit, drinking their hot chocolates and simply looking around. Alex found that she liked the way Piper's apartment both looked and smelled. It was organized with warm colors, there were books and photographs everywhere, a 32 inch flat screen in an entertainment system that had probably a hundred movies if not more. And then there were the book cases. So many books. Alex couldn't stop herself from smiling at the sight of all of them. Some titles familiar, others not. And it smelled like vanilla, only adding to the warmth of the place.

"I like your apartment." Alex murmered in her low, soft voice. She looked over at Piper and nearly gasped at how simply gorgeous the blonde was. And the way she was looking at Alex made the brunette's heart flutter wildly. God, if Piper didn't stop making her feel _things_ she was going to have to kiss her. There was simply no way around it.

Piper decided to ask a question she'd been wanting to since the coffee shop incident earlier, while the atmosphere between she and Alex was so calm and open. "Alex, what happened?"

The question was asked so softly that Alex almost didn't hear it. But she had heard it and knew what Piper meant. She knew she should probably at least _try_ to tell the blonde at least a little bit. That way, maybe Piper would have some idea of what she could possibly be getting herself into. She inhaled deeply and sighed. "I haven't had the best of times lately. Things have actually been pretty fucked up. I.." She clenched her jaw and closed her eyes to try and power through, no matter how bad her chest was constricting at the thoughts swarming her mind. "I lost someone very important to me. And then someone else very important to me had to go away for a while. I think it's safe to say that I tried really _hard_ for a long time but I couldn't deal with it. So, I left."

The blonde could hear the sadness in Alex's words and see the heartbreak on her face. She felt bad for even asking the question. Had she known it would have this sort of effect on the girl beside her, she would have just waited until Alex decided to tell her. Piper took hold of Alex's hand, rubbing her thumb over the knuckles. She remained quiet, waiting to see if Alex had anything else to say, as the black haired girl was deep in thought once again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so.. I don't know." Alex shrugged, frustrated with herself for allowing the mood to drop so far. She shoved her glasses on top of her head and sighed. She didn't want to make Piper sad, too. Alex looked over at the blonde and was ready to apologize again, but before she could, something happened.

Piper leant forward the few inches between them and kissed Alex tenderly on the cheek, her free hand coming up to run a thumb beneath Alex's left eye, where there was a tear fighting to escape. The droplette ran down her thumb as she went to pull away and her eyes caught Alex's. Grey-green pools studied her own, a million and one emotions swimming around in them. Piper had no desire or even strength to pull herself away when Alex leant forward, her lips so achingly close to Piper's own.

"Can I kiss you?" Alex asked, her voice all but silent.

Piper was about to answer that silly question by closing the gap between their mouths, but just as she was leaning ever so slowy towards Alex, her phone rang out loud and clear from her back pocket. It startled both women, causing them jump and separate like they'd been about to do something bad rather than kiss. Piper fumbled in her pocket for her phone, managing to drop it on the floor while her obnoxious ringtone continued to play loudly.

The blonde finally grabbed the phone, noticing that it was Polly calling her for the 2nd time in the last hour. She looked up and over at Alex, who was fidgeting with her glasses that were now back over her eyes. Piper apologized and sat the phone on the table once she realized it had stopped ringing.

"No, no. Don't be sorry. You should call your friend back. I, uh.. I should go to my own apartment and do some more unpacking." Alex was already putting her boots back on and had uncovered her lap, along with a baffled Phoebe. The cat seemed to sense that her makeshift bed was going to stand, and hopped down before taking off full speed into the kitchen.

Piper watched as Alex stood up. She really didn't want Alex to leave at all-they had been _so_ close to a kiss that the blonde knew would have made her see fireworks. And also, she knew how down Alex was, and didn't want her to be alone. The blonde stood up and touched Alex's arm, right over the tribal tattoo.

"You don't have to leave, Alex. You c-" She was interrupted once again by her stupid phone as it sang out lyrics from Lana Del Rey's 'National Anthem'. The blue eyed woman sighed. This was not going well.

Alex ran a hand through her hair and tried to smile at Piper. The blonde truly was hard to say no to, but Alex needed to get out. She needed to be alone, find some way to make the thoughts and memories stop playing over and over in her head like some God forsaken montage meant to drive her mad. Alex shook her head briefly and blinked hard before realizing she must actually look insane. Piper was turned away, however, silencing her phone for the 3rd time that evening. When the blonde turned back around, Alex had managed to look a little less out of her fucking skull.

Blue eyes searched over Alex's face and Piper knew immediatly that Alex was not okay at the moment. She could see it, _feel_ it. Alex had a pathetically fake smile on her face, even though her eyes were red and brimming with tears that would certainly fall within the next few seconds. The brunette's brows pulled together briefly as she strugged to to keep her cool. Piper was about to ask if she was okay, but Alex spoke before she had the chance.

"I'm gonna-I gotta go. Tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. Six?" Alex said in a rushed way, backing towards Piper's door, her green eyes wide, trying desperatly not to cry in front of the blonde.

Piper nodded, knowing she'd better let Alex leave. She'd looked like a scared animal, wild eyed and tense. Piper didn't think Alex would be violent to her on purpose, but she honestly didn't want to find out the hard way. She watched as Alex closed the door behind her and flinched seconds later when she heard a loud bang followed by an even louder one from next door. Piper didn't have to move closer to the wall separating them to know that Alex was throwing things. It lasted several moments before the normal quiet returned.

The silence was almost worse than the sound of objects slamming into the walls. Piper wasn't sure what to make of what had just occured, but didn't have long to dwell on it. Polly's smiling face popped up on her screen and Piper knew if she didn't answer this time, Polly would definetly be showing up. If she wasn't already on her way, that is.

"Hey." Piper greeted, her voice giving away her current frustration.

"What the hell, Piper?!" Polly practically screeched from the other end.

Piper rolled her eyes and sat back down, air relasing from her lungs in a rush. "I was hanging out with someone."

"So that means ignoring 3 of my calls and not even bothering to respond to any of the texts I sent you? God, Piper, what if it had been an emergency? For all I knew, _you_ were in the middle of an emergency! I almost called the cops." Polly said all of that in what seemed to be one breath. "Wait."

Piper shook her head, knowing what was next.

"You were 'hanging out' with someone? Who were you hanging out with? I'm like, your only friend. Oh my god. It's that Larry guy that keeps asking for your number. I knew you'd like him!" Polly squealed, any left over anger having been cleared away by what she thought was happening between her best friend and the sweater-vest wearing guy that always came into their shop specifically to stare at Piper like a kid stares at candy.

"Ew, Polly. No, thank you." Piper grumbled, "I will not be hanging out with that guy anytime soon."

It was quiet for a whole 2 seconds.

"Who is it, then?"

"Alex," Piper said, quietly. She didn't want the dark haired woman to hear her through the thin walls and feel like Piper was talking bad about her.

"Alex? I've never heard you mention an 'Alex' before. Is he hot? He's got a hot name. It's so sexy sounding. Almost exotic. _Almost_." Polly said, her voice telling of just how curious she truly was.

A strong desire to protect what she and Alex had managed to create between themselves in just a few hours came over Piper. She didn't really want to share the tall, beautiful woman with anyone else. She wanted to protect Alex and Piper knew that even though she loved her best friend, Polly was not always easy to get along with. She had no filter and was blunt to the point of hurtfulness. Piper wasn't sure that Polly was someone Alex needed around her. The blonde knew that if she was able to see through Alex's vaneer, Polly would be able to just as easily. The difference was that Polly wasn't one to shy away from asking a thousand inappropriate questions, _especially_ if it meant the person being interrogated felt uncomfortable. Polly seemed to love doing that to people. But then again, maybe she just never realized it. Piper didn't know.

"Hello? Earth to Piper? Tell me about this Alex person. Where'd you meet? Why haven't you told me about him before?" Polly questioned, impatient.

"We met today. Just hit it off really well and went to have some coffee. I guess we got carried away in our conversation. It's so easy to talk to her." Piper said, not realizing she'd just let slip the one thing Polly would be sure to jump on.

"Her? Piper, are you a lesbian again?" Polly asked, sounding like she was in the process of rolling her big, brown eyes.

Piper cringed, "I told you to think of it as a-"

"Kinsey Scale. Yeah, whatever. Is that a yes?"

"Oh my God, Pol. I am not answering that question." Piper grumbled.

"Well, will you be 'hanging out' again with her? And that better just be the phrase you're using to make it seem less relationship-y. She's not allowed to replace me as your best friend." Polly said.

"We're supposed to go out tomorrow night. Calm down, you know you're more than enough best friend for me." The blonde stated, staring at the mug Alex had been drinking from. It was still half full. God, how had it gone downhill so quickly?

"Is _she_ hot?" Polly asked, content that her status in Piper's life wasn't being challenged by some newcomer.

Piper chuckled, "That's like the understatement of the year. She's gorgeous. But besides all that, I really like her."

"Sounds serious."

"Whatever, Polly. We just met." Piper chided, even though she knew that whatever connection she and Alex had formed was already strong.

xXxXx

Alex's mind slowly roused itself from a restless slumber filled with awful dreams and memories she'd rather forget. The brunette opened her eyes, only to squeaze them shut again a split second later. The sun beaming through her window was blinding her. She really needed to invest in a set of blinds and a curtain. God, her fucking head hurt. Alex peaked one eye open a fraction before doing the same with the other eye. She didn't remember getting in bed. Sitting up, the green eyed woman winced at a sharp pain in her neck and back. God, how the hell had she even fallen asleep in such a weird position? Alex reached over to feel around on her nightstand for her glasses, but they weren't there.

"The fuck?" She grumbled, tapping the top of her head to see if maybe she'd left them there when she decided to crash the night before. However, her glasses were not there and Alex had not a clue where else they could be as they weren't in the bed, either.

She stood up, bones popping loudly in a chorus of disapproval. The brunette realized that she was still completely dressed, boots and all. She shook her head and limped out of her bedroom, nearly tripping over more than one box as she made her way to the livingroom in search of her glasses. Alex had almost made it to the kitchen before she finally fell prey to a smaller box she had failed to see with her compromized vision. She fell gracelessly to the floor, managing to catch herself just before her face met the linolium tyles below her. Her left knee faired worse, having been what landed first. Alex growled in frustration and pain, sitting on her ass and rubbing her knee like a little kid.

"Fuck." She sighed, squinting her eyes and looking around for all the good it did. Where the hell could they be? Alex tried to remember what had happened the night before. A pretty blonde girl came to mind and Alex groaned when she recalled the way their night had ended. And they were supposed to go on a _date_ tonight? Shit, Alex would be lucky if Piper would even talk to her after the way she'd left.

Alex reached up and grabbed hold of the counter, using it to help her stand. Why was her kitchen light already on? Then, the bottles came into view. Vodka bottles, to be exact. Only 2 of them this time, though, which Alex was glad for. She limped over to them, her knee throbbing, and tossed them in the trash. The brunette decided she needed a shower, fresh clothes and to brush her teeth. Her mouth tasted like death warmed over.

Once she made it to her bathroom after a very slow, careful journey through a minefield of boxes, Alex undressed and took a nearly scalding hot shower. Once she was done, she wrapped herself in a towl and her hair in a different one. She brushed her teeth, glad when the horrible taste seemed to have gone away. Alex applied her everyday eyeliner and mascara, barely having to look in the mirror. She fastened her necklace around her neck and yawned. What time was it? Alex picked her phone up off the vanity and checked.

It was past 3 in the afternoon. Good God, how long had she stayed up drinking? She knew she'd gotten home before 9pm. She had then proceded to throw and kick shit around until.. Well, that's all she could remember. Alex shook her head, disgusted with herself. When she felt the world spinning and her headache get worse, she knew she needed to go buy some Tylenol or something because of _course_ she didn't have any. Luckily, her wallet was still in her back pocket, even if she couldn't find her stupid glasses. Why hadn't she ever bought a spare pair? Or even some contact lenses for occasions like this? Alex carefully limped back to her bedroom and did her best to dress without causing herself any more bodily harm.

A bra, undies, socks, faded light blue jeans, plain black v-neck and black leather jacket later, Alex pulled her boots back on and made her way out her front door. She didn't lock it, because she couldn't seem to find her damn keys, either. What she wasn't counting on, was a certain blonde girl walking down the hallway. Alex coudn't see her face clearly, but she knew it was Piper by the faint smell of vanilla, and the voice.

"Hey," Piper said in a shy tone, walking up to the woman she'd been worrying about all day.

Alex gave her a small apologetic smile, glad Piper had stood close enough for her to not have to squint to see her properly. "Hey, kid. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I uh.. Well, I don't really have an excuse for just leaving like I did. So.. Um, can we pretend I didn't make a fool of myself?"

Piper shook her head, "You didn't make a fool of yourself. Are we still on for later?"

Alex's face lit up, her brows lifting slightly as she gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah. If I didn't scare you off, already."

"Not at all. Where are your glasses at?"

"Y'know, I'm not actually sure." The brunette shrugged, "Somewhere in my apartment, I'm assuming. I was on my way to a store for some Aspirin or Tylenol. Would you happen to have any? I have horrible depth perception without my glasses and I'm pretty sure I'll end up walking right into a pole."

Piper smiled at the brunette, who she could tell was trying to act like nothing was wrong, a habit she'd already figured out the day before. "Yeah, I have some. Why don't you come in and have a glass or two of water as well?"

"You sure? I don't want to impose."

"You're not imposing if I'm the one that offered. Come on." Piper walked past Alex, making sure to rub slightly against her side when she did. Alex held eye contact with the blonde as she moved slowly past her, green eyes telling Piper that she knew exactly what she was doing.

Piper had never been good at the whole 'subtle flirting' thing. It was always go big or try to go subtle and fail miserably. She blushed a tiny bit as she unlocked her door and once again led Alex into her home. This time, Phoebe was ready and waiting, having heard Alex's voice from the other side of the door. The cat went straight for Alex's legs, weaving between them and nearly tripping the tall brunette more than once. Phoebe meowed incessantly until Alex gave in and picked her up. Then, she purred as loud as Piper had ever heard from her.

"Traitor." Piper glared at the cat.

Alex's lips tugged to one side and she rose a single brow. "Are you jealous of me or of _Phoebe_?"

The blonde hadn't expected Alex to call her out like that, but was certainly glad that the brunette's mood had improved drastically since the night before. Piper averted her eyes to the kitchen, walking quickly towards it. If Alex didn't quit making her blush she was sure she'd just stay pink forever. "I'm not jealous."

"Oh, no?" Alex chuckled, looking around like she had the night before. She cradled the cat and scratched behind her ears while she walked around, squinting at things.

"Nope. Here." Piper said, offering Alex a glass of water and 3 Tylenol. She had a feeling the brunette was at least a little hungover.

Alex sat the fuzzy black cat on the floor and took the offered items from Piper. Once she had the pills down, she proceeded to basically chug the glass of cold water. She wiped at her chin when she was done and handed the glass back to Piper. They held eye contact for a moment before the blonde looked away, smiling shyly.

"I'm gonna, uh.. Put this up." Piper mumbled, wishing she had the nerve that she'd had last night. God, she wanted to kiss that smug smirk right off of Alex's stupid, gorgeous face. The blonde had never been this attracted to someone before and it was starting to get annoying. Like, what the heck was she supposed to do about it when she'd only known Alex for about 22 hours. Not that she'd been counting..

Piper placed the glass into the sink and turned around to walk back into the livingroom. She gasped, suddenly face to face with Alex, who'd somehow trailed behind her without her knowledge. Grey-green eyes studied her own before the brunette tilted her head to the side and moved forward. Piper's heart went into overdrive and she closed her eyes, more than ready.

"Will you help me find my glasses?" Alex whispered softly into Piper's ear, making sure her hot breath tickled the blonde in all the right ways. The pale woman smirked when she saw chillbumps ghost across Piper's neck and heard the soft inhale of breath. Alex was sure she'd never tire of this little game she and the blonde were playing. She wanted to be to one to make Piper break, not the other way around. No matter how difficult it proved to be to keep her hands and lips to herself.

Blue eyes fluttered open and Piper let out a shaky laugh, "Yeah. I can do that."

Alex was pleasantly surprised when Piper put her hands on Alex's waist to move her aside, and then let them linger for a moment. Then, the blonde was moving past her and back towards her door. Alex followed her, glad that the walkway was clear of any potential trip hazards. Aside from Phoebe, that is.

The two women exited Piper's apartment and walked the few feet over to Alex's, door #715. Alex opened it, explaining she didn't know where her keys were, either. When they walked in, Piper failed hopelessly to contain her gasp of shock. Alex had really done a number on the place.

"Oh, shit. I forgot to.. Clean up." Alex couldn't believe she'd forgotten about the mess so quickly in Piper's presence. Now, there was no chance Piper wouldn't think she was a psycho. She ran a hand through her long, black hair and clenched her jaw, embarrassed of herself.

Piper looked around, taking in the sight of things scattered all over the floor. Alex, it seemed, had thrown things, kicked things, even broken a few things. The blonde chanced a look over at Alex. The green eyed woman forced a sarcastic, toothy smile. "Had a wild night, what can I say?"

"Do you remember the last place you had them on?" Piper asked, carefully making her way into the apartment. There were notebooks strewn here and there, pictures of people Piper didn't know as well as a few younger versions of Alex. Pens, pencils, something glass, clothes. Piper tried not to look very closely at the half empty bottle in the corner of the livingroom, but she knew it was alcohol.

"In here." Alex shrugged, looking and sounding helpless. Alex squinted, trying to see if she could spot them anywhere, but it was of no use. Everything was far too blurry, and there was too much shit in her floor.

Piper, who was suddenly very thankful for her 20/20 vision, finally spotted the black frames half hidden beneath a crumpled up picture of Alex making a funny face. She picked them up and walked over to the brunette, who was still looking around with narrowed eyes, trying desperately to be of help.

"Alex," Piper said softly. The green eyed girl looked up from the floor, her brows knit together and a small frown on her face. The frown disappeared when Piper slipped the glasses onto her face and kissed her cheek like she had the night before.

"Thank you, Piper." Alex said, genuinely.

"You're welcome." Piper smiled. She didn't care if Alex's place was a wreck, or even if Alex herself was a wreck. She couldn't hep but find herself liking Alex even more now that she was finding the woman to be quite the mystery. Piper wanted to figure her out, wanted to help her in any way that she could.

Alex took hold of Piper's hand and led her back out of the mess that was her 'home'. She closed her door and was glad when Piper took over from there, taking them back to her much cleaner apartment. One that could actually be called a home without fucking quotation marks.

"You can watch tv or something while I go get ready, okay?" Piper said, after she closed the door.

Green eyes searched her own before Alex looked down and nodded before lifting her eyes to Piper's again and offering the blonde a lopsided smile. "You really still want to go on a date with me?"

Piper grinned and squeezed Alex's hand softly. "Of course I do."


	3. Fire and Water

A/N: Hello everyone. Sorry for the minor absence. I would like to say thankyou to anybody that has favorited, followed or left a review. I want to go ahead and let everyone know that I have written several chapters in this fic so far, and it is a bit on the darker side of things. That being said, the whole story wont be that way, just bare with me. There will be a bit of humor here and there as comic relief, so don't be too worried. Let me know what you guys think!

Winter Roses 

"My little brother Cal is the only one I speak to regularly. He's this really laid back hippie type. I have an older brother named Danny but I haven't spoken to him in a few years now. He's off doing the whole doctor thing." Piper said before taking another bite off of her slice of thin crusted pepperoni, mushroom and jalapeno pizza.

"Do the two of you not get along?" Alex asked softly.

They were sat in another booth, this time far away from slappy Russian broads. Alex had intended on taking Piper someplace nicer, but to her suprize, this is where Piper wanted to go, even after Alex guaranteed her that she could afford anywhere the blonde picked. They'd been talking for the better part of an hour, their pie already half gone. Alex liked Piper even more when she realized the girl could put away food nearly as fast as she and Nicky used to. They were drinking Angry Orchard and just getting to know one another better. It was just as easy as it had been at the coffee shop, even though Piper now knew that Alex was a fuck-up of sorts. Alex had been asking Piper questions for the most part, glad that Piper had taken the hint and wasn't asking anything too personal when she did ask something.

"He is much more like my parents than I'm comfortable being around. It's like both Bill and Carol rolled into one. Ugh. No, thank you." Piper said, frowning.

"So, he's the wonder child, Cal is the pot head and you're the lesbian?" Alex asked, smirking.

Piper chuckled, "I'm not actually a lesbian."

Alex blinked in confusion, panic and hurt threatening to cloud her current good mood. "No?"

The blonde laughed at the look on Alex's face and immediatly felt bad for it, as Alex's smile fell. "Don't worry. I am definetly interested in you. In women. But I do also like men."

The brunette made a disgusted face. "Whatever floats your boat, kid. But remember, I don't have a dick."

Piper shrugged, "I'm sure you could make do."

Oh my God. Had she said that out loud? The smirk taking over Alex's face definetly suggested that she had. Piper blushed furiously and looked down, wishing her foot-in-mouth desease would quit showing up and making her sound like a horny college girl. She'd been out of college for a year, thank you very much. Now, obviously, she was just a sexually frustrated college graduate.

"I could." Alex stated simply, letting Piper off the hook when she asked, "What do you have against deep dish?"

Piper rolled her eyes and smiled, "It's just _too_ much, y'know? The point of a pizza is the toppings. Tomato sauce, cheese, whatever else. You know what isn't the point of a pizza? The crust. Sure, a hand tossed with garlic butter on the crust is always nice. But when it feels like you're eating more bread than toppings, it's just wrong. I can't explain it any other way."

Alex blinked at Piper, wide eyed. "So, if I said I liked it?"

Blue eyes narrowed at Alex, playfully. "You like it deep?"

The way Piper said it caused Alex to nearly choke on the swig of hard apple cider she'd just taken. She grabbed her napkin and coughed, laughing and shaking her head. "You're a terrible person."

xXxXx

After they'd spent another hour at the pizzaria and then 3 more hours walking to different book-filled locations, the two women caught a cab and sat in the back. Alex gave the cabbie her address and looked over at Piper, who was grinning at her like she'd hung the moon.

"What?" Alex asked, raising a brow and smiling nervously.

Piper didn't answer, just shook her head and kept smiling at Alex. After about 20 minutes in the cab, they reached their destination and the brunette paid. Alex got out of the vehicle and offered Piper her hand to help her out. She didn't let go once they were both on the street, however. The two walked hand-in-hand inside the apartment building and straight past the elevator for a reason neither of them cared to question.

Once they reached the landing of the 7th floor, they slowed their walking down to barely-even-moving mode. Piper was glad nobody else was around. She had waited long enough for this moment and didn't want it to be ruined by some stupid fucker deciding to walk past them. Her large blue eyes sought out Alex's and what she saw there made her stomach do a summersault.

Alex was smiling gently at her, ever so slowly moving Piper towards the wall. So slowly, in fact, that Piper didn't even realize it until her back was pressed beside her door. The brunette tucked a strand of golden hair behind Piper's ear, her finger's trailing softly over the skin of her jaw. Alex had given up on her personal bet against Piper to make the first move.

Finally. _Finally_ , the brunette closed the small distance between them. Her full lips were warm and soft against Piper's and the blonde felt like something inside of her had just awoken. Their lips fit perfectly together and Alex tasted like heaven. The kiss deepened, each woman inhaling through their noses just so they could continue to explore each other's lips. Then, Alex bit Piper sensually on the bottom lip and tugged just enough to make the blonde hum in approval. When she felt Alex's hands cradle her face and her tongue trace her bottom lip, Piper gave in and let the brunette take the lead. She opened her mouth and their tongues introduced themselves, tangling together and gently stroking. Piper found she had ended up with her hands on Alex's hips and squeazed, her thumbs in just the right spots to make Alex kiss her harder. God, why had she never been kissed like this before?

Before Alex knew what was happening, Piper was running her fingertips up beneath her t-shirt, grazing her skin sensually. Alex shivered and groaned lowly when she felt the blonde's fingernails pressing into the soft skin of her back and raking down with enough pressure to drive her crazy. This girl was going to be the death of her. Alex bit Piper's lip again, just a little harder, her own fingers snaking their way into flaxen hair and gripping the tresses lightly. Piper's hands had moved to her lower back and younger woman pulled Alex closer. The brunette couldn't help but press her hips into Piper's, giving in to what the blonde obviously wanted. When Piper decided to tug at Alex's own bottom lip before moving her hot, wet mouth to the brunette's ear and neck, the taller woman inhaled sharply in pure desire. She tilted her head so that Piper had full access, her hips grinding forward of their own accord.

Piper grinned at her small victory, her breathing nearly as sharp as Alex's had become. She found Alex's lobe and nibbled gently, tugging on the small silver hoop she found there. Suddenly, the hands in her hair werent quite as gentle. Alex pulled on her hair and kissed her harder than she'd ever been kissed before. Teeth, hot breath, hips pressing forward before a thigh made it's way between Piper's own. Oh fuck, she couldn't stop herself from grinding against it, her hands balling up Alex's t-shirt.

"Tell me to stop." Alex nearly growled, a hand shoving her glasses up on top of her head, pinning her hair back out of her face a bit. Her lips moved to Piper's jaw and neck, her teeth grazing the skin roughly. If Piper told her to stop, that'd be that. She'd back off and go to her apartment to take care of the painful throbbing between her legs. If Piper didn't? Alex might just fuck her right there in the.. Hallway. Shit, they were still in plain sight. Fuck it, Alex didn't care quite enough.

Instead of answering with words, Piper shoved Alex off of her, eyes wild. Alex swallowed, eyes locked on to Piper like she was her prey. The blonde fumbled with her keys until she unlocked her door. Then, she grabbed Alex's arm and pulled her inside. Once she all but slammed the door shut, Piper pushed Alex back until the tall woman's knees met the arm of the couch and she fell backwards onto the soft cushions. Piper crawled on top of her and was kissing her again before she could move to sit up.

Piper settled between Alex's legs and sat up, her hands working the button of the black haired woman's jeans. Once it was undone, she unzipped them and pulled them down just enough, exposing the waistband of black boyshorts. Alex was breathing heavily, looking up at her with large, lust filled eyes. The green irises were darkened, nearly taken over completely by blown out pupils. Long, silky black hair was splayed out messily. Alex's hands reached for Piper and tugged her back down by her beige coat. Their mouths met hungrily and the blonde slid a hand between Alex's jeans and her panties, a thrill pulsing through her when she felt the damp heat between Alex's thighs.

"Nope, no dick." Piper whispered, pressing her middle and ring fingers down on Alex's heat and slowly sliding them up to where she knew the brunette's clit was beneath the thin fabric of her undies. The woman under her growled in pleasure, pressing her hips upwards to gain more friction from the blonde's long fingers.

Alex closed her eyes tightly, a hoarse moan escaping her when Piper moved those two perfect fingers in a slow circle over her hardened nub. God, she really, _really_ wanted this. It had been far too long since she'd been fucked. Sure, there had been plenty of women whom she'd taken over the edge, but it was rare that they ever tried to top her, and even then Alex hadn't ever let them. But now, with this sexy, adorable, nerdy, kind hearted blonde on top of her.. Alex was going to let her. She spread her legs a little wider, encouraging the blonde to continue. Piper kissed her lips, her chin, her throat..

"Piper.." Alex breathed, needing the blonde to pick up the pace before she died from being too turned on. Was that a thing?

"Not on the couch." Piper suddenly sat up, quickly removing her hand, causing Alex to gasp at the loss.

"What?" Alex questioned, her mind muddled with desire and thoughts of what she was planning to do to the blonde hovering over her.

"Follow me." Piper said. She stood and pulled Alex to her feet, not missing how Alex was wobbly at best, her legs weak.

Alex took a step before her phone rang loudly, Disturbed's David Dramon screaming out and startling both she and Piper. Fucking stupid cell phones! Who ever invented them needed to be punched right in the throat. Alex growled and ripped the phone out of her jacket pocket.

Oh, for the love of all that was good in the world, _how_ could this be a worse time? Red's face was glaring at her from the screen of her phone. Alex remembered trying to get the older woman to smile, only recieving a death stare in response, so she'd taken that picture saying that it fit the Russian better anyway. Alex knew if she didn't answer, Red would probably find a horrible way to punish her for it. The tall woman looked longingly at Piper before sighing.

"I'm sorry, I have to answer her or she'll make my life hell." Alex grumbled. She hated the way Piper's energy changed from sexual to frustrated very quickly. The blonde gave a stiff nod and walked away, giving the brunette some privacy. Alex pressed the green button before the ringtone stopped.

"Vause, you didn't show up this morning." Red growled from the other end.

" _What_? What are you talking about, Red?" Alex asked, her mind still a bit jumbled up from all the sexual frustration coursing through her.

"This morning you were supposed to come talk. You don't remember? I'm pretty sure you said you would be there, Vause." The Russian accent stated. Red was quickly reaching her limit of patience with this one.

A lightbulb flickered to life in Alex's head, the memory of what had happened at the diner with Red coming into focus. God damn it. "Jesus, I'm sorry. I didn't even wake up until this afternoon."

"Excuses, Alex. I can't do shit with 'I'm sorry'." Red informed, not willing to be brushed off by someone she considered her daughter.

Alex ran a hand through her hair, accidentally knocking her glasses into the floor. She bent down to pick them up, "What do you want me to say, then? I had a bad night and I guess I got really drunk and didn't wake up til like 3 in the afternoon. I didn't even remember I was supposed to come talk unti now."

"You sure it has nothing to do with a pretty blonde?" Red spat, feeling like she was somehow less important than the little blonde and her big blue eyes.

"Can we leave her out of this, please? It's my fault, she didn't do anything." Alex sighed, watching as Piper bussied herself cleaning already clean things in the kitchen.

"Come to my apartment, Alex. We need to talk."

" _Now?_ Jesus, Red, it's getting late." Alex tried to talk the Russian out of it. She knew it'd be a bad idea to leave Piper in this manner, especially if the look on Piper's face was any hint to go by.

"Yes, now. If you're with blondie, tell her I say hello." Red said in a voice that was a little on the angry side.

Alex was about to reply, but the line went dead and she knew Red's mind was made up, no if ands or buts. She'd have to go, or risk being disowned by the only family she had left. Alex slid her phone back into her jacket pocket and went about buttoning and zipping her pants back up. She rolled her eyes; so much for that.

Piper watched as Alex fixed her pants, already knowing from what she'd heard Alex say while she'd been on the phone that she was about to leave. When Alex made her way over to her, Piper couldn't meet her eyes. She knew it was childish, but she'd ignored her phone the night before _three_ times. Alex hadn't done that tonight and they'd been very much in the middle of something. Her temper, something she'd always had a problem with, was already unleashed and she sincerely hoped Alex wouldn't try to apologize, but instead just go.

"Pipes?" Alex's voice was soft, small.

Fucking hell. _Really_ , with the nickname? "What."

Alex flinched a bit at Piper's tone. "I have to leave. I'm sorry, I forgot I had to go see Red this morning and now she's pissed off."

"It's fine. Just go." The blonde said, her tone clipped. Piper moved away from Alex, walking towards her door. She didn't want to be unnecessarily mean to Alex, but knew she would end up saying something she regretted if the woman didn't get out of her home. She needed time to cool off.

"You're mad." Alex said in a dejected tone. She fidgeted with her glasses and stood still, wanting to talk about it before Piper had time to stew and get even more frustrated with her. Alex had just found the blonde; she didn't want her chances to already be blown. Not after the crap they'd been through in just a _day_. Even if it was just her own personal problems getting in the way.

Piper opened the door. "Alex, just go."

"Piper, I know we were kind of in the middle of something but I can't brush her off. She's the only family I have left." Alex said in a small voice.

The blonde clenched her jaw, feeling bad for acting the way she was. "I said it's fine, Alex. We'll, uh.. We'll talk later."

The green eyed woman ran a hand through her hair, her spirits dropping dangerously low. God, why was it so easy to get her feelings hurt? "Y-yeah. Okay. I, uh.."

Piper watched as Alex slid back into her shell right in front of her. The dark haired woman avoided eye contact as she moved past Piper and walked out of the apartment. She watched as Alex walked quickly down the hallway, her right hand running roughly through her long black hair and pulling on it. Piper already recognized it as a habit. Alex did that when she was nervous or upset. Fuck.

xXxXx

Red jumped when there was a series of loud bangs on her front door. She stood and walked to the door, looking through the peep-hole. Alex was standing there, looking both angry and sad. Upset in general. Red opened her door and Alex barged in. The tall brunette walked right past Red and went straight for the kitchen. Red sighed as she watched Alex open her alcohol cabinet and grab the first bottle she saw. She had known it was bad, but she didn't realize it was _this_ bad.

Alex twisted the top off of the cheap whiskey and turned the bottle up, gulping deeply for several seconds before finally pulling it away and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She squeezed her eyes shut and coughed a little before going to sit in Red's livingroom, whiskey still in hand.

"Alex." Red said, sitting in her recliner and leaning forward towards the distressed girl. Alex took another long drink before meeting Red's wise blue eyes.

"What is it Red? You wanna talk, right? Say whatever you want." Alex said, shoving her glasses ontop of her head and rubbing at her eyes. She felt like she just couldn't get away from it all. And when she thought she was doing okay, something as simple as someone getting frustrated with her would bring it all crashing down again. It was getting too hard to be worth it anymore.

"Fine, you want me to just say whatever I want?"

"You always do."

Red studied her adoptive daughter for a while and decided tough love was the way to go. Not that she really knew how to go any other way. "You run off, don't answer your phone. No word to anybody, just _poof_ ," Red fisted her hands before springing them open, "Gone. I called you, never answered. I checked your mother's house, you weren't there. I ask around, nobody knows where the tall one went."

Alex's only response was to take another drink.

"When did this start?" Red motioned towards the whiskey that Alex held in a tight grip, like it was her lifeline.

"When Mama-" Alex's voice went out and she shook her head, trying to swallow down the lump that had formed in her thoat. Instead, it just got bigger and Alex tried a different tactic. She took another drink of the whiskey to try and wash it down before trying again. "When Mama left."

Red nodded, "When Diane was killed."

Alex clenched her jaw, brows pulled together. She nodded, trying to blink away the tears that formed at the memory of.. Of finding her mother _like that_. God, it had been so awful. "I can't get it out of my head."

The Russian woman frowned. She had been told by her other adoptive daughter, Nicky, that Alex had been the one to find Diane, but not any of the details. She knew that Diane Vause had been murdered in her own home in a burglary gone wrong, but the way in which the lovely woman had been killed was something she'd never been told. "Alex, what did you see?"

Alex's eyes snapped shut and she pressed the heels of her palms into them, trying in vain to stop the tears. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't even want to _think_ about it. But, of course, Alex couldn't get the images out of her mind. All the blood. So _much_ of it. She lifted the bottle to her lips and chugged it like it was water, longing for the burn it brought.

Red watched as Alex finished the bottle off, knowing it would all probably hit the young woman at the same time, and very soon, at that. However, she knew better than to try and take it from the girl; Alex was hurting and had a tendency to lash out when she felt like she was cornered. Most of the time it was verbal, but she'd seen Alex get physical. Thankfully though, the tall girl had always gone for objects rather than people.

The long legged brunette stood up quickly, nearly falling back down onto the couch. "I donwanna t-talk about it. She left me here. I'm fine. I'm okay."

"Alex, you're 28 years old, you can take care of yourself. Your mother raised you right. She didn't leave you here without teaching you all that she could while she had the chance." Red stated, following Alex towards her door. "Don't leave like this, Alex. You're drunk."

Alex stumbled, but caught herself before she fell, bottle still in hand. She eyed the glass container closely before sitting it a little too hard on the counter. Had she really drank it that fast? It had been over half full. "I'm not. I'm just gonna catchacab. 'Kay? I'm gonna-I'm gonna be.. Gonna go to my apartment."

"Alex.." Red sighed when the girl opened her door with a bit of effort and nearly tripped as she walked out. "Alex, don't spend the night by yourself. You can stay here. Or what about blondie? The girl with you yesterday."

"Piper doesn't wanna talk to me, anymore." Alex shrugged, her big, sad eyes briefly catching Red's. "She was gonna.. We were about to fuck but I haddago. So. She told me to leave even though I wanted to talk about it first. So she would get it. But.." Alex shrugged again, blinking several times, "Heh." She shook her head, chin trembling as her face crumpled. "I dunno."

Red's heart broke as Alex's shaky hands went to cover her face and the girl burst into tears, her shoulders shaking. She reached out to touch Alex, to bring her back inside, but the girl flinched and moved away from her. "Ale-"

"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm _good_." Alex nodded, wiping her eyes and smiling at Red as if to prove her point. It was a smile anybody in their right mind would question, but Alex wasn't in her right mind.

"No, honey, you're not. Why don't you just stay here, huh? I could make you some soup, you could sleep in Nic-"

"No. Nuh-uh. No." Alex shook her head, "I can't stay in there. That's Nicky's room."

God, Alex must be more drunk than Red had ever seen her. "She wouldn't mind you sleeping there, Alex."

"I'm gonna go home." Alex said, ignoring what Red was trying to say to her. She didn't wanna sleep in Nicky's bed. She wanted her own bed.

Red gave up and watched as Alex slowly stumbled down the hallway, using the wall to hold herself up. She would normally have been successful in getting the poor girl to stay with her for the night, but she knew tonight was a whole different story. Red said a silent prayer that Alex would make it home safe.


	4. Consequences

A/N: Since I have so much of this written already, I'm going to go ahead and give you guys the 4th chapter. This chapter may be difficult for some of you to read, so I will apologize ahead of time: I'm sorry. Please review and let me know what you think, good or bad. Thanks. **TRIGGER WARNING.**

Winter Roses 

Piper was sitting on her couch reading 'Looking for Alaska' by John Green for the 3rd time. It had been nearly 2 hours since Alex had left and Piper felt worse about it every time she recalled the look on Alex's face. How quickly the pretty girl had shut down when Piper had gotten mad at her for having to leave. The green eyed woman was so confusing. Confident nearly to the point of cockiness one moment and then so shy and quiet the next.

The blonde thought of the character Alaska from the book she was reading. Alaska didn't seem like the type to kill herself, but in the end, that's what she seemed to have done. No warning, nothing. Was Alex thinking things like that? Things like just simply allowing her life to come to an end if the opportunity presented itself? Things like possibly even _causing_ it to end? No, surely not. Alex might have her obvious problems, but suicide was for people that Piper didn't know. Not people that she was close to. But was she close to Alex? She'd practically kicked the girl out of her apartment earlier.

"What if I shouldn't have done that, Phoebe?" Piper asked the sleeping cat in her lap. "But she's probably fine, right? She's not _that_ sad."

Again, Alaska popped into her head and Piper tossed the book onto the coffee table. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, sleep calling to her. The blonde sat Phoebe down on the floor and walked to her bedroom. Once she'd changed into her pajamas, she turned her light out and crawled into her king sized bed. The cat joined her and soon the blonde was sound asleep.

xXxXx

"Hey, sexy!" Someone catcalled from across the street. Alex flipped the bird in the general direction of where the voice had come from and kept walking. It seemed like she just continued to get more drunk. She'd have to ask Red what kind of whiskey that was, because she hadn't even bothered to look.

Alex nearly ran into a group of people and they glared at her when she stumbled, grabbing someone's arm to keep from falling. The man she'd used to keep herself off the ground shook her off like she was poisonous and shoved her. Alex lost her ballance and landed on her hip, her hand sliding roughly across the concrete. She slowly sat up and looked at her palm, noticing the skin rolling up in a few places and blood starting to gather up. She watched as it started to drip down her hand and wondered why she didn't feel it. After a few long moments, she very slowly got to her feet and somehow managed to stand up.

"Here, lemme help you." A voice said from behind her. Alex nearly fell over again trying to turn to see who was talking and if they were talking to her. She could really use some help.

A tall man with broad shoulders and a white hoodie on offered her his hand. He smiled kindly at her and Alex figured he seemed trustworthy. The brunette gripped his outstretched hand with her unwounded one and was thankful for the support he offered, holding up most of her bodyweight easily.

"Had too much to drink, I see." The man guessed, as they walked in the direction Alex had been going in.

"Mmhmm. I gotta go home." Alex mumbled.

"You just tell me where and I'll get ya there, babe." He smiled at her again.

Alex thought about it for a moment, "The uh.. Umm.. Redwood apartments."

He nodded and continued to lead Alex towards the apartments. Alex was too far gone to notice that he wasn't taking her there. She didn't even realize where they were until the man was leaning her against a wall in a dark ally. Alex squinted, not able to see anything familiar.

"Where are we?" Alex asked, not sure why she was leaned against a wall and why the man was standing so close to her.

"We just gotta stop here real quick. Then I'll take ya home, a'ight?" He said before kissing her neck, his hands working the button of her pants quickly and unzipping them.

"No-what are you doing?" Alex asked when she felt his hand rubbing her sex roughly. She pushed against his shoulders but he didn't budge. Panic flooded her being but a large hand covered her mouth before she could scream.

The man in the white hoodie quickly maneuvered Alex so that she was on the ground and he was on top of her. One hand contined to cover her mouth while the other yanked her pants down. Alex struggled but was too drunk to be very effective. Once her pants were past her knees he yanked them off in a fluid motion. Then, the hand he'd used to pull them down, pushed her legs over to the sides. She heard the sound of foil being torn and panicked, but was still unable to do anything about it. The intoxicated girl cried out into his large hand when he began what he had planned from the start.

Alex felt tears streaming down her face from the agony and the fear. She couldn't push him off of her but maybe she could bite his hand. She bit down as hard as she could onto his palm, only a tiny bit of his skin making it between her teeth, but it was enough to hurt him. The man yanked his hand away before backhanding her hard across the mouth. His hand returned before she could scream and he continued his violation of her. This was a pain unlike any she'd ever felt before. She closed her eyes tightly and prayed to any God that would listen, for it to be over soon.

xXxXx

By the time Alex actually made it home, it was nearly 2 in the morning. She wasn't nearly as drunk as she had been. That had begun to fade away when she'd had misfortune of.. Of what had just happened to her. Alex blinked away tears for the millionth time. She wouldn't cry for herself. It was her fault. _Her_ fault. She knew better than accepting help from a strange man- even in that state.

She limped up to her door and tried to open it, but it was locked. But she had made sure _not_ to lock it. What the fuck? She squinted at the numbers but truly couldn't see anything, as her eyes were watery and she'd lost her glasses during her struggle to get away. Really lost them, this time. Not just misplaced them. Alex tried the knob again, jiggling it in frustration before slamming her palm against it loudly. All she wanted to do was get in the shower.

Suddenly, the door swung open and there was Piper, glaring daggers at her. The look quickly changed from anger to shock as the blonde registered who was in front of her. Alex realized then that this was not, in fact, her door. She backed up and shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I thought this was my door." Alex apologized, "I lost m-my glasses."

"Oh my God, Alex. Come in here." Piper took hold of Alex's left hand, noticing it was sticky but ignoring that fact.

Alex decided not to argue. It had done her no good lately. She limped after the blonde and stood there when Piper closed the door. She was sure she looked as rough as she felt. The blonde looked her up and down, walking around her with wide, worried eyes.

Piper looked at the palm of Alex's left hand, taking in the deep scrapes and dried blood caked on the soft skin. She looked at the small spot of blood she could just barely see between Alex's legs. The brunette's bottom lip was busted, too, but wasn't bleeding anymore. Long black hair was a mess and the glasses, like Alex had mentioned, were gone once again. Piper knew what had happened to the beautiful woman, but didn't want to believe it. She studied the look on Alex's face. The brunette was staring blankly off into space, arms limp at her sides.

"Alex, what.. Who did _this_ to you?"

"Who raped me? I don't know." Alex said, her voice monotonous. "It doesn't matter. Why do you care? Aren't you mad at me?"

"Alex, I'm not mad at you." Piper's eyes were filling with tears. God, this was horrible. "I care. Let's go to the hospital."

The brunette shook her head, "No. I just want to shower and go to sleep."

"But Alex-"

Alex cut her off, "No. I'm not going to the hospital. They can't do anything for me. He didn't.. He had a fucking condom. A rape kit won't find anything and I don't want the police involved."

"But you're _bleeding_."

"I think that's what happens when you get your cherry popped." Alex said harshly. All she wanted to do was go home. She didn't want to be here, with someone who didn't really care about her. Someone who was pretending because they felt bad about what had happened to her.

"Oh my God." Piper lost the battle, tears falling from her eyes as she covered her mouth. She pulled the brunette into a tight embrace, not sure if she was hugging Alex to comfort her or to comfort _herself._

Alex wasn't expecting the hug. She also wasn't expecting it to feel so _good_. The brunette found herself leaning into Piper, her eyes closing and a sigh escaping her sore lips. She couldnt fathom the thought of pushing Piper away, no matter how confusing the blonde was. "I'm okay, Pipes.. I just-I got really drunk and something bad happened. But you shouldn't cry for me."

"Alex, you got.. somebody _hurt_ you. Really bad." Piper sniffled, not daring to let go of the overly warm body in her arms.

"But I said I'm okay." Alex whispered, afraid her voice would fail her if she tried to speak over the stupid fucking annoying lump in her throat. Why was there a fucking lump in her throat, again? She said she wasn't going to cry for herself.

"You are not okay, Alex." Piper stated, pulling back to look at Alex's face. Those big, grey-green eyes were watery and red, a sight she was used to seeing but still hated nonetheless. Alex's lip was swollen around the gash in it and there was dry blood on her chin and in the corner of her mouth closest to the small wound. Piper couldn't believe this had happened to Alex.

"I haven't been for a long time, kid. This is just another set back. I'll get better." Alex admitted, trying to comfort the pretty blonde. She didn't like to see Piper sad. It seemed like maybe the younger woman _did_ care about her. If that was true, Alex wanted Piper to know the feeling was mutual. "Please don't cry over this, Pipes. I don't want you to be sad."

"Why are you trying to make _me_ feel better? I was mean to you earlier and then you got hurt." Piper swallowed and wiped at her eyes.

Alex shrugged. Her eyes searched Pipers before she decided to go for it. She leant forward and gently kissed Piper on the mouth, hoping the blonde wouldn't freak out on her for kissing her while her lip was all bloody. Alex sighed in relief when the blonde kissed her back just as tenderly. They pulled apart and rested their foreheads together, eyes closed, simply taking in how it felt to be held by they other.

"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up." Piper said quietly. She helped Alex to her bathroom and sat the brunette down on the toilette carefully.

"Planning on bathing me?" Alex asked softly, a brow just barely raised and a half hearted smirk on her injured mouth.

"Only if you ask me to. I was about to ask if you needed any help." Piper said, not allowing herself to avert her eyes. She held eye contact until Alex looked away.

"If you don't mind.. Everything hurts." Alex admitted. Her arms hurt, her back hurt, her legs, her mouth, her head, her feet. Her vagina hurt worst of all, though. It felt like the man who'd raped her had torn her in half.

"So..?"

"Help me undress and get into the shower. You were about to see it all earlier, anyway." Alex said in a tired voice. Normally, she'd refuse to ask for help in front of someone she cared about, in fear that they would think she was weak or simply incapable. But Alex was no idiot. She knew that if she didn't get Piper to help her, she would most likely fall and embarrass herself far worse.

Piper nodded, knowing that was true. She turned the shower onto a comfortable warm temperature before turning back to Alex. The blonde pulled off Alex's worn leather boots and sat them in the floor beside the tub. Next the socks, revealing black painted toenails and pale feet with perfect arches. Piper met Alex's eyes as she helped the woman remove her necklace and then her leather jacket, noticing how the brunette winced more than once. She lay it on the counter before pulling the shirt over Alex's head. Piper studied the newly revealed tattoos before moving her hands to the brunette's back. Alex blinked at her and looked away as Piper unclasped her bra and removed it. Piper did her best not to look at Alex's breasts, but caught herself doing exactly that. Alex's nipples were pierced and that caused the blonde to blush deeply. She shook her head to snap out of it, knowing it was certainly not the time for her body to respond in such a way. Her hands went to Alex's pants button and the brunette inhaled a sharp, shaky breath. Piper's hands instantly pulled away from the shiny metal button, afraid she'd triggered a bad memory.

"I'll do that part." Alex whispered. She quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her pants, lifting herself up enough to push them down. Piper took it from there and pulled them off, taking note of each and every bruise along with the rose tattoo on the outside Alex's left thigh. When Alex pushed her black boyshorts down, Piper's eyes automatically went to the brunette's sex. There was a small amount of blood on the little bit of smooth skin she could see and it made her sick. Piper looked away, quickly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked without your permission." Piper said before asking, "How bad does it hurt?"

Alex gulped, "Pretty fucking bad. Does it.. Does it _look_ bad?" She couldn't give a damn about personal privacy at the moment. She would have simply asked for a mirror if she could see. But. She couldn't, so asking Piper would have to do. When Piper didn't shy from the question and what it entailed, Alex spread her legs as much as she could without hurting herself, which wasn't much.

Piper looked at Alex's sex, glad that it was clean shaven so it'd be easier to see any injuries, at least on the outside. "I think most of that is just from the hymen breaking. But he may have torn you a little. You'll be able to tell for sure in the shower when you clean yourself."

"I think I got blood on your toilette." Alex said in an apologetic tone. She sat up straight and winced, yet again. "Help me up?"

Piper held her hand out and had to basically pull Alex up onto her feet. "I'll sit in here in case you need help, if that's okay."

"Okay." Alex nodded, greatful.

Piper held Alex's hand and helped her into the warm spray. Alex closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face before pushing her hair back. Piper couldn't help but look at her, finding she was still beautiful even like this. The blonde pulled the shower curtain closed and cleaned the little bit of blood off the toilette with a disinfectant wipe. She sat down and stared at the wall in front of her, wondering how Alex was able to even look at her. If Piper hadn't have been so pissy with her and hurt her feelings, maybe Alex wouldn't have gotten so drunk and then _this_ wouldn't have happened to her.

It was mostly quiet for a few long moments, aside from the sound of the water hitting the shower walls. Alex dropped the shampoo twice in a row before finally getting a solid grip on it. She washed her hair, not bothering with conditioner. Her left hand was stinging badly from all the chemicals soaking into the wounds there, but Alex figured at least now it was kind of disinfected. She squinted her eyes before locating the body wash. Honey Vanilla something or other. Go figure, it matched the shampoo and probably the conditioner she'd passed up, too.

She squeezed a small amount of the soap into her hand before sitting the bottle in the floor of the shower. Alex grabbed the washcloth that Piper had tossed in a moment ago and lathered it up with the soap before scrubbing herself nearly raw from the face, down. She felt gross, like some nasty film was covering her body. Closing her eyes tightly, Alex ignored how painful it was to move in certain ways. When she'd washed everything except for the small area between her legs she stopped, giving herself a moment to prepare for what she knew would hurt the worst.

"Jesus!" Alex gasped in pain once she touched herself with the rag.

"Are you okay?" Piper asked from the other side of the curtain, worry prominant in her voice.

The brunette nodded before realizing Piper couldn't see her. "Yeah. It just stings. A lot."

"Don't use the soap, then. I can get you something that will keep it clean without hurting you. Can you feel anything.. Different?" The blonde questioned, softly.

Alex felt around after rinsing all the soap off her hands. It still hurt, but not nearly as bad. "I can feel where it is because it hurts the worst there. I don't think it's worth going to the hospital over, though."

"Okay. I have a towl ready for you when you want to get out. Also some clothes for you to sleep in." Piper offered.

Alex shut the water off and squeezed on her hair, getting most of the water out before pulling the curtain open, wobbling a bit when she stepped out. Piper went wide eyed, failing to look away without blinking several times first. She held the towl out to Alex and stared at the floor, cheeks hot. Alex dried herself off the best she could, glad the towl was black in case she was still bleeding a little. Piper helped Alex into a pair of white cotton panties, baggy sweat pants and plain grey t-shirt.

"Do you want me to wash your clothes or throw them away?" Piper asked softly as she led Alex back to the couch and eased the brunette down slowly.

"Throw them away. But not the jacket-it was my mom's." Alex answered, using the towl to try and dry her hair a little more.

Piper realized then that Alex's mother must have passed away. The brunette had said that Red was the only family she had left.. The blonde nodded before setting about gathering Alex's clothes up. The simple black leather wallet and her cell phone were in the jacket, so Piper brought that to Alex before shoving the jeans, panties, bra, shirt and socks into a black trashbag. She tied it up and sat it out of Alex's sight in the hall closet, planning to take it to the dumpster the next day. Piper washed her hands quickly before returning to the living room.

"Are you still bleeding?" Piper asked, sitting down gently beside Alex.

"It was hard to tell in the shower but I don't think it's much if at all." The other girl answered, her voice quiet.

"If you want, I have some pantiliners in the cabinet in the bathroom. You can use them." Piper said. "Can I bandage your hand for you?"

Alex flipped her left hand over, trying to ignore the bruise flowering on her wrist from where that man had held her down. Her palm was no longer bleeding, but the skin around the scrapes and the one deep gash she could see now, was dead. It hurt to flex her hand but she did it anyway. "If you want to."

Piper said that she did want to. She stood up and nearly tripped ove Phoebe, who ignored her completely to hop onto the couch and see about a certain brunette she'd become smitten with. Piper went to get her first aid kit, glad that she'd never had to use it before so it probably still had everything she needed.

Upon her return, she smiled softly at the sight in front of her. Alex hugging the small black cat to her chest with her right arm, scratching Phoebe's neck and kissing between her pointy little ears. Phoebe meowed at Piper, purring loudly.

"I think she likes you better." Piper said, sitting beside Alex once more.

Alex raised her brows at the cat. "Is that true?" She turned to Piper, "She says it's true. She likes brunettes."

Piper chuckled, very glad that Alex seemed to be doing so well after all that she'd been through. She knew that it was probably just another disguise to hide what Alex must really be feeling, though. Piper decided to let Alex get away with it for now, not wanting to push the brunette into another downward spiral. "She takes after me, then."

Alex smiled. "It's 'cuz we're hot."

"No, that's not the word I'd use to describe you." Piper said, waiting on Alex to put the cat down so she could tend to her hand. The green eyed girl quirked a brow at her, tilting her head slightly.

"I don't know if I should be offended or not."

The blonde grinned, taking Alex's left hand gently and laying it on her lap. She opened the first aid kit and got out a couple alcohol pads, a neosporin packet and the role of gauze. "Don't be offended."

Alex hissed when the blonde wiped the first alcohol pad over her palm. "No? It's hard not to be when you're trying to _kill_ me."

"I am not trying to kill you, Alex, I'm trying to make sure your hand doesn't get infected and like, fall off or something." Piper replied, not allowing Alex to pull her hand away from her when the brunette tried.

"Please, let go." Alex said, her tone _off_ somehow.

Piper looked up and saw that Alex was trying not to flip out on her. She released Alex's hand at once, silently cursing herself for upsetting the girl again like she had done with the pants button earlier. She needed to know the details of what had transpired so she would know what not to do.. So far, touching the button of Alex's pants was a no-go and so was physically restraining the tall, young woman- even if it wasn't meant to hold her down.

After Piper let go of Alex's hand, she quickly pulled it to her chest. She then closed her tired, burning eyes and took a deep, weathered breath. Of course she knew Piper wasn't trying to bring back any of the horrible memories that seemed to be replaying in her head at the moment, but that didn't stop it from happening. A clammy hand went to Alex's forehead and she sighed, clenching her jaw. Once she'd calmed herself down as much as she figured she would be able to, Alex opened her eyes and looked at Piper.

"I'm sorry." Alex offered her the hand the blonde had been trying to clean up.

"Don't be," Piper shook her head, taking Alex's hand gently, not daring to tighten her grasp. "I should have let go, sooner."

Alex lifted her brows briefly before shrugging. "You didn't know. Just.." She shook her head in frustration.

Piper hated this. She wished Alex would just tell her what to do and what not to do. But then, maybe the brunette didn't know yet, either. Blue eyes continued to focus on the scraped up palm resting in her own and she moved it to her lap so she could open the neosporin. She applied it everywhere from the deepest most painful looking wound to the tiniest little scratces. Once that was over with, Piper wrapped the gauze securely around Alex's hand and finished it off by tucking the end into one of the many layers.

"All done." Piper said, offering the dark haired woman a weak smile.

"Thank you. I'm gonna go home and go to sleep now." Alex stated, wanting to kiss Piper again but not sure if she should. Instead, she ended up trying to fix her glasses, only to realize they weren't there and having to divert her hand to her hair. She pushed it back and looked away, awkwardly.

Piper wasn't sure what to do. On one side of things, she didn't want Alex to leave because she didn't want her to be alone right now. On the other, Piper didn't want to be the one to have to _deal_ with it; she had a job and responsibilities, already. Did she really need to be taking care of a grown woman with as many issues as Alex seemed to have? Piper scolded herself for thinking that way. Hadn't she already decided she wanted to help the pretty woman in whatever way she could? Alex was fucked up, sure. But Piper knew there was a lot more to be discovered. She knew Alex was just as sweet as she was sour, and every bit as lost as she tried not to seem. Piper hadn't been through half of what Alex had experienced. She decided to quit being a prissy little bitch.

"You can stay here." Piper offered, hoping Alex would at least consider it. She didn't think Alex would go for it, though.

Alex shook her head, "Piper-"

"You can sleep in my bed, I'll take the sofa." Piper said, suddenly not wanting Alex to leave even a little bit. Even though Alex lived right beside her. What if she had nightmares about what had happened and needed someone to comfort her? What if she couldn't see something clearly enough and ended up hurting herself? What if she really was like Alaska and this was just another reason to call it quits?

"I'm not taking your bed, kid." Alex sighed, going to stand up. She immediately gasped in pain from the quick movement and gripped the arm of the couch to keep herself standing. God, that hurt.

Piper stood, quickly and looped an arm around Alex's waist. "You should take something for the pain."

Alex allowed herself to be eased back onto the couch, frustrated with the entire fucked up situation. Piper came back soon with a glass of water and 3 white pills. Alex took them, hoping they would actually help. "Deja vu."

"Alex, please stay. I've slept on this couch more than once and it's really not bad." Piper said, eyeing the brunette heavily.

Grey-green eyes closed and Alex sighed in defeat. She looked at Piper, "Fine. But if it's not that bad why don't I just sleep here so you can have your bed?"

"Because, I lied. This couch sucks and you're already in pain. C'mon." Piper held her hand out to Alex to help her up.

Alex gawked at the blonde. "You tricked me."

Piper helped Alex to her feet and led her slowly to her bedroom. Phoebe galloped like a horse full speed past them and hopped up onto the corner of the kingsize, meowing at them. Alex squinted around Piper's room, noticing what she suspected were more books, clothes in the floor, shoes of various colors. There was a laptop open on a small desk beside a large framed picture of Piper with some dark eyed girl. The bed wasn't made but it looked very comfortable.

"Who's the girl." Alex asked, hating that the question came out so dry. Alex hadn't ever been jealous before, so the feeling swirling around her mind was confusing until she realized what it was. Then it was just annoying.

Piper followed Alex's line of compromized vision. "That's Polly, my best friend." Piper replied, helping the long legged girl to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Ah. She's the one you were telling me about at the pizza place, right?" Alex asked, glad when the jealousy started to fade.

"Yeah," Piper nodded, "The one and only."

Alex eased herself from the edge of the bed and lay down on her side, using her arm as a form of pillow. She was so tired. Her eyes were fluttering shut when she felt Piper pulling the comforter over her. Alex managed to open her eyes enough to see Piper looking at her closely.

"Lift your head up." Piper said, wedging her most comfortable pillow between Alex's head and arm when the brunette complied. Piper leant down and placed a tender kiss above Alex's brow, so happy she'd succeeded in getting the girl to stay, even if she'd had to trick her.

"Sleep in here." Alex mumbled, eyes closed.

"What?" Piper asked, not sure she'd heard her right.

"Share the bed with me. I don't snore and I won't.. I won't try anything." Alex's eyes were open now, staring sleepily up at the blonde.

Piper didn't need to be asked again. She flipped her light off and crawled into the bed beside Alex, slipping beneath the covers. "Can I hold you?"

"If you want.." Alex said softly. She'd never cuddled before, but if it was anything like hugging, she wouldn't complain; Piper was a good hugger.

The blonde moved up behind Alex and curled her body around that of the other girl, wrapping an arm loosely around Alex's waist while the other hand pulled Alex's still damp hair away from her neck. Piper kissed Alex's pale, smooth skin as softly as she could and nuzzled her face in the crook between the brunette's shoulder and neck, inhaling deeply and releasing it in a yawn. Alex placed her hand over the one resting on her belly and laced their fingers together, deciding that she liked this whole cuddling thing; it _was_ a lot like a hug. Alex felt safe and warm with Piper holding her like that, something she couldn't recall feeling as of late.

"Goodnight, Al." Piper said, snuggling a little closer.

"Mm." Alex tried to reply, but was already fading fast.

xXxXx

A/N: By the way, I don't have spell check, so apologies for the mispelled words. I like to write, but I can't spell for shit. Also, I have given Alex a personality / emotional disorder. Any ideas as to which one(s)? Again, please let me know what you think with a review or PM. -SK


	5. Foot In Mouth

A/N: Thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed and reviewed! It really brightens my day when I see that people actually like what I've written. You guys might hate me by the end of this chapter, but I'll take it. If I can stir up any emotion at all with this story, I'm happy. Here ya go.

Winter Roses

Piper woke up to what she had expected just before she'd drifted off. Alex whimpered and jerked violently in her arms and Piper, still half asleep, tightened her hold to try and comfort the girl. Alex flailed her arms and elbowed Piper in the ribs before falling off the edge of the bed and landing with a loud, painful thump.

"Ugh, oww." Piper groaned, rubbing her ribs. A split second later she sat up like she'd been electrocuted and peered over the edge of her bed. "Alex?"

Alex blinked into the darkness, unable to see anything, really. She'd been having a terrible nightmare about someone doing things to her and not being able to get away from them. When she remembered that she'd actually experienced that just hours before, she shuddered and rubbed her face.

"Alex, are you okay?" Piper asked, easing herself out of the bed and into the floor beside the woman who looked lost and scared.

Instead of a verbal response, Alex turned into Piper and buried her face into her neck, her arms wrapping tightly around the blonde. Piper felt Alex shaking her head and the soft sobs wracking her body. Blue eyes closed and Piper squeezed the crying girl tightly, rubbing her back and wishing she knew what else to do that might help. Alex was certainly turning out to be more than she'd bargained for, but maybe that was what Piper needed. Someone to take care of.

"Come on. Let's get you back into bed." Piper said softly. She stood and helped the taller girl into bed once again, this time making sure that Alex was in the center of the bed in case she had another nightmare. Maybe she wouldn't, but Piper didn't want to risk her falling off the bed again. She was sure the hardwood floor probably hurt to land on.

She lay back down behind Alex but the woman turned over so that she was facing her, eyes blinking in the darkness. Piper could see well enough in the dim moonlight to make out that Alex's perfect, dark brows were pulled together and she had a slight frown left on her face. A tender hand pushed raven locks away from Alex's forehead and tucked them behind her ear.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Piper asked quietly, the back of her fingers grazing Alex's jaw softly.

Alex remained silent, still just blinking in the darkness. She was feeling so many emotions all at once and couldn't find the words to express anything because she couldn't even think straight. Alex had never been good with talking about her own feelings or experiences, anyway. She'd always been one for physical actions. Right now, she just wanted to do something that felt good. Alex kissed Piper's lips hotly, her hand gripping behind the blonde's neck and holding her close as she deepened the kiss. Piper, shocked by Alex's sudden action, allowed the brunette to move her mouth to her ear and neck. She couldn't stop the gasp when Alex tugged on her lobe with her teeth and breathed hotly into her ear.

Piper was soon being pulled on top of Alex, straddling the brunette much like she had before.. Wait. No, this was wrong. Alex didn't want this- she was just trying to forget about what had happened to her. Piper went to say something but was cut off by Alex's soft lips caressing her own. Why was she such a great kisser? Why couldn't Piper just pull away like she knew she should? Probably because Alex's hands were touching her in all the right ways. The blonde let out a low moan when Alex's hands traveled up beneath the front of her oversized t-shirt and sensually ran her thumbs over the underside of her breasts.

"Alex, are you sure thi-"

"Shh.." The brunette interrupted, "Do you want this?"

Piper squeezed her eyes shut and moaned softly, her hips rolling sensually when she felt the pads of Alex's thumbs circling her hardened nipples. Yes, she wanted this. But was it a good idea? "Alex, maybe we should wait."

Alex quickly removed her hands and held them up in surrender, wide eyed in the darkness. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." She ran a hand through her hair, her heart pounding wildly, emotions still all over the place. "I'm just like him. Fuck. Fuck."

"No! No, Alex. You aren't anything like that guy." Piper tried, "I let you touch me. I wanted you to."

"Then why did you want me to stop?" Alex questioned, her low voice was quiet and confused.

Piper moved off of Alex and lay back down facing her. "Because I don't want you to do anything that you might regret, Al."

Alex shook her head, "But I want to touch you. I wouldn't regret that."

"I know you do. But when the time comes that we do decide to sleep together, I don't want it to be because you're hurting emotionally and just using sex as a way to block whatever's going on in there." Piper pointed to Alex's head. "I want us both to enjoy it and right now, all it'd do is cause you pain if I tried to touch you."

"But you don't have to do anything for me, Pipes. I'm used to that." Alex said, trying to keep her voice steady. If that stupid lump lodged itself in her throat again Alex was going to flip out.

Piper shook her head, "That's not how I work, Alex. So, let's just go back to sleep for now, okay? Unless you want to talk. I promise I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

The green eyed girl studied Piper's face. She couldn't see her very well at all, but knew that blue eyes were staring deeply into her own. Alex looked away, afraid of what the other might see if she looked hard enough. She wanted to go home. She wanted a drink. But wasn't that the whole reason she was in this fucking situation to begin with? Alex sighed and turned over, her back to the blonde. Alex wanted to stay awake, but she knew Piper was tired. She felt the younger woman snuggle up tightly to her back and sighed, hating how warm and soft the blonde was. It just made her sleepy and she was afraid of having another nightmare. Alex didn't have the heart to pull away from Piper, though.

"Goodnight.." Alex whispered.

xXxXx

Piper pulled her hair into a messy bun and quickly made her way to the door, hoping that whoever it was knocking so loudly hadn't woken her guest. Piper had been awake for over an hour, but Alex was sleeping like she hadn't been to bed in a month. She unbolted her door and swung it open for the second time in less than 12 hours, glaring daggers at her unexpected visitor.

"Jesus, Pipes. Forget we were supposed to go shopping?" Polly questioned as she walked right past Piper and into the blonde's home. She stopped when she saw a leather jacket lying on the couch and a first aid kit on the coffee table. Polly noticed Piper's bedroom door was just barely ajar, which was unusual- most of the time it was open. However, the bathroom door was open, which was also the opposite of how it normally remained, and there were a pair of boots in front of the tub/shower combo as well as a necklace looped through a small ring on the vanity.

Large brown eyes met nervous blue eyes and Polly crossed her arms over her chest, "Get lucky last night?"

Piper shushed her best friend and motioned for her to get away from her bedroom door. "No, Pol. It's really not what you're thinking. Did you not see the first aid kid even though you looked right at it?"

Polly sat on the couch and made a disgusted face at the lightly blood stained alcohol pad lying on top of the red plastic first aid kit. "What happened, then? Because I don't see any injuries on you and there are someone else's really fugly boots in your bathroom. And a girly necklace that also isn't yours."

Piper rolled her eyes and sat beside her friend, wishing she'd simply pretended to not hear Polly attempting to knock her door down. "I helped someone out last night and they're still asleep."

"Would that someone happen to be the Alex girl you went on a date with yesterday? What happend, things got rough and you caused bodily harm?" Polly asked, picking up the jacket between she and the blonde. She was about to go through the pockets for some form of ID when Piper snatched it from her and folded it in her lap.

"It's not my business to tell you what happened." Piper said quietly, a far off look on her face.

The brown eyed woman eyed Piper. "But it is Alex, isn't it?"

Piper didn't respond, which was answer enough for Polly.

"See? Girls are so much trouble. You've been on one date and she expects you to kiss her booboos and let her sleep in your bed. What if she's some crazy psycho? You don't even know this girl well enough to be-"

"Polly, I will say this one time. You do not know what happened to her last night. You do not know how she ended up in my bed and you don't have the right to judge my actions. I love you, but you have to learn when to shut up." Piper said, rubbing her temples.

"Well, what happened then?" Polly asked again, an idea already forming in her mind.

"I already told you that it's not mine to tell."

"Did you guys get jumped or something?"

"No. Jeez, Polly." Piper grumbled.

The bedroom door creaked open and both women seated on the couch turned at the same time to see a tall, very pale girl squinting at them. Polly waved at the dark haired girl, giving her best apologetic smile for probably having been the one to wake her up. So, that was Alex. Polly figured the brunette probably cleaned up well, but at the moment she looked like crap.

Alex, who was most definitely not a morning person even on her best days, ignored what she could only guess was a wave. She limped slowly to the bathroom, intent on getting her boots, her necklace, her jacket and leaving so that she could go back to sleep in her own bed, away from strangers that thought it was okay to be awake this early. Awake and.. Snobby.

The bathroom door closed and Piper and Polly looked at one another. Polly quirked a brow. "What happened to her, Piper? Should she go to the hospital? She looks like she got hit by a friggen bus."

"I'm not telling you, Polly. Stop asking me." Piper sighed. She stood and walked up to the bathroom door. After knocking gently she quietly asked if she could come in and received a grumbled affirmative.

Alex was shoving her left foot into her boot when Piper entered the bathroom. She looked over at the blonde and tried to smile, though she was sure it came out more like a grimace. Piper looked at Alex with Bambi eyes, causing the brunette to stop in the middle of lazily tying her laces.

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home. Next door. Where I live." Alex responded, not sure why Piper was looking at her that way.

"You can go back to sleep in my bed. I don't have any plans today and I was thinking we could just.. Hang out. Talk." Piper said, suddenly afraid that if Alex left, she wasn't going to see her anymore. She knew it was an irrational fear; Alex was her next door neighbor, after all. But still, "I don't want you to go."

"Look, Pipes. I don't wanna be the girl that expects you to kiss her fucking booboos and what else was it? Oh. Sleeps in your bed." Alex grumbled. Her sight might be shitty but her hearing was not. Piper deflated at her words and Alex sighed, running a hand over her face in frustration. God, why did she have to be such a bitch in the mornings? "I'm sorry.. I just heard Holly and it pissed me off."

Piper knew better than to correct the agitated girl sat on the toilette lid. "She's a bitch, sometimes, Alex. I'm sorry you heard all that. But just because that's what she thinks doesn't mean it's what I think. I offered, remember?"

Alex sighed and nodded. "I just don't want to overstay my welcome, y'know? I don't want to make your friend uncomfortable in a place she's used to being without some.. Some loser like me here to cramp her style."

"Alex, you aren't a loser. Don't say things like that about yourself. I want you to stay. Please?" Piper knelt down beside the brunette and rubbed her thumb over Alex's forearm. "Unless you have somewhere you need to be?"

The raven haired girl looked down at the blonde and sighed. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Piper asked, confusion all over her face.

"Make me feel like I'm supposed to be here.." Alex shrugged, looking up at the ceiling like maybe it could give her an answer.

"Maybe you are." Piper suggested, leaning forward and placing a tender kiss on the alabaster flesh of Alex's hand.

Alex let out a short, weak laugh, trying to ignore the way her heart clenched painfully at the blonde's words. She wanted to believe that. So badly. But Alex wasn't the type that good things happened to. "Pipes, maybe we should just.. Stop this before it get's any more out of hand. I'm just dragging you down. Y'know? I don't w-"

"Don't say that." Piper shook her head, sitting up on her knees and turning Alex's face towards her own. "Please, don't say that."

Large, diamond shaped eyes searched her own. "Why not?"

"Because," Piper swallowed, "There's something about you that I'm.. Drawn to. I want to see where this goes. Whatever this is between us."

Alex gave the blonde a timid smile. "You sure?"

Piper answered by kissing the other girl sweetly on the lips, her hands gently cupping Alex's cheeks. She ran her thumbs over the smooth skin, wondering how she'd managed to get in this deep with a girl she had known less than 72 hours. It didn't make sense, but at the same time that didn't matter. What mattered was the connection that she couldn't deny.

"Are you guys fucking or something?" Polly questioned loudly from the other side of the door.

Piper went to pull away but Alex simply leant forward when she did, not wanting the kiss to be over yet even though her lip hurt. Piper took the hint and smiled, her hands pushing into dark locks. Alex eventually let it come to a natural end, nuzzling her nose against Piper's before resting her forehead on the blonde's.

"I really have to pee." Polly whined.

"Hold on," Piper called over her shoulder. The blonde reached down and pulled the boots off of Alex's feet, eyeing her closely, waiting on the girl to protest. Alex didn't say anything, though, just looked at the blonde like she was expecting her to change her mind and tell her to leave. Piper stood up and offered Alex her hand. She led the brunette to the door and opened it, revealing a nosy Polly.

Polly watched as her best friend pulled the tall brunette out of the bathroom. The girl had a busted lip and a light bruise forming on her jaw, both on the left side of her face. Polly figured she'd been punched or had the hell slapped out of her. She noticed her hand was wrapped up and thought at least the tall girl had fought back. Polly frowned upon realizing how badly the girl was limping. "What happened to you?"

Alex stopped mid step and looked down at the smaller, brown eyed woman. She fought down the urge to bite her head off because she was Piper's best friend, no matter how much she already annoyed Alex. After a few seconds of simply staring her down, Alex shrugged a shoulder. "None of your business."

Piper glared at Polly, angry with the woman for asking such a thing. She knew Polly didn't know how sensitive the subject was, but still. "God, Polly. Just go pee."

"I really am sorry about her." Piper said softly once they'd entered her bedroom.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed before easing down onto her side, propping her head up with her uninjured hand. She was still tired, her head hurt, her eyes hurt, her everything else hurt, she was hungry. Mostly, Alex was uncomfortable. The fact that she had woken up to the sound of some bitch that didn't know anything about her talking shit? Well, that hadn't helped anything, especially since it couldn't be past 9am. Alex rarely woke up before 11, anymore.

"It's fine, Piper." Alex mumbled, hardly able to keep her eyes open. It's not like they were doing her a whole lot of good, anyway.

"I forgot we were supposed to go shopping today and she always just shows up on Sunday mornings. I've been so focused on you that it just slipped my mind." Piper said, pacing like she was trying to think of a way to solve a problem, her hands flying around passionately as she continued, "Please don't take what she says to heart. So what if I bandaged your hand and let you sleep in my bed? So what if you've got issues."

At that, Alex furrowed her brows, but Piper didn't realize her words weren't having a positive effect on the brunette. No, she kept going and Alex listened, trying her hardest to keep up and figure out how she was supposed to react. So far, the green eyed woman was leaning more towards her original plan to go home.

"I mean, yeah, I've only known you for 2 days and some change, but that's okay. Right? Surely, helping you is the right thing to do. I like you even with all the baggage. Like, maybe I could help carry some of it for you so you don't end up even more of a depressed introvert. Even though it's up to you to be happy, regardless of how fucked up your situation is. And it definitely is." Piper's eyes widened at her own statement and she cursed her foot-in-mouth disease straight to the bowels of the hottest hell. "Oh Jesus, that didn't come out like it was supposed to."

Alex was stunned, her heart doing some horrible clenching thing that made it hard to breathe. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and swallowed, feeling like she might be sick. The brunette stood up, ignoring the painful throb of her bruises and the sharp, constant ache between her legs. She walked past the wide eyed blonde and out of the bedroom. Thankfully, the bitch was out of the bathroom so Alex gathered her boots and necklace in the crook of one arm, moving as quickly as she could to the living room to grab her jacket. The brown eyed girl was already holding it out to her and Alex snatched it up, glowering at the dumb fuck for touching her mother's jacket. Piper was hot on Alex's heels, calling her name desperately.

Piper finally managed to grab Alex's elbow, causing the taller woman to whirl around and glare hotly at her. "What, Piper?"

"I-"

"What is it? You got some more shitty things to say to me? Wanna make sure Dolly hears them for sure, this time? Because if so, go ahead. Inform her of how she's basically right about me. I'm more trouble than I'm worth." Alex spat, her voice shaking more out of hurt than anger. "I'm just some- some crazy psycho. But make sure she knows you offered to help me."

With that, Alex wiped the stupid fucking god damned tears that were pooling in her eyes and turned around. She opened the door and slammed it behind her, going straight to what she knew this time for sure was her apartment. Once inside, she dropped her belongings and covered her face.

What the fuck?!

"What the fuck?" Polly blinked in shock out of what she'd just witnessed between her best friend and someone who obviously needed professional mental help.

Piper stood there, wide eyed, a look of horror on her face.

"You okay, Pipe?"

The blonde shook her head. "No. Polly, that wasn't supposed to happen."

"Uh.. Did you not hear what you said to her? Because I did. And we both know she did." Polly stated, feeling a little bad for the tall girl who'd just left, even if she had been the one to assume the worst about her out loud to begin with.

"But, Polly.. I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I don't think she's more trouble than she's worth. I mean, yeah, she's got problems but it's not like I don't. Oh, my God. Fuck fuck fuck." Piper sat down on the couch and raked her hands over her face and through her hair.

"Calm down, Pipe. Why are you freaking out so bad? You've only been on one date. It's not like you fucked up some amazing relationship. Besides, she did seem kind of crazy." Polly said, trying to comfort her friend, something she'd never been very good at, even in much lighter scenarios than this seemed to be.

"She's not, though. She's just.. Something really, really bad happened to her last night and I don't think she's dealing with it. Or even knows how to deal with it. And I wanted to help her. I did offer, Polly. But I don't know how to deal with it, either. God, and it's my fault that she got ra-" Piper stopped, hoping Polly wouldn't have caught on.

No such luck; Polly's eyes were saucers. "Oh, shit."

"I didn't say that. You can't know. What if she finds out I told you?" Piper was suddenly pacing again. "Who am I kidding, Alex isn't ever gonna talk to me again."

"Piper, stop. How is it your fault? Did you tell someone to go sexually assault her?" Polly questioned, her tone sharp.

"No, but-"

"Then it is not your fault. You can't blame things like that on yourself." Polly said, not wanting her friend to feel responsible for something so awful.

Piper's blue eyes filled quickly with tears, "But Polly, I was really mean to her and I hurt her feelings and she got really drunk because I think that's just what she does when she's sad and some guy just seized the opportunity, and.. and-"

"Shh, Pipes, calm down."

"And the reason I was mean to her was because we were, like, in the middle of something and she got a phone call and needed to leave. It pissed me off and I more or less kicked her out and wouldn't even let her explain herself. Then, she showed back up on accident because she lost her glasses and I tricked her into sleeping in my bed and now I've said all this- this horrible crap that I didn't mean." Piper collapsed onto the sofa, nearly squishing her cat in the process.

"Okay, you're gonna have to say all of that again. English this time with more details." Polly said, not sure this particular situation could get any worse from what she had managed to gather from her best friend's rambling.

xXxXx

A/N: PTSD is definitely going to show up in later chapters, to confirm that. I have also written this version of Alex with an emotional disorder that she's had for a while now, before last chapter's events took place. Anyone have an idea as to what it could be? I'm curious. -SK


	6. Moving Forward

A/N: This is the last of the darker chapters in this story. It will never be all bubbles and sunshine, but after this one, it does lighten up considerably. I, for the most part, have had nothing but positive reviews for this story of mine, and for that I am grateful. However, I did recently receive one that was negative and hurtful. I posted my own review in response to that guest, but who knows if they read it. That being said, if you don't like this story, that's fine. Don't read it. I understand that it is dark, that's been obvious for a while now. But the whole point of the darkness was to get Alex to the very bottom and now that she's there, the only place to go is up. So, hold on guys. After this chapter, it'll be a rough and rocky road, but it takes us to Vauseman. Enjoy.

Winter Roses

It was colder outside than it had been in a while. Snow had recently begun to fall and it was mid November. Her feet left footprints in her wake, mapping the journey all the way from her apartment to the bus stop. She could have taken a cab, but didn't want to spend any amount of time, no matter how short, trapped in a smelly vehicle with a greasy old man who would no doubt oggle at her. It always felt like they were staring and it always felt like they were going to touch her.

Alex climbed onto the bus, glad that it was empty save for an elderly couple and a young woman with her face pressed against the window, snoring loudly. She went to the back and sat down, shoving her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket. She did this a lot, lately. Got on the bus and simply sat there for however long until she'd randomly decide to get off. Then she'd get on a different bus and go home. There was that word again, 'home'.

The apartment she'd been living in for nearly 2 months, was still far from what Alex would ever consider her home. Her mother's house was her home. And that had been empty now for about a year. She still checked on it often, making sure nobody had broken in or tagged it. She'd pick up the trash and tend to the rose bush that Diane had been so proud of, even though it rarely ever had more than 3 blooms. Sometimes she'd think about going inside to dust, but couldn't ever force herself to do it. Because going inside meant seeing the room her mother had been so brutally attacked in. Alex dreamt enough about that room and what she'd seen and experienced there. She didn't want to see it in person ever again.

She'd moved out of the tiny little row house soon after Nicky had gone to prison, not able to stand being there alone. Nicky, even though she had her own room in Red's apartment, had basically lived with Alex since the 2 of them had met in the 9th grade. The spunky girl had spent every weekend with Alex and Diane up until high school was over, then she'd been there more often than not, regardless of if Alex was home. However, neither girl had been there when it happened.

Alex shook her head, not wanting to remember any more than she already had. She wanted a drink, but wouldn't allow herself to be even just a little bit buzzed in public. Not since _that night_. She still got drunk, but only by herself in her stupid apartment. The tall girl got off the bus at the next stop and sighed when she realized she was close to Red's apartment. She hadn't spoken to the woman or gone to see her since she'd chugged that bottle of whiskey back in September. Right before _that night_ had happened. She checked her phone, realizing that Red would certainly be home.

But should she just show up unannounced? What if Red was asleep? Alex touched her lip, a new habit she'd developed, and made sure her lip hadn't suddenly become spit open again. She fidgeted with the glasses she'd finally had replaced about a month ago after a few weeks of being pretty much blind. She had stopped limping a while back, so she knew Red wouldn't be able to tell that anything had happened to her. Which was good, because she didn't want to talk about it. Ever.

Loneliness was something Alex couldn't deny plagued her. Of course, she'd done it to herself, but it was still bothersome. Alex rarely spoke to anyone. She avoided places where she might end up alone with a man of any shape or size, spending most of her time either in the confines of her apartment, on a bus, or walking the crowded streets. She hadn't been to Red's again. Hadn't even had the balls to write Nicky back since what had happened in September. Alex might not be good at talking about her problems, but she'd still always told her best friend everything. She felt like if she were to reply to Nicky, she would have to tell her about it. And explain the reason she'd gotten so drunk in the first place. That meant telling her about Piper and what had happened in their very brief but emotional encounter. That meant having to really think about the blonde.

She started walking and ended up at Red's door, not really remembering the walk at all. Muscle memory or something like that, she figured. Alex took a breath to steady herself and eventually, she knocked. What was she planning to say, though? _Hey, how are you? Long time, no see._ Alex knew that wouldn't work. She sighed and thought about turning around to leave, but before she could, the door opened and there stood the stocky little Russian woman, her hair just as fiery as ever and still perfectly spiked, despite the late hour.

Alex tried to smile at her, but knew it wouldn't matter, either way, when Red grabbed her by the front of the leather jacket and snatched her inside, roughly. Alex went wide eyed, shielding herself with her arms after the first smack to her head. Red changed tactics, though, and aimed next for her side and back.

"Where have you been? Huh? You leave here drunk off your ass- barely able to stand- and don't come around for another 2 months!?" Red was outraged, unable to stop herself from dragging Alex via her jacket once again, to sit on the couch.

The leggy brunette waited a few seconds before slowly lowering her arms, afraid of getting hit again. "It's complicated," Her voice came out lower and scratchier than normal and she cleared her throat, "I can't explain it any other way."

"Try me." Red sat on the edge of her chair and fanned her arms out. "I got all night and you're not leaving."

Dark brows pulled together. "If that's the case can I have a drink?"

Red's right eye twitched just enough to be noticed by the dark haired girl. "No. No, you cannot have a drink. You know why?"

Alex shook her head.

"I'll tell you why." Red growled. "Because you have _drinkingproblem_ and I'm not going to sit here and watch you self medicate. Got it?"

"I'm not an alcoholic, Red. I only drink when I'm at my apartment, now." Alex stated, frustration building in her chest. She should have just left before Red answered the fucking door.

"I'm betting that's often, yes?" Red eyed Alex, closely.

The bespectacled girl didn't reply, instead just shoved her glasses on top of her head and rubbed her face in agitation. Red resisted the urge to pop her again, instead settling for lifting Alex's face upwards with a finger under her chin.

"I want you to talk to me, honey. I know I'm not Diane and I know I'm not Nicky. But I am somebody who loves you. Even if I'm just some mean old woman." Red said, trying to keep the edge out of her voice. It was unsuccessful, though, and she sighed. Tough love didn't seem to work for Alex, anymore. Not since Nicky had gone away and left Alex alone in that house.

Diane had been gone for nearly 3 months when Nicky went to prison. The three months that Alex and Nicky lived in the house without Diane had been odd, to say the least. Nicky grieved the loss of Diane like she'd been her favorite aunt or a close friend. Alex had shut down, her emotions locked away tight in that pretty head of hers. The girl had started staying away for a few days at a time, never letting anyone know where she'd gone off to. Then Nicky got caught doing something stupid, and had been taken away from her best friend, her adoptive mother and her long time crush, Lorna Morello. Alex had vanished soon after that, unable to be in that house alone, Red assumed. Now, the tall one was back again, but not really. Just her body was present. And she'd lost weight since Red had seen her 2 months previous.

"Have you been eating?" Red asked, glad that she finally managed to sound less angry, even though she was still very much upset with the girl.

Alex nodded, not daring to meet those wise blue eyes.

"Not enough. Your face is all pointy and you're too skinny. Alcohol isn't food, Alex." Red explained. "Are you spending all your money on booze? Don't wanna spare the cash for at least one good meal every day?"

Green eyes snapped up to meet blue, "I don't spend all of my money on alcohol. I pay my bills, Red."

"Then think of food as a bill. Buy it. _Eat_ it." Red was truly worried about the young woman sat in front of her. Her cheekbones were too prominent and the dark bags under her eyes made her look much older. Alex had always been pale, too, but now she was ghostly, sickly white.

Alex at up and sighed, looking at the clock on the wall. She'd been there maybe 15 minutes and already felt like she'd been there for days, getting questioned like some psyche patient. Somehow, Alex figured that even a psyche patient was more comfortable than she was at the moment with Red staring her down.

"Nicky says you don't write her anymore. She says she tried to call you, even though you hate phone calls, just to see what's going on." Red stated, watching as Alex's still perfectly arched brows pulled together.

"I.. I don't remember a call." Alex lied, "And I've just.. I haven't had time to write her back."

"Honey, you haven't had to work for a long while. We both know you've got plenty of time to write her back. Don't lie to me. It's not a good idea." The Russian stated in a low, threatening tone. She might love Alex like a daughter, but one thing even her biological sons never did was lie to her. Even her poor, late husband had known better.

"Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, Galina. I'm not a fucking idiot."

Red sat back in her chair, surprised at the tone Alex had taken with her and called her by her first name. The girl in front of her rarely ever spoke that way to Red. In fact, the only times she could recall were times when Alex had been intoxicated. Red knew now, though, that the ebony haired girl was not drunk. Red could always tell with her.

"Are you sure? Because starving yourself and drinking yourself into oblivion isn't very smart. You're going to go into liver failure before you reach 30 at this rate, and you're body won't be strong enough to fight it. Dead before you know it." Red snapped, staring boldly at Alex.

Alex, who had been scowling at the red head across from her, felt her face relax. That thought.. The thought of not having much longer, both scared and made Alex happy. Scared, because she wasn't even remotely pleased with her life and didn't want to die _lonely._ Happy, because it meant that even if she did die alone, it wouldn't matter either way. It'd finally be over and maybe she'd be at peace. Maybe she could finally rest. And see her mother.

"Why the hell are you smiling, Vause?" Red questioned, eyes wide in concern for Alex's mental health.

The brunette didn't miss a beat, "Because if I die, I can go to sleep without dreaming of the blood."

Red gasped, not having expected that.

"When I found her she was still alive.." Alex said, so softly that the Russian woman barely heard her.

Alex clenched her jaw, "I found her in the kitchen. She was trying to get to the phone."

The older of the two didn't know what to say, so remained silent.

"I dream about that every time I go to sleep sober." Alex said, her voice oddly calm and monotonous. "So, I drink until I pass out. Then, I don't dream."

" _Honey_.." Red sat beside Alex and rubbed her back.

Alex pulled away from Red and got to her feet. "Tell Nicky that I'm gonna send her something. Might even go see her soon."

xXxXx

By December 1st, Piper had managed to all but forget about what had happened between herself and her next door neighbor. Okay, that was a lie. She'd never be able to forget about it even a little, but she had stopped thinking about it for the most part. She hadn't seen the tall, dark haired young woman even once since Alex had stormed out of her apartment a few months ago. Every once in a while she would hear Alex moving around in the apartment beside hers, but that was the only proof she had that someone was still living there.

She was getting ready to go out on a date with the one guy she'd sworn she would not even hang out with. Larry Bloom. He'd asked her right in front of several other customers a few days prior, using them to pressure Piper into saying 'yes', because if she said 'no' she would look mean. Piper didn't like it when people thought badly of her. Especially her frickin customers. They were paying her bills so.. Give the people what they want and all that.

Piper checked her reflection once more, making sure for the 900th time that she looked like a nice, blonde girl. She thought back to when she'd been getting ready to go on a date with Alex and a small frown planted itself on her brow. Piper had been far more excited and nervous for that date than she was for this one. Larry was cute, but he wasn't hot. He wasn't edgy. He wasn't even remotely interesting. But. Larry was kind hearted and the only baggage he came with was the fact that he was far too comfortable in a sweater-vest. And that he still lived with his parents.

The blonde wouldn't try to lie about it; she had been attracted to the darkness and mystery that Alex provided. However, it was for the best that things hadn't had the chance to progress further. Piper wanted children. Wanted someone she could settle down and live happily with. Alex wasn't a happy person and Piper doubted if she'd ever have been able to change that for the gorgeous girl.

God, she remembered how _beautiful_ Alex was. It wasn't a beauty that would be considered classical. No, Alex's features were all quite startling, but went so well together. Her large, bright eyes, thin, perfectly manicured brows. A straight, strong nose that somehow just worked. Those high, round cheekbones. Piper sighed when she thought of Alex's lips. They were full, soft, and naturally pink against the rest of her pale, flawless skin. She remembered what it'd felt like to be kissed by them and shivered. Nobody had ever kissed her the way Alex had.

"Phoebe, how do I look?" Piper questioned the feline, in hopes of distracting herself from thoughts of what she and the girl next door had _almost_ done twice. Did she look as good as Alex had looked when the blonde's fingers had been rubbing her- GOD! Piper shook her head, long curls bouncing about.

The cat offered no reply, just looked away, eyes narrowed into slits of what Piper could only guess was disgust. It was kind of sad to Piper that occasionally her cat would meow at the wall if the woman on the other side of it made any sort of vocal sound. Piper was convinced that Phoebe knew she was going on a date with someone other than the green eyed woman the cat had taken such a strong liking to.

"You're no help, Pheebs." Piper grumbled before grabbing her purse and leaving her apartment. The blonde closed and locked her door just as someone else was in the process of unlocking their own. Piper looked over without a second thought.

Her breath caught in her throat.

Alex looked bad. Nothing about her looked right. The most noticeable was how thin she'd become. She wasn't a skeleton, but she certainly wasn't all curves like she had been before. She was sickly pale and her long, black hair was pulled up into a messy bun of sorts, exposing her profile to the blonde. Alex hadn't seen her yet, so Piper studied her weary face. Alex was frowning, not unusual, but when Piper's large, blue eyes looked further down, she noticed that Alex's hands were shaking badly, and the tall, skinny girl couldn't seem to get her key into the knob.

Piper didn't know what to do. She was supposed to meet Larry in half an hour at the restaurant. But _Alex_. Alex, who Piper had hurt even though she hadn't meant to. Alex, who Piper knew she still owed several apologies. Alex, who was sweating even though it was pretty cold in the hallway of their apartment building. Something was wrong..

Before Piper could decide on what to do, Alex sighed heavily and looked over at her, ready to spout off something bitchy, the blonde was sure. However, the words died on Alex's lips. Tired grey-green eyes looked Piper over and the blonde might have blushed had Alex not looked so.. Exhausted.

"You look good, kid." Alex's smoky voice sounded like she hadn't used it in a long time.

"Thank you," Piper murmured, tucking a loose strand of flaxen hair behind her ear. She couldn't take it any longer, "Alex, are you okay?"

A dry laugh escaped Alex's throat and turned into a cough. "Yeah." More coughing. "I'm great."

Piper wasn't sure how to respond, so she just stood there, watching until Alex finally seemed to calm down a bit. The brunette tried her key again and miraculously, it made it in this time. "Gonna keep staring at me?"

The blonde looked away, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"Go on your.. Date." Alex opened her door, "You deserve someone who can make you happy."

With that, Alex entered her apartment and shut the door, leaving the blonde standing alone in the hallway. Piper hated the way her heart seized up when she thought of Alex in there alone, as sick as she obviously was. She probably wasn't taking anything for it and would just let it run it's natural course. Which was something Piper herself would do for a minor cold. But it was freezing outside and a cold could turn into the flu easily, if given the chance.

Piper forced herself to stop thinking about it and got into the elevator. She checked her cell phone, knowing she'd be a little late but would still make it before Larry thought he'd been stood up. Piper pulled the hem of her short, red dress down as much as she could, not wanting Larry to look at her the way Alex had. She sighed, thinking she'd probably looked like she was going to go get laid rather than go on a first date. Damn it. It didn't matter anyway, right? She and Alex were just a glitch. It wouldn't ever work out in the long term.

At 8 o' clock on the dot, Larry was calling her. Piper answered her phone, sitting in the back of a cab less than 5 minutes away from where she knew Larry was calling her from. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's uh, it's Larry. I'm sitting at the restaurant looking for you." He said, nervous laughter filling his end of the phone call.

Piper pulled the phone away from her ear until he eventually stopped laughing. "I'm about to be there. I ran into.. I saw someone I haven't seen in a while."

"Yeah? That's cool. Is he cuter than me?" Larry said, only half joking.

Piper couldn't be bothered to dignify that with a response, so she hung up before paying the cabbie and getting out of the vehicle. Why the hell hadn't she decided on a more winter friendly outfit? Her heels were hard enough to walk in without cold, wet slush beneath her feet. She made it to the entrance and was glad when a gentleman opened the door for her. Piper was led to the table that Larry was. He hadn't noticed her, yet and was looking at his phone in shock when she sat down across from him.

Dark eyes briefly met hers, "Did you hang up on me?"

Piper nodded, "I did, yeah."

Larry frowned, thoughtfully. "Well, at least you're honest." He looked back up at her and smiled, "You look great, Pipes."

Piper talked herself out of punching him and managed a stiff smile. "Thank you, Larry. Where are the menus?"

The man across from her flashed her a wide, nervous grin, "I, uh, well you weren't here so I took the liberty of ordering for you."

Blue eyes narrowed a fraction and Piper prayed to anybody that would listen for the strength not to murder the man across from her right in front of everyone. There were several things Piper didn't joke around about. Food was one of them, as Larry Bloom was about to find out. Sex was another, which Alex had learned the hard way..

"I hope that's alright. I ordered you a nice salad and their best red wine." Larry stated.

"What'd you order for my main course?"

Larry blinked at her. "The salad I just told you about?"

Oh, my god. They were in a steakhouse and he ordered her a salad. A salad. _Just_ a salad. Not a salad and _then_ the steak. Nope. Just a fuckin' bowl of fancy lettuce. Piper did her best to reign in her temper, but it was already edging into her physical actions as well as her thoughts. Her hands gripped the sides of her chair and the blonde closed her eyes, inhaling deeply.

"Larry."

"Yep?"

"Never order for your date unless you know what they want. Okay?"

He quirked a brow. "It would've been rude of me to order my own food and not yours, too."

"That's when you wait." Piper said, bluntly. "What're you having?"

"The house ribeye, loaded mashed potatoes and macaroni." Larry had the audacity to sound like he was daydreaming when he said it.

Piper caught the attention of a passing waiter and smiled her sweetest smile at the young man. "Excuse me. I need to change the order this man put in for me. I'd like the same thing he ordered, medium rare."

xXxXx

A/N: Thanks for the favs, follows and reviews. Please let me know what you think. Also, I'm about to post chapter 7, so prepare yourselves. -SK


	7. Falling Off the Edge

A/N: Because chapter 6, 'Moving Forward', was so short, I'm also giving you chapter 7, 'Falling Off the Edge'. Like I stated in the A/N for the last chapter, that was the last of the darker chapters. This chapter does have some sort of sad moments, but they are necessary. I can assure you it doesn't stay that way. Have at it.

Winter Roses

"So, tonight was terrible." Piper grumbled into her phone once she'd gotten out of her dress and into some pajama's.

"Oh, come on. It couldn't have been that bad." Polly replied over the sound of her husband yelling at the television.

"But it was. It was worse than bad. He ordered me nothing but a salad at a freakin steakhouse!" Piper whined, collapsing onto her couch and covering her face with the crook of her elbow.

"You like salad, though." Polly said, simply.

Piper blinked at her phone like it was an alien. "Yeah, but I _love_ steak. Anyway, I changed my order to exactly what he was having. Made a point to eat every single thing on my plate. And a piece of chocolate cheesecake."

"How are you not passed out in a food coma?"

"I think I'm still riding the high of being so mad I couldn't see straight." Piper responded, honestly.

"Jeez, Piper. He was probably just trying to be a gentleman." Polly scolded, pretty sure Piper would never get married if she continued on the was she was.

"A gentleman who ordered me grass while he got himself the cow who eats said grass." Piper mumbled, "Some weird show of male dominance, I'm sure."

Polly snickered and Piper joined her.

"You're a loser, Pipe."

There was a light knock on Piper's door and she frowned. "I know. Hold on," Piper sat her phone on the coffee table and went to her door. She opened it without checking to see who it was. Standing before her was Alex Vause, looking much the same as earlier, except this time there was familiar winged eyeliner and a small, barely there, smile. Alex pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, grey-green eyes searching Piper's deep blue.

"I just wanted you to have these in case he forgot like I did on our date." Alex pulled the other hand from behind her back, revealing a dozen deep crimson roses. She held them out to the blonde, looking anywhere but at blue eyes when Piper wordlessly took them, their fingers touching. Alex's face was warm and she knew it wasn't from fever this time.

"Don't worry, I washed my hands before I touched them. And I made sure to breathe away from them. And I'm actually not breathing at all, right now, so you're safe." Alex chuckled awkwardly at her own humor, which caused the blonde to grin ear-to-ear.

"Thank you, Alex, this is really sweet." Piper couldn't stop smiling, her heart fluttering like it had lost it's damn mind.

The dark haired girl nodded, "You're welcome. Unless you end up with whatever I have, in which case I'll apologize ahead of time.. So, uhm.. how'd it go?"

"Something tells me you heard at least part of that through the wall." Piper said, tilting her head at Alex, trying to figure the dark haired girl out. Alex had told her to go on the stupid date, and now she was here being super adorable, even if she was also super ill.

"Heh." A hand ran through black locks. "Yeah. I'm sorry he thinks you're a rabbit."

Piper laughed, "Me, too."

It was quiet for a moment before Alex sighed and prepared herself to ask the one thing she truly wanted to know the answer to. "Will he get a 2nd date?"

Blue eyes searched Alex's face, trying to figure out what angle she was getting at. The taller girl had no reason to be nice to Piper, no reason to give her a dozen dark red roses. There was no reason for her to be curious about whether or not Piper would be going on a 2nd date with someone. Unless.. Unless maybe Alex had forgiven Piper and wanted to try again. But was it a good idea?

Alex took Piper's extended silence to mean that, yes, there would be another date for the blonde and the mystery man. She absentmindedly nodded, rubbing at her bottom lip. "Oh.. That's cool. I mean, everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Right?"

Piper furrowed her brows and looked down at the roses. They were so dark they were nearly black. Around the edges of the velvety petals it faded into a lighter marroon, but overall they were the darkest roses Piper had ever seen. What did they mean, though? It seemed like Alex wanted to say more, so the blonde met her eyes, waiting.

"I, uh.. I'm home a lot if you ever just want to.. If you wanna come over or whatever. I cleaned up. A lot." Alex mumbled, messing with her glasses. "I mean, you don't have to, so don't feel obligated. But I'm lonely.. And I could use some company."

The blonde felt her heart breaking for Alex and the way she'd sounded so tired. So honest. "Alex.."

Large green eyes met Piper's and the brunette shrugged, shaking her head. "Don't worry about it. I'll ju-"

Piper sat the roses down on the table she had beside the door. It had a large bowl on top of it that she kept her keys in, but right now it could serve as a place to lay the flowers so they didn't get squished. The blonde took a step forward and pulled the dark haired woman into a tight hug. Alex remained stiff for a moment before relaxing into Piper's embrace.

The blonde could feel Alex's ribs, something she clearly remembered not being able to feel before. She closed her eyes when Alex eventually wrapped her long arms around Piper's waist and rested her chin on the blonde's shoulder. She felt the taller girl exhale deeply and knew Alex had needed the hug. So what if she got sick.

"I've missed you." Piper said, quietly, not daring to let go first.

Alex leant back a bit so she could look at Piper's face. She really, _really_ wanted to kiss the girl, but thought better of it. After all, she was pretty sure Piper was still interested in whoever she'd gone on the date with earlier. Even if he had thought she was a rabbit. Even if the date seemed to have gone badly. It wasn't Alex's place to judge what the blonde did. They weren't a thing. Hadn't ever really been one.

"I have plans to go Christmas shopping with Polly tomorrow, but after that I'd like to hang out." Piper said, not wanting to waste time.

"You don't wanna wait until I'm not sick anymore?" Alex questioned. "I mean, I've probaby already contaminated you but maybe not. There might still be hope."

Piper thought for a brief moment about what Alex had just said. It had the possibility of a double meaning, but she wasn't sure that Alex had realized it when she'd said it. "I don't think there's any hope, Alex. I'm pretty sure I've already been contaminated."

A small, genuine smile broke out on Alex's lips and she released a soft laugh, "Yeah, my bad."

"Come here." Piper said before pulling the brunette back into the hug they hadn't ever fully ended. Alex squeezed the blonde tightly, kissing her on the side of the head and closing her eyes.

"Phoebe is trying to climb my legs." Alex said after a few long moments of just silence and being held. She could hear the cat purring like a v8, suprised she hadn't been meowing like crazy.

The two women pulled apart and Alex bent down to pick the cat up. Once standing straight again, she held on to Phoebe while the small animal rubbed her face all over Alex's, still purring. "Hi, kitty cat."

"Ever since she met you, I've been the 2nd favorite." Piper smiled, petting Phoebe's back, softly.

Alex sat the cat down and met blue eyes, "Your cat has clearly lost her mind."

"Why do you say that?"

Alex shrugged, readjusting her glasses and mumbling something that the blonde didn't quite catch. But the way Alex was blushing just the tiniest amount gave Piper an idea of what she may have said. It had something to do with if she were a cat. Maybe? There was no way to be sure without asking and taking the risk of embarrassing Alex even worse.

"I'm gonna let you, uh.. relax. Y'know, since you haven't been home long and I just kind of showed up." Alex pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and then fidgeted with her glasses again.

Piper smiled at how obvious it was that Alex didn't really want to leave. The blonde thought of the last time that Alex had been over and had to restrain herself from flinching at the memory. It had been all she could think of for days afterwards, and Piper had still yet to forgive herself for hurting Alex's feelings so badly. Somehow, though, Alex had managed to move past it and wanted to be around her, again. Could Piper really spend time with Alex without more happening between them than just hanging out? Even though Alex had lost at least 10 pounds and had dark rings under her eyes, she still was the prettiest person Piper had ever seen. The blonde still found herself attracted to Alex physically. And their emotional connection, even if it had formed so quickly it seemed impossible, was still there. Her heart fluttered in her chest as if to remind her of that fact, when Alex gave her a tiny, half-smile.

The older of the two women gave a little wave, "I'll, uh.. See you tomorrow."

"Yes. What time do you want me to come over?" Piper snapped out of her little daze, picking Phoebe up so she wouldn't follow Alex next door.

"When you're done. I mean- Whenever's cool." Alex sighed in frustration at herself for sounding as desperate out loud as she was on the inside. "When you're ready, is what I meant to say."

"I'll call you before I head over." Piper smiled, finding that flustered and shy Alex was her favorite.

"You don't have my number." Alex said in a quiet voice. "We never got around to that part."

"Do you have your phone on you?" Piper questioned, wanting to fix this problem now. She sat the cat down and held her hand out.

Alex didn't reply, just handed the blonde her cell phone. She watched as Piper turned the screen on, revealing a picture of her mother smirking and flipping the bird at the camera. Alex looked away, having forgotten that Piper had never seen her face before. She hoped the blonde didn't ask about her. Thankfully, though, Piper simply handed it back a moment later.

"I texted my phone. Now I have your number and you have mine." Piper said, knowing better than to mention the pretty woman she'd seen on Alex's background. Piper knew instantly who it was. The woman was gorgeous just like Alex, except with much shorter, auburn hair. That smirk had been the real tell, though. Piper had figured out that Alex's mother was no longer living, but didn't know the woman's name or anything about her. Besides the fact that she looked like she could have been Alex's sister rather than her mother.

"Cool.. Thanks." Alex smiled, placing the phone back where it had been.

After a moment of silence where they just stood there looking around, Piper spoke. "I'll call you tomorrow when we get finished."

"Bye." Alex repeated the tiny wave from minutes earlier, this time turning and walking away. Phoebe was hot on her heels, but Alex didn't realize it until she opened her door and the cat shot into her apartment.

"Damn it, Phoebe!" Piper scrambled after the cat, basically tackling Alex as she burst into the taller girl's abode.

Alex was wide eyed. Everything had happened so quickly. One moment she was just trying to walk inside, the next moment she was on the floor in a heap of confusion. She heard Piper apologizing profusely and figured out that she must have landed on top of her trying to chase down the small, black blur that had flown into her apartment.

" _Jesus_ , are you okay?" Piper squeaked, pushing herself off of the brunette that she'd just knocked very ungraciously to the hardwood floor.

The girl simply looked at her. Her glasses were askew and her hair had fallen into her face, covering most of it. Then, after a long, dreadful moment of silence, Alex blew a puff of air out, lifting a little of her hair away from her face for just a moment before it landed back exactly where it had been seconds before. A pale hand decided to have a go, moving the dark locks away from Alex's face and fixing her glasses with no trouble.

"If you didn't want me to leave you could have just said so." Alex said, a smirk threatening to take over her lips. "And my name is Alex. Remember?"

Piper, who'd been staring at Alex with complete and utter anxiety, dropped her face into her palms and released a deep breath before she started chuckling, softly. "Fuck, Alex. I thought I hurt you."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I'll have a bruise or 2 if that's what you were going for." Alex said, hoping Piper would know that she wasn't upset. A little rattled, maybe, but not angry or even really physically harmed.

The brunette recieved a slap to her arm and a mock glare from the other girl and couldn't help but laugh. However, it quickly evolved into a coughing fit, Alex using the crook of her elbow to cover her mouth. Piper had moved to her side and was rubbing her back soothingly before it finally subsided.

Out of nowhere, the blonde seemed to remember something. "Damn it."

"Hmm?" Alex hummed, afraid that she'd start coughing again if she tried to speak.

"I was on the phone with Polly when you came over. I bet you she's still on there, listening like a hawk. She's so nosey." Piper grumbled.

Alex frowned. She had only met the girl Piper was talking about once, but it brought back a painful memory. "And also a bitch."

Piper looked over at Alex, dark brows pulled together in an apologetic expression. "Alex, I'm so s-"

"Let's just forget it. I don't want to dwell on it anymore and I know that you didn't really agree with her.. You just didn't word it right. Right?" Alex asked softly, her bright eyes searching Piper's thoroughly, waiting on the blonde to correct her if she was wrong.

After spending so long thinking about it, Alex had finally come to the conclusion that Piper had just been rambling, not really thinking things through before she spoke. That had to be what it was, because if not, that meant that Piper was a tremendous liar and that the connection they'd forged was nothing but _bullshit_. Alex couldn't accept that as fact, no matter how down and depressed she had become. She had tried for a while to forget all about the blonde, but was unsuccessful. When she wasn't dreaming of her mother's final moments, she was dreaming of how she had been so unashamedly humiliated and violated.

Alex would wake up thinking about that dreadful event, and then always, _always_ ended up thinking about how Piper had helped her afterward. She would remember their trip to the coffee shop and the easy flow of conversation. Then, she'd remember cocoa. Next, was the mess of her apartment and how Piper had helped her find her glasses. Piper giving her back her sight. Their date with the thin crusted pizza and conversations about so many random, nonsensical things. An explosion of sexual tension that ended in Piper angry and Alex nearly too upset to function. All of the events before _that night_.

Yes, Alex remembered the hurtful things Piper had said to her in the bedroom. But she couldn't forget the everthing else. The good outweighed the bad and Alex was so tired of being lonely. She knew if she continued to exist that way, she'd simply end it all. The tall girl had thought about it for months, now, and even though the desire was still there for true _rest_ , Alex didn't really want to die alone. Alex wanted somebody to love her, somebody to care if she just stopped breathing. Someone besides Red or Nicky or maybe even Lorna. Of course, Alex knew Piper may not ever love her the way she so desperately craved, but.. Maybe she could. If Alex could prove she had something to offer, maybe Piper would give them another shot.

Earlier that evening when Alex had seen Piper for the first time since early September- despite living right beside her- she'd realized that the blonde was giving someone a chance. Someone else. Alex had seen Piper come out of her apartment, but had quickly looked away, feigning ignorance to the blonde's presence. Her hands had started shaking and it had rattled her to the core to think of Piper with someone else, even if they had never belonged to one another. Alex had decided then to reach out in any way she could. She'd take anything Piper would give her, and give the blonde everything she had.

The blonde spoke so quietly that Alex almost missed it.

"Alex, I never meant to hurt your feelings. I never meant to make you think that I didn't- that I don't truly care for you. You weren't a burden, Alex. I just-" Piper was cut off by a long, thin finger pressed to her lips.

"I believe you. I don't want to talk about that anymore." Alex kept her finger in place a moment longer, holding eye contact with the pretty deep blue pools in front of her. Then her gaze drifted to where her finger rested on soft, pink lips. Alex let her finger slide softly down to Piper's chin before she turned her hand over, running the back of her knuckles over the blonde's jaw, tenderly. It was so hard not to lean in and kiss the blonde, especially with the way Piper's eyes had closed and she had sighed in what seemed like relief. The only thing stopping Alex was the fear of being pushed away. Obviously, Alex was unwell, but she knew that even if Piper denied her simply so as not to end up as ill as she was, it'd break her heart. Alex knew she wouldn't be able to take the rejection.

Piper reached out and took Alex's extended wrist into her hand, kissing the warm flesh nearest her mouth. "Deal."

Both women turned their heads in the direction of Alex's bedroom when they heard Phoebe mewing. Piper got to her feet after smiling kindly at the brunette. She offered her a hand and helped Alex to stand. They made their way to Alex's bedroom in comfortable silence.

Piper took in how different it looked from the last, and only, time she'd ever been there. Before, nothing had been set up. The only unpacking that seemed to have been done was when Alex had trashed everything by throwing her belongings and scattering things all about. Now, though still basically empty, it at least looked like Alex had attempted to add her own touch to things. There were books taking over a small shelf, even more that obviously wouldn't fit, were stacked up beside it. There was a record player, still unplugged, sitting on top of an old paint splattered coffee table. Beside it were several records piled up. An empty ashtray sat alone in one corner of the table, no cigarettes in sight, no ashes.

The walls were barren save for a few framed photos of a younger Alex and a brown eyed girl who's strawberry blonde hair looked like it hadn't been properly brushed in a very long time. Both girls were making silly faces, eyes twinkling with a happiness Piper had yet to witness in Alex. The other photos consisted of the girl with wild, curly hair, one of the Russian woman Piper had met months before and a large painting of sunlight streaming beautifully through an otherwise dark and dreary forest. There was no furniture in the living area at all besides the shelf and coffee table. A few boxes were still lined against the far wall, marked ' **FRAGILE** ' in all caps. Piper wondered if the shattered glass she'd seen while looking for Alex's glasses was something that had come from one of those boxes.

Upon entering Alex's bedroom, where they'd heard the cat meowing, Piper found herself nearly overwhelmed with a sense of sadness. There was a twin sized mattress up against the wall in the corner next to the window. The bed was unmade, revealing ruby red sheets, a black body pillow, a lumpy head pillow that matched the sheets and an old black comforter that looked like it'd been through hell. Around the room there was a strand of tiny, white Christmas lights hung on hooks nearly at the top of the walls, bathing the room in a soft glow. There was a bedside table that displayed a bottle of moscato that was nearly empty, a large unlit candle and an alarm clock that had a large, neon blue display.

On the wall oposite Alex's bed, there was a framed picture of the green eyed woman and her mother. In this photo, both women are smiling warmly, the love between them was obvious and could be felt simply by looking at it. Alex was a dead ringer for her mother, aside from the older having slightly bluer eyes and shorter, auburn hair. Alex is wearing the black beanie she'd been wearing when Piper met her, and the other has a tan and teal checkered tabogan with a fluffy white ball on top. Their noses are just the tiniest fraction red, and Piper is sure it was probably cold when the photo was taken.

"That was taken 5 years ago. We had gone out to walk around Central Park and bought the beanies on the way. I tried to talk Mama out of the fluff ball, but she said it was like one she'd had as a kid." Alex explained before distracting herself by picking Phoebe up off her bed and holding her close.

"So, that's her?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

Piper smiled, "You do have the same face."

' _Did_ ,' Alex wants to say, but doesn't. Instead, she simply let it slide. "So, this is it. Now you've seen my apartment without clothes and God knows what else scattered around."

Piper nods, trying her best to avoid looking at the other 3 wine bottles lined up beside the closet door. Trying to avoid truly seeing that the one chair in the whole apartment is in Alex's room and it's broken. However, Alex has already seen her looking at it and decides to clear up the confusion.

"I broke it." Alex mumbles, motioning toward the old rocking chair with a nearly nonexistant nod of her head. "I didn't mean to, but it was heavy. I accidentally slipped and dropped it and one of the.. The _thingies_.. Just kinda snapped in half. Then I got mad and broke it worse."

"Was it your Mo-"

"Yes. I'm sure if there is a heaven she's looking down on me. Pissed."

"My brother Cal can restore it for you.. If you'd like." Piper said, wanting once more to help this girl out in any way she could manage.

Alex smiled shyly, "I'll think about it. I'm afraid for anyone to touch it. It was her grandmother's, then her mother's, then her's before she.. Now, it's mine."

"Okay, just let me know." Piper said before reaching for her cat so she could slowly make her way out of the bedroom. It was the same size as her own room, but the lack of clutter that should have made it seem bigger, somehow made it seem smaller. The tangible sense of melancholy made Piper's throat constric, and she wanted out. The blonde had never been taught how to properly deal with emotions, so having that much of it in one room was dificult. It was the same sense of sadness tinged with wistfulness that often accompanied Alex, but in the room it seemed to be permanent; like it was the color picked for the walls. At least Alex could make Piper feel other things, as well.

Piper walked out of the room, leaving Alex standing there fiddling with the ends of her long, white sleeves. The blue eyed girl looked over at the kitchen as she slowly wandered towards the door. It was spotless save for an opened pack of bottled waters on the counter. There was nothing else anywhere besides a trashcan, and even that seemed to be all but empty. Piper stopped where she was and turned around, looking back at Alex.

"Alex, what do you eat?" She questioned. But before the brunette could answer, Piper walked out of the apartment and back to her own, where her door was wide open from when she'd taken off to catch the cat. She closed her door and placed Phoebe on the back of the couch before going to her pantry.

After raiding her pantry and fridge, Piper walked back in to Alex's apartment, finding the taller girl in the same spot she'd been standing in when Piper had walked out. Alex had a confused look on her face and tilted her head at the blonde when Piper walked into her kitchen and sat down a heavy cloth bag on the counter.

"What's that?" Alex asked, not moving from where she stood, simply eyeing the bag wearily.

"Food. And you're going to eat it." Piper answered, starting to pull items out and sitting them on the counter for Alex to see. "Canned soup. Peanut butter. Unless of course you're allergic to peanuts, then by all means, do not eat that. Oatmeal. Bacon. Gouda cheese. I have m-"

"Pipes, I don't want your food."

"You've lost a lot of weight. You're not eat-"

"I do eat. Piper, stop. I can afford my own groceries." Alex said, her voice soft as she slowly walked towards where the blonde was still pulling things out of the cloth shopping bag.

Piper finally stopped once there was nothing left to pull out. She looked around at the kitchen and then met green eyes. "There is no take-out trash. There aren't any dirty dishes. I don't see any cereal boxes. Al, your whole apartment looks like all you do is sleep or drink."

Alex's raven brows lifted briefly before relaxing. "Ouch."

"Alex, I d-"

"No, no. It's okay. The truth hurts." Alex released a breathy laugh, "It's true. That's what it looks like."

The ebony haired girl walked past Piper to her own fridge. She opened it, revealing nothing but empty shelves and a drawer full of bottled water. Piper was relieved to see no more alcohol hiding in there. Alex closed the door and opened the freezer section. There were a few bags of frozen vegetables, but nothing else. She closed the freezer and turned to Piper.

"I will go ahead and tell you that those have been in there for a while. In here," She opened a cabinet, "There's bowls and plates. I haven't used them since I moved." She moved to another cabinet. "In here, there are cups and glasses that I don't use because everything I drink is already in a bottle."

Piper frowned as Alex continued on.

"In this one, there are canned goods. In the last one, there is ramen and other unhealthy shit that I eat when I don't have the energy to go out and find something else. You don't see dirty dishes because I rarely eat here, if at all, and when I do, I clean up after myself. I don't buy food that has to be refrigerated because I might not ever eat it and it'll go bad. There's no cereal because that requires milk, which I don't buy because, like I just said, it has to be kept cold." Alex leaned against her counter and sighed, green eyes cast downward. "I don't really do much here besides sleep and drink. Which is why I know I need company."

Piper moved towards Alex and took her hands into a light grasp. When Alex looked up at her, Piper leant in and kissed the girl softly on the cheek. Alex let out a dry laugh and shook her head. "Why do I feel like.. Nevermind."

The blonde pulled away from Alex, ocean blue eyes searching everest greens in concern. Alex looked away and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. The pale girl moved away from Piper to the other side of the room. The younger girl watched as Alex straighened the painting of the forest, even though it was already perfectly aligned. She rubbed sleeved hands roughly over her face, shoving her glasses to the top of her head. Alex then looked over at Piper, the most heartbreaking smile on her face. It was all teeth and watery eyes.

"You should go get some sleep. You have a busy day tomorrow." Alex nodded, as if to reassure herself rather than Piper. "I'm really tired so that's what I'm gonna do. I'll uh. I'll see you tomorrow. Lock the door on your way out, please."

Piper watched as Alex turned away from her and slowly walked towards her bedroom, a hand wiping at her face as she entered the threshold and closed her door. The blue eyed girl considered her options. She could go home and leave Alex alone in her bedroom to deal with whatever had just happened, or she could go see what was wrong. Either way, Alex needed someone, it was just up to Piper whether or not she really wanted to be that person.

The blonde thought of Alaska again, for the first time in months. She closed her eyes and prepared herself before walking towards the door that she knew would decide the fate of her relationship with this sad, lovely girl. Piper opened it and closed it behind her gently before raising her eyes from the floor.

The brunette girl was curled in a ball on the bed, facing the window. Piper wondered how someone so long legged and tall in general could look so little and vulnerable. She walked up to the bed and sat down on it, earning herself a groan from the springs. Piper reached a hand out and rubbed Alex's shoulder soothingly, causing the girl to flench.

"I'm sorry, I thought you heard me come in." Piper said in her softest voice, still rubbing Alex's shoulder and upper arm. She could tell now that Alex was shaking. Short, jagged breaths escaping her throat. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know." Alex whispered.

Piper frowned, "Alex.. Are you taking anything for the depression?"

"I'm bipolar, Piper. I've al-always had bad mood swings. It just got a lot worse when Mama died. I never know how something is going to make me feel. It's always an extreme.. And I'm pretty sure I have post traumatic stress disorder, too." Alex rubbed her eyes, knocking her glasses about.

Piper reached and gently removed them from Alex's face and sat them on the bedside table on top of the clock. "They have medicine's for that sort of thing, Alex. And people you could talk to."

"I know." Alex nodded, sniffling, "They offered me help when I.."

"When you what, Alex?"

The girl didn't reply, just stared at the windowseal a few inches above her head. After a few minutes Alex wiped her eyes clear from tears again and turned over to face Piper. "Why are you still here?"

Piper shrugged, "Because you needed me to be."

That heartbreaking smile came back fulll force, coupled with a disbelieving sort of laugh, "I'm a big girl, Pipes. I can cry by myself."

"Do you want me to leave?" Piper asked, searching watery green depths in the dim light of the room.

After several long seconds of staring into deep blue eyes, Alex shook her head and decided to be honest, "No."

"Then scoot over, I'm staying." Piper said. She knew that at her own house, all her lights were off besides the one over her stove. Phoebe had food and water and she didn't have any candles lit or anything plugged up that could cause a fire. Her door was unlocked, but she'd gone to bed without it locked before and never had a problem. Besides, she would be right next door and was sure she'd hear it if anybody decided to enter her home without permission.

Instead, Alex got out of the bed and left the room. When she returned, she closed the door and murmered, "I had to turn the lights off and I put that stuff in the fridge." She made her way to the bed and stopped, looking unsure of herself.

"I uh.. I guess I'll go to the bathroom to change." The tall girl opened her closet and pulled out the clothes Piper had let her sleep in so long ago. "I still have these. I'll give them back tomorrow."

"You can change in here, Alex. It's your room. I won't look; I don't want you to be uncomfortable." Piper said, crawling under the covers and turning away. Of course she was curious about how Alex's formerly curvy body looked now, but would never dare to steal a peak. Alex had been violated enough.

Alex nodded and undressed, leaving nothing but her boxers before pulling on the clothes she intended to sleep in. Once dressed, Alex picked up her dirty clothes and moved them to the hamper in her closet. She clicked the string of lights off and made her way by memory to her bed. She carefully crawled into it, nearly falling on top of Piper before finally moving beneath the covers.

"You can lay on me. This bed isn't really big enough for us to have room to ourselves." Piper said, hoping Alex would take her up on the offer.

The brunette hesitated, "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Alex moved her body pillow to her other side and moved up to the blonde, tentatively wrapping an arm around Piper's slim waist and lying her head on the girl's small chest. Her leg bent at the knee and she lay it over Piper's own, hoping that wasn't overstepping. "Is this okay?"

"Yes.. Alex?"

"Mm?"

"Relax. It's okay. And I'd like to give you something, if it's okay with you." Piper said, knowing there was a chance she could regret this in the future. At the moment, though, she didn't care.

"What is it?"

"A goodnight kiss." Piper said, watching as Alex's head lifted from her chest and the girl looked up at her, a startled look on her face.

"But what about your date? That guy you like."

"Well.. I don't actually like him at all. But I _would_ like to kiss you." Piper said, hoping honesty was the way to go.

Alex thought quietly for a moment. "If you want to, then do it."

Piper wasted no time, leaning up and tilting her head so that she could press her lips to Alex's. The brunette still tasted like heaven and still managed to be the best kisser Piper had ever experienced, even if it was soft and slow this time as opposed to how wild and rough it had been before. It seemed that Alex was just good with her mouth. That thought sent chills down Piper's spine and she found herself deepening the kiss, her hand caressing Alex's jaw.

The green eyed woman inhaled sharply when Piper bit her lip, her mind flashing memories of their previous kiss and how quickly it had spiraled out of control. How hot and sensual Piper had been. Alex allowed herself to be touched, Piper's hand moving from her mouth to her side and hip.

"Alex," Piper breathed into her ear, "I want to touch you."

The other girl shivered, Piper's words sending chillbumbs across her body and a pulse of arousal straight between her thighs. She hadn't been with anybody in a long time, excluding September. Alex wanted to give Piper what the blonde desired, even if it wasn't the best idea considering the circumstances. Alex answered Piper's statement by finding her mouth again and kissing her harder.

Piper took the hint and positioned herself on her side before leaning over Alex and moving her mouth to the girl's throat. She kissed and sucked at the warm skin there, her hand running gently over Alex's belly. Piper moved her hand beneath the t-shirt and found Alex's left breast, stroaking her thumb over the hardened nipple. The slick metal spikes there caught her attention and she tugged on them, causing the brunette to gasp and wind her pale hands into blonde hair. The blue eyed girl sat up and pulled Alex's shirt off, leaving the girl exposed from the waist up. Her breasts were full and pale in the moonlight, the steel spikes in her nipples shining like beacons just waiting to be touched. Piper leant down and took one hardened peak into her mouth, her teeth clamping down just enough to cause Alex to sigh. The blonde began to slowly suck, her right hand ghosting fingertips down alabaster skin.

Alex closed her eyes and allowed Piper's hand to slip beneath the waistband of the sweats and under the silky boxers, glad when it didn't freak her out. She wanted this to happen. Last time, Piper had not actually touched her, but simply rubbed her over the top of her panties. This time.. Alex moaned when fingers slid easily between her folds. She hadn't realized how wet she'd become, but was glad for it when those skilled fingers circled her clit slowly. The mouth on her nipple switched to the other briefly before Piper began kissing Alex's chest, then her ribs, lower and lower.

The blonde raked her teeth over the smooth skin covering Alex's hip bones and smiled when she felt long fingers tangling tighter in her hair, gently pushing her further. Piper removed her fingers from Alex's heat long enough to pull the sweats and boxer shorts down her legs and eventually off altogether. Alex lay before her naked and vulnerable, but bold enough to spread her legs and prop herself up on her elbows, a sharp brow arched at the blonde.

"Don't stop, now." Alex said, her voice lower than anytime before and full of sensuality.

Piper pulled her own shirt off and then pushed her pajama pants and undies down until she was just as naked as the brunette. She kissed the inside of Alex's right knee and placed tender kisses all the way to the small hollow on the inside of the brunette's right thigh, where she sucked briefly. She could smell Alex's arousal and see it nearly glistening in the moonlight. Piper's mouth watered and she swallowed down the urge to just simply dive in. Instead, she repeated the actions she'd done to the right leg, on the left. Piper lay down on her belly, her mouth mere inches away from Alex's center. She blew hot breath on the tender skin there, her thumbs pulling Alex's folds apart just enough to expose her hardened clit.

Alex closed her eyes tight and gently ran her right hand through blonde hair while the left toyed with her breasts. After what seemed like an eternity, she felt a hot, wet tongue lick her from her entrance to her clit in a wide stroak. She had no time to prepare herself to be quiet, so a strained, whimpering sound escaped her. Alex's fingers tightened in Piper's hair and she held the girl in place as she rolled her hips against Piper's mouth, needing _more_.

 _Fuck_ , Piper thought. She'd never been with a girl who didn't simply lay there and take it (stupid college girls experimenting). Alex was moving her hips like a dancer at one of those strip clubs, all smooth and extremely erotic. Piper liked this _much_ better. She wrapped her left arm around Alex's thigh to try and hold her still while her right hand moved back to Alex's wet folds. With no warning to the brunette, she easily slid her ring and middle fingers inside of Alex.

"Ahh.." Alex gasped and arched her back when those two fingers found that certain spot inside her. The rhythm Piper was setting was slow, but strong, her fingers and tongue in perfect harmony.

Piper felt Alex's legs shaking, the muscles in the long, pale thighs quivering. She wondered how long it had been for Alex and the remembered what had happened back in September. She wanted to erase that memory, if she could, for the girl beneath her. At least for a while. Piper could feel the muscles around her fingers tightening and decided she wanted it to last much longer than what Alex seemed to be able to allow in that moment. She pulled her fingers slowly out of Alex and moved her mouth away from the wet, delicate skin of her sex.

Alex gulped, "Don't stop."

The blonde ignored Alex's plea and kissed her soundly on the mouth, her hand carressing the supple flesh of Alex's breasts. She pulled on the little metal points and twisted them between her thumb and forefinger, loving how Alex reacted by arching into her touch with a breathy sigh. Piper let her hand wander, fingertips leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. When she found slick, wet warmth, Piper circled Alex's clit slow and firm. The dark haired girl rolled her hips and kissed Piper harder. Piper closed her deep blue eyes and moved her kisses from Alex's mouth to her throat. She found Alex's earlobe and sucked on it, biting down just past the small black diamond earring. This, Piper remembered, was a major hot spot for Alex. She was proven right when she felt fingers digging into her back and slowly scraping downwards, along with a shaky intake of breath.

"Please.." Alex whispered, grinding her hips upward in an attempt to get Piper's fingers back where they had been.

"Tell me what you need," Piper whispered, her breath making the soft hairs on the back of Alex's neck stand on end. "I want to be the best."

Alex bit her bottom lip and moaned when Piper's fingers teased her throbbing, wet entrance. She couldn't find her voice so settled for moving her hand to the base of Piper's wrist and pushing it lower. Piper kissed her before taking her bottom lip in between her teeth and biting down at the same time her fingers thrusted deeply into Alex's core. The brunette arched her back and rolled her hips in time with the strong, slow pumping of Piper's fingers. She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back, exposing her pale, smooth throat. Piper siezed the opportunity and began sucking just below Alex's jaw.

Piper loved the taste of Alex's skin. She bit down as she curled her fingers, massaging that sweet spot on the brunette's front wall. She felt Alex clench around her and shivered. Piper left a trail of wet kisses down Alex's body as she moved to where she knew Alex was trying to tell her to go, if the hands pushing down on her shoulders were anything to go by. To tease Alex, Piper stopped at her lower abdomen and kissed it softly before licking her hipbones.

The hands moved from Piper's shoulders to her head and she couldn't help but chuckle lightly when they began pushing her further down with a bit more force. Piper inhaled the scent of Alex's arousal and licked her lips. God, Alex tasted so much better than she could have ever dreamt. "Tell me what you need."

"Y-your mouth." Alex breathed, gasping when Piper gave her a particularly fast thrust. She'd had plenty of good sex, but Piper.. Maybe it was because she actually cared about the blonde and wanted more, but either way, Piper was the best Alex had ever had, and she'd been with a _lot_ of women.

"What do you want me to do with my mouth?" Piper questioned, just barely grazing Alex's swollen clit with the tip of her tongue, while keeping her fingers pumping at the steady, slow pace that she had set.

Alex was about to answer, but Piper curled her fingers again and kept them pressed tightly against her g-spot. Instead of words, a low, breathy sigh escaped her lips and Alex arched into Piper's expert touch. The blonde was playing her like a damned flute and this was the first time they'd ever been this intimate.

"Fuck," Piper whispered, not having much success in keeping Alex's hips from grinding upwards, rubbing her slick center against her chin. "You're so wet."

"Mmhh." Alex responded, wanting more of Piper.

"What do you need."

"Fuck me." Alex gasped, long fingers tangling painfully in Piper's hair. She couldn't think straight. All she knew was that Piper's tongue was _so_ close to where she wanted it to be.

Piper decided that was a good enough explanation for what Alex needed. She flattened her tongue and licked the girl's warm, very wet cener from where her fingers were pumping all the way to her clit. Alex reacted in the same way she had before, her wide hips grinding up, her center moving slickly against Piper's mouth. The hands in her hair losened but Piper knew they weren't about to let her move away. Alex held her head in place as she rolled her body in time with Piper's powerful thrusts and talented tongue

Alex growled in extacy when soft lips closed around her clit and the blonde began sucking in time with her thrusts. Her hands moved from Piper's hair to her sides and she clenched the sheets into her fists, unable to control the way her legs had once again begun to shake almost violently. Alex knew she wouldn't last much longer; the knot growing inside her was pulsing hotly, ready to burst as Piper's fingers and tongue wound her tighter and tighter.

Sensing how close Alex was yet again, Piper thought about drawing it out even longer. It had been several minutes already, but could she make it last an hour? The blonde wanted to try. She removed her lips from Alex's hard nub and slowly pulled her fingers free of the dripping wet heat surrounding them. Alex gasped at the loss and bolted up on her elbows, wild eyed and panting, sweat shining on her brow and collar bones.

"What's-"

Piper silenced her with another kiss, her still soaked hand resting on Alex's side. She could feel how heavily Alex was breathing and smiled into the kiss. Alex's hands were holding her face and the girl was moving her lips hungrily, shivering with pent up sexual energy. Perhaps Piper was being cruel.. She planned on righting her wrong, but Alex didn't know that.

"Am I taking too long?" Alex asked between kisses.

Piper shook her head, biting at Alex's lower lip.

"Then w-" She was again silenced with a searing kiss before Piper gently pushed her back down on her back and moved back to where she had been before. Alex watched as Piper nestled between her thighs and kissed her pussy like she had just kissed her mouth. Alex's head fell back and she released a shaky breath. Now, she knew what Piper was doing. She didn't want Alex to cum, yet.

Piper pushed 3 fingers inside Alex this time, loving the low, gutteral groan Alex released when she pulled them out before thrusting them in as deep as she could and making a 'come hither' motion. Alex was about to ask for her mouth, but Piper beat her to the chase and was sucking on her clit again before she knew it.

"Please, don't stop." Alex begged, not caring how weak that sounded.

The blonde felt her resolve soften at Alex's plea. She would let Alex cum the next time she got close. Piper sped her fingers up, pumping harder and faster while continuing to suck gently. Alex's body arched and she let out a cry of pleasure that broak off in the middle and turned into a gasp. Piper felt Alex's muscles constricting around her fingers and a warm flood of juices threatening to drip down her hand. Piper shivered and kept going, loving the way Alex's thighs had closed around her head to keep her in place as she bucked her hips.

"S-sooo good." Alex panted, her hands fisting sheets all over again.

Piper knew Alex was past the point of no return when the brunette stiffened, her wobbling legs the only thing moving. Alex released a string of quiet profanities, mostly 'fuck', and her right hand seemed to be reaching for something to hold on to. Piper grabbed it and shuddered when Alex squeezed it tightly, moaning hoarsly and rocking her hips much faster. Piper wanted to see what Alex looked like when she fell from the edge of pleasure into the abyss. She moved her mouth and replaced it with her thumb and sat up just enough to see. Her thumb circled the hard nub and her fingers massaged the silky g-spot as Alex fell apart. Alex arched and spasmed, went stiff then spasmed again over and over, liquid heat coating Piper's hand as the muscles clenched again and again. Thin, dark brows were pulled together, eyes shut tight, mouth open as Alex moaned long and low as her hips rolled. One hand held Piper's and the other ran sensually over hard nipples. A thin sheen of sweat covered her body, a wayward strand of hair stuck to her forehead. She was the picture of beauty and Piper wanted to kiss her.

The blonde kept her fingers moving slowly as she moved beside Alex and leant down, her lips connecting perfectly with Alex's. The brunette's body jolted again at the newest sensation and she sighed shakily into the kiss, her free hand weaving fingers into golden locks. She kissed Piper hard and deep, their tongues tangling as her orgasm slowly wound down, leaving Alex a weak, trembling mess when it was eventually over.

"Are you okay?" Piper asked softly, breaking the kiss and leaning her forehead against Alex's. She carefully pulled her fingers from Alex's heat, pressing her lips to soft, sweaty skin when Alex gasped, quietly.

All the ebony haired girl could do was nod in answer to Piper's question. She felt so depleated of energy that she feared if she tried to talk, it'd come out as a soundless whisper. Truthfully, she hadn't ever cum like that before. It had been _almost_ painful the way her body had seized up. Any other time it had been a fairly quick experience, where she was left feeling satisfied, but only for the moment. Piper had made the sex last quite a while, and Alex's climax had gone on for so long and was so deep that she thought she might pass out from the nearly agonizing pleasure. Alex wasn't sure if that even made sense, but her orgasm had come from a place so deep inside her that she was sure she'd shatter. Explode. She was more than satisfied.

"Go to sleep, baby." Piper mumered, not even noticing the endearing term she'd used for Alex.

Alex couldn't have stopped herself even if she'd tried. She was already drifting, her breathing still a little on the ragged side. With Piper's warm skin pressed against her side and all the energy expelled from her body, Alex was asleep before Piper ever realized it. When she figured it out, the blonde reached down and pulled the covers back ontop of them. She lay her head on Alex's chest and smiled sleepily when the hand she was still holding twitched. Piper listened to the beating of Alex's heart for a while, hearing as it slowed down to a normal speed. The blonde found that the sound was very soothing, sending her off into dreamland with no problem.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review. Let me know what you thought of that little, uh.. Thing. -SK


	8. Questions and Memories

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've had a bit of a rough week/weekend. Here is the 8th chapter, though. Hopefully you guys like it. There'll be another A/N at the bottom.

Winter Roses

Blue eyes opened hours later and slowly blinked, blind in the near pitch black. Piper inhaled deeply. The smell of sweat and sex filled her nose and images of what had happened the night before flashed through her mind. Piper grinned to herself and stretched, feeling a warm body pressed tightly against her own. She was confused for a few seconds before her eyes focused enough in the darkness to see that it was Alex who was cuddled up to her.

To be fair, Piper was obviously just as invested in their cuddlefest. Their legs were twisted together and the hands they'd fallen asleep holding were still connected, fingers laced together loosely. Alex's face was about half a foot from Piper's, her expression relaxed. She looked peaceful, which was something Piper was not used to seeing. Alex's left arm was resting limply on Piper's waist and their bellies were nearly touching. The blonde smirked when she realized that their breasts _were_ touching, even if Alex's did make Piper's look incredibly small.

Piper thought of waking Alex up with her fingers, since it'd be so easy with the way Alex's legs were spread just enough with Piper's thigh between them. She only changed her mind when a blue glow caught her attention and she tilted her head to look up at the digital alarm clock.

It was already 5:40 in the morning. If she woke Alex up, they could get caught up and Piper might forget that Polly was coming over at 8 so that they could go early bird Christmas shopping. Piper's alarm in her own bedroom was due to go off in 20 minutes so she could shower and get ready. The blonde sighed, not wanting to move when she realized just how incredibly comfortable she was at the moment with Alex. Sure, the mattress was shit, but somehow, laying there tangled up with the beautiful brunette was like magic.

 _Snap out of it_ , Piper chided herself. She had stuff to do and she couldn't just lay there all day. She wondered briefly if fucking Alex had been a bad idea. Yes, she did like the girl and wanted to know more about her. Piper wanted to help her, wanted Alex to _get_ help.. But what about beyond that? Beyond the connection. The realizm. The fact that Alex had a drinking problem. Bipolar disorder. PTSD. Threw things when she got mad. Couldn't Piper help her without being _with_ her? Alex wasn't the kind of person Piper was supposed to be with. Piper was supposed to be with someone her parents would approve of, even if Piper would never admit to wanting their acceptance.

Piper reminded herself that she wanted children someday. And that required a man. Right? She thought briefly about adoption and sperm donor's but shunned the idea. That was insane. Blue eyes traced Alex's features. The girl was the most attractive person Piper had ever met and she couldn't deny that. Alex was sweet and oddly vulnerable, which Piper loved about her. She sighed. What was she supposed to do? She didn't want to lead Alex on but she didn't want to tell her to go look elsewhere, either. For as much as Piper knew she couldn't be Alex's heroine, she also wanted to be. The blonde grumbled to herself indecisively and sat up slowly.

Alex didn't budge, just kept right on sleeping, her breathing deep and even. When Piper untangled their limbs and fingers, the brunette frowned, brows pulling together, but she didn't stir beyond that. Piper thanked any God that might exist for the small mercy, and stood up from the low mattress. She squinted until she found her clothes at the foot of the bed and quickly pulled them on. Once dressed, Piper stretched and looked down at Alex. The pale woman looked like a painting. One perfectly depicting a tragic beauty.

Piper looked at the clock again. It was nearly 6am. She huffed and noticed the bottle of wine that sat beside the clock. Without much thought, she grabbed it and quietly left Alex's bedroom, shutting the door silently behind herself. Had there been a pen and paper anywhere, Piper told herself she would've left Alex a note. But, there wasn't, so she didn't. The blonde opened the door to the hallway and locked it behind herself before closing it. She entered her own and flipped on the lights, all but blinding herself.

"Ow.." Piper whined.

The blonde made her way to her kitchen and sat the mostly empty bottle of wine on the counter. Then, she put on a pot of coffee before feeding her loudmouth cat. She picked up the roses that Alex had brought her the evening before and smiled, pressing her face into the still crisp petals and inhaling. The smell was perfect, as the scent of roses generally is. Piper placed them in a vase and watered them before setting them on her counter.

A hot shower later, Piper emerged from her bathroom and found her phone lying on the coffee table, dead. She frowned and plugged it up, hoping that Polly hadn't left her 3,000 messages for simply never coming back to the phone the night before. The blonde let it charge while she dressed and did her makeup.

When she was pleased with the way she looked, Piper sat on her couch and picked up her phone, checking for texts and missed calls. There were 2 missed calls and 4 texts just from Polly.

 **From Polly:** What the hell!?

 **From Polly:** Piper who was that? Are you okay?

 **From Polly:** Did I hear that crazy lezbo's voice?

 **From Polly:** I'll be there at 7:30 tomorrow and if your ass isn't there, I'm calling the police.

Piper checked the time. Polly was due in about 35 minutes. She sighed and got up to pour herself a cup of coffee before checking the other texts and missed calls. She had a grand total of 3 missed calls from Larry along with a matching number of voicemails, and 2 texts.

 **From Larry:** I hope you had a good time tonight. I know I did. :)

 **From Larry:** Call me soon and maybe we can do something a little more romantic. Seeing you eat that much was kinda hot.

The blonde nearly choked on her coffee. There were 2 thoughts running through Piper's head. Firstly, _gross._ Secondly.. If only he knew how much she'd _eaten_. Piper blushed at her own thought. She jumped and yelped when there was a sharp knock on her door. It was only 7, who could that possibly be?

Piper opened the door a crack and saw Polly staring right back at her. The short brunette pushed the door open and shoved Piper out of the way as she moved straight for the coffee pot. Piper knew to leave Polly alone when she hadn't had her caffine yet, so she remained quiet.

Several minutes later, Piper was just kind of standing there awkwardly when Polly whirled around and glared harshly at her. " _Yoouu_."

The blonde went wide eyed. "Me?"

"No, the other girl standing behind you." Polly snarked.

Piper, cast an anxious look over her shoulder. Was Alex back there? No. God, Polly really scared the hell out of her sometimes. Blue eyes met brown and Polly rolled hers, not able to continue the angry expression. Instead, she decided to lay into her best friend, inform her of how scared she'd been.

"Do you have any idea how _freaked out_ I was!? You shouldn't say 'hold on' if you don't intend on coming back to the friggen phone! I thought you got kidnapped out of your own home, Pipe!" Polly paced back and forth, the coffee in her hand nearly spilling on multiple occasions.

"Pol, calm down. You're going to wake up everyone on this floor." Piper said, flinching when the glare returned.

"Like your psycho neighbor? Does she even still live next door?" Polly hadn't bothered to lower her voice. She simply gestured wildly in the general direction she assumed the tall woman lived in. Then, she noticed a mostly empty bottle of wine and a dozen deep red roses. "Did Larry show up? I thought the date sucked."

Piper blinked in confusion until she focused on what Polly was looking at. Oh, for the love of- "Yes. Yes, he showed up. Brought me flowers, we drank some wine. You know. Stuff."

Polly noticed the little card dangling from one of the roses and flipped it open. Piper went wide eyed. She hadn't realized that there was a note. She watched as Polly read it, the brown eyed girl's features were unreadable. Piper's stomach kept knotting up and she wished it would stop. So what if Polly knew the flowers were from Alex? Piper was a grown woman. At least in age..

"Ya know.. it's funny. This little thing says ' _Hey, Pipes. I got you these in case your date didn't. I hope you like them. Alex.'_ Why would Larry say that?" Polly questioned, eyeing the blonde sternly for lying to her.

Piper sat down on her couch and sighed. "Okay, so I lied."

"Obviously. Jeez, Piper. Why did she get you flowers? I didn't even know you were talking to her again. Isn't she a little bit too far off the deep end for you? That girl needs help." Polly said before taking several gulps of her coffee and sitting heavily beside her best friend. "And there's like, hardly any moscato left in that bottle, but I'm gonna drink the rest."

With that, Polly was back on her feet again and had a wine glass in hand before Piper could think to tell her no. The shorter girl poured what was left of the yellow liquid into her glass and leaned against the counter as she took a sip. "This is actually really good."

Piper nodded, shocked.

"What? I know it's like, super early, but I've already had a stressful day, Pipe. And it's your fault so you can't give me shit. Now, tell me. What's the deal with you and crazy lady?" Polly questioned, taking another healthy drink.

"She isn't crazy, Polly. But she does have ears, so could you please lower your voice?" Piper pleaded, resting her face in her hands.

"Then were you lying when you told me she throws things? Or when you told me her apartment was a mess _because_ she threw things? What about all the liquor bottles you said you saw? Is this wine hers?" Polly questioned while she came to sit back beside her best friend.

"Yes. It's her's. And yes, she sometimes throws things. But Polly, you can't call her crazy. That doesn't make her crazy anymore than me hitting things when I'm mad makes _me_ crazy. She's been through a lot. _Remember_? I saw her in the hallway before my date with Larry and then when I got back and I was on the phone with you, she knocked on my door with flowers. We talked and I apologized. She needs a friend, Pol. And I want to be that for her." Piper said, feeling bad that Alex was going to wake up alone after what type of _friendship_ Piper had provided her with the night before.

Polly was staring at something near Piper's shoulder. Self consciously, the blonde tried to see what she was looking at, but couldn't see anything on the black fabric. "What? What are you looking at like that?"

"Pipe, please tell me that she didn't give you that hickey."

Piper went wide eyed. "She couldn't have! I checked in the mir-"

" _AHAA_!" Polly pointed at Piper with an accusatory finger, big brown eyes wide in the heat of the moment.

Piper blinked, confused for a moment before she face palmed. "Fuck."

Polly shook her head. "That trick works on you every time, you stupid lesbian. So, are you friends with bennefits, then? Givin' her a little _sex_ therapy? God knows she probably needs it." Polly's eyes grew in shock, "Oh, _wow_. That was low even for me."

Piper glared at the brunette sat next to her. "Don't say shit like that, Polly. I mean it."

"I'm sorry. Really, I didn't think about it until after I said it. We both have word vomit." Polly said, smiling apologetically at the blonde, who ignored her comment and picked up her purse from beside the couch.

"Are you ready to go? Because I am." Piper said in a cold voice, a scowl on her face as she made her way to the door, leaving Polly sat there on the couch looking stunned.

xXxXx

Alex woke up feeling sore in all the _right_ ways for once. She lay there in silence for a while before peaking her eyes open. It was daylight out, that much was obvious. The ebony haired girl stretched her limbs and froze mid yawn when she didn't feel anybody beside her. Her body deflated when she looked and didn't see the blonde she'd fallen asleep with anywhere around. Alex turned to her clock and squinted at the brightness of the light. She'd gotten that specific one because she could read it without her glasses. It was after 10am.

"Christmas shopping. Right." Alex said quietly to herself once she remembered what Piper had said the night before.

She smiled softly and felt her cheeks burning when she remembered what all had happened the night before. The way Piper had turned her body into mush so very easily. The feeling of falling apart with the blonde there to catch her. Her inner muscles clenched at the memory of long, skilled fingers. The memory of a warm, slippery tongue tasting her most secret places. Alex shook her head to snap out of that train of thought before she ended up just laying there and touching herself all day. The brunette got out of bed, the usual snaps, crackles and pops sounding off. Alex grabbed her glasses and shoved them on before walking naked to her bathroom to shower, a small smile on her still tender lips.

Alex turned her water on and waited a minute for it to warm up. She looked at herself in her mirror and noticed a deep red hickey just below her jaw. A smirk found it's way on her face and Alex took a step back to see if the mirror would reveal any more suprises. There were a few more much lighter spots scattered around where she remembered Piper's mouth spending time. Alex shivered at the memories and looked again at her reflection. She was skinny, that much was obvious with the way her hips poked out a bit more than ever before. Her breasts were a little smaller, but Piper had still seemed to enjoy them. Alex wasn't pleased with the way she looked, though. Maybe she did need to eat more and drink less.

The tall woman stepped into the shower and relaxed as the heat from the water soaked into her muscles. Alex bathed herself, glad she'd shaved the day before. She washed her hair and then conditioned it, letting it sit for a few minutes before rinseing a couple times just to be sure she'd gotten all of it out of her long, dark hair.

When Alex got out of the shower she dried off and wrapped her hair in a towel before walking back to her room just as naked as she'd left it, glasses back in place over her eyes. It smelled like sex and vanilla. Without thinking much of it, Alex reached for her normal first drink of the day as she walked towards her window. Her fist closed around air and Alex tried again without looking. After coming up empty again, the girl raised a single questioning brow and looked over.

Where was it?

Alex looked at the other 3 bottles lined up against her wall, making sure she hadn't already finished the moscato and sat it beside the others. It wasn't there, either, so Alex knew she hadn't been the one to finish it. And she never drank outside her bedroom anymore..

"The fuck?" A hand went to run through Alex's hair but found a towel, instead. Green eyes narrowed as she tried to locate her phone. Piper had handed it back to her, Alex had put it in her pocket.. She picked up her pants and found her phone. Thankfully it still had a little charge. Alex plugged it up before checking the livingroom and kitchen for her wine just in case. When there was no alcohol to be seen, Alex frowned and went to her liquor cabinet. It was empty, but she had known that before she even opened it. The green eyed woman had been trying to slow it down a little, only buying large bottles of wine she made last a couple days, or small bottles of hard liquor to keep herself from getting shit-faced. If it was wine, she'd drink it slow. Kind of. But if it was vodka or tequila or even whiskey, Alex always drank it fast and didn't stop til it was all gone.

Alex walked quickly to her room and picked up her phone, trying to calm herself down before texting the blonde she was so fond of.

 **To Piper:** Do you know where that bottle of wine went? It was on the table by my bed but I can't find it.

The brunette jumped when her phone sounded off in her hand. She was so unused to anybody texting or calling that she'd all but forgotten what it sounded like when somebody actually did. Alex opened the text and scanned the blonde's reply.

 **From Piper:** I took it. Eat breakfast. I'm sure your body would appreciate it after the workout I gave you last night. ;)

There was a _winky_ face. Alex blushed at the words Piper had sent her, and then blushed harder for reacting in such a girly way to begin with. Alex shook her head and sat her phone back down on the floor. She was afraid if she texted back what she wanted to say, Piper would freak out and that'd be that. The dark haired girl pulled the towel out of her hair and dropped it in the hamper.

Alex picked out a deep purple bra and a matching pair of underwear before pulling on black skinny jeans and a forest green v-necked sweater. She returned to the bathroom and did her makeup, careful to make sure her eyeliner was on point. Alex put on a bit of mascara and a light coat light red lipgloss. She just needed to keep herself distracted, that way she didn't have time to think about what she wanted. Alex sighed when her makeup was finished.

Piper.

Alcohol.

To be happy.

With Piper.

No more nightmares.

A time machine so she could save her mother.

Really, the list went on and on. Alex knew that not everything she wanted was realistic, but she was allowed to dream. Long legs carried Alex to her bedroom, where she located her necklace and put it on. She examined the small, sterling silver ring dangling from the chain. It was a gift she and Nicky had gotten Diane for her birthday several years back. It had both of their birth stones set into it. Amethyst for Alex and a diamond for Diane. Alex was afraid she would lose it if she tried to wear it, even though it fit the ring finger on her right hand perfectly, so she'd settled for wearing it on the silver chain Nicky had given her back in highschool.

"Miss you, Mama." Alex said, softly before kissing the ring and tucking it under her shirt.

-FLASHBACK-

Alex was walking down the street with her best and only friend, Nicky Nichols on a bright, warm April day. The two of them had skipped school, which wasn't exactly unusual, but this time they actually had a reason. It was April 4th, Diane Vause's 38th birthday. Alex and Nicky had both saved up over the summer to get the woman a nice birthday gift, something that hadn't ever happened before. They had each managed to save over a hundred bucks from their shitty summer jobs, the rest of it being spent helping Diane with bills.

Nicky didn't really have to help, but since she spent more time with Alex and Diane than at home with her own mother, Marka, she felt obligated. The girl's had worked at Red's, Nicky in the back and Alex up front at the register. For some reason, Red had thought Alex was a people person. Dispite how much she hated it, Alex worked the register the entire summer before her senior year. By the end of it, Nicky had been basically adopted by the Russian, and Alex by assosiation, even though Red didn't like her nearly as much. Or at least that's how it seemed, at first.

They walked past several stores, looking at different things, trying to decide what, if anything, would be good enough for Diane. They had gotten her a nice outfit the year before, but the woman was at work more often than not, and when she wasn't at work, she didn't want to leave the house. She had appreciated the clothes, and even tried them on to show the girls. In the end, though, Diane hadn't ever worn them again. They'd stayed folded in the drawer she kept her 'funeral and interview' clothes in. This time, Alex was determined to get Diane something she would actually wear.

"Ay, Vause. Look." Nicky smacked Alex's shoulder and pointed at a jewelry store that had a sale on Mother's Day jewelry, even though it was a little soon for that.

Alex walked up to the window where there were several rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings.. All sorts of shiny, sparkling things. After looking at the prices next to the items, Alex met Nicky's eyes, "We can look.."

The shorter girl pulled the door to the shop open, motioning Alex in with some sort of fancy gesture, "After you, Stretch."

Alex quirked a brow at Nicky, "How polite and.. so not _you_ , of you."

Nicky gave the taller girl a shit-eating grin, wiggling her brows, "Place's fancy. Gotta be on my best behavior. Ladies first and all that jazz."

The brunette decided not to venture further into that area of conversation with her best friend, not when they were going to try and buy something here. Nicky would no doubt say something offensive and get them thrown out on their asses. Instead, she just shook her head and walked into the store. Nicky followed quickly behind her, shaking her arm.

"Shit, that door's a lot heavier than it looks. Hope you appreciated my romantic gesture, Al." Nicky grumbled, throwing a wink at Alex when she rolled her green eyes at the smaller girl.

"What can I do for you young ladies?" A man's voice asked, startling both Nicky and Alex. When he had their attention, he smiled, all perfect teeth and something Alex suspected might be Southern charm. "My name's Bryce Treadway, this here's my little jewelry shop. We gotta sale goin on for Mother's Day stuff. A little early, I know, but hey, is it really ever too early to get somebody ya love a gift?"

Before either girl could answer, he began again.

"Of course, you don't gotta get nothin' Mother's Day inspired, but you should know it's half off on the silver rings. We got a pretty big selection with all sorts of birth stone combos, all different shapes and sizes." Bryce walked past them, his Old Spice cologne wafting behind him. The girls didn't know what else to do, so they followed the tall, fit, man. Both of them wondering how long he'd been in the city.

"This here, is where all the sale items are. What's your price range, darlin'?" Bryce lifted his brows at Alex, ice blue eyes twinkling behind full, dark lashes. He was an incredibly handsome man, and he obviously knew it, but still, not Alex's type.

She decided to try her luck though, and see if she could get the salesman to lower the price on whatever she picked out. "We only have 2 Benjis, Bryce. I know it isn't a lot, but it's my Mama's birthday today, and I want to get her something nice. She doesn't have anything pretty to wear, anymore."

Nicky knew what her best friend was doing and turned away to look at the rings, hiding the smirk she knew was spread across her face. Alex was fantastic at flirting her way into or out of anything. Nicky swore it was the boobs, but Alex said it was all skill. The short girl knew that either way, if she tried her hand in that game that she'd probably not fair as well. Sure, she could be charming, but one way or another ended up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, every time.

"Are you lookin' for a ring, necklace, earrings..?" Bryce questioned, waiting on the tall, pretty girl to answer him. He didn't know where the wild looking one had gone, but he didn't care.

"A ring. Size 6 or 7. Silver; She won't wear gold." Alex answered, offering the dark headed man her sweetest smile, letting her eyes drift down his suited form, hoping he would think she was checking him out and that it would make him easier to haggle if necessary.

Bryce swallowed. He rubbed his thumb over the wedding band on his left hand and cleared his throat. "Well. I've got just the thing. Comes with birthstones in it, we got quite the selection here to choose from. If ya can't find the right stone combo, I got a different one I'll make a sale item just for you. What's your name?"

"Alex." Alex answered in a low, sensual voice, holding eye contact with Bryce until the man blushed and looked away.

"Alright, Alex. You just wait right here." Bryce said before hurrying off to the back of his store. He returned quickly with a set of keys and unlocked a cabinet beneath one of the glass display cases. He stood up and placed a black velvet ring holder on the counter.

"What birthstones?"

"Mama's a diamond, Amethyst for me and Paradot for Nicky." Alex said, shooting a glare at Nicky when she tried to get Alex not to include her.

"Let's see," He began examining the rings, only picking up sizes 6 and 7. "I don't have anything that's got Paradot, Amethyst and Diamond in these sizes, but I do have one with just the Diamond and Amethyst. If you got time, though, I can have it added within the next few hours. Just gonna bump the price up by 'bout $50."

"What's it without mine?" Nicky butted in, moving in front of Alex so she couldn't stop her.

"One ninety." Bryce said, voice less pleasant.

"We'll take it without the green one. Won't we Alex? Can't afford anything past what he just said." Nicky shrugged.

Alex was about to respond, when Nicky spoke again.

"Especially if we're gonna bring her home something to eat."

Green eyes met ice blue, "She's right. But I'll take the one you said you had."

The girls paid for the ring in cash and Alex stuffed it deep into the front pocket of her torn, black jeans. Alex had examined the ring before buying it, and knew that her mother would love it, even if she scolded them for spending money on her. Now, as they were walking home after picking up Chinese, Diane's favorite, she couldn't stop smiling.

"You keep making that face, it'll stick that way." Nicky joked, nudging Alex's hip.

"Thank you, Nicky." Alex said, softly. "If you hadn't helped, I dunno what I would have ended up getting her."

"I basically live with you, Vause. And I helped last year and the year before, remember? It'd be weird if I didn't pitch in." Nicky shrugged, not comfortable with how Alex was looking at her; all doe eyed and.. Were those tears threatening to form!? "Al, c'mon, you know how weird it is for me when you look at me like that."

"I know, I know." Alex blinked a few times and looked away, trying to simmer her emotions down. They were getting harder to keep smoothed over. "Sorry, I'm just happy. Thank you. Again."

"Don't mention it. Seriously." Nicky said, rubbing her hand up and down her friend's back in the only form of comfort she knew how to properly give.

By the time they made it home, Diane's old, beat up Toyota was in the tiny driveway. They'd wanted to be home before her, but would have to make due. Once inside, they realized Diane was still in her room, probably changing clothes. Nicky set about setting the food up on the small coffee table, moving the ashtray to the far corner. Alex grabbed a fork for her mother, since Diane had never been successful with chopsticks. When she returned to the living room, she had a fork and a roll of paper towels in one hand and 3 glass bottles of orange soda in the other.

Alex sat the items down just as the door to her mother's room opened and Diane walked out in her favorite pair of plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt. Her shoulder-length, auburn hair was pulled up into a messy bun and her makeup was still intact. She had never looked more beautiful to either Nicky or Alex, both of whom loved and respected her beyond words.

Diane's eyes went wide and she smiled, brightly. "What's this?"

"Happy Birthday." Both girls said, moving around the colorful coffee table to sandwhich Diane between them in a tight hug.

Diane felt her heart squeeze pleasantly. "Thank you, girls. You didn't need to do this, though."

" _Damn it_."

"What?" Alex looked confusedly at Nicky.

"We didn't get her a cake!" The wild haired girl exclaimed before shaking her head and sighing. "Next time, Diane."

"You said that last time, Nichole." Diane chuckled, moving towards the couch, ready to rest her tired bones and eat some good ol' Chinese food.

When her mother had gotten comfortable in the middle of the love seat, Alex met Nicky's eye and nodded. "Mama, we got something for you. Close your eyes."

Diane frowned, "Alexandra Renee Vause and Nichole Noelle Nichols! What am I gonna do with you girls?"

Nicky grimaced, "Did ya really have to pull the tripple 'N'?"

The auburn headed woman sighed when her tall, thin daughter reached into her front pocket. She met Alex's eyes and saw the nervous energy swimming in the grey-green pools. "Alright, Alright. I'm closin' 'em."

Alex pulled out the little marroon ring box and sat beside her mother. She gently placed the ring box on Diane's lap once Nicky had sat on the other side. Alex told her mother she could open her eyes and watched, anxiously.

"What did you girls do?" Diane said, her voice filled with both awe and worry.

"Just open the damn box." Nicky nudged her.

Diane did as told, slowly revealing the silver ring and the 2 little stones. She gasped and closed it quickly. "Take it back. Take it back, now."

"Mama, no." Alex said, her brows pulled together in a sort of hurt confusion. "You don't like it?"

Diane saw the look on her baby's face and quickly corrected her. "I love it, Allie, but it looks expensive. You could probably put a down payment on you guys a car with what you paid for this."

Nicky cut in, seeing that Alex was overwhelmed, something that seemed to happen more and more often. "It was on sale, Momz. Got it cheap, don't worry."

Diane was quiet a moment before opening the box once again. "I guess I could at least try it on.."

Alex nodded, her nerves settling down. She knew that if Diane tried it and it fit, she would keep it. That or face the wrath of Nicky Nichols. Alex, for her part, would probably just remain quiet if Diane demanded they return the ring. Staying quiet would prevent her from saying how it would really make her feel.

"It sure looks good on that finger, eh Diane?" Nicky said, "Alex did a good job remembering your size _and_ all of our birthstones. They didn't have one that had all 3 of ours so this works. I'll just say I'm the silver one."

Diane laughed at the girl, "That's perfect. Thank you, girls. Thank you."

"You have to wear it." Alex said, her voice sounding like she was trying not to be overly emotional. "I.." She cleared her throat before speaking again. Her voice returned in a normal tone, "Please."

The mother studied her daughter's face, knowing all too well that Alex was having a hard time reigning in her feelings. Alex had been struggling with this sort of thing for the last year or so. Her moods would switch rapidly on some days, but sometimes she would have long periods of time where she was all smiles and jokes, or nearly crippled with depression. It had been getting much worse as of late, and Diane knew it'd never get better without some form of medication. Unfortunately, they could not afford it. Alex averted her eyes after several seconds and fidgeted with the thick, black frames of her glasses. Diane hated when Alex did that; she didn't want her baby to be nervous.

"Stop it." She said, pulling Alex's hand away from her face. "I'm gonna wear the ring, Allie. It's too pretty to leave in a box, am I right?"

"Booyah!" Nicky said, glad the moment between Alex and Diane was lightening up. She hated when they had their stare downs.

The brunette beamed brightly, eyes alight with newfound happiness. She leaned into Diane, inhaling the scent of her sweet perfume mixed with the smell of the diner food she'd served all day. And Chinese food. Alex was about to pull away so she could eat her spicy Mongolian beef, but Diane trapped her with a strong arm. Then, she was being squeezed along with Nicky, Diane frizzing both of their heads before shoving them off her.

"Get off me. I'm tryna eat." She grinned, eyes full of mirth.

-END FLASHBACK-

A/N: I wanted to remind someone, (she knows who she is) that I love her regardless of it all. I said I'd be giving her a special shout out but I'm not sure it matters, either way. ANYWAY, please review and let me know what you think. -SK


	9. Acceptance

A/N: Good Morning, everyone. Thanks for all the kind reviews for the last chapter, so far. I'm gonna go ahead and give you guys chapter 9 now, because I don't know if I'll be able to update next weekend or not. By the way, I do know that both Piper and Alex are a little bit out of character, but it's just what happened when I started to write this. Also, I do not own these characters. If I did, I'd be rich and that is certainly not the case. By any means. Enjoy.

Winter Roses

 **From Alex:** Do you know where that bottle of wine went? It was on the table by my bed but I can't find it.

Piper read the text twice, hoping it would say something different the second time around. She had hoped that Alex wouldn't notice at all, but if she did, that it would be much later in the day. It wasn't even noon yet. Piper motioned for Polly to stop talking for a second so she could think clearly. Should she apologize for not being there when Alex woke up and just ignore the question the brunette had asked? Maybe she should just admit it and see how Alex responded, that way she could judge just how bad the girl's drinking actually was.

 **To Alex:** I took it. Eat breakfast. I'm sure your body would appreciate it after the workout I gave you last night. ;)

The blonde hit send before she could talk herself out of it. Was the winky face overdoing it? Was the cocky flirting too much? Should she even be flirting with the girl? Piper sighed and shoved her phone back in her pocket. Polly hadn't stopped gabbing the entire morning. Not even when Piper had asked her to.

"Polly. Do you ever just.. Stop?"

The shorter girl tilted her head at Piper, not unlike a confused puppy, and quirked a brow. "Stop what?"

"Talking." Piper rolled her eyes, "And can we be done? Because we've been in this store for a billion years. I have stuff to do that doesn't involve walking around in circles and buying things for people I don't even like."

Polly placed a sweater in the cart and eyed her best friend. "Who don't you like that you're buying stuff for?"

"Mother." Piper grumbled, pushing the cart towards the check out line.

"Carol's not so bad once she's drunk enough." Polly supplied, "Do your other plans involve a certain tall, dark and troubled neighbor of yours?"

Piper frowned, "Yes, actually.. Pol, I don't know what to do." Her voice dropped to a whisper, "I fucked her last night."

"Okay. Ew. I already knew that. What's the problem? Did you not specify before it happened that you guys weren't a.. thing?" Polly asked, less quietly.

"It just kind of.. Happened. But I wanted to, ya know?"

"Gross."

"No, I mean I.. I wanted it to be more. I guess. I wanted to make her feel better and I.." Piper shook her head in frustration, "She was really upset. It bothered me and I think.. I think I _do_ have feelings for her but I'm afraid that if we tried it wouldn't work because she's so.."

"Fucked up?"

"She wasn't like that at first.. I mean, I guess she kind of was. I just didn't know how bad it was. Then, that _stupid_ man.." Piper felt her temper riling up and gripped the cart handle until her knuckles were white. "He just.. _Hurt_ her like that and.. I want to kill him. Whoever he is."

"Calm down, Pipe. C'mon. Let's get out of here and we can talk more in the cab." Polly said, knowing Piper well enough to see the anger blooming fresh and red in her eyes.

Once they'd checked out, the girls caught a taxi and Polly gave the driver Piper's address. She always left her Christmas gifts for Pete at Piper's house so the man couldn't find them like he had the first time, years before. They sat in silence for a few minutes, which was unusual.

Piper checked her phone, but there wasn't a response from the woman currently plagueing her thoughts. Maybe the text she'd sent was the wrong thing to say. She reread it and huffed. Foot in mouth even via text, it seemed.

"So.. Tell me what you _do_ like about Alex." Polly said, hoping to come up with some sort of plan for Piper.

"Alex is really sweet. It's funny, actually. She was almost cocky, at first. Then, she was just kind of shy. Always messing with her glasses in this adorable way. She's easy to talk to when the subject is right. We talked for hours at Red's. Then on our date we kept making each other laugh. We wen't and looked at books and she's read a lot of the same stuff that I have. I dunno, Pol. It's like something just _clicked_ when I ran into her. And it hasn't.. _un_ clicked, I'm just seeing past the fake confidence and figuring out why she's so all over the place.." Piper rambled on, "Alex is bipolar. Like, _severe_. And they have medicine for that, but she's not on anything."

Polly rose her brows, "But isn't she loaded? She could afford it"

"I don't know about loaded, but she doesn't work. And somehow still has a place to live. Maybe her mom was rich." Piper mumbled.

"Is her mom dead?"

Piper nodded. "I don't know any details, though."

"You could ask."

Piper shook her head, "No, I have a feeling that she'll tell me that when she's ready. I'm afraid of asking questions that will make her sad. Because she doesn't get just a _little_ sad. It's like it's happening all over again. Last night, I'm not even sure what she got upset about. But she did. And then we.. Well, _I_ changed the subject."

"I don't know what to tell you, Pipe. I mean, she did get _you_ flowers, even though she's the one who got hurt last time. But if you don't think you can handle someone with as many problems as she has, I'd explain that to her. That way she doesn't think it's something that it isn't." The brunette shrugged, "But if you do decide to keep her in the friend zone, remember that she's not on my level. Got it?"

Piper smiled weakly, but it fell quickly when her phone vibrated, a text from Alex coming through. Polly snatched her phone and opened the text before Piper even figured out what was happening. The dark eyed girl read the text quickly, turning away from Piper to guard the cell phone.

 **From Alex:** Are you hungry? I accidentally ordered too much Chinese food. Also, the workout session last night left bruises. And hickies.

Polly made a gagging sound and tossed the phone back to her friend, who read it and blushed, furiously. She chanced a look over at Polly, who wiggled her brows jokingly, "Bruises _and_ hickies?"

"Shut up. I didn't mean to bruise her."

xXxXx

When they got to the building, Polly and Piper took the lift to the 7th floor, arms loaded with bags full of gifts. They put them away and Polly frowned, rubbing her throat. "Ugh, my throat hurts."

"Mine does a little, too." Piper said, knowing already what had happened. She had shared plenty of germs the night before with Alex, who was sick. And Polly had drank from the wine bottle.

"I hate cold weather. I'm gonna go home and drown myself in flu medicine before this gets any worse. You should do the same. I'll see you in the morning." Polly said before leaving the apartment.

Piper went to the restroom and checked her apearance, making sure she didn't look as worn out as she felt. After relieving herself, she washed her hands and took a dose of medicine to help her throat to stop hurting. It'd be much easier to eat Chinese food if she could swallow without pain. She cleaned up a little and texted Alex, letting her know she would be there momintarily.

"Hey, Phoebe." Piper greeted the fuzzy black cat, scratching behind her ears as she bent down to feed and water the small animal. It seemed like the cat ate more than Piper did.

Piper locked the door behind her and knocked on 715. A few seconds later, Alex opened the door, a shy smile on her face. Piper couldn't stop her eyes from drifting down Alex's body, taking in the sight and commiting it to memory. The dark green sweater fit Alex nicely, showing just enough milky cleavage to be sexy, but not enough to be slutty. She had tight, black skinny jeans on and her feet were in purple socks. Her face, when Piper managed to look back at it, was just as pretty as it always was, with the added flair of the blush spreading across the tall woman's cheeks.

"Hi.." Alex said, moving to the side so Piper could step past her and into her sparsely decorated apartment.

"Hey. It smells great in here." Piper stated, glad that it was warm in Alex's apartment.

"Chinese food has that effect on a place." Alex said, closing the door and walking towards her kitchen. "I don't even know if you'll eat it, but maybe you will. I don't have any chairs. Or an actual dinner table.."

Piper watched as Alex picked up a bag off the counter and walked towards her. The brunette nodded towards the coffee table and Piper realized there were two little pillows on the floor on either end of it. The record player had been moved along with the records, leaving enough room for the girls to eat. The blonde chuckled to herself, "You didn't order too much on accident, did you?"

The dark haired girl averted her green eyes, "I don't know what you're talking about. This was an honest mistake."

"Mmhmm."

Alex tried to hide her smile, but was unable to do so. "Shut up and eat."

Piper sat down at one end of the coffee table and watched the brunette pull containers out of the bag, setting them all in the middle of the table. When the bag was empty, she took it to the trashcan and threw it away before returning with two bottles of water. She sat down across from Piper and handed her a bottle.

"So..?" Piper motioned to the food. "We gotta eat with our hands?"

Alex didn't miss a beat, "Yup."

The blonde furrowed her brow after a few seconds. "You're serious?"

"No, dummy." Alex chuckled, getting up once again. "I guess they didn't give us any chopsticks."

"Us?" Piper grinned, having caught Alex slipping the truth.

"I mean me. They didn't give _me_ any." Alex mumbled, glad she wasn't facing the blonde so Piper wouldn't be able to see how red she was. She gathered 2 forks and grabbed some napkins before making her way back to the living room, where Piper was sat grinning at her like the Cheshire cat.

"You totally ordered both of us food." Piper said softly, admiring how adorable Alex was being about the situation. It was the total oposite of how it'd been when Larry had ordered her that stupid salad. There were several different types of food to choose from and Alex was so shy about the whole thing, not boasting about it or acting like she'd done Piper a favor.

Alex sighed, a nervous smile tugging at her lips as she sat down. "Okay. Maybe I did. But it's doesn't have to be a big deal."

Piper took her fork and opened up a carton, smiling when she realized it was chicken fried rice. Simple and tasty. She opened another to find lo mein noodles. After opening them all she found that there were 2 containers of everything and separated them amongst herself and Alex. Piper pointed at the brunette with her fork, "You better eat all of that."

Alex smiled, "I'll try."

Several minutes passed while the girls ate the food, light conversation flowing easily between them. Neither brought up the night before, but Piper knew it was something they needed to talk about. She kept noticing the dark hicky on Alex's throat, remembering how she'd put it there. Every once in a while she'd catch green eyes looking at her, but Alex would look away quickly.

Finally, Piper broached the subject. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Heat flooded Alex's cheeks yet again and she quirked her brows, not daring to look up. "Yeah. Thank you for, uh.. Staying over."

Piper nodded, trying to figure out what she wanted to do about this situation. Did she want to try with this woman? Alex had already made it obvious that, that is what she wanted. Or at least that's how it seemed. "Al,"

"We don't have to talk about it." Alex said, quietly.

"Yes, we do." Piper stated, "We can't just sleep together and then go about like nothing happened."

Alex put her fork down, her voice soft. "A lot of people do that. But, you're right. You fucked me last night. Do you regret it, now?"

Piper responded quickly, "No, I don't regret it. But I think we should figure out what this," she motioned between them, "Is all about. Like, what are we doing?"

"What do you want us to do?" Alex asked, the nerves she was trying to hide were coming to the surface. Anxiety and fear and sadness all jumbled up in her brain.

"I don't know. What if we try and I'm not.. I'm not enough for you?"

"What do you mean?" Alex questioned, confusion clear on her face, as if that thought had never crossed her mind.

"Enough to make you happy. You're so _sad_ , Alex." Piper said, hating the way the girl across from her furrowed her brows and looked down. "You're still an amazing person, and I _do_ care about you. But what if I can't help you?"

"You already help me. I thought you knew that, I guess." The brunette quietly admitted. "You make me feel better. I haven't ever.. I'm not.. I don't know." She shook her head, frustrated. "I've never felt about anyone the way I do about you. And I know it's already been one thing after the other, but I think it would work if we both really tried. It wouldn't be one sided. You wouldn't be doing all the work, Pipes."

Piper's heart fluttered at Alex's words and she felt something else click within her. If they both tried- if they were _both_ putting in the effort, it could really work. She wouldn't have to do everything. Alex would be trying just as hard. Piper looked at the raven haired girl across from her. Alex was rubbing at her bottom lip, something that Piper had figured out was another nervous gesture.

"I can't convince you." Alex continued, shrugging. "I don't want to have to talk someone into being with me. But if you decide you want to try for _real_ , tell me. And if not.." She shook her head a little and shrugged again, "If not, tell me that, too. I don't want to be stuck in the middle and not know which way is up, y'know? It's confusing and it hurts."

"I know." Piper responded. She took a drink of her water and wiped her mouth with her napkin. It was quiet again for a few moments, as Piper tried to figure out if they could truly make it. In the end, either it'd blow up in their faces and cause even more heartache, or it would blossom into a full blown romantic apocalypse.

"I really thought you felt it, too." Alex said in an amost whisper, staring down at her food with a forlorn look on her beautiful face.

Piper moved quickly, reaching Alex's side before the girl knew what was going on. She didn't want to see Alex upset anymore. She didn't want the woman to think she didn't feel the connection they'd formed. Didn't want her to have that deep sadness flooding her eyes because she thought she wasn't wanted. Piper pulled Alex's face to her own in a firm, yet soft grip. She kissed her gently, as if she were afraid the brunette would fall apart if she was too rough.

Alex inhaled deeply, her own hands coming to rest on top of the blonde's as she kissed her back. Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest and her belly felt like it was full of butterflies. Piper always had that affect on her, but now that she knew the girl did want to try, it was almost overwhelming. Alex was _happy_. So happy that it was threatening to leak from her eyes. In the back of her mind she knew that it still might not work out, but the fact of the matter was that Piper was kissing her and that had to be a good sign.

"I do feel it," Piper whispered, leaning her forehead against Alex's. "This.. Whatever it is."

The dark haired girl smiled, her hands still overlapping Piper's on her face. She didn't know how to talk about what she was feeling, and so she just decided to express herself physically, as per usual. She tilted her head and found the blonde's soft mouth, which she kissed tenderly. Piper responded just as gently, her chest filling up with emotion at the way Alex was treating her like some precious thing. After several long moments, Piper moved her lips to Alex's cheek and sighed in content.

"Alex," Piper said, pulling back enough to properly see the brunette's face. Alex pushed her glasses up to the top of her head since Piper was close enough to see clearly and rose her brows in question.

"I do want to try." Piper said, studying the greyish green eyes in front of her to make sure Alex knew she wasn't kidding. "But you have to let me in. I want to help you in any way that I can. I don't like that you're so sad. Maybe if you talked to me about what's bothering you, it would help."

Alex held the eye contact for a few seconds before looking down, her brows pulled together. She didn't know how to talk about her problems. The only people she'd ever spoken to about them were gone; one in prison and one dead. And even then, Alex had only been able to state facts. Events. Not what she was feeling in detail. She could tell them the basics, like if she was angry, anxious, sad.. But explaining the reason 'why' had always been the problem.

"If you want this," Piper explained, "You have to try."

Alex looked up, anxiety all over her face. "I don't know how."

"Hey.." The blonde pushed dark hair behind Alex's ear and lifted her chin up so that they were face to face. "I'm not gonna bail on you just because you don't know how. You just have to promise me that you'll try. This weird _connection_ that we have is too strong for me to just leave. You were the one that walked away before."

Green eyes darkened and Alex looked away, "Because I thought you were only helping me because it was the _right_ thing to do. You hurt my feelings. I know that sounds really childish, but when you said all that shit it just made me feel.. I just.. I don't know."

Piper frowned, "I'm sorry for saying you were the one to walk away. I know it was my fault. I would have done the same thing, honestly. So, let's start over. But first, do you promise to at least try to let me in? I want to know how you feel about things, Al. And I want to know about your friend Nicky and even your mom and dad. I want you to tell me why you cry so much and why you drink yourself under the table every night. And then maybe we could move forward, together. You try to open up to me and I'll try to control my foot-in-mouth disease."

"You do have a pretty serious case of that." Alex mumbled.

"It gets me into trouble nearly as often as my temper." Piper agreed. She waited quietly for Alex to answer her, not willing to let this opportunity pass her by again.

"I'll try." Alex finally said, knowing the blonde wasn't going to stop watching her like a hawk until she gave in.

"You promise?"

"Yes, I promise." Alex couldn't help but grin at the look on the younger girl's face. All huge, bright eyes and an even bigger smile. As soon as the words left her lips, Alex was tackled to the floor by an overly enthusiastic blonde. Piper was lying on top of the brunette, kissing her fiercly with all she had.

Alex smiled into the kiss, loving how Piper seemed to really want to try with her. She'd never had a girlfriend before and didn't really know the rules, but if all she had to do was be faithful to the blonde and try to open up, she'd do it. Piper felt perfect lying on top of her, kissing her so deeply. Every time the blonde kissed her like that, it made Alex's entire body tingle in anticipation and heat to spread like wildfire through her veins straight to her core. Alex caught Piper's lip between her teeth and tugged, her hands on Piper's waist. She was trying to keep herself in check, but Alex really wanted to repay Piper for what she'd done the night before.

When Piper moved her lips to Alex's jaw and ear, the dark haired girl shivered. Piper nibbled on her ear, loving the effect she had on the beautiful woman beneath her. Alex's hands, which Piper had noticed had been in the same spot on her waist, squeezed a little and moved up her back underneath her shirt, fingertips pressing firmly into her skin. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Piper knew they should focus on getting to know one another better in a different way, but her body had different ideas. Piper held herself up with her hands on either side of Alex and bit her just below her ear, pressing herself between Alex's legs at the same time.

Piper got chills when the other girl let out a small growl. Then, she was suddenly the one on bottom. Alex had rolled them over so quickly that Piper had hardly registered it at all. Long, ebony hair framed Alex's face and hung down around their faces, forming a sort of curtain. Piper's own hair was pulled up in a loose bun or she was sure it'd have done the same thing. She blinked up at Alex, a thrill running through her at this sudden show of dominance. Piper had known from their first kiss that Alex was capable of it, but hadn't seen much behavior like this from the brunette since then. She didn't have much time to think about it, though, as out of nowhere they were kissing again, hot and heavy.

When they pulled apart long enough to catch their breath, Alex was searching Piper's deep blue eyes for any hint that the blonde didn't want to go any further. To her delight, the girl held her eyes and pulled off her black thermal top, revealing a white lace bra. Alex wasted no time in pulling the blonde up enough to get her hand to the back of the stupid thing so she could get rid of it. She tugged it off and tossed it to the side before pulling her own top off, the sweater landing in a corner somewhere. She roughly yanked her glasses off the top of her head and sat them on the coffee table, glad it was close by for that reason alone.

Piper sat up beneath her and unclasped her purple bra, helping Alex get her long arms out of the straps. Alex's head fell back when Piper's mouth went straight to her breasts, her hands kneading while her lips sucked. It seemed as though the blonde had a thing for the piercings, as she kept tugging at them with her teeth. It drove Alex mad, and she knew she was already very wet. But this wasn't about her. The dark haired girl pulled Piper's face to her own and kissed her again, leaning her back down in the process. Alex moved so that she was beside the blonde, her right hand free to caress the small breasts offered to her while she propped herself up with her left elbow. Piper had taken her time pleasing Alex, and she wanted to do the same for the gorgeous girl.

"I don't want you to slow down." Piper had other plans. She simply wanted the brunette to fuck her. They had time for slow and romantic later.

Alex pulled back to look at Piper, trying to see what exactly she meant. Piper's eyes were nearly black, the blue just barely lining the inky black of the blown out pupils. A smirk tugged at Alex's lips. She knew what Piper wanted. Alex would prefer her bed to the floor, but something about fucking Piper right there in the living room made Alex shiver. She arched a single brow, smirk still pulling the corners of her mouth up just enough to be noticeable. Alex held eye contact as her hand expertly set about unbuttoning and unzipping the tight blue jeans the blonde was wearing. Piper's hands pulled Alex back down and she kissed her hard, thin fingers tangling in coal black tresses.

Piper's pants were too tight.

The brunette couldn't get her hand far enough down the front to do anything useful besides rub the blonde's clit, and even that was difficult. Piper seemed to notice the issue and broke the kiss so she could rid herself of the jeans. She was pretty sure she would burn them after they'd so blatantly acted as a deterrant to Alex's probably very skilled hand. The blonde shoved them roughly down her hips, her panties going with them. She kicked the jeans away, leaving herself naked on the floor, breathing heavily from both the effort of getting her jeans off and how turned on she was. Alex's mouth found her own and they resumed as if nothing had happened.

Alex ran her hand all over the thin, toned form below her. She rubbed the pad of her thumb over the blonde's nipples, causing them to stand at attention. Piper sighed into their kiss, loving how Alex's hand felt, but wanting it elsewhere. Lower, to be frank. She didn't have to say anything, though, as Alex's hand was there a second later. Long, dexterous fingers slid between her legs and Piper whimpered at the contact, her hips jutting upwards to try and create friction. Alex smiled into the kiss, a low chuckle coming from her chest. It was a sound Piper loved, but she didn't have time to dwell on that, as those fingers were pushing slowly inside her.

"Oh, fuck." Piper whispered, breaking away so she could gasp.

Piper's arms wrapped around Alex, her short nails digging into the alabaster skin. Alex may have started off slow, but her fingers were steadily picking up the pace and the thrusts were getting harder. The older girl began kissing down Piper's body, focusing on her nipples while her hand continued to work Piper from the inside out. The image of Alex trailing her mouth down Piper's body was making the blonde's heart flutter wildly. She'd had sex with girls before, so she knew it wasn't just because of Alex's gender. It was more than what was happening. It was _who_ was doing it. Alex, a girl so troubled and so beautiful, but also somehow brave. Something about the girl just did weird things to Piper's heart.

Her eyes closed tightly and she moaned when Alex's tongue found it's way between her legs. Piper's hands flew to Alex's hair and she clenched it into her fists, holding the brunette in place. It felt too good to even give Alex the choice of pulling away. The hot, wet tongue was circling her bundle of nerves quickly, then Piper could feel Alex making some unknown pattern, then circling in the other direction. Her hand continued to fuck Piper roughly, fingers stroking the g-spot over and over again. Piper wouldn't deny that Alex was better with her fingers than any man she'd slept with had been with his dick.

Alex could feel Piper tightening around her fingers, her muscles quivering and the moans of pleasure louder and closer together. Piper was certainly the most vocal girl she'd ever been with, but Alex liked it. She kept her tongue going while her left hand lifted Piper's thigh over her shoulder, resting it there and gripping it firmly. Alex flattened her tongue and licked Piper roughly before grazing her teeth over the girl's clit. Piper whimpered before crying out as Alex began sucking on it, her long fingers pumping in and out of her roughly, every forward thrust perfectly massaging her g-spot. It was more than enough.

" _Fuck_.. I'm cumming- I'm cumming." Piper growled, grinding her hips and arching her back, her hands pulling harshly at Alex's hair.

The brunette held onto Piper's thigh with her left hand while the right kept at the fast, steady assault to the blonde's core. She did her best to keep her mouth in place, but Piper wasn't easy to keep up with when she was writhing around like a snake under Alex's touch.

Piper could swear she saw stars. Her eyes might have been shut but there had been bright, white explosions. She could both see and feel them. Her body felt like there was electricity buzzing through her, all stemming from where Alex was busy pleasuring her. One tiny explosion connected to a hundred more, a domino effect of sorts, starting from her core and pulsing violently through her body, leaving in the form of chillbumps, muscle twitches, and moans that rose from deep within her chest. Piper could feel her pleasure leaking out of her, as well, Alex's fingers becoming even more wet.

When Piper started to come down, Alex helped her by slowing her movements down gradually, but not stopping until Piper had stopped jolting and crying out. Alex let her fingers remain for a few moments before gently easing them out of Piper's core. Once free, she licked her hand clean before doing the same to Piper's center. The blonde shivered at the intimacy of the act, never having experienced someone clean her before. Alex wiped her mouth on her shoulder and moved to lay beside the blonde, the smirk no longer in place.

Alex simply looked at the blonde, admiring her beauty before she kissed Piper softly on the lips. "You're so beautiful, Piper."

Blue eyes fluttered open and met green. Piper simply looked at the girl for several moments before speaking her mind, "You are, too."

xXxXx

A/N: Reviews greatly appreciated. Any ideas or thoughts, let me know. -SK


	10. What Is This?

A/N: Hey, everyone. Sorry it took so long to get this posted. I had a minor case of writer's block and so it took me a while to actually get this one written down. Some important stuff happens in this one, so there's that. Here's chapter 10.

Winter Roses

The next morning when Piper arrived to work, Polly was already there getting everything set up for the day. The shorter of the 2 looked up from behind the bar and gave her usual greeting to the blonde as she made her way into their small store. Polly immediately noticed a difference in Piper's mood, as the girl was smiling brightly, a coffee in each hand.

"You're smiling."

Piper rolled her eyes, "I am allowed to do that, you know."

"Yes, but usually when you walk in, you're all 'resting-bitch-face'. I bet it's got to do with Alex. I know you 2 hung out yesterday. Did you decide what you're going to do? Besides fuck each other, even though that's _obviously_ still going on." Polly said, straightening up a display of gently used books.

Piper sat her friend's French Vanilla coffee down before taking a deep drink of her own. She met Polly's big, brown eyes and sighed. "You really are nosey."

"You can't tell me all the crap you told me yesterday and expect me not to ask what happened!" Polly exclaimed, "So spill. I already know you got laid because you didn't deny it. What did you decide to do? Unless all you decided to do was be fuck buddies. In that case-"

"I want to give it a shot." Piper stated, waiting to see how her best friend would react to that fact. Piper wanted her support, even though she doubted Polly and Alex would ever get along.

Polly blinked at Piper, considering her words carefully. "You're sure? Do you think you can.. I dunno.. Handle it?"

Piper shrugged, sitting down on the arm of an old leather love seat they'd bought for their customers to sit on while they read. "I _want_ to be able to. That's got to count for something, right?"

The brunette remained quiet, knowing Piper would say more.

"I mean, I really do like her. There's this weird connection that I have with her. I can't explain it, Pol. She feels it, too. I know we haven't really spent a lot of time together, but it _feels_ like we have. And when we do, it's just like.. _That's_ where I'm supposed to be. Anywhere she is." Piper said, her voice full of conviction. "We did sleep together yesterday. She, uh.. Returned the favor in the floor, then we went to her room. I've never felt anything like that, before."

"Gross."

"No, I mean it was more than physical. Afterwards we just talked about random stuff. I got her to tell me about her friend Nicky. She's trying to open up to me. Maybe it'll help her." Piper finished, picking at the fabric of her sweater.

"So, what's she like, then? Once you get away from all the depression?" Polly questioned, going about her usual routine of tidying up the place before they opened in about an hours time.

"I've already told you."

"I know. But like.. If you're gonna be together, we'll eventually be around one another and I wanna know what to prepare myself for. The only time I've ever seen the girl, she was _not_ a happy camper and I'm sure she probably heard me in your living room." Polly shrugged, "I just dont wanna get jumped, ya know? By some crazy amazon broad, of all people."

Piper took a drink of her coffee and sighed. "You're not her favorite person, that's true. She already knows you're a bitch."

"Hey!" Polly whined, shocked Piper would say that.

"Oh, shut up. You know it's true. Alex just remembers what you were saying about her before you ever met her. I doubt she'd ever go after you, though. She's not that kind of person. Just maybe apologize to her. Try and get to know her yourself. I want you 2 to get along. I'd love that." Piper said as she gave Polly her best Bambi eyes.

"That requires us being around one another. So maybe we all three could hang out at your place sometime?" Polly questioned before having a minature coughing fit. Her throat hurt and she felt so sleepy and conjested. "Gosh, I forgot to take anything this morning. Are you sick, too?"

"My throat hurts but no coughing, yet." Piper replied, setting up the til behind the counter.

"Lucky. I'm gonna go grab some cold medicine real quick, okay?" Polly said, bundling up in her thick black coat, a hat and a scarf.

Piper nodded and continued about getting the store ready to open within the next hour. She thought about how she'd left Alex in bed that morning. They'd been just as tangled as the first time, just as naked. Piper blushed at the memories of what all Alex had done to her the night before. How she'd made her feel so much more than she had realized was possible. The blonde regretted not reciprocating at all during the day or the night, but Alex had told her not to. That it was about Piper. And so Alex had made love to her multiple times throughout the rest of the day. Some times, like the first, were fast and almost rough. Other times.. Piper shivered how Alex had taken her time and watched her with those clear, green eyes as she had come undone over and over.

"What's got you blushing?" A familiar, low and husky voice asked from nearby.

Piper snapped her head to the side, jumping when she realized that the person she'd been thinking so deeply about was only about a yard away. Smiling like a shy little kid, fidgeting with her glasses and trying to hold eye contact.

"Gosh, Alex. How'd you find me?" Piper questioned, smiling and moving towards Alex. The brunette wrapped her arms around her and rested her chin on Piper's shoulder.

"I looked it up. I'm sure you've heard about Google." Alex mumbled, breathing in Piper's honey and vanilla scent. "I hope it isn't weird. I just wanted to see you and finally see this little shop you told me about."

"It's not weird, Al." Piper smiled, kissing Alex's shoulder before pulling away and kissing her on the lips. God, it felt so good just to kiss this woman. "I'm glad you came by. I hated having to leave you there alone, again. You're just too cute to wake up."

"I did wake up. When you left I got cold because you weren't there beside me anymore." Alex murmered, smiling timidly before pushing her glasses to the top of her head and looking around in an attempt to find something else to focus on. Something besides how embarrassing that last statement she'd made had sounded out loud. So much for not coming across as pathetic. Who was she kidding, though? Alex knew she'd probably killed any chance of Piper seeing her as anything besides that.

Piper studied Alex's face, taking note of how obvious it was that Alex was over thinking what she'd said. The blonde looked closely at the dark haired girl, finding it adorable the way she was squinting around even though her glasses were on top of her dark hair. Alex still had her hands resting on Piper's waist, thumbs running smoothly over the fabric there as she looked around. The blonde took the time to admire her.. Alex. And her heart did a weird fluttering thing.

Alex was beautiful.

Her physical appearance was certainly appealing; that long dark hair pulled up into a messy bun, a pen stuck through the silky, ebony twists to keep it in place. She was wearing her worn, leather jacket, a plain white t-shirt beneath it, hinding the ring Piper knew hung from the necklace around her neck. The pants were faded light blue denim, a little worn on the knees and stained with what looked like black ink here and there. They fit her perfectly. On her feet were the scuffed up combat boots she'd been wearing _that_ night. Alex's cheeks and nose were a little red from the cold outside, her lips a perfect natural shade of dark pink. Almost red. Piper wondered at how she'd somehow managed to get Alex's attention at all. The girl could probably have anyone she wanted. Piper knew that Alex wasn't like that, though. Or at least she didn't think she was.

"Want me to show you around?" Piper asked, grinning as she'd successfully startled Alex out of her thoughts.

The brunette flushed and a hand went to her mouth, rubbing at her bottom lip, where just the faintest hint of a scar could be seen. She nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, that'd be cool."

Piper's dark brows furrowed and she reached up, pulling the hand away from Alex's full, soft lips. She traced her thumb over where there had once been a wound, blue eyes taking in the way Alex's lips parted under her touch. Piper looked up and her gaze locked with the taller girl. Alex moved the hand Piper wasn't holding, her gentle fingertips ghosting over Piper's neck before pulling the blonde towards her. Their lips met tenderly, the kiss slow and timid when it happened, though it certainly wasn't the first time they'd kissed. Soon, though, it deepened and Piper had to pull away to breathe. She didn't get far, as Alex caught her; kissing her again, not wanting the blonde's mouth to leave her own, just yet.

After a few more moments of simply standing there in the middle of the little shop kissing, Alex let the kiss come to a natural end and didn't try to restart the fire. The taller of the two hugged the blonde tightly to her and kissed her forehead. She inhaled the scent of Piper's hair and smiled to herself. Alex was content to never release Piper from her embrace, but knew she needed to.

"This is the cutest thing I have ever seen." A voice said from close to the store's entrance.

Both Alex and Piper quickly turned towards where it had come from, spotting Polly standing there with a brown paper bag. Her hair was a bit unkempt, her hat all but falling off her head. Her nose was red, from both her cold and _the_ cold. The shorter brunette made an attempt at smiling at Alex, but the long legged woman simply blinked at her.

Piper kissed Alex on the corner of her mouth and squeezed her hand before pulling away. "I've got everything ready to go. Alex just came by to see Popi in action." She smiled bashfully at her best friend, hoping Polly had only seen the hug and not the mini-makeout.

Polly bit her tongue, wanting to make jokes but not sure if she should in front of Alex, who had yet to smile at her or speak. She was just kind of wandering around the front of the store, picking up random things, looking them over and putting them back exactly where she'd found them, in the same position they'd been in before she'd inspected them. Polly quirked a brow at the blonde and then nodded her head towards Alex in question. Her best friend shrugged before walking towards Alex. Polly watched as Alex met Piper's eyes and smiled at her, warmth radiating from the young woman's eyes. Polly knew by that smile that Alex was already falling fast for her best friend and that it would be more likely that Piper would hurt Alex than the other way around. Still..

"Alex, can I talk to you for a second?" Polly forced herself to ask.

Alex stared at Polly for several long seconds before flitting her eyes back towards Piper. The blonde shrugged and gave her a reassuring smile, even though she was not entirely sure what Polly wanted to speak to Alex about. Alex kissed Piper's knuckles before walking slowly towards Polly. She already had a feeling what Polly may want to discuss.

Polly led the taller girl to her office/store room and sat on the edge of her crowded desk. Alex looked around before sitting in what she assumed was Polly's chair, causing the other woman to have to stand up and turn around in order to face her. Polly was flustered, but Alex didn't give a fuck.

The brown eyed woman eyed Alex closely, wondering if she was now Piper's girlfriend, or still just her friend with benifits. What did 'wanting to try' even mean? Either way, this conversation needed to be had since it seemed like the girl was going to be around for a while. Polly smiled tightly at the long legged girl. Alex was lent back in the chair, right leg crossed over the left at the thigh, her arms crossed over her chest. Her green eyes were almost glaring at Polly from behind the secretary frames. Polly guessed from the way Alex looked right then, that she'd probably gotten in trouble a lot as a young girl. Maybe she'd even stolen the principal's chair, as well.

"Look," Polly sighed, pulling her scarf from where it hung loosely around her neck. She hung it up on the coat rack before taking her jacket off to hang there as well, followed by her hat. "I know we got off on the wrong foot."

Alex remained silent, staring at the tiny brunette in front of her. She didn't want to be in this room, right now. All she had come to Popi for was to see Piper and see the place the young blonde was so fond of. Alex hadn't come with the intention or desire to speak to fucking Holly. And if the girl was trying to apologize, she was taking too fucking long. Alex had planned to suprize Nicky with a visit, and had wanted to be in a good mood. However, that seemed unlikely, as she was already ready to knock the girl in front of her's teeth down her throat.

She shouldn't do that.

Right?

Polly fidgeted with her fingers, having hoped Alex would respond in some way. Instead, the black haired woman had simply blinked at her, green eyes sharp. "So, I wanted to apologize. For talking shit before I even met you."

Alex quirked her brows, finally speaking, her voice light and even. "That it? Can I go, now?"

Brown eyes averted green, "Actually, there was something else."

Alex sighed and motioned for Molly or what-the-fuck-ever her name was to hurry up. She didn't want to lose her temper on Piper's best friend. Then the bitch would probably talk Piper into breaking it off with Alex. Whatever it was that they were. Lovers? Girlfriends?

"Are you and Piper together?" Polly questioned, hoping Alex could give her a straight anser.

Green eyes focused on Alex's hands for a second before she pushed her glasses to the top of her head and shrugged at Polly. "I dunno. Maybe. Don't really see how it's any of your business."

Polly's eyes narrowed. "It's my business because she's my best friend and if you hurt her.."

Alex clenched her jaw, anger begging to be take over.

"If you hurt her, I will hurt you back. Got it?"

Alex stood up quickly and rounded the desk, stopping just when she was close enough to tower over Polly. "D'you really think I'd do that?" She questioned, her voice dark and threatening.

Polly held her ground and glared up at the tall woman. "I don't know. I don't know what your intentions are or how you really feel about her."

"Know this," Alex began, steely eyes focused firmly on Polly. "I don't have bad intentions. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want _you_ to fuck it up for me just because you think you know me and you think I'm not worth it."

The dark eyed girl waited, knowing Alex had more to say.

"I have no desire to hurt Piper. She makes me happy. If I ever do somehow manage to cause Piper harm, you've got my permission to kick my ass. But I can promise you that I'll get to me first. And whatever you plan to do wont compare to what I'll do to myself." Alex stated, eyes searching Polly's, making sure her words registered in the smaller woman's pea sized brain.

Polly gulped and looked away, sensing the truth in Alex's words. "But you barely know her."

Alex stepped back and sighed, "I know her better than you think. So-"

"Are you falling in love with her?" Polly blurted, eyes going wide once the question had escaped her lips without her permission. Sure, she wanted to know the answer, but she hadn't intended to actually ask the question.

Alex's face softened slowly, her eyes going from narrowed with anger to clear and honest vulnerability. Polly watched as the taller woman played with a dull, metal button on her leather jacket, her face displaying how hard she was thinking about the answer to Polly's rather abrupt question. Finally, Alex looked back at Polly, brows quirked upwards just a fraction.

She nodded.

"Yeah," Alex said softly, watching Polly, waiting for the shorter woman to say something to deter her heart.

Polly knew it was true from the way Alex had looked and sounded when she'd given her answer. This tall, gorgeous, somewhat intemidating and very confusing fuck-up was falling hard for her best friend. Polly decided quickly that this was better than Alex using Piper, even if Piper might only break her heart in the end. Alex rubbed at her lower lip, eyes darting around as Polly continued to stare at her.

"Well," Polly said, "Guess I won't have to kick your ass, then.. Have you told her?"

Alex shook her head, speaking softly. "No. She's not ready to hear that. I shouldn't even be feeling it, yet."

"But you do?"

"Mmhmm."

Polly opened her office door, "Give her a little time. You're already all she talks about."

Alex blushed at Polly's words and looked away. She put her glasses back on and quickly left the small room, not offering the other woman any parting words. She was going to be in the store for a few more minutes, anyway.

Piper heard footsteps and quickly pretended to be busying herself with fixing the coffee machine up so it'd have the hot beverage ready and waiting for when customers began coming in. She looked up and saw Alex walking towards her, the tall woman's face blank of all emotion. Piper offered her a smile and was relieved when Alex returned it.

"She give you the good ol' 'best friend' speach?" Piper questioned, her body automatically leaning into Alex's when the taller woman reached her.

Alex smirked, "Said she'd kick my ass and all that, yeah."

The blonde chuckled, "Please, she couldn't take you if she tried."

"She won't ever have a reason to try." Alex mumbled, eyes locking with Piper's for a brief moment before she looked away, her cheeks burning yet again. She was such a fucking sap! Alex had never been this way with another person before, but with Piper she just.. Piper was different.

Piper's heart fluttered in her chest at Alex's words. A huge smile began taking over her face and she tried to hide it by biting her lips and looking down. Alex pulled Piper close to her and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. She kissed the blonde's cheek and held her for a few more long seconds before pulling away.

"I'm gonna go see Nicky today.." Alex said, softly.

"That's awesome! I'm sure she'll be glad to see you, Al." Piper said, truly happy that Alex was going to do something besides sit in her room all day. If she was going to go see her friend, that meant she probably wouldn't drink. And counting the day before, that'd make 2 days that Alex was alcohol free.

"I want to tell her about you." Alex stated, the middle finger of her right hand coming up and rubbing at her bottom lip. The hand then went to her glasses and she adjusted them, nervously.

Piper caught on easily to what Alex really wanted to talk about. Blue eyes flitted past Alex to where Polly was very obviously eavesdropping. Polly caught Piper's eye and after a quick glare, the short brunette wandered to the farthest corner of the store so they could speak in private.

"So tell her," Piper said, pulling Alex's hand away from her mouth when she started to worry the faint scar again. "You don't need my permission."

Alex looked away briefly, face trying to remain blank. When she turned back to Piper, her large, green eyes were filled with worry. "What do I tell her? Are we still just friends? Fuck buddies? Are we dating? I know you said you wanted to try again, but what does that _mean_?"

The blonde hated seeing Alex so unsure of herself. Piper hadn't really thought about it in specific terms, but she knew she didn't plan on dating anyone else while she was trying to make things work out with Alex. So, they were exclusive. And she knew she thought of Alex as more than a friend..

"Tell her your girlfriend says 'hello'." Piper said, holding eye contact.

First, there was shock. But then..

The smile that spread itsellf across Alex's face was brilliant, her eyes alight with a pure happiness that Piper hadn't seen in her before. Piper could've sworn she saw the faintest hint of moisture forming there, but decided to ignore it to take in the way Alex's teeth were showing and her lips were stetched and turned upwards in the most beautiful show of affection. Then, she was being hugged fiercly, her feet lifting off the floor a few inches. When she was sat back down Alex held her face and kissed her firmly on the mouth. Piper responded, her lips moving with Alex's smoothly. The joy seeping from Alex's aura into her own.

Polly cleared her throat loudly before faking a cough. The fake cough turned into a real one and it was all she could do to catch her breath after several seconds of it. Thankfully, once she'd recovered, Polly found that Piper and her tall _girlfriend_ had managed to separate themselves. She wondered briefly if she and Pete looked like that, anymore. All gooey-eyed and lovesick. Polly hoped so, as she was still just as in love with the man as she had been when they'd first met. She knew it was possible to fall in love as quickly as Alex was, because she'd done the same thing.

The brown eyed woman watched as Alex kissed Piper sweetly on the forehead before leaving the store and vanishing into the ever-growing crowd in the street. She hadn't expected a goodbye, but it still annoyed her that she hadn't even recieved a dismissive wave or glance.

"Change the sign while you're over there. Let's get this place opened up." Polly said, walking to the restroom to check her appearance.

Piper flipped the sign in the widow over so that it said 'OPEN' and set their little bell so that it'd ring when someone opened the door. A big, stupid, lopsided grin was plastered across her face and she didn't even care. She was beyond happy, Alex's reaction having melted her heart even more. Also, something about being picked up by the tall woman, even if only for a few seconds, had made her weak in the knees. It reminded her of one of the many times Alex had fucked her the night before. The tall woman had simply picked her up, and carried her to the bed. Just the thought of it gave Piper chills.

"So, she's your girlfriend, now?" Polly asked from behind the blonde, startling the woman and causing her to yelp.

Piper swatted at Polly's arm, but the smile was still firmly in place. "Yes."

"You're absolutely _sure_ it's a good idea?" Polly asked, not just for Piper's sake, but for Alex's as well. She may not particularly like the tall woman, but it was obvious that Alex falling in love with Piper. Polly didn't want to have to see what the woman was like with a broken heart. And, seeing as she lived directly beside Piper, seeing her eventually was basically inevitable.

The blonde's smile faded. "I think it is, yes. I think we could really make it, you know? I told you that we were gonna give it a shot earlier. Why? What'd she say to you? What'd you say to _her_?"

"Nothing, I just didn't know that 'giving it a shot' meant you'd be in an actual monogomous relationship with her. I guess I thought it meant that you guys were gonna work your way towards it and make it official if things were to flow right." Polly shrugged, wanting to say more.

Piper knew her best friend well enough to know the brunette wanted to speak her mind freely. Piper was actually surprized that she hadn't already gone on a tangeant about it all. "Just say what you wanna say, Pol."

Polly sighed, rolling her eyes. "You hate being tied down. You've never been in a relationship for more than a few months with the same person, Pipe. And it's worked for you, so far."

"Okay..?"

"She's crazy about you. It's all over her face and in the way she acts like you put the sun in the sky." Polly stated, frustration in her voice for even having to say this. She didn't owe Alex anything. She didn't even know the girl. "I just.."

"You don't want me to hurt her." Piper concluded, looking out of the shop windows and into the street. The blue eyed woman had no intention of hurting Alex. She was just so dark and mysterious and such a sweetheart when Piper looked past all the other stuff. And _fuck_ , she was so damned attractive _and_ amazing in bed.

"I'm not saying you would."

"I know that, Polly." Piper walked to the register counter and took a drink of her coffee. "But I also know I already care so much more about her than anyone else I've ever been with. I don't want to hurt her. For the first time in my life, I want more. I think I could have that with her."

xXxXx

After the long cab ride to the Litchfield Federal Correctional Facility, Alex took a minute outside to gather her thoughts. She had not seen Nicky in a long time, and hadn't written or spoken to her on the phone in a long while, either. She was nervous about how her friend would react to her. Whether she would be mad at her, or say something about how much weight she'd lost. Alex thought of just catching the the cab before it drove off and returning to New York City, but she knew she needed to see her best friend. Nicky deserved a visit.

Alex went inside and got signed in. After emptying her pockets of her cell phone and wallet, she was instructed to wait in the visiting room while they went to collect Nicky. Alex looked around anxiously, seeing that a few other people were already getting to visit with their friends and loved ones. She got lost in her thoughts of what she would tell Nicky, when she was interrupted by a voice.

"Well, if it aint my imaginary best friend."

Alex's head snapped up and she went wide eyed at the sight of Nicky standing there grinning at her. The tall young woman quickly stood up and rushed to the shorter girl, a strong desire to hug Nicky taking over. Alex was relieved when Nicky squeezed her back just as tightly, slapping Alex's back in a friendly manner. They broke apart after someone shouted at them to sit down.

"I asked the guard who it was and when he said 'a tall, hot, biker chick', I knew it was you. Still makin' 'em drool, Stretch." Nicky stated. "Even if you do look like shit."

Alex averted her forest greens from the deep soulful browns across from her. She didn't want to have this conversation. "Thanks, Nick."

"Ma told me she's only seen you 3 times, lately. Once at the diner with some blonde, once when you chugged her whisky and left drunk as a fuck, and once in november when you told her you were gonna write me back and come see me." Nicky stared at Alex closely. She knew her best friend was a very troubled individual, but that didn't stop her from feeling like Alex was trying to forget about her as well as all the bad shit.

"I've.." Alex fiddled with her glasses. She was rarely ever nervous like this with Nicky, but at the moment she felt like she owed the wild haired girl several apologies and she didn't know where to start.

Nicky waited, staring at the dark haired girl while she rubbed anxiously at her bottom lip. That was a new quirk that Nicky hadn't seen before. She noticed a tiny little scar, the skin a fraction darker right there. "What happened?"

Alex's green eyes went wide and she blinked at Nicky. "What?"

"Your lip. Ya keep touching your lip; what happened to it? I can see a little scar. Not blind as a bat like you are." Nicky said, trying to keep her voice light.

Alex's thin brows quirked upward and she looked away, "Got punched. You know how it goes."

"Damn, Vause. Gotta quit fuckin other people's wives." Nicky chuckled. She wasn't glad Alex got hit, but she was happy that at least Alex was doing _something_. Even if it wasn't good for her physical health.

The green eyed woman forced a smile and shrugged her shoulders. She would rather Nicky think she'd been hit by an angry husband than to have to tell her what had really caused the little mark on the left side of her bottom lip. Alex would tell her.. But not in person. That'd be too difficult. She did, however, want to tell Nicky about Piper. Her girlfriend.

"I'm not, anymore." Alex offered, briefly catching Nicky's eyes.

"What, you celibate now? 'Cause I gotta tell ya, I don't believe that for a minute. You always got a line of chicks waiting for their night with you." Nicky grinned, taking pride in how Alex blushed, a smile spreading across her lips.

"Actually, I have a girlfriend." Alex said, watching as Nicky's smile fell from her face and she looked back at Alex in bewilderment.

"You _what_? No way. You've never had a girlfriend, Alex. Why start when you're almost 30?" Nicky questioned. She knew Alex was telling the truth, though, by the way the black haired girl was fidgeting with her glasses and looking like she was terrified Nicky would say something mean.

"Her name's Piper." Alex mumbled, "I really like her."

Nicky remained silent, in awe of the person sat in front of her. She truly never thought she'd see the day when Alex Vause had a girlfriend. "You oughtta bring her up, sometime. If you like her enough to call her your girlfriend, she must be special. Hey, you heard anything from Lorna? Ma says she doesn't work at the diner anymore."

Alex explained that she hadn't seen Lorna since before she'd gone away for 10 months. Nicky asked Alex to try and find something out and the taller of the pair promised to do so. They spent the rest of the visit talking about how life was for Nicky in the prison. Nicky knew Alex didn't want to talk about anything major on her side, so spent the next little while avoiding heavy topics in order to keep from upsetting her best friend.

When it was time for Alex to leave, she hugged Nicky tightly and swallowed down the emotions as best she could. It was incredibly difficult to have to leave Nicky there and go back home without her. Alex kept it together until she got into a cab headed to New York City. In the car she cried quietly for her friend. Alex blamed herself in a lot of ways for Nicky ending up in prison. The drug she'd sold was the same one Nicky had been caught with, even if Alex hadn't ever sold it to her, personally.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review to let me know what you think so far! I love knowing everyone's thoughts on this little story of mine.


	11. Gravity

A/N: Hey everyone. Wanted to warn you ahead of time that this isn't a happy chapter. But it's necessary to move forward and all that. TRIGGER WARNING being issued right now. Aside from that, thank you guys for all the reviews, follows and favorites. :) There have been several that have made me laugh out loud, causing people to look at me funny. All of them have made me smile, so thanks again. Hold on to your butts.

Winter Roses

Piper knocked on Alex's door, listening for any signs of life on the other side. She'd texted Alex earlier asking her girlfriend to tell her how the visit with Nicky had gone. There hadn't been a reply to the text or a call back from the brunette and it had been hours. Piper had closed the shop up and grabbed them something to eat before making her way to her apartment. Piper placed the food on the counter and fed her cat before heading back out to door #715 to see if Alex was there.

"Alex?" Piper called, trying the knob. It turned easily and she pushed the door open, looking around cautiously. There was anxiety squeezing at her chest like a boa constrictor, making her heart feel like it had to work harder and her lungs ache with the effort of getting a full breath. This was a new feeling, and she did not like it.

Piper had never been this worried about anybody in her entire life. Of course, she'd never really cared for anybody this strongly, either. Not anybody outside her family. Polly was the only person not blood related that she'd formed a true bond with, but Piper still hadn't ever been this _nervous_ over her. Piper wasn't sure why she was so worked up, as she'd seen Alex just that morning and the girl had seemed perfectly fine at the time. Well, as fine as Alex could be. Maybe it was just because Alex hadn't answered her text. Or the phone calls she had made once she'd left the shop to ask Alex what she wanted Piper to pick up for them to eat.

The apartment was quiet, but warm. All the lights were off, the surfaces clean and neat as Piper had learned Alex liked them kept. Piper walked towards the bathroom and Alex's bedroom, noticing the bedroom door was ajar. The blonde silently let herself in, finding Alex curled up beneath the covers on her bed, still as stone.

Panic flooded Piper's veins and she rushed over to the bed, dropping to her knees and reaching forward to touch Alex. She pushed dark hair out of Alex's face, sighing in relief when her lover stirred. Dark brows crinkled and Alex made a small, grumbling sound, frowning. She stretched out, shoving the covers down off her shoulders, exposing her t-shirt clad torso. Alex turned over, still sleeping heavily, not aware of Piper's presence.

Piper smiled at how adorable her girlfriend was. Her long, dark tresses were still in a messy bun, held together this time by a hair tye. It was falling down, strands stuck to Alex's pale, sweaty skin. Piper noticed then, how hot it actually was in the room. She reached forward and pulled the covers off of Alex, revealing she was only in a pair of grey boyshorts. Alex's long, pale legs seemed to run on forever, from her perectly toned calves all the way up to her firm thighs. They met her wide hips, where the white t-shirt was riding up, her abdomen and side partially exposed. The blonde ran her fingertips across the soft, milky flesh of Alex's hip, tracking them across her ribs beneath the shirt.

Alex sighed softly when Piper's sneaky fingers found a piercing and squeezed it gently, a bra very absent. The brunette slowly rolled onto her back, one arm flopping above her head, bent at the elbow, the other remaining by her side, her forearm resting on her belly, hand limp. Her legs were parted slightly, causing Piper's mouth to water. God, how she wanted to touch her. Taste her.

Fuck it.

Piper couldn't resist this opportunity. She caressed the full breast softly, thumb rubbing over the nipple until it was taut. Then, she slowly moved to the other, showing it the same attention. Alex's face was peaceful, her lips parted now, breathing deep and a little shaky. The blonde watched her face as she trailed her fingers gently down Alex's torso. Piper's long fingers slid easily beneath the waistline of Alex's undies, and the brunette inhaled sharply when those fingers slid between her legs. Piper lent forward and kissed Alex's belly, her hand starting to slowly wind her girlfriend up. Alex's legs parted a bit more and she sighed, still completely out.

Fingers circled and rubbed tenderly at the slick, silky skin. Alex was wet and only getting more so by the second. Piper pushed the shirt up with her free hand, uncovering the full breasts. She kissed her way up to them slowly and gently, keeping her fingers slow and steady. It was an uncomfortable position, but it was more than worth it when Alex's breathing hitched and she reached out with her left hand, grasping clumbsily for something to hold on to. Piper sucked tenderly on a taut nub, causing Alex to groan low in her throat. The blonde smiled and moved her lips up Alex's chest and further until she was lightly kissing her jaw and cheek.

Alex moaned when Piper's fingers sped up and the blonde shivered when she felt Alex's hips begin to move slowly. The blonde pulled back to look at Alex's face, half expecting the brunette to be looking at her, but it seemed that her girlfriend was still asleep by the way the hand above her head was twitching. Her brows were pulled together in pleasure, breath coming faster and louder.

Piper took in the sight below her, loving that she was the one causing Alex to feel this good. Moments passed slowly, her hand starting to tire. Piper knew her lover was close, though, so she woudn't dare stop. Alex's legs were starting to shake, the muscles in her abdomen and thighs twitching along with the fingers of her left hand that was loosely gripping the body pillow next to her. Sweat was trickling down her brow into her hairline above her ear.

"C'mon, baby.." Piper murmered quietly, wanting to speed things up. All she could think of was making Alex cum. It's all she wanted to do in the moment. Piper slid her fingers further down before quickly thrusting them deeply inside her girlfriend's core, watching the brunette's face as she did so.

Alex gasped loudly and bolted up, eyes wide and blinking rapidly in the darkness. She didn't know who was in the room with her, didn't know who was touching her. The raven haired woman could see a shadow, but with the darkness and her already compromized vision, she couldn't tell who it was. Alex panicked and scrambled backward, hitting her head against the wall, but didn't stop moving until she was as far away from the shadow as she could get.

Piper was mortified.

"Alex! Alex, it's me. It's Piper." Piper said, quickly. She reached forward to try and touch the other girl, but Alex seemed to be unreachable, flinching away from Piper's touch. _What the fuck did I just do?_ Piper wondered frantically to herself. This was _not_ how that was supposed to go _at all_. God, what had she done?

"Alex.." Piper whispered, regret and a lump in her throat making her voice sound strained. "Alex, _please_. I am _so_ sorry."

Recognition finally dawned and Alex realized the shadow was speaking, and that it sounded like Piper. A million feelings suddenly began overtaking the terror she had been momentarily lost to. Confusion. Shame. Grief. An odd physical pain between her legs that felt horribly familiar. It was all too much to handle, and the brunette covered her face, tears forcing themselves from her tightly sealed lids.

" _Alex_.." Piper cried, but ramained exactly where she was, as she was afraid that moving would only frighten Alex even more. But then, Alex was reaching for her and Piper quickly scurried onto the mattress and into the corner where Alex was huddled. Alex wrapped her arms snuggly around Piper and held her tightly, silent sobs wracking her body to the point where her muscles ached. Piper held Alex in a fierce embrace, her own tears threatening to fall.

"I am _so_ sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you or-or anything like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Piper whispered into Alex's ear. "Please forgive me, baby. _Please_."

Alex nodded, sniffling. She knew Piper didn't mean to cause her to relive what had happened to her in September, but that didn't stop it from happening. Either way, it was overwith and Alex felt horrible for causing Piper to feel whatever she was feeling to make her voice sound so different. So full of grief and remorse.

"I f-forgive you." Alex stated in a small voice. "You didn't know that would h-happen."

"That doesn't make it _okay_." Piper replied, her grip loosening enough that she could pull back just enough to look at Alex. The girl was curled into Piper's side, her face scrunched up with too many emotions. Large eyes were still leaking their sadness, the moonlight glistening in the grey-green orbs.

"No, but it's better than if you _had_ known." Alex said, trying to reign herself in so that she'd stop crying. Maybe if she stopped, Piper wouldn't feel as bad as she very obviously did.

"I _didn't_ know. I swear, Alex. I jus-"

"I know you didn't know, Piper. It was a mistake." Alex wiped at her eyes, "We all fuck up."

"I was so worried about you all day because you didn't answer my text or calls and it- It freaked me out." Piper said, feeling a huge need to explain herself. To make _sure_ Alex understood. "So, I came over here and I got scared when I found you in your bed because you were so _still_. But you were just asleep and you were sweating so I pulled the covers off and you just looked so good and I-I wanted to make you _feel_ good. I promise you liked it at first. I wasn't trying to take advantage of you or hurt you or scare you or _anything_ like that, Alex. When you got close I just thought that'd make it better. I wasn't thinking about what happened to you or I wouldn't-"

Alex hated seeing Piper so upset. She didn't want the blonde to think she was angry with her, because the truth was that Alex wasn't. She was angry with herself for reacting the way she had and in turn causing Piper to freak out like this. Alex cut the blonde off with a sound kiss to the lips, effectively shutting her up.

"We can talk about it later. I promise." Alex said, just wanting to forget about it all for a little while. Later on, she would try to open up to Piper about what was going through her mind, but she knew it'd be difficult. She wanted a break before they got into the deep of it. Alex wanted to make Piper feel better and the only way she could think of was to let the blonde show her what she'd meant to do before everything went so horribly wrong. A retry, of sorts.

Piper just stared at her in the darkness.

"First," Alex whispered, shy. "Make me feel good?"

"Are you sure?" The blonde questioned, not wanting to do the wrong thing, again and fuck things up completely.

Alex nodded, "Yeah."

xXxXx

An hour and some change later, Piper was lying on Alex's bare chest, while the woman beneath her played idly with her long, flaxen hair. The blue eyed woman had spent a long while trying to smooth out the assault of September and her own awful mistake. She'd been as tender and as gentle as she possibly could be, and had only used her hands to stroke Alex's alabaster skin. Piper wouldn't dare to use her fingers again until Alex wanted her to. The raven haired woman had cum hard, twice in a row before they both needed to rest.

"I want you to know I don't blame you," Alex said out of nowhere, breaking the comfortable silence. "For what happened in September."

"But if I ha-"

"Shut up and listen to me. _Please_." Alex said, her voice low and tired dispite how much sleep she'd just had. "If you want me to try and tell you what happened, you have to let me just say it all at once. If I stop talking I know I won't be able to start again and I promised I'd try.."

Piper hadn't ever heard Alex speak that way, and it startled her. She didn't mind, however. She actually was glad to see Alex coming out of her quiet, shy little shell a bit, even if it _was_ to tell her to shut up. Piper knew she had a thing with interrupting people and asking a million questions, but she would _not_ do that to Alex right now.

"I don't blame you." Alex repeated, still playing with Piper's hair. "I was the one who tried to walk home shitfaced. I'm the one who thought a strange man that I didn't know was actually going to help me get there. I'm the one that was too fucking drunk to stop him. Not you."

The blonde bit her tongue and let Alex continue.

"It was just some guy in a white hoodie. That's all I really remember." Alex shrugged, staring at the ceiling in the darkness. "I don't know if he was white or black or even fucking _green_. I can't remember. But he said he would help me home. Because I had fallen and I guess he saw. He asked where I lived and I told him the name of this building. The Redwood Apartments."

Piper snuggled tighter, as close as she could get. She could hear Alex's heart rate picking up, the pale woman's breathing was shaky, but Piper knew she shouldn't mention it. Shouldn't say a word. The blonde kissed Alex's warm flesh tenderly, trying to comfort the brunette.

"But I didn't realize that's not where he was t-taking me." Alex closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. "Then he had me against a wall in a steriotypical dark ally. And I couldn't get away. I couldn't get him off of me. He shoved his hand down my pants and th-then got me on the ground. He was a really big guy- I was so fucking scared but too fucking drunk to put up a fight. I _tried_."

"Alex.." Piper whispered, trying to sooth her girlfriend by rubbing her hand tenderly over the pale flesh beneath her. Alex had started to cry when she'd told Piper about the man putting his hand down her pants, but was trying to continue, her voice strained and high.

"He got my pants off and was covering my mouth so I couldn't scream for help.." Alex shook her head and the arm around Piper's shoulders flexed, pulling the blonde closer to her as she broke down. The other hand covered Alex's mouth and she sobbed into it, shaking heavily. The memories were flashing in her mind and it was so hard to talk about, but she wanted Piper to know. Alex needed the event to be aknowledged and to finally be comforted for what had happened to her, even if it was beyond difficult.

"He- He pulled my pants off and I couldn't do anything to stop him. He put a fucking c-condom on, at least. Fuck, it _hurt_ , Pipes.. So bad. I bit his hand 'cause I thought I could get him to let go and I could scream for help." Alex wiped roughly at her eyes, "He just bitchslapped me and kept on _fucking me_. Really hard."

"Al-"

"And when he was done he j-just got up and said 'thanks, babe' like it was a- a _favor_ I'd done him. He stared at me for a while before just walking away. It's like he _knew_ me but I don't think I remember him.." Alex whispered the last part, sniffling, her chest jumping with her ragged breaths.

"God, Alex. I am so sorry you went through that." Piper said, hugging Alex as the older girl moved her arm from around Piper so that she could cover her face with both hands. Piper didn't know what else to say, she only knew that she was sorry that this had happened to anybody at all, but especially to Alex. Piper didn't know what all Alex's problems were- in fact this was the first one she'd actually been told about, but she did know Alex struggled enough _before_ September. Now.. It was just all fucked up and she didn't know how to comfort the crying girl.

Several long minutes passed before Alex's tears slowed down. They hadn't stopped yet, but Alex finally opened her eyes. She squinted up at the ceiling again, her eyes burning like fire but steadily dripping warm, salty water. She could feel the muscles in her jaws twitching. Her throat sore, an animal like sound fighting like hell to get out, causing her throat to jump with the effort of holding it in. Alex wasn't sure how it'd happened, but she was lying in Piper's lap, now, facing the door while Piper was lent back against the wall, playing soothingly with her hair, the tye long gone.

With not even a hint of warning, the cry she'd been holding in seeped out between Alex's clenched teeth. It was far more quiet than she was expecting it to be, thankfully, but it brought with it a fresh wave of angry tears. Alex was on her feet before Piper even realized she was moving. The brunette stumbled over Piper's jeans and the rest of the clothes in the floor, running into the doorway with her shoulder. It nearly knocked her down, but Alex managed to keep moving forward, quickly. Piper was following behind the girl, and heard the sound when the front of Alex's shoulder hit the door frame. She knew it had to have hurt, but Alex wasn't stopping.

"Al-"

If Alex heard Piper, she was ignoring her. But Piper wasn't sure that she did hear her, with all the cursing she was doing under her breath. Alex made a sharp right and burst through the bathroom door, thankfully not stumbling or running into anything this go-round. Piper clumbsily switched the light on just in time to see Alex drop to her knees, the landing hard. Then she was heaving over the toilette, naked and crying.

Piper rushed to her side, pulling her hair away from her face with no time to spare. The blonde rubbed her hand soothingly over the soft, warm, creamy skin of Alex's back as the girl got rid of everything in her stomach, which didn't seem to be much. When there was nothing left, not even stomach acid, Alex was a clammy, shaking mess. Piper got her some tissue to wipe her face with and the brunette took it without so much as looking at her. Alex cleaned her face up a bit, getting rid of the snot and drool and whatever else was probably there.

Helping Alex to her feet was difficult, Alex being much more weak than either of them realized. Her knees gave out twice before Piper finally got her back into the bed. Piper flipped the overhead light on and as fast as she could manage, put her clothes back on. Alex was watching her with empty looking eyes and a blank face. Piper was sure that look would be imprinted in her mind forever.

Alex looked away once Piper was dressed. She already knew what was about to happen. It was what she'd been afraid of all along. Opening up and being left because of it. She knew Piper wouldn't be able to handle her. Fuck it, Alex couldn't even handle herself. Still, even knowing hadn't stopped Alex from wanting- _needing_ Piper. That's the only way she had been able to cope the last few days.

Christmas was horrible, now.

Piper pulled on her shoes and looked at Alex again. The naked girl was just staring at nothing, eerily still and quiet. It was truly freaking Piper out, as she'd only seen people look that way on TV or in movies. They were usually in psyche wards. The blonde steeled herself and gathered Alex's white t-shirt and a pair of grey yoga pants she found in a small set of plastic drawers hiding in the closet. Piper located a fresh pair of panties and some socks before closing the latest drawer and then the closet.

Alex was still staring into space when Piper turned to walk towards her. She looked like a painting. Curves and sharp angles met in a fascinating way, showing beautiy and fragility at the same time. The bright light made her alabaster skin seem to glow, the color of the roses on her thigh standing out as prominantly as the newly forming bruise on her shoulder and the end of her collar bone. It was flowering bright, blue-green with a deep red scrape unevenly running through. Ebony hair contrasted beautifully against the pale skin, making Alex seem even more ghost-like. Her eyes, though, were dull. The grey-green was muted, even though they still glistened a little in the light with moisture.

"Jesus.." Piper whispered, a new and more powerful kind of fear gripping her insides tightly. This made what she'd felt earlier look tiny. Piper knelt down and began dressing Alex. She hoped that Alex would snap out of it once she realized Piper was still there, but it didn't happen. Piper had pulled Alex's underwear up the long legs easily enough, only having trouble when she reached the girl's hips. Alex never budged, but Piper finally managed to get them on her. Then the yoga pants, which wasn't any easier. The socks were simple enough, as Alex simply laid there and let her slip them on her feet. When it was time for the shirt, Piper thought Alex might respond in some way, but she never did. The dark haired girl never even flinched when Piper accidentally touched her injury.

"Come on." Piper said, as she forced the brunette to sit up.

Alex gave the blonde no trouble and sat up, eyes still far away. The brunette didn't know why Piper was still here, or what was going on. She couldn't seem to make her mind try and find the answer. So, Alex just sat there, numb and mute, because it was better than feeling what she knew she would if she tried to understand her surroundings and what was going on.

Piper was leaving her, already. Of course she was.

Why wouldn't she be?

"Alex." Piper said softly. Then, more firm, "Alex. Come with me."

Watery, green eyes slowly focused as well as they could on the face in front of her. Alex's finely shaped brows pulled together in question, a small crease between them. Confusion covered her face and the older girl shook her head a little before meeting Piper's large, deep blue irises.

"Why?" Alex whispered, searching Piper's face for an answer.

Piper felt a pang in her heart at how easily discouraged Alex was. "Because you're my girlfriend and you need me."

More confusion. "But.. I thought you were leaving me."

"No, Alex. I'm not leaving you. We're just going next door to my place. I can take better care of you there." Piper said in a gentle voice, pushing a strand of silky, onyx hair behind Alex's ear. She lent forward and kissed Alex on the forehead, taking note of how clammy the skin still was.

"Thank you." Alex whispered, her voice sincere but wobbling as bad as her legs did when she tried to stand up. Piper caught her before she landed back on her bottom, and helped the girl to straighten up enough so that they could walk over to Piper's own apartment.

"You don't need to thank me." Piper reassured her. "Is there anything else you need?"

Alex just shook her head.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review and let me know your thoughts. I know this was a difficult chapter and that you're probably all wondering what the fuck just happened. Piper has fucked up pretty majorly, but is finally fully grasping the weight of Alex's assault. I'll see you guys next time. -SK


	12. Secrets

A/N: Suprize! Got chapter 12 finished quickly, so I figured I'd go ahead and let you guys have it. Thanks for the fav's, follows and reviews. It means a lot. Here's 12.

Winter Roses

Piper opened the door to her apartment, Alex leaning heavily against the wall for support. The blonde helped the taller woman inside and sat her down on the couch. Alex immediately curled into a ball on her side, her favorite possition, it seemed. Piper closed and locked her door before kneeling in front of Alex, shooing Phoebe away.

"Have you eaten at all today, Alex?" Piper questioned, searching Alex's sea green depths.

The brunette looked away, someting akin to shame shadowing her features and making Alex look like a little girl. Piper figured then that was the reason for Alex getting sick just moments before. Having no nutrients in her system and then getting so upset had just been too much for her body to handle.

"I'm gonna run you a bath, okay? Then you can brush your teeth and rest if you need to, but I really think you should eat something.." Piper brushed Alex's hair out of her face, sad that Alex was feeling this way. More than sad, really. She fucking hated it. Piper wanted Alex to feel better, to _be_ better. She'd seen brief glances of what Alex could be without the grief. Just that morning Alex had been happy. Truly happy, and Piper had loved it. Had loved _Alex_ that way. And Piper wanted her back. Happy Alex. She was going to make it happen.

Somehow.

"Okay.." Alex nodded, offering Piper a small, vulnerable attempt at a smile.

Piper kissed Alex's forehead again, lingering there just simply to be close to the other girl. Something was happening inside her, changing much faster than she'd ever anticipated. Her usually untouchable heart was responding to the beautiful disaster that was Alex Vause, like it had been waiting just for her. Only her. Piper could feel it, and even though it frightened and confused her, there was no way she could deny that Alex had her by the heart strings and her grip was only getting stronger. It was almost painful.

Alex closed her eyes, enjoying the soft pressure of Piper's lips on her skin. The hand that was lingering at the side of her neck was warm, Piper's thumb stroking her cheek tenderly. The brunette pressed into the hand, stress leaving her body the longer Piper touched her. She sighed, quietly, nearly content now that the emotional storm and then the numbness had gone away for the most part. Alex was still upset, but was trying her best to hide it. She'd put Piper through enough in a few hours to last her a lifetime.

"It's gonna get better, Al. It'll be hard, like it was today. But you can get through it. _We_ can." Piper said, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Just don't shut down on me, okay?"

Alex nodded, wanting to kiss Piper, but knowing she should really brush her teeth first. The blonde, however, didn't see the problem with it, and moved forward, closing the small gap between their mouths. The kiss was tender and only lasted about 2 seconds before Piper pulled away, blinking rapidly. She gave Alex a sweet smile and then went to get Alex's bath started.

A few moments later, the blonde returned and helped Alex to her bathroom. She remembered the last time Alex had been there and hoped it didn't make Alex cry all over again. Piper was sure the poor girl had to be tired of that. For her part, Alex said nothing as she slowly and shakily got her clothes off once again. Piper held onto her hand as the tattooed girl lowered herself into the tub.

Alex went limp in the bathtub, her eyes closing at how good it felt to be able to rest her body in warm, soothing water. She closed her eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of lavender. A small, crooked smile creeped across her face, knowing that Piper was doing everything she could to calm Alex's nerves and soothe her.

At seeing Alex's lopsided half-smile, Piper quirked a brow in question. She was glad to see it, but it also worried her at the same time. "Al?"

Green eyes opened and looked towards Piper, even though she was too far away to see clearly. Alex reached out to the blonde, and Piper didn't hesitate in taking hold of the strong but delicate hand, kneeling beside the tub. Piper ran her thumb over Alex's warm, wet skin before speaking again.

"Are you okay, now?"

Alex closed her eyes again and nodded. "Thank you. The lavender oil is doing the trick."

"Should I stay in here?"

"Do you _want_ to stay in here?" Alex countered, raising a brow at Piper, turned towards her now. Her eyes were still red from all the crying she'd done during the day and the green irises were bright and shiny, almost startling the blonde with their intensity.

Before Piper could respond, Alex was speaking again.

"Because you don't have to. I know you're probably tired of babysitting a grown woman. I'll be okay for a while if you want to go sit down and.. I dunno, clear your head a little? I don't know how this works." Alex admitted, sounding a bit like a timid teenager, rubbing absentmindedly at her lip. "I want you to stay in here but you might not want to. And if you'd rather go in there it's okay. _I'm_ okay."

Piper couldn't help but smile at the girl in the bathtub. Alex was adorable when she was being all shy and whatnot. "I'm gonna get the food heated up and make a call. Call for me when you're ready to get out."

Alex nodded, "I will."

Once in her livingroom, Piper stood still for a moment, trying to wrap her head around exactly what had transpired in the last few hours. It was clear to her now, far more clear than it had been before, that Alex was much more than she'd bargained for. Piper hadn't ever dealt with anything remotely similar to this situation before. She didn't know how to help, didn't know what to do. At all.

She knew a little about bipolar disorder, but only a little bit, and a lot of it was probably just bullshit. The blonde intended to do her research as soon as she had the time, but for now she was just guessing. As for helping Alex deal with what had happened to her, Piper was only going by what she'd seen in movies and on telivision. Trying to be supportive, to be there in general. Then, there was what she had done to the poor girl, herself. Piper clenched her jaw, trying to keep herself from getting lost in the moment. Alex needed her now, and after her colossal fuck up, Piper was damn sure going to be there come hell or high water.

The blonde ran her hands roughly over her jeans before setting about to warm up the food she'd gotten for them. Once that was done, she set it up on the coffee table with two generous glasses of water. She'd wanted a glass of wine horribly, but didn't want to give Alex anything alcoholic. Phoebe wanted in the bathroom, and kept meowing at Piper to get a hint, but the blonde had closed the door to give Alex a bit of privacy, cat included.

Piper got her cell phone out and called Polly, hoping she wasn't interrupting anything important for her best friend. Polly had said she and Pete were going out to see a movie but that was probably overwith now. The blonde waited impatiently for the other girl to answer, pacing back in forth in her kitchen. Phoebe nearly tripped her a few times, trying to weave inbetween her feet like it was some sort of game.

"Hey, Pipe. Everything okay?" Polly answered, voice overly curious.

"Yeah, yeah.." Piper lied.

"Liar. What's up? Did you ever get ahold of Alex?"

Piper nodded, "I did. She was at home asleep. I wanted to see if we could leave the shop closed tomorrow? I, uh.. I have something I need to do."

"I can run it by myself for the day. Tell me what's wrong. You're never this secretive with me. Is it something to do with Alex?" Polly wondered.

The blonde sighed, "I don't want to leave her by herself tomorrow. I'm not telling you why."

"Bring her up to Popi, then. She could read all day or something. She probably wouldn't make a mess of things; I saw how she put everything back _exactly_ the way she'd found it." Polly suggested before grumbling at Pete to stop drinking directly from the carton.

"She's not well." Piper said quietly. "She's weak and threw up earlier. I've got her in the bath right now, but I want to spend tomorrow getting her health back up."

"Does this mean we're gonna start puking, too? Damn it."

"I think it's because she didn't eat and she got really.. Upset." Piper supplied, "So you really don't mind if I stay home with her?"

"As long as you don't come back with some stupid virus, I'm cool with it. I gotta go, but you're not off the hook. I know something else is bothering you. I'll call you tomorrow night. Later, bitch." Polly hung up the phone.

Piper sat her phone on the counter to charge and walked quietly up to the bathroom door. She knocked softly and Alex told her to come in. Once inside, Piper closed the door to keep the cat out and to keep the warmth in. She looked at Alex, taking in the way her black hair looked like ink swirling around in the deep water around her.

"Is the water still warm enough?" Piper asked, sitting on her toilet seat and holding eye contact.

Alex nodded, "It's fine. I feel like a ragdoll, though. All my muscles are relaxed and the lavender oil is making me kind of sleepy. I don't want to go to sleep."

"You don't have to. Do you need any help washing up or are you all clean? I've got the food ready. Hopefully the cat leaves it alone. She wants to see you." Piper said, smiling when Alex's eyes lit up a bit at the mention of Phoebe.

"I'm ready to get out. You have a toothbrush for me?" Alex asked, bracing her arms on the sides of the tub to lift herself up. She wobbled a bit before finally managing to sit up properly.

"Yeah," Piper responded, standing up to look in the medicine cabinet for one of the unopened toothbrushes she kept in there. Once she had it in hand, she closed the cabinet and turned in time to see Alex get to her feet. She tossed the toothbrush onto the vanity and rushed to Alex's side.

"Jesus, Alex. I was gonna help you up." Piper said, helping the taller woman to step over the side of the tub and stand properly. The blonde grabbed the fluffy white towel she'd used that morning and wrapped it around the brunettes broad shoulders.

Alex frowned to herself. She didn't like being treated like a little kid, but knew better than to mention it. She knew Piper was right to want to help her. If Alex had fallen it just would've made everything a lot worse. There'd be water everywhere and the possibility of another injury. So, the tall brunette said nothing, and let Piper help her over to the bathroom sink.

Piper opened the toothbrush for Alex and put the toothpaste on it before wetting it and handing it to Alex. The other simply took it, avoiding eye contact. Piper noticed the way Alex was leaning against the counter and that she was still dripping water on the floor despite the towel. She could clean it up later, but was worried about Alex slipping in it, so she held on to Alex's waist gently, prepared if the brunette were to stumble. She sighed and lent her forehead against Alex's shoulder, her arms wrapping around the thin waist of the taller woman.

Once Alex was finished brushing her teeth, she put the toothbrush beside a pink one in the holder. In the mirror she could see Piper still leaning into her from behind. The brunette relaxed a bit, knowing that the blonde wasn't meaning to be as bossy as she was coming across. Alex took Piper's hands in her own, running her thumbs over the blonde's knuckles.

"Let's get your hair dried." Piper said, helping Alex to sit down on the toilet. She grabbed a smaller towel and set about wrapping Alex's hair in it, glad when Alex didn't protest her actions even though the girl was most likely capable of doing at least that much by herself.

She helped the other girl to dress in the clothes she'd put her in earlier, and led the brunette slowly to her living room. Alex sat down and grinned wide when the little black cat hopped into her lap and began purring loudly while rubbing her face all over Alex's chin. Alex chuckled, scratching behind the cat's pointy little ears. Piper watched the scene for a few moments before getting her phone so she could take a picture for herself. She also wanted Polly to see this side of Alex. The blonde quickly focused on the view in front of her and snapped the perfect photo. Alex was smiling, perfect teeth on display, green eyes bright as Phoebe was biting her chin. The sound of Alex's laugh was music to Piper's ears. She put her phone back on charge and sat down beside her lover, being ignored completely by her cat.

"She's missed you." Piper stated, chuckling when Alex had to hold the cat still in order to look over at her.

"I can tell," Alex said.

xXxXx

After they'd eaten the burgers Piper had picked up for them earlier, both women were stetched out on the couch. Alex was on the inside, facing the blonde as they talked quietly. Phoebe was asleep at the end of the sofa, purring loudly. The girls were discussing how Piper wasn't excited about Christmas, especially since her mother had volunteered for it to be at Piper's apartment.

"I've never had anything here before. Thanksgiving was at their house back in Conneticut, like it's always been. I guess I just figured we'd do Christmas there as well. I don't have a lot of room here and I know all Mother's going to do is pick on me about this and that the entire time. It's all she ever does." Piper sighed, stiffling a yawn.

"Why? I think you're doing pretty well for yourself. You graduated college, you have your own apartment, your the co-owner of your own business." Alex said softly, glad Piper was close enough that she could focus on her clearly. She pushed a strand of blonde hair behind Piper's ear, letting her hand linger.

"She doesn't care about what I _have_ managed, she's just worried about what I _haven't_. Like, for instance, that I don't have a husband, yet. Or even a boyfriend. She thinks I should be focusing more on getting married and having children than having a business and my own life." Piper answered, frustrated that she was getting angry about it and her mother wasn't even in the same state.

"Do they know you like women, too?" Alex questioned, not liking the idea of Piper marrying a man at all. It made her stomach turn.

Piper frowned, "Cal does. But nobody else does besides Polly. My parents would disown me. I think Grandmother might be more understanding, but she's the only one besides Cal who actually likes me the way I am."

Alex felt bad for asking the question and pulled Piper closer to her, not feeling nearly as weak now that she'd eaten most of her burger and a few fries. Piper relaxed in her embrace, snuggling as close to Alex as she could. The brunette was warm and soft, and Piper really needed the strong but gentle arms to hold onto her for a while. Piper hadn't realized how stressed out she was until Alex whispered sweetly to her, causing Piper to close her eyes to fight tears.

"It's okay.." Alex said, kissing Piper's forehead. "I've got you, now."

xXxXx

Three weeks later, Alex was on her way to Red's with Piper's arm linked through her own. They had managed to find a routine that worked easily for both of them. They would switch back and forth sleeping in Piper's apartment and then Alex's. The brunette had finally bought a nice couch and a flatscreen tv, along with a dvd player so that Piper wouldn't be as bored when she came over. They had started going out on Piper's off days, and when Piper came home from work Alex had usually either ordered food or even cooked it herself, if she was at Piper's place. Now, they were going to Red's for the first time together since September. Alex needed to get information about Lorna for Nicky, but was just now brave enough to show up there. And even now was only because she had her girlfriend with her.

"It's so cold, Alex. You really need a better jacket." Piper said, snuggling deeper into Alex's side as they walked down the street. It was starting to snow and all the taller woman was wearing was her leather jacket, a scarf and her black beanie.

"I like this one." Alex shrugged, "I'm fine. We're almost there, anyway."

Piper rolled her eyes and let the subject drop. She knew why Alex wouldn't wear a different jacket, but knew better than to bring it up. Alex still hadn't spoken to her about her mother, but they had plans to go by Alex's old house after getting breakfast at Reds. Something about making sure the rose bush was alright and that everything was still standing. Piper knew it was personal that Alex was allowing her to see where she'd grown up, and made sure not to bring that up either in case Alex got too worked up about it and changed her mind.

Alex pushed the door to Red's open and let Piper in before following behind her. Tricia, the girl who had taken their order at the counter the time before, was still there, somehow. She looked a little less angry this go-round. The girls ordered coffees and some soup before Alex asked Tricia to tell Red she was there.

The girls sat down in a booth in the back corner, Alex facing outward so that she could see when Red was coming, hoping to avoid getting popped in the head. Their food was served to them and shortly after, Red was walking towards them. She saw the nervous look on Alex's face and clenched her fists to avoid reaching out and smacking Alex glasses right off her pretty face. Something about Alex just made Red angry as of late, especially when she disregarded everyone else's feelings and simply vanished whenever she felt like it.

"How nice of you to show up, Alex. You brought another blonde, or is this the same girl? Never seen you with the same girl twice. You've usually got a different girl with you every time. Except for that one girl. The crazy one. You remember. What was her name? Stacie.. Sss.. Something with an 'S'. Aha! Sylvia, that was her." Red snapped, glad that Alex was blushing bright pink. The girl across from Alex cocked her head to the side and gave Alex a curious look, one brow arched.

"Red-"

"You should've seen it, Blondie. Alex here is usually a great player- love 'em and leave 'em, but this girl had her so whipped. Alex did everything she said- it was so funny. They came here once and Sylvia made Alex cut her food up for her like she was a little kid. The tall one just did it, even if I could tell it made her mad. Then Alex got pissed off about something and poured her cup of hot coffee down Sylvie's shirt and just left. It was terrible but I laughed for an hour, I swear." Red chuckled, wiping at her eyes at the memory.

Piper looke at Red with wide eyes for several seconds before looking back at Alex, who was staring down at her bowl of soup like it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. The brunette's face was still red, and Piper couldn't tell if she was angry or just embarrassed, or maybe both. Piper had to admit to herself that she knew Alex had a temper, but hadn't expected that.

"After that, Alex here went back to sleeping with married women and random girls." Red stated, knowing she could push Alex just a little bit more before the dark haired girl snapped back at her.

"Red. Shut up." Alex said in a calm voice, looking up and fixing the older Russian woman with a cold stare.

"What, Blondie doesn't know about your past life?" Red questioned. She knew she was being unnecessarily mean, but she was angry with Alex for disappearing yet again. She'd been worried sick about the girl when she'd left her place drunk, and now Alex just showed up out of nowhere, yet again, acting like everything was perfectly fine, no harm done.

Piper looked at Alex with worry and curiosity.

"What's she talking about, Al?"

"Noth-"

Red cut Alex off, "She hasn't told you? Probably doesn't want to scare you off, I guess. Maybe it's better you didn't know."

Alex stood up quickly, towering over Red. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She growled, staring the small Russian woman down with anger burning in her eyes.

Piper reached out and took Alex's hand, trying to make the fist relax. "It's okay, Al. We can talk about it later. Just ask Red what you need to before this gets out of hand."

"She knows better than to touch me, Blondie." Red stated, gently pushing Alex away from her. The brunette continued to glare at her, but backed up a step.

"Where's Lorna Morello?" Alex managed to ask between gritted teeth.

"Nicky's girl? She told you to ask, huh?" Red sighed. "Doesn't Nicky know I'd tell her if I knew anything?"

Alex simply shrugged.

"Haven't seen her in a while. She quit soon after you left last year. All she said was something about moving on with her life. I told Nichole that." Red said, eyeing Alex sternly. "If I hear anything else, I'll let Nicky know."

Alex clenched her jaw but said nothing else, sitting herself down and avoiding Piper's eyes. Red, however, wasn't done making Alex's life a living hell. The Russian moved closer to Alex before reaching out and popping Alex in the head loud enough to make a sound and knock her glasses ascew.

"That's for bowing up at me, little girl." Red stated in a low voice, "Ever since Diane was killed you haven't been right. Don't forget who your family is."

With that, the Russian turned and walked off, leaving the pair sat at the booth in silence. Alex fixed her glasses calmly and stood up yet again, walking towards the bathrooms. Piper was rooted to her seat, it seemed. She wanted to follow Alex, to make sure she was alright, but she also wanted to question the hell out of her. Another part of her was fuming, pissed off that Red, someone Alex had said was the only 'family' she had left, would humiliate Alex that way. And why did she always have to _hit_ Alex? Piper quickly made her mind up and followed after the shorter Russian woman, not bothering to stop when Tricia told her she couldn't go back there.

"Red!" Piper called, trailing behind the woman and catching up to her easily. When Red finally stopped, they were in a little office-type area in the back of the diner, not even completely outside the kitchen.

Red sighed and turned around, sitting back in her rolling office chair. "What is it, Blondie?"

"I don't know what you were talking about back there, and Alex will tell me when she's ready. But why do you have to put your hands on her?" Piper asked, trying to keep calm, but everytime she thought of it, it made her blood boil a little more. She couldn't stand that Red had hit Alex both times she'd ever been around the woman, even if it wasn't a slap to the face. It was still bullying, and Red was supposed to be Alex's family.

Red glared at the blonde. "You really don't know me well enough to be in here, girl. Here's something you need to know about me: I do whatever I want to do. Alex is someone I've known a very long time. Much longer than you. If I want to put my hands on her, I will. She forgets who's the boss, I remind her. A little pop to the side of the head every once in a while won't hurt her. Why are you _really_ back here?"

"That is why." Piper stated, although her curiousity was getting the better of her. "Who is Diane?"

Red blinked at Piper. "You really don't know anything about Alex, do you?"

"I know that she's got a troubled past and I know that her mother is dead, her best friend is in prison, the only 'family' she has left is a mean old Russian lady that talks down to her, and that her emotions are a wreck. But I also know that I want to know more.." Piper said, seeing a framed picture of Alex and Nicky when they were much younger, posing with matching crossed eyes and wide smiles. The flash is glaring in Alex's glasses, but the picture is perfect. Beside it is a framed picture of Alex's mother, looking eerily like her daughter with a smirk and arched brow.

Red followed Piper's line of vision. "That's Diane. Alex's mother. She was murdered in her own house a little over a year ago during a break in. Last summer, I think. Alex found her. After that, the girl hasn't been right. She's always been a little strange, but now.." Red shook her head, "Now, she's worse."

"My God.." Piper covered her mouth. She had known Alex's mother was a personal subject, but now she felt terrible for not knowing. For talking about her own mother like she was the most horrible person on planet earth, when Alex had lost her own so horribly and had been the one to find her.

"There's a lot you don't know, Blondie. But if she's in love with you, you'd better not abandon her. She's had far too much of that, and I don't think she can handle it again. I know you're the girl she brought here last time. If she's been true to you, then she's yours. You'll never meet a more loyal person. But be careful with her." Red said, taking note of how the blonde looked devestated for Alex.

The blonde nodded, "I will be.."

"Good. Now get out, _Piper_." Red said, recalling what Alex had said the girl's name was back in September.

Piper didn't hesitate, just turned around and walked back to the booth. Alex was nowhere in sight, so she walked back to the restrooms. The door to the women's room was unlocked and there was nobody in any of the three stalls. Panic shot through Piper's veins. _Fuck, she probably thinks I left_.

Quickly, Piper made her way to the register. "Where's Alex?"

Tricia gave the blonde a confused look. "She left a $20 on the table and got the hell outta here real fast. She looked.. weird. Had a strange look on her face. Like kinda blank?"

"God damn it. Fuck. Fuck!" Piper growled before pushing past Tricia once again.

"Where is Alex's old house? She's not here and I think that's probably where she went."

Red gave her the address and told her to hurry.

xXxXx

Alex wouldn't answer her phone and it had been at least half an hour. The cab came to a stop and Piper paid before scurrying out of the vehicle. The snow was coming down heavier, now, and Piper wanted to find Alex before it got much worse. She'd just now fully recovered from her cold, and Piper didn't want it to return much worse. The blonde looked at the house in front of her, taking note of it's run down appearance and the trash in the front yard. There was a rose bush, no blooms in sight, and a broken window right beside the door being held together with duct tape from the inside as well as a few wooden planks.

Piper knew this was the right house, even if she hadn't ever seen it before. For some reason, she just knew. The blonde zipped her coat up and pulled the hood on top of her head, sitting down on the concrete steps that led up to the front door. She could hear sirens wailing in the background, the noise of other vehicles and screeching tires louder here than where she lived. There were people walking down the streets with large dogs on leashes, some obvious drug deals, a woman pushing a stroller and smoking a cigarette. It was very different from where Piper had grown up, and just being here made her see Alex more clearly.

She sighed and called Alex's phone again. No answer. Piper shoved her hands in her pockets, wishing Alex would just show up. Hoping that she hadn't come here for no reason and that Alex hadn't just gone home, instead. After a while, she got up and started picking up the trash littered around the yard, shoving it down in the neighbor's trash can. She wondered over to the rose bush, taking note that it looked well taken care up dispite nobody living here anymore. When she turned back around, there was someone sitting on the steps, face hidden in their hands.

"Al.." Piper whispered, walking slowly towards her, leaving tracks in the fresh snow, a fleeting thought that it might stick this time.

"How are you here?" Alex looked up at her, eyes vibrant with a mixture of emotions. Her cheeks were red along with her nose, making Piper think she'd walked the entire way.

"Red gave me the address." Piper answered, sitting beside her girlfriend and sighing in relief when Alex leaned into her, resting her head on Piper's shoulder.

"Do you want to go in?"

Alex was quiet for a while.

"Babe?"

"Will you hold my hand?" Alex asked, sounding like a scared child.

"Of course, Alex. Anything you need me to do, I'm here." Piper said. She slowly got to her feet and helped the brunette to stand. Alex stared at the front door for a while before pulling keys out of her inside pocket. She reached forward with a shaking hand, and after several tries, unlocked both locks.

Alex pushed the door open and tried to swallow a lump that was quickly forming in her throat. Several moments later, she stepped inside, Piper following right behind her. The blonde closed the door behind them and flipped on the light switch. They had come in through a small living room, which had a small love seat and a large box screen tv sitting on the floor. There were even more books here than at Alex's apartment, and several pictures still on the walls. One of them was of a little baby girl, her wispy black curls were swept up in a tiny ponytail atop her head. She was grinning beautifully, showing off two brand new bottom teeth while drool ran freely from her mouth. Her large bluish green eyes stood out sharply against her thick, dark lashes and soft, already perfect ebony brows. Piper took the photo from the wall, silently asking Alex if she could keep it. The brunette said nothing but tugged her along behind her.

The brunette led Piper to her old bedroom, the one she'd shared with Nicky most of the time. There was no bed in the floor, and Piper figured that's the one that Alex had in her apartment. On the walls there were posters of rock bands, a nearly empty book shelf, and a few pictures and drawings. There was a run down old dresser with a mirror, and a wooden chair in front of it. The mirror was covered in stickers and marker, with dust and age spots. There was a picture of Alex in a long, blue gown beside a much shorter Nicky. Both girls were wearing the square caps, but Nicky's hair was still just as wild as ever, sticking out every which way. Then, there was a picture of Diane, Alex's mother, posing with Nicky and Alex, the girls in the graduation gowns again and Diane dressed nicely in a skirt and white blowse. She's got a huge smile on her face and all three have tears in their eyes.

"She's beautiful, Alex." Piper whispered, daring to look at Alex. The taller girl was clenching her jaw, and nodded.

Alex pulled Piper behind her, out of the room. She walked slowly to the room across from her old one, opening the door. The smell hit her hard and she gasped, trying to keep the tears at bay. It smelled like her mother in here, like the perfume she couldn't really afford but always found a way to get. 'Far Away' by Avon. Now, Alex couldn't help but think the name was appropriate. She sat down on the queen sized bed, glad that it wasn't directly on the floor as her's had always been. Diane had tried to get Alex a bed frame multiple times, but Alex had always told her no, there were other things she could spend money on. Piper stood in front of her and Alex leaned her head against the blonde's chest. Piper played with her hair for a while, glancing around the room as she did so.

There were more books in here, dozens of them on a book shelf and even more in the floor and on the dresser. Most of them looked like they'd been through hell, but there were a few that were relatively new, judging by their well kept appearance. There was a mirror on the far wall with more pictures, and dirty clothes still sitting in a hamper. The dresser had an open jewelry box on it, a few rings on display, none of them very flashy.

"That part doesn't make sense to me." Alex whispered, her eyes landing on the little wooden box.

"What do you mean?" Piper questioned, stroking Alex's hair.

Alex tried to clear away the lump that was making it hard to breathe or speak. "The person who broke in here.. They didn't take anything."

Piper remained silent, hoping Alex would tell her more, but not daring to push her. She continued to play with Alex's hair while the brunette rested her head on her chest. Then, Alex was looking up at her.

"I don't understand." Alex whispered.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review and let me know your thoughts. Let me know if you have any ideas about what is going to happen, or whatever you feel like saying. I need the reviews to stay motivated, guys. -SK


	13. Inferno

A/N: Sorry it took a bit longer to get this updated. I had more of that stupid thing called 'writer's block', but I believe I've gotten past it for the most part. This chapter is mainly just a filler that was necessary to lead us into the next chapter. Thanks for all your kind reviews, favs and follows. Here ya go.

Winter Roses

Once the couple made it home, Alex followed Piper into the blonde's apartment. Piper locked the door behind them and sat her keys in the bowl beside the door and the picture of baby Alex on her counter. She watched as Alex pulled her boots off and put them beside the door, where she always put them. Then, Alex pulled off her jacket and hung it up, followed by her scarf. She left the beanie on and sat down on the couch, looking forelorn and a bit lost, like she wasn't sure what she should be doing.

"Alex," Piper said after she'd removed her own shoes and coat. The brunette quirked her brows at her, shoving her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Yes?" Alex asked, rubbing Phoebe's head.

"Would you like to take a shower with me?" Piper asked. They hadn't ever done that before, for reasons unknown. Maybe because Piper showered early in the mornings before Alex woke up and Alex showered while the blonde was at work. On the weekends, there was no reason, though, and now was no exception. Alex nodded and stood up, pulling her beanie off and hanging it up with her jacket.

Piper reached out and smoothed Alex's hair back down. The brunette closed her eyes at the contact before leaning into the blonde and pressing her against the wall. She kissed her softly, her thumbs rubbing at Piper's sides beneath her cream colored sweater. Alex didn't want to think right now. She was tired of thinking, tired of being tired.

The blonde broke the kiss when it started heating up, giving Alex a shy smile. "Let's get in the shower, babe."

Alex studied the blonde's deep blue eyes for a few seconds before backing up and giving Piper space to get past her. The blonde took her by the hand and led her to the bathroom. Alex closed the door behind them and they stared at each other in silence, waiting for the other to do or say something.

They hadn't been intimate for nearly two weeks, as first Alex had started her period and wouldn't allow Piper to touch her. Piper, being stubborn, hadn't allowed Alex to touch her, either. Then, it was the blonde's time, and the same rules applied for the past several days. It was difficult, to say the least. There had been plenty of kissing and touching above the waist, but it generally ended with both girls being even more frustrated and Alex smoking a cigarette in her own apartment since Piper didn't want her to drink. That in itself was frustrating enough, especially when Piper got mad at her for smoking, too.

Piper broke Alex's train of thought by moving forward, slowly. Alex watched her closely, a small smirk tugging at the coners of her full, soft lips. She wanted this, badly. Needed it to forget about everything else. She knew Piper wanted it just as much as she did, so she allowed the blonde to take the lead, knowing she could easily turn the tables as soon as she felt like it. But, there was something very attractive about the blonde being more dominant. Alex removed her secretary style glasses, setting them on the counter just before Piper reached out, taking Alex's charcoal grey sweater in her hands and lifting it up, slowly. Alex lifted her arms and helped Piper get it off of her, leaving her in a lacey, black bra. Alex shivered when the blonde unhooked her bra and pulled it off of her.

The blonde lowered her mouth to Alex's jaw, and kissed her way to the black haired girl's earlobe, getting exactly the reaction she was going for when Alex trembled at her touch, sighing softly and bringing her hands to Piper's waist. Piper smiled to herself, knowing that Alex wouldn't be trying to flip things around anytime soon. Once she'd gotten to her ear, the older woman was always willing to do whatever Piper wanted. Piper placed open mouthed kisses over the back of Alex's jaw and nipped at her ear, breathing hot breath in a way she knew would have Alex weak in the knees. As she'd expected, Alex's grip tightened on her waist and the older of the two was panting in no time.

Piper trailed her hand between Alex's breasts and down her flat belly, leaning back to make eye contact when her hand found Alex's pants button. When Alex gulped, but didn't seem afraid or caught up in a bad memory, Piper quickly unbuttoned her jeans and slipped her hand under the waistband of Alex's matching black lace panties. Alex tilted her head back, a low breathy moan excaping her smooth, pale throat.

"You're really wet." Piper whispered into Alex's ear.

Then, Piper dropped to her knees, hands tugging at Alex's pants. Alex helped her with shaky hands. She stepped out of her jeans, kicking them to the side and leaning back against the door just in time. Piper had begun kissing her abdomen, her thumbs massaging the tender spots above Alex's hips. This alone was enough to make her nearly fall over, and Piper realized that quickly. She lifted up Alex's left thigh and placed it over her shoulder before leaning forward.

Alex grasped the doorknob with one hand and the other tangled in long, blonde hair. It had been too long since she'd felt Piper this way, even if it'd only been about 10 days. She'd craved her every day, the want only growing. A long, low moan poured from her lips when Piper's tongue finally made contact.

Piper licked with a wide, flat tongue from Alex's wet core all the way to her clit. She circled it slowly, then went side to side before taking the small bundle of nerves between her lips and sucking gently at first, speeding up steadily. Alex cried out when the blonde switched tactics and began kissing her core, her tongue occasionally teasing at penetration. She hadn't had Piper inside her for far too long. Alex gulped, her hips rocking forward of their own accord.

"Your fingers.." Alex managed to whisper, a sharp cry escaping a second later when teeth lightly scraped her clit.

The blonde heard Alex and moved her focus to sucking on Alex's clit again, the fingers of her right hand running slowly up and down the wet heat between the dark haired girl's long, well toned, legs. Finally, Piper pushed three fingers as slowly as she could manage, deep inside Alex's very wet core. Muscles clenched around her and Piper continued to suck on the girl's clit until she could move her finger's freely. Alex shivered, the feeling of Piper inside her was amazing, especially with the way she was sucking on her clit like it was the best thing she'd ever tasted. Piper's fingers pulled back and then slowly moved forward, curling towards her front wall and rubbing her g-spot perfectly. Alex's entire body shuddered and she nearly fell once again.

"How do you want it?" Piper asked looking up at the glorious sight above her. Alex was losing the battle to stay upright, quickly.

"H-hard and fast." Alex managed to whisper.

Piper smiled. She hadn't ever fucked Alex hard and wondered what it'd be like. She went back to licking and sucking at the brunettes hard little nub, her hand slowly picking up the pace. Alex's left hand flew from Piper's hair to the wall beside her as she tried to keep herself standing. Every time the blonde hit her g-spot, it seemed to make it just a fraction more difficult to stay upright. Piper's left hand gripped Alex's hip to try and hold her up, her right hand continuing to work Alex into a dripping, boneless mess. The sounds the brunette was making were enough to drive Piper wild.

Sooner than Piper was expecting, Alex was cumming. Hard. The brunette's body locked up and the thigh over Piper's shoulder shook while the leg holding her up flexed and quivered. Piper had to support her when Alex spasmed, the tall girl unable to do anything except cry out and surrender to her senses as her body jolted over and over. Piper had quickly learned that Alex would cum twice if she could time everything right. She sped her fingers up once again, and began sucking once more on the sensitive bundle of nerves. It worked out smoothly, Alex's body arching once more, her hands losing their holds. Piper kept it going, using all her strength to hold the other girl up until she'd gotten past her second climax.

The blonde held on tightly to Alex as she made her way up to Alex's lips. Alex kissed her back slowly, most of her energy having escaped her in the powerful double orgasm she'd just had. She'd needed that. Alex knew Piper needed it as well. The taller of the two focused on the kiss and getting her breathing under conrol for a few moments before pulling away from Piper.

"Take your clothes off." Alex said, her voice low and smokey. The look of lust on her face was enough to make Piper's heart flutter and her muscles clench.

Piper held eye contact as she backed up a few steps, pulling off her shirt, then her pants. Next were her socks, followed slowly by her royal blue bra and then her matching bikini style undies. Alex watched her, still leaning against the door as she tried to get her body to stop its trembling. In all honesty, there was still an ache between her own thighs, but now it was time to please Piper.

Alex pulled her black ankle socks off, dropping them on top of her pants. The tattooed woman twisted the knob of the hot water until it was on high, and then the cold water to even out the temperature. She tested the water with the back of her hand before turning the shower on and standing back up straight. Alex met Piper's eyes, taking note of how the blonde's pupils had dialated and she was watching Alex like a hawk. Alex motioned for Piper to get in the shower, a knowing smirk on her face, one brow arched.

This made it easy to forget for a while.

Piper stepped under the spray, goosebumps spreading over her body and nipples hardening at the feel of the hot water running over her skin. She stepped forward enough for Alex to get in behind her. The taller woman entered the shower silently, her eyes trailing over Piper's lean shoulders. They were strong, but very feminine as well. Her back was well muscled and Alex drank it all in as Piper lifted her hands to her head and pushed her long, blonde hair back out of her face, the water having made it appear a few shades darker.

The brunette moved closer to Piper, her hands sliding around her waist from behind and gripping her hips firmly. Alex squeezed them the way she knew Piper enjoyed, pressing herself up close to the blonde. Piper stepped forward as Alex pushed her towards the back wall, her hands pressing flat against it. Alex lifted her left hand and pulled Piper's hair to the side, exposing the back of her neck.

Alex kissed the wet skin there softly, the hand not squeezing Piper's hip moved from Piper's shoulder, trailing down her back before moving to the blonde's front. Alex continued to press tender kisses to Piper's neck while her left hand carressed the blonde's small but perky breasts. She toyed with the stiff peaks of the younger woman's nipples for a while before spreading her hand out over Piper's flat and muscular belly. Her hand moved down slowly as her mouth kissed more firmly. Piper shivered, her head dropping forward as Alex's hands and lips worked her over. The younger woman gasped when Alex squeezed her hip a bit harder as her left hand found it's way between her legs.

"Alex.." Piper shivered, the brunette's teeth grazing her neck teasingly as her fingers brushed against the blonde's clit.

Alex smiled smugly to herself, glad this was having the effect she desired on the blonde. Then, she bit down firmly on the smaller girl's neck, her fingers starting to slowly circle Piper's clit. Blue eyes shut tight, Piper's neck arching at the feel of Alex's sharp teeth clamping down on her skin. A small gasp escaping her when her lover's right hand squeezed her hip harder.

Piper spread her legs on instinct as Alex's long, skilled fingers moved lower between her folds. Alex siezed the opportunity, her right hand moving between the blonde's legs from behind. She kept her teeth biting down on Piper's neck as her left hand circled and her right hand very slowly pushed two fingers inside the blonde. Piper whimpered, pushing herself back into Alex's warm, soft body, trying to take the brunette deeper.

In all her life, Piper hadn't ever experienced the things Alex was able to do to her. Her body felt like it was on fire in the best possible way. Piper moaned when Alex began to pick up the pace with both hands, her wide hips grinding into the blonde from behind with every forward thrust. Alex still hadn't let go of her neck, and it was enough to make Piper's whole body shiver in delight. Alex was usually soft spoken and relatively shy around other people, unless she was in a bad mood. With Piper she had been opening up, but was never the way she was during sex. When the two were being intimate, Alex preffered most of the time (excluding what had just occurred), for Piper to keep things on the softer, slower side when fucking her. But when it was Alex doing the fucking, she never dissapointed. The brunette always had some sort of trick up her sleeve, and could fuck Piper exactly the way she needed her to every time. Alex could be romantic, tender and sweet. She could be aggressive, almost rough. And she could be this. Whatever _this_ was.

Alex began moving her hands faster. She released Piper's neck long enough to soothe the bite mark with her tongue, only to clamp down on it once more. Piper cried out in pleasure, hands slipping against the slick, wet wall. Alex held her up by pressing herself firmly against the blonde's back as the younger girl leant forward on the wall. Alex's hands never stopping their movements.

"Ahh.." Piper gasped, "Al. Alex.."

The brunette hummed in question, knowing that Piper couldn't possibly last much longer with the way her muscles were clenching around her fingers. Piper moaned in pleasure, her hips rocking in time with Alex's own.

"Harder." Piper managed to groan.

xXxXx

"Piper. Pipes," Alex nudged the blonde awake a few hours later. They'd been in the shower until the water had gone cold, and then moved things to the blonde's bedroom. They'd fallen asleep in a tangled, sweaty mess and now that Alex was awake, she _thought_ she could see snow falling heavily from Piper's bedroom window. It was difficult to tell without her glasses on.

"Hmm?" Piper opened one eye and blinked sleepily at the brunette. Alex was beautiful, staring at Piper with a strange look on her face. Piper had seen it before, or at least brief hints of the same look. Excitement, perhaps? She stretched, her bones popping loudly as she yawned. "What time is it?"

"Like.." Alex squinted at the blonde's much smaller alarm clock. "Five or six. I can't tell from here on that tiny thing."

"Everything okay?" Piper asked, rubbing her arm over the smooth skin of Alex's side beneath the covers.

Alex nodded before moving forward to place a gentle kiss on Piper's forehead. "I have a question."

Piper quirked a brow at the brunette, "You woke me up to ask me a question? What is it?"

Green eyes searched Piper's, expression completely blank.

The blonde frowned, wondering what on earth Alex could possibly need to ask her. They'd been going back and forth to one another's houses for weeks now, so it couldn't be a question about that.. "What is it?"

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Alex asked, one brow arched perfectly in question. Somehow managing to keep a straight face.

Piper couldn't help the loud laugh that burst from her. She shook her head, trying to calm down enough to speak. "Are you quoting 'Frozen' to me, right now?"

Alex quirked a brow, "Nope. That's an authentic question from your's truly."

Of course, Alex _was_ quoting the Disney film. Piper had made her watch it with her a few days prior after a conversation about snow and how badly the blonde wished it would. Alex had been able to tell that Piper loved the movie, as she said the lines alongside the characters more often than not. Alex had enjoyed it as well, the stupid song 'Let it go' getting stuck in her head and never fully leaving. The brunette cast a glance back at the window.

"Are you serious?" Piper grinned. Alex was adorable when she was in a good mood. Piper knew they needed to discuss what had happened earlier, but would let it slide for now. Good moods were rare and short lived with Alex, so Piper wouldn't dare ruin it.

"It doesn't have to be a snowman." Alex said, batting her long, full lashes at the blue eyed blonde.

The tattooed woman couldn't keep a straight face after that, a wide grin cracking across her face, quickly. Then, Piper was tickling her and Alex yelped in surprize, "Ack! No! Ha!" She giggled like a silly child as Piper tickled at her hips and ribs, tears forming in her eyes from laughing so hard.

"Okay! Okay-stooooppp!" Alex begged, out of breath but still beaming brighter than the sun. Piper moved over her lover until she was stradling her, sitting on Alex's pelvis. The blonde held her hands up, trying to show that she was done.

Piper looked out the window, and sure enough, it _was_ , indeed snowing. Alex's hands came to rest on Piper's hips and she squeezed them gently. Piper looked down at her very naked girlfriend, taking in the way Alex's face was just the tiniest bit flushed from all the laughter. Her long, ebony tresses were wavy and fanned messily over the pillows beneath her. She wasn't wearing any makeup since their shower, but Piper always thought Alex could do without it, anyway. Her eyes trailed down further, focusing on Alex's taut, erect nipples. The brunette had changed the piercings out, now sporting purple balls on either end rather than the spikes. Thoughts of a snowman melted quickly away as Piper licked her lips.

Alex arched a single brow at the blonde, a smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth. She knew that look, and it generally meant she was about to get fucked. "Like what you see, Pipes?"

"I do."

"So, you turn into a nympho after not even 2 weeks without sex?" Alex asked, very slowly pressing her hips upward and rolling them beneath Piper.

"It's been 10 days. That's a long time, Al." Piper answered, trying to ignore how wet she already was. She was already horny, and with Alex fucking _grinding_ under her, it was nearly impossible not to jump Alex, yet again.

Alex nodded, "It is. I've missed how you feel."

The brunette could swear she could see Piper's pupils dialate just at her words. She wanted to see how much she could get away with before her little, sex-crazed girlfriend gave in to her desire. She stretched, arching her back and sighing in a purposefully sexual way, grinding up roughly into Piper for added effect, while still holding the blonde's hips.

Piper gasped, her hands gripping Alex's forearms.

"Sorry, I dunno where that came from." Alex lied, searching Piper's eyes with that smug smirk of hers, grey-green eyes twinkling with mischief.

The younger woman knew what Alex was doing and 2 could play that game. Piper lent down, hands on either side of Alex's head, their faces so close that they nearly had to go cross-eyed to see one another properly. Alex moved to kiss Piper, her hands moving from the blonde's hips to her sides and carressing Piper's waist. Piper pulled back far enough that Alex couldn't reach her. Green eyes briefly flashed in disappointment before Alex was trying to sit up enough to kiss her lover again.

Piper let her girlfriend touch their lips together for all of half a second before moving her face to the side so that her mouth was next to Alex's ear. She breathed hot breath over Alex's lobe and the shell of her ear before tugging on the soft skin, pressing her hips down. Earlier when they'd finally gotten out of the shower, they'd had more sex in the bed, but Piper had been on the recieving end. Alex had been in a very sensual mood and had made the blonde orgasm multiple times. Now, however, Piper could tell Alex wanted it. But, Piper was playing a long game.

Alex's hands were running softly over Piper's back, and her breathing hitched every time her girlfriend did that _thing_ to her ear. She could feel herself becoming more wet by the second, and her center was pulsing almost painfully. Finally, Alex couldn't stand it any longer. She grabbed Piper's head with her hands and turned it so that she could kiss the blonde. Piper allowed her to and kissed her back feverently. The blonde moved her legs from either side of Alex's hips and lay herself down between the brunette's bare thighs. She could feel how wet and warm Alex was, and almost gave in. Alex bucked against her, wet heat sliding firmly against Piper. The blonde bit Alex's full bottom lip and pushed her hips down, her heart fluttering when Alex gasped, long, pale fingers clawing at the blonde's back.

Then, after convincing herself not to just give Alex what she wanted, Piper pecked Alex on the forehead and rolled off of her. The brunette looked at the younger girl as if she were insane. Lust and confusion were swirling in her dark, searing eyes. Her chest was heaving, her nipples as hard as Piper had ever seen them. And her legs, they were still spread apart from where Piper had been laying. Between them, the blonde could tell how badly Alex wanted her.

"What are you doing? Come back." Alex said, her hands clenching the sheets.

Piper winked at her girlfriend, "Payback's a bitch, babe."

Alex's face twisted into an expression of disbelief. "Pipes-"

"Nuh-uh. Take care of yourself." The blonde shrugged, unable to keep the smile off her face.

Alex's mouth fell open in shock. "But I want _you_ to take care of me."

The blonde chuckled. "Not right now. Maybe later. If you're good."

Before the blonde could leave the room to go to the restroom, Alex had her hand between her legs and was rubbing herself in quick circles. Piper went wide eyed at the sight of her girlfriend getting herself off, seeming to be rooted to the spot. Her plan to play a long game went out the window as soon as she heard Alex moan in pleasure. Piper rushed back to the bed and shoved Alex's hand away, her own mouth taking it's place.

xXxXx

"How many people have you slept with?" Piper asked, quietly. They'd been laying there panting for the last 5 minutes and the blonde had suddenly become aware of what exactly Red had said earlier. That Alex had never come to the diner twice with the same girl besides the one she'd poured coffee all over. Alex slept with random girls and married women. Often, aparently.

Alex's relaxed expression faded away, one that resembled frustration taking over. "I fucking hate Red."

Piper simply waited on an answer, playing with silky black tresses and watching Alex's face. The dark haired girl caught her eyes and then looked away, a frown marring her face. Piper didn't mean to upset her girlfriend, but she thought that they were close enough by now for her to deserve an answer. Piper had been with her fair share of people, so she wouldn't judge Alex for a high number if there was one. But she wanted to know.

"A lot." Alex said after a lengthy silence in which she had hoped Piper would retract her question. That hadn't happened, so she'd just decided to be honest.

"So, like.. Ten?"

Alex's brows lifted and she pursed her lips before sighing. "More than 10."

Piper tried not to let the surprize show on her face. She didn't know _why_ she was surprized; Alex was gorgeous and could be _very_ charming. Alas, she was still taken aback. She herself hadn't even slept with that many people and she'd thought she was a bit permiscuous. "Fifteen?"

Silence.

"Twenty?"

"Piper, stop trying to guess. It's a fuck-ton more than that. I don't know the exact number, but I know it's high and every time you guess it just makes me feel that much worse because you're _so_ far off and it makes me feel like a fucking slut. So stop." Alex said, her voice tinged with quite a bit of anger.

The blonde hadn't ever heard Alex speak to her like that, and it made her pulse quicken in a bad way. Her own temper flared to life and she sat up in the bed, glaring down at Alex. "My bad if wanting to know how many people my girlfriend has fucked is a bad thing. You're so fucking secretive, Alex. Do I not get to know _anything_ about you? Besides that you've slept with _married_ women? Fuck, _you_ didn't even tell me that. Red did."

Alex sat up as well, eyes narrowed at her girlfriend. She knew in the back of her mind that she shouldn't have snapped at Piper, but it was too late to go back, now. Besides, the blonde had a point and Alex thought she'd clear up any confusion on her previous sex life. "I fucked a lot of married women. I fucked a lot of un-married women. I slept with my high-school art teacher after school on her desk when I was 16 years old. Multiple times. I used to get high and drunk at parties and wake up in random houses with girls I didn't remember ever seeing before." Alex took a deep breath before continuing. "The girl who pierced my nipples? Fucked her. "The one who did my thigh tattoo? Fucked her, too. Should I keep going?"

Piper was in shock. Alex was still looking at her like she could punch her any minute. The blonde cast a quick glance down at Alex's hands, taking note that they were indeed clenched into fists. "No. But you should go home."

The way that the color drained from Alex's face was worrisome. Piper watched as the anger and frustration were quickly replaced with regret and fear. Alex swallowed, her eyes misting over. She didn't say anything, however. Simply nodded before looking away and shaking her head as she stood up from the bed. The tall girl slowly left the dark room, trying not to trip over anything, as that would just make her feel worse about herself. Piper heard her go into the bathroom, probably to put her clothes back on.

She didn't know what to do. Alex had never even once been mad at her since they'd been a couple, although Piper had, on more than one occasion, seen fit to bitch at the brunette for smoking. Alex had always just quietly stated that it was better than drinking. Now that she'd pissed the girl off- even though she hadn't intended to-Piper had turned it around on Alex. Making the older of the pair leave without so much as a warning. And Piper knew Alex didn't have much control over her emotions even on a good day, which that day had _not_ started out as. So, was it really fair to send Alex away for getting mad at Piper? The blonde wanted to go and catch Alex before she left and apologize.

But she was too proud.

Alex dressed quickly, forgoing her underwear and bra, opting to leave them where they were. She shoved her glasses on her face and went into the livingroom. After she'd slipped her boots, jacket, hat and scarf back on, she left silently, locking the door before closing it. Alex needed a fucking drink.

The brunette passed up the elevator, not having the patience to wait for it even though it would probably get her to the ground floor faster. She rushed down the stairwell, barely noticing any of the other people she barged past. Alex wanted a drink, but first she wanted to have a word with Galina fucking Reznokov. Her shock and fear of being left was getting taken over by an anger she'd been holding back for a long time, now.

It was snowing heavily outside when Alex finally made it there. She reached into her jacket pocket and got out her phone. It was almost dead, but still had enough battary for at least a couple hours without dying. On the screen she saw the earlier missed calls from Piper and it made her heart clench painfully. This was what she'd been afraid of. Falling in love so deeply, so _quickly_ , only to have her heart crushed because Piper didn't really know who she was. Sure, Piper knew who Alex was on an emotional and physical level, but the blonde only knew bits and pieces of Alex's life. That was the brunette's fault, of course, and she knew it. It didn't make her feel any better, though. She'd kept her past to herself so that _this_ wouldn't happen. Now, it was her fault she'd been told to leave. Again. Twice, Piper had told her to go, and both times had been over sex.

Alex wondered how Piper would react to what the brunete used to do for a fucking living. Selling drugs for a gang leader that she'd never even liked. Alex had met Kubra through Fahri, who was at her father's after-party the one and only time she'd ever met the dead-beat. Fahri had told her he was looking for someone 'like her' for a new job that had opened up in his 'line of work'. Alex hadn't known then that she'd be recruited into Kubra Balik's gang, so she went along with it, excited at the possibility of making more money than she did at Red's. She'd be able to help her mother out, pay a couple more of the bills, maybe even get Diane to quit one of her own jobs.

The brunette huffed in agrivation, walking faster through the snow and people. Alex was on a mission, finally ready to speak her mind to Red and get some questions answered. Mainly, what the Russian's reasons were for constantly smacking her and why she felt the need to humiliate Alex infront of Piper. The diner would be open for at least another hour, so Alex decided in her furious state of mind, that she would give Red a taste of her own medicine.

xXxXx

A/N: So, probably not what you were expecting, but I promise it's all for a reason. Next chapter will probably be mostly if not completely flashback. Forgive all spelling errors, as my spellcheck isn't working at the moment. Please review and let me know what you thought of this one. -SK


	14. Whiplash Season

Winter Roses

-FLASHBACK-

Alex was 21 years old when she met Kubra Balik. She'd been informed by Fahri not to speak unless spoken to and not to ask a million questions when she did get the chance to speak. The young brunette had eagerly complied, a little nervous but mostly just willing to do anything for more money. She'd been helping with the bills at home along with Nicky, but it was still difficult to make ends meet. Maybe if things went smoothly, they could get caught up and eventually she and Nicky could move out and let Diane have some peace and quiet.

The young woman followed Fahri inside a dilapidated older building, realizing upon entry that looks could be deceiving. Inside, once you got past the first two doors, the place was warm with bright lighting and expensive looking furniture and even a few pieces of art on the walls. Fahri led Alex to a leather couch and told her to sit down, that they'd be with her soon. Alex sat down and looked around at her surroundings, taking note of the large men placed in front of the 3 doors she could see, including the one she'd just come through. The men were tan skinned with dark hair and muscular builds, each one with a very obvious gun belted to their hip. They looked professional in a scary way, and it just caused Alex to be even more anxious.

The dark haired young woman decided she'd done enough looking around and settled her eyes on her hands, the anxiety tightening it's hold on her chest. Alex had been known to cause a bit of trouble in high school, but she'd never been in trouble with the law before, and here she was trying to get a job that was sketchy at best. Alex didn't know what exactly Fahri was getting her into, but she was certain that if it was legal, they wouldn't have met somewhere like this.

A door opened, and Fahri moved past one of the big body-guard types, a much taller and broader man following behind him. Alex supposed that was Kubra, with the way the atmosphere seemed to drop in temperature as soon as he'd entered the spacious room. The man had a shaved head and dark, serious eyes. He sat down in the arm chair across from Alex and lit a thick, odorous cigar. Fahri stood beside the chair and looked down at Alex, throwing her a wink and a grin.

"You're the one Fahri told me about. Alex Vause." Kubra said, a strange accent curling his words and managing to make Alex's name sound foreign.

Alex nodded, not sure what to say. She could taste stomach acid in her mouth and was afraid if she were to try to speak, she'd puke all over this imposing man's feet. Alex didn't know why she was so nervous, didn't know why she had such a bad feeling, but she ignored it as best she could. The girl fidgeted with her glasses under Kubra's intense stare.

"You're a pretty one. Boyfriend?" Kubra questioned, his lips turning up just a fraction on one side as he eyed her.

"N-no." Alex said quietly, "I'm gay."

Kubra's thick brows shot up, and he chuckled. "Even better. Nobody's got anybody like you. Quiet, shy, attractive, and a lesbian. You'll have everyone eating out of your hands, begging for more."

Alex furrowed her brows, "What am I being interviewed for?"

The bald man gave her a curious look. "You're our new delivery girl, Alex."

"Delivery?"

"But first, we should go over the rules." Kubra flicked the ashes from the tip of his cigar into a fancy, cut glass ashtray sat beside his chair on the wooden floor. "First and last, do not fuck me over. Simple, really. Second, do what I tell you to do. Third, return all your earnings to me at the end of every night and I will pay you what you deserve. Fourth, do not tell anybody about anything that has to do with this job, including my name. If you do, you will regret it."

Alex swallowed, panic starting to cause her breathing to speed up. She pushed her eyeglasses on top of her head and leant back, trying to take a deep breath. "I don't even know what this is."

"I already told you, Alex. It's your new job. I'm your boss and you do what I say, unless you want to get fired. Nobody likes getting.. Fired." Kubra remarked, taking another drag off his cigar. His eyes were cold, now. Deadly.

"I don't-"

"You'll have your own body guard near you at all times, nobody will be able to hurt you unless they've got a gun. But you'll have one, as well. You'll be taught how to use it if you don't already know. But, just as the man I pair with you will protect you, he'll protect me as well. So, if you make him think you're doing anything that could cause me or my business any harm, you will be quickly brought in to see me. Willing or not. And, to make sure that you don't go run and tell the pigs all about this, you should know that I already know where you live. I also know 2 other women live in your house. But I won't do anything to them if you follow the rules. Got it?"

Alex nodded, replacing her glasses to their usual perch and swallowing the lump in her throat. She couldn't believe what she'd managed to get herself into by simply taking a stranger's advice. Alex should've known as soon as they got to the run down building that something was wrong. She'd just been so hopeful.. Now, though, Alex was terrified of what this man was capable of doing to her family if she messed up even by accident. "Yes.."  
"Good!" Kubra said around his cigar, clapping his hands together loudly and startling Alex enough to cause her to jump. "Now, for your initiation into this little crew of mine, you'll be delivering some H to one of the dirty cops at the station a few blocks over in Queens."

What little color there was drained out of Alex's face. "What?"

"That's your job, now. You're my newest drug pusher. You'll learn the in's and out's soon enough. That or get arrested. This is your first job, and it'll tell me how good you are and how quickly you'll progress, if at all. The cop'll let me know what he thinks after it's over. If you're shit, you'll get arrested and I won't have to waste anymore time on you. Remember, though. If you _do_ get taken in, don't say a word." Kubra stated the last part with a hard voice, his calculating eyes never leaving Alex's.

xXxXx

Within 6 months, Alex was much better at selling drugs to people than she'd ever expected. She had been told by Fahri that since she was so 'quiet, good looking and shy', that Alex was the opposite of what most of the drug dealers in the area were like. It also didn't hurt that she was also a female, and a gay one, at that. All of those things, coupled with her being a fresh face in the game, meant nobody even knew to watch out for Alex, yet.

At first, Alex had been petrified. She'd managed to sell the heroin to Officer Mendez without problem, and he'd given her a long look up and down before tossing a thumbs up. After that, Alex and her newly appointed 'body guard', Oscar, had quickly headed back to Kubra. Once there, the man had informed her that Mendez had just texted him, saying that Alex had done well, but needed to work on her game face.

"You can't walk around looking like you've got a gun to your head. Nobody's got a gun to your head. If you really want out, I can make it happen. But the money doesn't get better than this for people like you." Kubra stated, knowing that if he played into Alex's desire for _more_ in life, that she would never want to leave. He would be true to his word, though. If the young woman did decide that she wanted out, Kubra would see to it that Alex was released of her newly acquired job, on the condition that she never said anything to anyone about what she had learned. His collateral would be a threat to her family, but he had no desire to cause anyone harm unless they deserved it.

Kubra's play on Alex's most obvious desires had worked, and now that Alex had learned what to do and what not to do, she had a _need_ to do better, _be_ better. So, Alex did her best, and over time her ability to talk her way into and out of situations was growing rapidly. At first she'd only sold to people on her 'list', but then her 'customers' had begun racking up. Even a few here and there that used to rely on the H that the rivaling dealers for different crews sold. Alex was informed by Fahri that this was a good thing, that Kubra was pleased, but she would need to be more careful since she was becoming more well known. Alex's charm, something she'd been using since she was a child, seemed to draw people to her and while it made the girl a little anxious at first, she grew to love it.

Having people fawning over her was something Alex had experienced before, but it was different now. Now, Alex had a new sort of confidence slowly building up. She was able to go places with Kubra and Fahri and the crew that she'd never have been able to afford before. Kubra would always introduce her to people as his most promising new member. The girls would smile and flirt with her once Kubra mentioned her sexuality. Alex began going home with a new girl nearly every night after meeting Kubra and Fahri at their favorite club and handing in her earnings and the drugs she kept hidden in a special pocket on the inside of her newly purchased leather jacket. It was fine when it was just about sex, but on rare occasions one of the girls would try to 'get to know' Alex on an emotional level, but the brunette hadn't ever been good at opening up. So, she pushed thoughts of a relationship aside over and over, opting instead for lots of sex with lots of women. It felt kind of empty, but Alex continued on that way.

Half a year into it and the money Alex was making helped out at home quite a bit. Diane and Nicky both had asked her what she was doing for a job now that she'd left Red's, wondered how the heck she managed to come home with a chunk of cash every night. Alex told them she was working at a club and got paid under the table in cash and also made tips. Nicky had wanted to come see her 'at work' but Alex quickly 'informed' her that she couldn't get in without knowing the owner. Nicky had given her a suspicious look but let the subject drop. Diane wondered where Alex slept, since she was gone more often than she was home. Alex had blushed and shrugged her shoulders, avoiding her mother's eyes.

 _"She sleeps anywhere there's a sexy, naked, girl. Am I right?" Nicky nudged Alex's arm with her shoulder, a shit-eating grin on her face._

Alex face-palmed as Diane choked on her coffee, sputtering about how gross that was to hear about her own kid. Nicky simply burst into laughter, looking back and forth from Alex to Diane, pointing a finger like an overly enthusiastic child.

"Oh, fuck off." Alex had grinned after finally lifting her head to look at Nicky.

"Watch ya fuckin' language." Diane said seriously.

There was a long moment of silence before all 3 women began laughing loudly while sat on the 2 person love seat, eating dinner together. Their spirits had lifted since Alex had taken most of the load off their shoulders with her new job. The small house felt a little more worth all the trouble once it was easier to keep running.

-END FLASHBACK-

 _'I'm gonna fucking kill her,'_ Alex thought to herself as she trudged through the snow and people. At the moment, Alex was fuming. Her anger had completely taken over and all she could think of was going into the diner and embarrassing the absolute hell out of Red. Alex wanted to humiliate her, she wanted to slap her, and she wanted to know why the older woman always treated her so poorly as of late.

After what seemed like an hour and 5,000 miles, Alex finally reached the little diner with the bright red door and fancy gold letters. From the window she could see that it was quite busy, people bringing their family there for the holiday season to show them one of their favorite places, no doubt.

Good.

Alex shoved the door open and was spotted Red immediately, her back to Alex as she was speaking to a wealthy looking old couple. The brunette wasn't thinking clearly, all she could think of at all was how Red managed to fuck up what she had with Piper. _Again._

Quickly, Alex was behind Red. She took hold of the older woman's long, white shirt sleeve and yanked on it to get her attention. Red whirled around, wide, confused eyes narrowing when she realized who it was. The couple she'd been speaking to looked startled, but were too curious to look away.

"We need to talk. Now." Alex seethed.

"Go wait in my office. I'll be there when I can." Red stated, her voice low and even. She had some idea what this could be about, but wasn't in the best situation to deal with it right at the moment.

"No, Red. _Now._ " Alex repeated herself, hoping her eyes would burn a hole straight through the old bitch in front of her.

Red scoffed, "I'll be back there in a minute. Go." She shooed Alex like she were a stray animal, turning to apologize to her patrons.

"Goddamn it, Red! You're such a fucking _bitch_." Alex finally lost the barely-there cool she'd been holding onto. The tall woman had wanted to make Red feel how she had felt earlier and the time before that in September, but that all went out the window when Red had fucking _shooed_ her. Alex shoved her glasses on top of her head and rubbed at her face in anger and even a hint of hurt. Why didn't anybody give a fuck? _Why_ was it okay to fucking shoo her?

The whole diner had gone silent, all heads turned towards the clearly pissed off, tall brunette and the scarily silent Russian. Before anybody had time to realize what was about to happen, the sound of the slap rang loud and clear through the entire diner. There was a collective gasp and quiet murmuring.

Alex's head was still turned sideways, even nearly a full minute afterwards. She had felt the strike to her face when it had happened, but now she couldn't feel anything at all. That was the hardest Red have ever hit Alex, and she knew there had to be a perfect hand print on the side of her face. The brunette eventually met Red's eyes, still unable to feel anything physically or emotionally.

Red was in shock. She had never intended to strike Alex that hard- the blow she'd just delivered was something reserved for people she hated, not careless young women she considered her family. Even more startling was the fact that Alex hadn't retaliated at all, and was just _looking_ at her. The stout, older woman was so focused on staring back at Alex that she didn't notice the person standing just inside the door, the person who'd come in just in time to see what had transpired.

"What the fuck!?" A voice shouted. Then, Red was being roughly shoved backwards by an angry blonde.

Alex snapped out of her daze at the sound of Piper's voice. She realized what was happening and knew she needed to get Piper away from Red before something bad happened. Alex may not have cared what would happen to her if she'd been the one to get into it with Red, but she _did_ care about what would happen to Piper. Alex shoved her glasses back down onto the bridge of her nose. She moved quickly and wrapped an arm around Piper's waist, dragging her backwards and away from Red, who'd been backed right into the table the elderly couple was still sat in. Piper struggled against Alex, making it very difficult to keep a hold on her.

The blonde only stopped struggling once she'd managed to get close enough again to give Red a taste of how it felt to be hit in the face. The slap was a little off kilter and less hard than Piper would have preferred, but she had certainly made contact, and everyone knew it. Everyone including Red's youngest son, who was making his way towards the scene at a threatening pace, a look of confused anger masking his face.

"How does that feel?" Piper growled, "Huh?"

"Let's go. Piper, we have to go." Alex said, pulling the blonde away much more easily this time.

Piper gave Red one last lingering death glare before finally following Alex right back out the door they'd just come through. Once outside, Alex didn't release Piper's hand, but instead began to drag her down a side street and away from where most of the people were walking. The blonde followed her silently, still so very pissed off that she was shaking.

The blue eyed woman had quickly realized what might happen when she'd told Alex to go home not even an hour ago. She'd gotten dressed right after she heard her door close and then dressed at a record pace. She had then ran to the elevator, hoping against hope that it'd get to the ground floor before Alex did. She'd still ended up behind the brunette, though, and had followed closely behind her to the little Russian diner, entering just in time to witness Alex get the ever-loving hell slapped out of her. Seeing that had made something primal snap deep inside Piper, and she'd simply reacted.

Now, Alex was leading her further and further away from any sign of the crowded streets and Piper didn't know where they were going, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care. Her heart was still racing and Piper had a feeling it might explode.

Eventually, Alex stopped walking, but still didn't let go of Piper's hand. Instead, she laced their fingers and looked up at the night sky, taking note of all the millions of snowflakes still drifting downwards. After a while, Alex looked at Piper.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, earlier. I didn't even really mean to.. I just.." Alex sighed and ran the middle finger of her free hand over her bottom lip, "Sometimes I can't help it. I just get mad or sad or happy or numb and I can't do anything about it. It's like I'll know, right? I'll know I shouldn't talk because I'm gonna say the wrong thing because my fuckin' moods switch faster than even _I_ can keep up with. But the mood is all I can feel and it fucks with all the thoughts in my head. Earlier it was just very quickly anger that took over and when that happens I always get royally pissed off at even the smallest things. You asked me that question and I got mad. I'm sorry."

Piper just stared at Alex, amazed that Alex was actually opening up to her.

"You're just staring at me. Jesus, I'm _sooo_ not good at this. Did any of that even make sense? I'm trying. I said I would try." Alex nodded to herself before looking back at Piper, taking note of the smile that was starting to spread across her lips.

"Thank you for trying. It does make sense." Piper replied. "How is your face? I can't see it in the dark very well."

Alex absentmindedly ran her fingers over where she'd been slapped. "It burns. Not something that I haven't dealt with before, though.."

"How are _you_?" Piper questioned, glad that her nerves had started to calm down again.

Alex shook her head, "I don't wanna.. I mean.. Can we talk about it later? Will there even _be_ a later? I don't know where we stand."

Piper pulled Alex into a strong embrace. "Of course there will be a later. We both reacted badly, baby. I'm sorry, too."

Alex released a deep sigh and rested her head on Piper's shoulder, closing her eyes and snuggling her face into the crook of her girlfriend's neck. They stood like that in a dark alleyway for several moments, swaying back and forth in the loud city night with snow falling heavily around and on top of them. Alex knew the emotion she was feeling right now, so heavy in her veins it almost hurt. She decided then that she wanted Piper to know how she felt.

"I love you, ya know." Alex whispered, kissing Piper's jaw.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. -SK


	15. Spoken Truths

A/N: First, I apologize for taking so long to update. I've been really caught up in real life, lately. Second, I'm sorry this chapter is so short. It's basically a filler chapter since I haven't posted in a while. I felt bad not updating so this is better than nothing. Hopefully you'll like it. I want everyone to know that I may not post as often, but I'm not going to abandon this story. Anyway, I kind of edited it, kind of just skimmed it. So, here is chapter 15.

Winter Roses

Piper's heart did some weird squeezing thing and simultaneously, her belly filled with psychotic butterflies. Alex loved her. Alex had told Piper that she _loved_ her. Nobody had ever said that to the blonde besides her family and Polly. Not including the notes she had recieved from little boys in elementary school. Or the 'friends' she'd had in middle and high school that threw the word around like it was cool; fake 'I love you's' when you were on their good side, mean, hateful words when you weren't, anymore. But now, her lover had said it and Alex's title as 'lover' had become as true as it could be, because the blonde knew that Alex _meant_ it. Piper couldn't contain the large, cheshire grin that was spreading across her face. It just made her so _happy_ that someone felt so strongly for her.

"You do?" Piper asked softly, pulling back to search Alex's eyes in the near pitch black of the narrow alleyway.

Alex nodded, a small, soft smile on her lips. "Mmhm.. For a while, now."

The blonde pulled Alex into a kiss, keeping it slow and deep because she figured that was best for the atmosphere Alex's admission had created. Piper honestly didn't know if she was _in_ love with Alex or not. She thought she might be; there were certainly very deep feelings in her heart for Alex. But were those feelings truly love, or just lust accompanied by strong liking? Piper hadn't ever been in love before- she didn't know how to tell. Of course, she could tell Alex that she loved her, because she did. She _did_ love Alex as a person. But would that be fair? Surely Alex would think she was returning a much deeper sentiment.

When the kiss faded, Alex pulled away so that she could study Piper's face. Alex hadn't thought about how Piper would respond, earlier. She'd just been struck by how much she truly did love Piper and had needed to tell her. Now, though, her truth had been spoken and her heart felt raw. Like her chest had been cracked open, revealing her damaged heart for what it was: mishapen, bruised, stitched up. A complete and total wreck. Piper could either tear it out or accept it for what it was and allow that to be good enough for her. It belonged to her, now, either way. Alex waited in the silence for Piper to say something- anything, really.

' _I don't say that to everyone.. You have to say it back_.' Alex thought, a feeling of embarrassment and hurt wrapping its twisted, gnarly hands around her windpipe.

The brunette eventually looked away once she realized that Piper wasn't going to respond to her. Her whole chest hurt horribly, the sharp, staggering pain pulsing straight from her heart and all throughout her body, but Alex didn't want the blonde to know that.

"C'mon. It's cold." Alex managed to say, her voice quiet. She didn't let go of Piper's hand, even though she wanted to. Alex knew it wasn't the blonde's fault; you can't control your heart. Still, not hearing her girlfriend say the words back was a hard thing to deal with, even if she hadn't realized she was waiting on them until they weren't there. She tried not to belittle herself or curse herself out in her head, but it wasn't working.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course she doesn't love me. Why the hell would she? Who, in their right mind, would love someone like me? All I've managed to do is bring drama and bullshit into her life. I don't have a job. I'm running out of money. All I fucking do is make everything worse for everyone. Such a stupid bitch. Fucking garbage. Why did I think someone like her might be able to_ _ **love**_ _me?_

Piper followed behind Alex as the taller woman led them back into the crowded streets. She could tell that Alex was upset all over again, and she knew it was her fault for not saying it back. "Alex,"

Alex stopped at the sound of her name. She schooled her face into a much less upset expression and turned around, quirking her brows at the beautiful blonde who now had possesion of her heart. The heart she didn't want.. But still, there was hope in Alex that _maybe_ this was when Piper would say it back. "Pipes."

"How do you know?" Piper asked, hoping Alex could give her some sure-fire answer so that she'd be able to tell whether or not she was in love.

Alex let out a breath and shook her head, her lips turning up in amusement at how ridiulous this all was. "I just do," Alex shrugged, meeting blue eyes in the light from the many streetlamps surrounding them. "You're the first and last thing I think about every day. When I'm around you, it's like it's easier to breathe. When I'm not around you, I miss you. You make me feel better. I want to do anything I can to make you happy, to make you laugh. Even if I'm not good at it. I just.. I'm in love with you. I've never been in love before, but I've never felt _this_ before now. So.. Yeah. That's how I know."

Piper just stood there for a moment. "Do _you_ think I'm in love with you?"

Alex shrugged again and looked away, "I thought you were."

The wind blew a strong gust, whipping the girl's hair around wildly. Piper and Alex huddled together much like they had way back in September, the first time they'd ever gone to Red's. People pushed past them, in a hurry to get out of the speedily declining temperatures. Once the wind had finally died down, the girls pulled apart and Alex began dragging the blonde behind her once again. She just wanted to go home to her own apartment, that way she could try to tighten her stitches before she completely fell apart.

Eventually, they made it back to the Redwood and took the stairs. On the 7th floor landing, Alex let go of Piper's hand. The taller of the 2 ran a shaking hand through her hair and turned to face Piper.

"Thanks for showing up and uh.. Defending me. That was pretty crazy. I'm gonna.." Alex rubbed the back of her neck and looked away. "I'm gonna go to bed. You can-You can text me. If you want to. I probably won't fall asleep for a while."

Piper's heart felt like someone had a death grip on it and wouldn't let go. She didn't want Alex to go. Didn't want her to be alone and sad. Could that be a sign that.. A heart-shaped lightbulb went off in her head. Of _course_ it was a fucking sign! The blonde reached out and grabbed her lover's wrist, tugging on it until Alex looked at her again. "Alex."

"I'm okay, I just think maybe you-"

"I love you, too."

Silence.

Alex's face went blank. She pushed her glasses to the top of her head, over her beanie. Very serious grey-green eyes searched Piper's, looking for the truth, for the lie. Whatever they might find that would give the blonde away. All Alex could see was honesty in Piper's wide, deep blue eyes. Honest love. True love. The corners of Alex's full lips began to ever so slowly turn upwards. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Yes. I love you, too." Piper said, taking note that the words felt good to say. They felt natural, like a deep breath of fresh air. She could see how her words were effecting Alex, and decided she'd say it however often the brunette needed to hear it, if it'd cause Alex's eyes to light up like that every time. Piper tugged on the wrist a little harder and Alex allowed herself to be pulled into a warm embrace.

"Let's get inside."

xXxXx

"Christmas is in 2 days." Piper mumbled the next morning, her face snuggled into the crook of Alex's neck.

Alex's only response was to make an afirmative sound. She'd been the big spoon as they'd slept the night before, for the first time. She found that she liked holding Piper tightly to her chest all night long, but she still woke up with her lover holding onto her just as tightly, lying on her chest with a leg thrown over Alex's hip, the brunette on her back. Alex had yet to open her eyes but she knew that Piper was wide awake from the way the blonde stretched against her. Alex wasn't ready to get up.

"I have to get the place ready for Carol and Bill. They're coming over on Christmas Day, specifically to make my life a living hell. Speaking of, what do you want for Christmas?" Piper questioned, her voice becoming more lively by the second.

"To sleep in." Alex replied, her voice scratchy and dry.

Piper kissed the warm skin of Alex's neck. "Done. What else?"

Alex grumbled something that might've been English, but Piper wasn't sure. The blonde kissed the same spot, again. "Babe.. what else?"

"You." Alex eventually said before yawning. "To sleep in. With you."

Piper chuckled lightly, her right hand rubbing smoothly over the soft, warm skin of Alex's belly and side. They were both completely naked, despite not having sex again the night before. The women had simply undressed and held one another all night. It had been intimate in a different way. Piper could feel the skin beneath her hand as it tingled at her touch, goosebumps forming where her fingers traced. Alex shivered, her body responding as it usually did to Piper's touch.

But then..

"Ah! No!" Alex groaned, crunching up her form to try and escape from Piper's traitor of a hand. The blonde smiled wildly, tickling Alex's sides, belly and hips. Alex's laugh filled her ears and Piper hadn't ever heard a more perfect sound. It did something to her heart that Piper absolutely _loved_.

The blonde stopped the movement of her hand and looked at Alex, her smile softening. "I love you."

Alex's eyes seemed to fill with an innocent light, misting up a bit. She smiled back at the blonde and picked up Piper's hand. Alex placed the hand over her chest, right above her heart and held it there. Piper could feel it beating strongly beneath her palm, pumping the lifeblood throughout her girlfriend's body.

"This is yours," Alex said, her voice nearly a whisper. "For as long as you want it. You have all my love."

Piper was sure she'd never felt anything quite like the joy she felt at hearing Alex say those words. Every time she heard the other say it, it filled her soul with a happiness more pure than she'd ever felt before. Piper moved so that she was lying on top of Alex and leant down to kiss her softly, her heart skipping a beat at the touch of their lips.

After several long moments of tender kissing, Piper moved off of Alex and stood up. She stretched again and sighed, content. Happy. Piper gathered fresh clothes, loving the feel of Alex's eyes roaming her body. Alex had made no move to get up, and instead was simply watching her with those big green eyes of hers, a look of awe on her face. Piper raised her brows, a confused, self conscious smile forming.

"What?"

Alex shook her head, shrugging a single shoulder before responding in a small, quiet tone. "I just can't believe you love _me_."

Piper felt a pang in her heart. "Believe it."

xXxXx

They didn't make love in the shower, but Alex had washed Piper's body and hair. Piper had done the same for Alex, loving the sensuality of the act. Once they were done, Alex had wrapped herself in a towel and gone to her own apartment to get dressed. They had plans to spend the day together since the blonde didn't have anywhere to be. Piper was hoping to find a few last minute things for the Christmas dinner being held at her apartment, and Alex simply didn't want to be away from the younger woman.

Alex returned wearing jade green skinny jeans, purple socks, a black thermal top and her makeup. Her winged eyeliner was perfect behind her black framed glasses, and her full lips were their natural medium pink with a light gloss. The silver necklace disappeared below the neckline of her shirt, weighed down by her mother's ring. Alex's silky hair had been dried and was down past her shoulders, and she smelled amazing. The red mark that had been there from the night before had almost completely faded from her cheek, and Piper was glad it wasn't as permenant on the brunette's skin as it surely was in her soul.

"You look good." Piper smiled.

"I know." Alex joked, sitting on the edge of Piper's bed as the blonde finished curling her long hair. "But you look beautiful."

Piper looked at Alex's reflection in the mirror of the dresser. "Thank you. You're sure you're up for walking all over the place with me? I sometimes wander into unknown territory and spend horrendous amounts of time just _looking_ at stuff."

"I'll be looking at your ass, so.." Alex wiggled her perfect eyebrows, a smirk firmly in place.

"I'm sure you'll get bored of that after a while." Piper chuckled, "You may even have to look where you're going every once in a while."

"Nah." Alex shook her head and her eyes drifted down Piper's body, landing on the blonde's perfect ass and thighs. The younger girl was wearing tight, light brown cargo pants tucked into a darker brown pair of lace up boots that reached mid-calf, fake grey and black fur lining the top of them. Her knitted sweater was forrest green with a hood and 3 large mahogany buttons on the front of it.

"You look like an elf." Alex remarked, smiling.

Piper grinned, "I'm the sexiest elf you'll ever meet, and you know it."

Alex held up her hands in mock surrender. "Hey, I wasn't denying it. You're a sexy elf and I'm a.."

"Sexy biker chick." Piper answered for Alex. "Especially when you put your jacket on."

"You like the jacket, huh?" Alex questioned, her eyes again drifting to the blonde's backside.

"I love it. It suits you. I couldn't imagine you in something girly." Piper admitted, nearly finished curling her hair.

"I've been in you. _You're_ girly." Alex answered, catching the blonde's blue eyes in the mirror, a lustful look in her eyes.

"Oh my God, Alex." Piper shook her head, laughing. "That is _not_ what I meant. You're mind's in the gutter this morning, babe."

Alex feigned shock, "It is not. You're mistaken." She stood up and walked up to Piper, wrapping her strong arms around the blonde's waist from behind. She nuzzled Piper's neck and kissed it gently, swaying slowly. Piper leant back into her, her own hands coming to rest on top of Alex's.

"Am I?"

"Mmm." Alex nodded before allowing her teeth to drag across the sensitive skin on the back of Piper's neck. She felt the blonde shiver and held her tighter. "I'm not thinking dirty thoughts at all."

Piper closed her eyes and smiled. "I don't believe you."

Alex kissed the smooth skin again, pressing her hips forward into the blonde's backside. "You're lie detection skills are arousing."

The blonde took a steadying breath. "I just got dressed."

"Funny thing. Me, too." Alex whispered, now kissing her girlfriend's neck sensually and running her hands softly over Piper's toned belly, down towards her lower abdomen.

"We have to.." Piper trailed off when Alex became more persistant, her kisses just a little less teasing and more obvious in their quest for reaction. Those talented hands of hers knew exactly how to touch Piper, and they were making it difficult to form coherent thoughts with the way they were caressing her curves.

"Go. I have stuff.." Piper tried, sighing when Alex used her left hand to move her long, blonde hair out of the way. Alex began to nip and suck at her skin, hot breath making Piper weak in the knees. "Stuff to do.."

"So do I." Alex replied, her voice like velvet as her right hand threatened to slip beneath the waistband of Piper's pants. The blonde hadn't even realized she'd gotten past the sweater.

"You're so bad," Piper tried to complain, but the rest of her thoughts evaporated when those long fingers were suddenly exactly where she needed them to be.

"You seem to like it." Alex answered as she slowly circled her fingers over her girlfriend's overly slick bundle of nerves.

"S-standing?" Piper managed to whisper, her eyes closing in pleasure as Alex continued to slowly grind into her from behind while her fingers continued working their magic.

"You won't fall. I've got you." Alex said in a soft voice.

xXxXx

A/N: Please review and let me know what you guys thought about Piper's reaction. I'm going to try and get caught up on my writing but I wont make any promises as to when the next update will be. Thank you for your continued support. -SK


	16. Gut Feelings

A/N: This is the 2nd time I've tried to post this. I don't really know what happened the first time. Technology hates me. Anyway. Hopefully this time it isn't all jacked up. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to post and I'm sorry that this is so short. I wanted it to be longer since it's taken me so long but it would've taken even longer if I kept writing. I picked up from where we left off in the last chapter, due to a personal request (you know who you are (; ) Here's 16.

Winter Roses

Alex continued to move her fingers in the way she knew would have Piper weak in the knees in no time. Her hips moved sensually and her lips found the warm skin of the blonde's neck again. With her left hand she unfastened the button and unzipped the tight jeans, giving herself a tiny bit more room to work with. Piper released a breathy whimper and let her head loll back against the strong shoulder of her lover. Her hands gripped Alex's forearms, unable to find it within herself to protest.

The brunette moved her lips to Piper's ear and she nibbled the delicate skin tenderly, making sure to breathe hot breath in the exact right way as she stated the most important fact in her life. "I love you."

Piper shivered at the feeling that shot down her spine straight from her ear. She squeezed Alex's arms and after a few moments of heavy breathing and even a low moan, she managed to whisper it back.

At that, Alex smiled against her neck and Piper could feel it. The taller of the 2 kissed Piper's cheek, her fingers somehow managing to find the perfect rhythm even with hardly any room. Piper felt her knees giving out and for a moment thought she might fall to the hard floor beneathe their feet, but Alex moved her left arm around her waist and hugged the blonde tightly against her own form as her fingers went on undisturbed.

Soon, Piper was whimpering, her own hips moving along with Alex's as the older girl loved her. It was a new feeling. The same, but different in a way, to have Alex touching her like this after they'd spoken their love aloud. Now, it was more than sex. Because now Piper knew that Alex wasn't simply fucking her. No. She was making love to her and the thought made Piper's heart flutter.

This was _love._

Softly, so softly Piper wasn't sure if she was hearing things, Alex began to hum an almost eery tune. The brunette kept her fingers working slowly, the low timbre of her voice sending a steady wave of electricity through Piper. The blonde tried to focus on the soft melody Alex was humming but the pleasure between her thighs made it difficult. She was getting close, but Alex never sped her movements up.

 _"There's nothing sweeter than my baby, I'd never want once from the cherry tree,"_ Alex's soft voice sang gently and quietly into Piper's ear.

Piper's heart fluttered again. She hadn't known Alex could sing. The sound of her smoky voice singing sweetly into her ear made Piper gasp. She'd never been more turned on in her entire life. She listened as Alex continued.

 _"'Cause my baby's sweet as can be, she'd give me toothache's just from kissing me,"_ Alex sang lowly, hoping Piper was too distracted by her fingers to actually be paying attention to her. Alex rarely ever sang anymore. But she wanted to for the blonde in her arms.

"Alex," Piper whispered, her hips rocking forward. Alex smiled once more against Piper's skin before deciding to finish it off with the chorus since she knew the blonde wasn't going to last.

 _"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down; I'll crawl home to her.."_ Alex hoped Piper knew she meant every word of the lyrics, if she was listening. _"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down; I'll crawl home to her.."_

Piper arched, a strangled sounding whimper escaping her throat. She was glad when Alex's strong arms held her up as her body spasmed and then went limp after an intense orgasm. When it was possible, Piper managed to stand up and turn in Alex's embrace until she was facing her. Darkened blue irises searched Alex's forest green eyes for a moment before Piper kissed her girlfriend soft and sweet.

"Your voice is beautiful." Piper said after pulling away.

A light blush covered Alex's face and she looked away, an embarrassed smile tugging at her lips. She wasn't sure if she was more happy the blonde had been listening, or embarrassed. "You weren't supposed to be paying that much attention, Pipes. You were supposed to be distracted."

Piper grinned, "Oh, I was. But I still heard you. Why haven't you ever sang for me before?"

Alex was quiet for a long moment, searching Piper's eyes and only finding curiosity. And love. The brunette smiled, "I was afraid you wouldn't like it. I haven't sang in a long time so I probably sound like shit."

"Why don't you sing anymore?"

The brunette fidgeted with her glasses, "Because.."

Piper waited, hoping that Alex would tell her more about her life.

"I used to sing to my mom. When I was little. She always asked me to. Said I got my love for music from my dad." Alex said before walking over to the bed and sitting down. "She loved music, too. But she couldn't play any instruments or carry a tune. Anyway. I stopped singing when I met my dad. I mean, I still do every once in a while if I'm alone. But that.. Kind of ruined it for me. But thank you for the compliment. I'm glad you like my voice."

Piper held their gaze as she zipped and buttoned her pants once again, her knees still a bit shaky. "Will you tell me about meeting him later?"

Alex looked away. Telling Piper about that would mean telling her about meeting Fahri. Maybe she could just give her the short version. The version that didn't include the begening of her time as a drug dealer. "Yeah. But it.. I don't want to talk about it anymore after that."

"Okay. Come on. Put your boots and jacket on. All your warm stuff." Piper said, knowing better than to make a big deal out of it. She was surprised the brunette even agreed to begin with.

The green eyed woman stood up and left the room. Piper could hear her washing her hands in the bathroom and then putting her boots on. She checked her appearance in the mirror one last time, fixing the hair that Alex had moved out of her way.

"Come on, Pipes! We got a million stores to explore." Alex called, "All that unknown territory and all the horrendous amount of time staring at stuff is calling to me. We're gonna be late to window shop!"

Piper grinned, leaving her room to find Alex standing by the door with a goofy smile on her face. She had her beanie on now along with a scarf and her jacket. The blonde mock glared at her girlfriend before pulling her own coat on. They bid farewell to Phoebe and locked the door behind them, taking the stairs as usual.

xXxXx

The snow was falling heavily, leaving the city streets a mess of grey sludge. The couple had been shopping for nearly 3 hours, most of which were spent wandering around aimlessly, staring at things and people. Piper had managed to buy several different decorations for the apartment, including a miniature tree that Alex would not allow her to carry. In fact, Alex was carrying most of the bags, even though Piper was perfectly capable.

"Why won't you let me take some of those? I know that stuff's got to be getting heavy, Al." Piper said as they pushed their way through the over-poppulated streets.

Alex rolled her eyes, a slight smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. "I can handle it, Pipes. My arms aren't gonna break off."

"Okay, first, they might. It's cold and that jacket isn't warn enough. For all I know, you're already frozen and you _can't_ give me anything else to carry because your arms are stiff." Piper said, looking over at Alex.

Alex chuckled and met Piper's eyes. "You're being dramatic."

Blue eyes narrowed. "You're being stubborn. I'm not gonna think less of you if your arms are tired."

"Fine. Here, take this one." Alex finally gave in and handed Piper a bag.

"The smallest one!?" Piper exclaimed, taking the tiny red bag in her hand and looking at her girlfriend like she was insane. The bag was ridiculously small, holding a bundle of Christmas cards with room for nothing else.

Alex simply smirked and continued walking.

After catching a cab 2 hours and 5 medium sized bags later, Alex paid the cabbie and she and Piper got out of the vehicle. Both women were carrying quite the load now, Piper having refused to let Alex even touch the last several purchases. They took the elevator this time and sat the bags down as soon as they were inside the blonde's home.

"God, my arms hurt." Piper said, rubbing her sore muscles as she stepped over the pile of things she and Alex had bought.

Alex bent and straightened out her arms over and over, rubbing at her elbows. "Mine, too. Remind me next time to bring a fucking wheelbarrel or something."

Piper laughed, "Maybe you could borrow a shopping cart from one of the homeless people."

Alex took off her jacket and scarf, hanging them up before she went to the couch and sat down heavily, a content sigh escaping her lips. Her back ached nearly as bad as her arms did. She leant down and took her boots off. She was about to stand up to put them against the wall by the door, but Piper picked them up before she could.

"Just relax. I can tell you're hurting. I got this." Piper said, sweetly. She bent down and kissed Alex on the tip of her nose. "You're nose is frozen, babe. It's all red and so are your cheeks. I'll turn the heat up and make you some tea."

Alex couldn't help herself. "I love you."

Piper smiled and kissed Alex's forehead. "I love you, too. Now relax."

Alex sighed once more and let her body deflate into the couch. Phoebe was already in her lap, purring loudly. The brunette scratched behind the cat's ears and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the couch.

A few moments later, Piper returned with a cup of tea for Alex, and one for herself. After sitting them on the coffee table, she sat down beside Alex and cuddled into her side, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on the brunette's shoulder. Piper inhaled Alex's familiar scent and sighed happily.

"The bags can wait. I just wanna cuddle with you." The blonde mumbled into Alex's shoulder, sleepily.

Alex smiled. "You're more than welcome. Phoebe likes when we're all pretzeled up."

"What about you?" Piper questioned, kissing Alex's warm skin, softly.

A smile spread across Alex's lips. "Hmm?"

"Do you like when we're all pretzeled up?" Piper pressed her lips to Alex's neck again, her right hand rubbing Alex's flat belly for a moment before she wrapped her arm around Alex's torso.

"I think you already know the answer to that, Pipes." The brunette responded, closing her eyes when Piper's lips found their way to her ear.

The blonde grinned, nibbling on Alex's lobe and breathing hot air out in the way she knew would melt her girlfriend into a puddle of want. Alex shivered, turning her head in hopes of a kiss. She recieved one, Piper giving in easily. Phoebe, sensing that she might soon be squished, hopped down and took off into Piper's bedroom to sleep directly on top of the pillow Alex used.

Piper took the opportunity to straddle her lover's thighs, their teas completely forgotten. Alex's hands automatically went to the skin of Piper's waist, the blonde's sweater bunched up over her wrists. Piper kissed Alex with everything she had, her heart skipping a beat at the sound and feel of Alex sighing in need.

God, she loved this woman. She knew that now without even the tiniest shadow of a doubt. Piper loved her for all that she was. The good, kind hearted, beautiful, terrible, kaliedascopic woman that Alex was, was all Piper knew she would ever need. She loved her soul, her body, her voice..

"Tell me about meeting your father." Piper murmured without much thought. She kissed Alex a few more times before backing away and looking down at Alex.

"A little weird, Piper." Alex tried to joke. Truth be told, her heart dropped down as far as it could go at hearing Piper say that. She'd been hoping they could get caught up in one another and she wouldn't have to tell Piper the story she knew would only make the blonde feel sorry for her.

Again.

"I'm sorry," Piper said, "I just want you to tell me before we get carried away and I forget to ask. I know you won't tell me anything if I don't ask."

Alex quirked her brows and reached around the blonde to put her glasses on the coffee table. "Well."

Piper waited, pushing a strand of silky, onyx hair behind Alex's ear. She knew Alex was struggling with this simply by the way her voice sounded, even though Alex was doing her best to keep her emotions in check. The brunette looked away and worked her lips into a sideways pucker, like she wasn't sure how to start.

"I was 21. I hadn't ever met him before. I knew who he was, though, because Mama told me when I was little. I found out his band was gonna be close by, doing some gigs. So, I decided to go." Alex said in a soft voice, avoiding Piper's eyes. She didn't want Piper to see all the pain she knew was there swimming around in them.

Piper was silent, knowing it was better to just let Alex speak.

"There was this white pleather jacket that I really wanted," Alex stated, briefly catching Piper's eyes before looking away again. "I thought it'd make me look.. " Alex shook her head and gave a small, bitter laugh. "I thought it'd make me look more like a rockstar's daughter, y'know? All badass and edgy."

Alex sighed and rubbed at her lip. "I couldn't afford the jacket. So, I just wore what I had. I got to see their show. I thought it was awesome. I thought they sounded great and that my dad was the best drummer in the whole world. You know. Stupid kid thoughts, even at 21. I felt like that. Like an excited little kid."

"Al.." Piper had a horrible feeling.

"After the show, I got a bouncer to let me backstage by flirting with him. Anyway," Alex shook her head, not wanting to remind herself of how manipulative she could be. "I got to the little ' _after party'_ and my dad was with all the other band members and some groupies. I had all kinds of things planned to say, but all that came out was 'I'm your daughter', when he opened the door."

Piper stroked Alex's jawline with the back of her fingers, willing her to continue.

Alex smiled a sad, wistful smile. "He was so happy about it at first. Like, he really _was_ happy to see me." The brunette closed her eyes tightly. "He told me he would've never recognized me. Which is fine. That's understandable since he'd never seen me before.."

"Alex, what happened?" Piper whispered, ready to comfort the brunette at a second's notice.

Alex schooled her face, eyes locked on something in the distance. "He complimented my tits. Said he could've accidentally fucked me. That, that'd be fucked up."

At that, Piper's heart broke just a little bit more for the girl beneath her. She'd never heard Alex talk about her father before, and now she knew why. Piper didn't respond verbaly, because she had no clue what to say. Instead, she ran her fingers through Alex's long, dark tresses and pullled her close in a tight embrace. Piper kissed the top of Alex's head and held her still, her fingers continuing to comb through the coal black hair.

"He didn't apologize. Didn't make any effort to make it better. I asked where a bathroom was. I left after that and he didn't follow me." Alex left out the part where she met Fahri and got herself involved in a world she never thought she'd escape.

"Shh.." Piper whispered against Alex, holding the girl like she would fall apart if she didn't.

Alex pulled away and leant back enough to look Piper in the eyes, "The only good thing about meeting him is that he didn't deny me, y'know?"

"I wonder how many siblings you have.." Piper said out loud before her mind had time to catch up with her mouth.

Alex looked away and shrugged, her expression melancholy. "Probably a lot. Poor bastards."

Finally, Piper managed to come up with the courage to ask, "Who is he? Your father, I mean."

"Lee Burley." Alex answered with no real emotion in her voice.

Piper hadn't ever heard of the man, and so she remained silent. She felt bad for even mentioning it, but she knew that Alex would never bring it up and talk to Piper about it, if she didn't. Piper had a strong desire to know everything she could about her lover, and she felt like she was just scratching the surface of the iceburg that was Alex Vause.

"I stopped singing after that," Alex mumbled, avoiding Piper's wide, crystal clear, blue eyes. "I wanted to show him that I could. He was the back up vocals for Death Maiden. I thought he'd think it was cool. That _I_ was cool." Alex huffed bitterly, "But that never happened. I just didn't have a desire to sing, after that. You're the first person besides Mama, Red and Nicky to ever hear me."

The blonde tilted Alex's face towards her own so she could look into Alex's eyes. "Your voice is beautiful, Al. You can sing for me or around me anytime you feel like it. I would love that."

Alex couldn't help but smile at her girlfriend. "You're perfect. I'll never understand why you want to be with me."

Piper kissed Alex sweetly, her hands cupping Alex's face, tenderly. "Because I love you."

"Why?" Alex whispered, truly lost as to what it was about her that Piper could possibly love. She was nothing special. Just a sad girl desperately clinging to the blonde like she could save her from herself.

"There are a lot of reasons. Your heart is beautiful and broken. All I want to do is help you fix it. Your smile is sad and I just wanna make it happy. You're lonely in here," Piper tapped Alex's temple, "And I want to keep you company. Alex, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. You've been through so much, and I'm sure you haven't even told me the worst of it. You're the strongest person I've ever met and you've only ever treated me right. I'd be crazy if I didn't love you."

Green eyes closed and Alex inhaled deeply through her nose before pushing the breath out through her lips. Her heart was going mad inside her chest. "Nobody has ever loved me like you do, before."

Piper kissed Alex's forehead, "Let me show you how much I love you."

xXxXx

Just outside Piper's door, a man popped his neck and shook some of the tension out of his shoulders. He'd waited long enough. He had seen the two women leave the building that morning and had confirmed to his boss that yes, a certain, tall, dark haired and fair skinned woman was a resident at this specific apartment complex. He'd mentioned the blonde woman with the brunette, but nobody seemed to think she'd be much of a problem as long as she didn't see him. It was December 23rd, and he had a horrible, early Christmas gift for Alex.

The man knew just enough to get Alex to come outside. He knew exactly what to say, how to act. Once he could get her to trust and believe him, it'd be easy. He had a part to play and a job to do, and he was damn sure not going to fuck it up. Earlier, after waiting for hours, they'd returned and he'd followed the girls into the elevator and gotten off on the same floor as them and one other man. Alex hadn't paid much attention to him at all, and neither had the pretty blonde girl. They'd been staring at one another like love-struck idiots. They'd never even looked at him.

He had watched them go to their door, 713, and then simply gotten back on the elevator, mumbling to himself about 'forgetting cat food'. It'd been maybe half an hour ago, and now he was back at their door, listening to the soft, low tones of Alex's voice and the higher ones of the blonde.

 _'Better do it before they fuck,'_ He thought to himself before knocking on the door.

He heard mumbled voices and the sound of someone walking towards the door. He squared his shoulders and prepared himself. The door opened and the skinny blonde woman blinked at him in confusion. Alex was sitting on the couch, looking at him curiously.

"I'm sorry to disturb, but I'm hoping to speak with Alex." He said in a soft voice, making eye contact with the green eyed woman.

Alex quirked her brows and stood up, concern clouding her features. "Do I know you?"

Piper stepped aside and looked from Alex to the mystery man. She wondered how whoever he was had found her here; this wasn't even Alex's address. It was Piper's apartment. Alex's was next door.

"It's about Lee Burley." He said, knowing that it'd catch Alex's attention since she'd literally just been talking about him.

Alex somehow got a few shades more pale. "What about him?"

The man met Piper's large, blue eyes and then looked back at Alex. "It's a bit on the personal side. Can we go talk somewhere?"

Alex clenched her jaw. This was the last thing she had ever expected to happen. She didn't want to be alone with him, this stranger, but if he had something important she should know about her biological father, Alex knew she should go with him. Also, she didn't want this man to mention anything about the night she'd met Lee Burley in font of Piper. He might say something that she'd left out.

"Let me get my boots on," Alex mumbled, running her hands through her hair to try and straighten it up a bit. She shoved her glasses back on her face and grabbed her scarf, tossing it around his neck before shoving her feet into her boots. "I'll be right back."

Piper accepted a quick kiss from her girlfriend and watched as the taller woman grabbed her jacket and left the apartment with a man that neither of them had ever seen before. Once the door was closed, Piper stood there for several seconds, not sure of what to do now that Alex wasn't there.

Alex zipped her boots up and pulled her jacket on before looking back at the man, hoping they could get straight to it. She didn't want to be alone with him for any longer than necessary. "What's going on?"

"Walk with me, I wouldn't want the wrong person to hear this." The man said, knowing from the way Alex froze that he'd struck a nerve.

"What is this really about?" Alex questioned, her voice nearly silent.

The man continued to walk, "Follow me. If you don't, the blonde will pay for it."

Alex swallowed down her fear. "Don't fucking touch her."

"Won't have to if you just come with me." He shrugged, extending an arm infront of him, gesturing towards the stairs. "You'll be home soon, and she wont ever have to know anything about your past, assuming you were smart enough to keep your mouth shut."

Alex shuttered, "I thought I was out. He told me I was out. That we were good."

"I'm just doin' what I was told. Come on, you know Kubra doesn't like to be kept waiting." The man said, pushing Alex forward with a hand on the small of her back.

"Don't touch me." Alex growled, moving away from the hand quickly and making her way down the stairs. She had a horrible feeling in her gut, but there was nothing she could do about it now. If she didn't go, they'd get to Piper and Alex couldn't let that happen.

The man held his hands up in mock surrender, a cold look in his bright blue eyes. He followed Alex down the stairs until they'd reached the ground floor, and once outside he led the brunette to a black car with tinted windows. Alex hesitated but he easily forced her into the vehicle once the door was opened from the inside. He got into the seat beside her to keep her from trying anything stupid.

"Relax, Alex. It's just a talk amongst old friends." A frighteningly familiar voice said from the front passsenger side of the car.

xXxXx

A/N: The song Alex sings is 'Work Song' by Hozier. If you haven't already heard it, give it a listen. It's a beautiful song that I felt was fitting for Alex. Please review and let me know what you think. -SK


	17. Sudden Impact

A/N: Sorry for the wait. Since my last update I've been through quite a lot. I'm hoping that the fact that I'm finally updating will make at least a few people happy. Here it is.

Winter Roses

"Kubra," Alex said, her voice tight and thin. She hadn't seen the man for a long time, but his voice and the smell of his cologne and cigar quickly brought back old memories. Not all of them were good.

The man in the front seat turned to look at her and their eyes locked. His were cold and calculating, always searching out any weakness so that he could exploit it. Alex wanted to look away, but for some reason, wasn't able to.

"You know, I had hoped I would never have to see your face again, Alex." Kubra said, "But then.. Nichole got arrested during a deal with one of mine. Someone had tipped the police off. That could have been very, _very_ bad. Had either spoken the truth, my entire business could've been on the line."

Alex shook her head, "I had n-"

"And after that, you waited just long enough to 'avoid suspiscion' before running off. I've had people on the look out ever since. Looking for you all over this city and the surrounding areas." The man stated in his deep tones, lighting up a cigar.

"Kubra, I am not the one who told the cops what was going on. You told me what would happen to my family if I ever talked to the police about anything that had to do with you. Why would I do something like that?" Alex asked, rubbing the sweat from her palms onto her knees.

"If I am not mistaken, you lost the only family you had not long before the arrests were made. You had nothing to lose." Kubra stated, his voice gaining an edge that Alex knew would cut her if she wasn't careful. It was already pressed against her throat, ready to slice her to the bone.

The man who'd brought her to the car spoke up, "The other lady opened the door. The hot blonde I told you was with her."

Alex's heart clenched painfully at his words and she rubbed her face in frustration before fixing her glasses. She met Kubra's eyes, "She doesn't know anything about any of this, Kubra. And I don't know who the narc was, but it wasn't me. I was too stuck in my own head to even comprehend doing something like that."

"The blonde with you. Who is she?" Kubra asked, motioning for the driver to take them somewhere.

"Leave her out of this." Alex growled, her heart pounding in her chest so hard that she could feel it everywhere. She would never be able to live with herself if Kubra and his crew did something to Piper.

Kubra didn't falter. "I already know where she lives, Alex. And now it's obvious that the womanizer I used to know has gone and fallen in love. I've got someone outside the apartment right now just waiting on my say so. Or, maybe I'll have a little fun and send you back to her piece by piece."

"How did you even _find_ me?" Alex questioned, trying to ignore the fear of being murdered that was becoming more of a possibility by the second.

"You told a friend of mine." Kubra stated, taking a puff of his cigar. He acted as if it was old news.

"I haven't lived there long enough for me to have told one of your friends. I haven't had contact with you or yours in years, Kubra." Alex said, her confusion growing by the second.

"Guess you didn't make a very good impression, Aydin." Kubra stated in a humoured tone.

The driver moved the rear-view mirror so that he could look Alex in the eyes. He grinned and gave her a little wave. "You _were_ completely shit-faced, in my defense."

The hairs on the back of Alex's neck stood on end at the sound of the driver's voice. She knew that voice; she'd been having nightmares that included said voice since September. Alex felt the tears prickling at her eyes, too many emotions at war in her soul. She felt ill, like she could vomit at any given second.

"You had someone _rape_ me?" Alex managed to ask her old boss, trying her best to keep herself from jumping out of the car. Kubra probably had it child locked, but she was still willing to find out at a moment's notice.

"You presented an oportunity to find out where you'd been hiding. Aydin here had been about to check in on Galina Reznokov. See if she knew anything. But then you stumbled out the door. He followed you. I told him to feel free to punish you a bit. To make you remember what the good times were like before Diane was murdered. When you still worked for me." Kubra popped his neck and ashed out the window before turning in his seat once more to stare coldly at Alex.

Before Alex could ask the question she desperately wanted the answer to, Kubra interrupted her. "The blonde. She was never supposed to see Raphael, but some things can't be helped. How should I handle this situation?"

"Just let me go home. I swear to you, Kubra, she doesn't know anything. She's got no clue what I used to do for a living. I'm just trying to start over." Alex could hear the pleading in her own voice but she didn't give a flying fuck. She was in full blown panic-mode.

"Bet Diane would've like her. Well.. Before she met such a disastrous end." Kubra smirked, taking another drag off his cigar. He looked at Raphael and gave a quick nod. "We'll be in touch."

Suddenly, Raphael was right ontop of Alex. She yelped and tried to back away from him, finding out too late that what he'd been doing was opening her door. Alex landed hard on the concrete, her lower-mid back and elbows taking the brunt of it before her head slammed down as well. The forward motion of the vehicle had turned her sideways by her legs until at last she was still. Alex knew it hurt badly, that she needed to assess the damage, but she couldn't see for all the fucking stars. That was her last thought as her world faded into darkness.

xXxXx

Piper paced around her apartment for half an hour before she decided on putting up all the shopping that she and Alex had done together earlier. Anything to keep herself busy. The blonde was worried absolutely sick about Alex. Nothing felt right about the situation. Piper didn't know much about Alex's past, but she knew it was something Alex had no desire to tell her about. Piper wondered if maybe the man that had come to speak with Alex had known the brunette well back then. He did sound like he knew about the situation that had occurred between Alex and her sperm doner. But then, the two of them had just been talking about that, and Piper knew the walls were paper thin, and the doors weren't much better. She continued putting things where they were meant to go as well as decorating as she went. Piper couldn't stand not knowing what was going on with Alex.

' _Oh, God.. Please, please be safe,'_ Piper begged silently in her mind and heart.

After an hour, Piper decided to text Alex's phone, hoping desperately for an answer. She sent the text through before calling Polly. Piper was more anxious than she'd ever been and needed someone to take her mind off of what could be nothing. Her friend answered after the third ring.

"Hey, Pipe. How'd the shopping trip with Alex go?" Polly questioned, sounding like she had food in her mouth.

Piper paced back and forth in her kitchen, "It was great. Alex carried basically everything until I wouldn't let her hold anything else."

"Oh, chivalry is making an appearance again in the form of tall, hot lesbians."

Piper chuckled, her nerves easing up some. "Yeah. She's really great. Who would've thought my 'Prince Charming' was actually a woman?"

"I gotta tell you, I really wasn't sure about her at first.."

"But now?" Piper asked, a smile spreading across her lips, even if she was still very worried.

"Well, she loves you." Polly stated, "And you love her."

"I do, Pol. Like.. A lot."

Polly yelled at Pete on the other end before asking, "So, where is Princess Charming?"

"Someone knocked on the door saying they needed to talk to her. That it was important." Piper answered, her worry doubling all over again.

"Why do you sound so weird about it?"

Piper sighed before giving in and explaining what had happened and why it was making her so uneasy. She told Polly that Alex hadn't recognized the man at all, and that if he was looking for Alex, he should have knocked on the apartment next door. Unless he had been watching them, waiting for Alex to show up. And that just made it even more odd.

"How long has she been gone with him?"

"Over an hour. Like.. An hour and a half." Piper answered, staring at her door, hoping against hope that it'd open and Alex would walk in like she had back in September. Only this time, she'd be perfectly fine.

"And he just wanted to talk to her about her dad? Like you guys had been doing right before he knocked?" Polly asked, sounding wary.

"Yes. It just.. The whole thing felt off, Polly. And now, she hasn't texted me back and the whole thing is freaking me out." Piper stated, jumping when her door opened and Alex was suddenly right there. "Oh, Jesus." Piper hung up the phone and tossed it onto the couch before rushing towards her lover.

Alex leant into Piper, glad to let the blonde support some of her body weight. She was dizzy, confused, her _everything_ hurt and she was still seeing glittering white lights here and there. The blonde led her into the apartment and sat her down on the couch. Piper closed her door and locked it before returning quickly to her girlfriend's side.

Piper looked Alex over with wide, worried eyes. "Alex, what happened to you?" She took note of the blood on the brunette's right hand and was desperate to know where it had come from.

Alex looked at her hand, the look on her face one of pure confusion. "I.. My head hurts. I think Kubra killed my mom.."

The blonde didn't know who 'Kubra' was or if what Alex had said had any truth to it, but she'd figure that out later. For now, she needed to check Alex's head. "Can you lean forward for me?" Piper helped Alex to move, noticing how even the slightest of motions seemed to cause her lover a great deal of pain.

Piper could tell immediately that Alex had most certainly hit her head. There was sticky, dried blood in her ebony tresses and a noticably large bump right at the back of her skull. From there, Piper noticed the rough markings on the leather jacket that had not been there when Alex had left.

"Alex," Piper cooed, her brows pulled together in concern.

Alex made some sort of sound that seemed to be the mixture of a groan and a hum of acknowledgment, still slumped forward. Piper leaned her back against the sofa, shooing the cat away. She looked at Alex's legs, searching for any sign that she had been sexually assaulted all over again. All she found was that Alex's pants looked like they'd had a rough time as well.

"Let me get your jacket off so I can see if anything else is hurt." Piper said, not particularly caring if Alex objected.

After several difficult and obviously painful moments for Alex, Piper had managed to rid the brunette of her mother's leather jacket. It looked a little worse for wear, but that wasn't important. Piper had taken note of how Alex's elbows and back and neck all seemed to hurt along with her head. "Let's get rid of this, too."

Piper removed her girlfriend's glasses and then eased Alex out of her black thermal top, apologizing every second along the way. Finally, Piper could see Alex's flesh, and she knew that it wasn't as bad as she'd originally feared, but it was in no way good. Alex's elbows were badly bruised along with the brunette's back.

"God, Al, did you get hit by a car?" Piper questioned, glad to see Alex's eyes were still open. She gently tilted Alex's head towards the overhead light and studdied the forrest green irises. She didn't know exactly what to look for, but she was pretty sure Alex was very much concussed.

"Who got.. " Alex drifted off, looking lost, "What?"

"We're going to the hospital." Piper decided, knowing Alex wouldn't like it, but also resolving to take the brunette even if she had to restrain her.

"I don't want to. No." Alex shook her head, hissing in pain from the movement.

"You're hurt, baby. You need a-a brain scan thing." Piper said, hating the far away but still fearful look in her lover's eyes.

"I don't. I just want to go to sleep." Alex's voice quivered and it caused Piper's heart to clench so tightly that it physically hurt.

Piper inhaled deeply to steel her nerves before picking her phone back up and calling Polly once again. She didn't have time to try and catch a cab while also most likely having to hold her girlfriend up. Alex was heavier than she looked, even if she was still a fraction underweight. Polly answered the call, sounding frustrated and worried at the same time.

"Pol, I need you to come take us to the hospital. I'd try and catch a cab but I already know this time of year they're hard to get anyway. I can't chase one down _and_ hold Alex up." Piper looked down at her girlfriend, shaking her shoulder after realizing that Alex was unconscious.

"What the hell happened to her?" Polly questioned, keys jangling around in the background.

"I don't know, but she's hit her head pretty hard by the size of the knot on the back of her skull. Her elbows are bruised, her back is bruised.." Piper stated, still trying to get Alex to wake up.

"I'm on my way. Is she awake?"

"I'm trying to wake her up as we speak."

"Keep trying. I'll be there in 10."

Piper sat her phone down after hanging up. She stood and went to find an easier shirt to put on Alex, since the black thermal one was a bit tight. The blonde rummaged through her drawers until she found a loose, grey sweatshirt. She got it on Alex easily enough, glad the brunette was unconscious so she didn't notice the pain she certainly would've felt had she been aware of what was going on. Piper then got herself ready to leave, which included putting her boots back on and tossing an extra outfit in a cloth bag just to be safe. She grabbed a large coat for Alex on the way to the couch.

"Al," Piper shook Alex's shoulder gently, afraid of waking her up via pain. The brunette didn't stir, so Piper spoke louder and shook her shoulder just a little harder.

Alex frowned, her brows scrunching up.

"Allie. Alex. Alexandra." Piper took Alex's face in her hands and raised her voice a bit more with each name. Thankfully, green irises eventually peeked from behind jet black lashes and tried to focus on Piper.

"Alex, you have to stay awake. We're going to the hospital." Piper said, "Help me get you into this coat. Polly will be here any minute."

The brunette shook her head, which resulted in a pained whimper, her hands going up to hold her head in a firm grasp. Piper, not sure what else she could do, rubbed Alex's shoulder, telling her it would all be okay soon. There was a knock on the door and the blonde got up to let her best friend inside.

Polly walked into the apartment, going straight for Alex. She knelt down in front of the taller woman and tried to catch her attention. "We're gonna take you to the E.R., okay? Can you stand up?"

Alex stared at Polly blankly for a moment before her eyes teared up and she nodded ever so slightly. The brown eyed woman looked at Piper with wide eyes, not sure what to do with an emotional Alex. "Why is she crying?"

"I think it's because of the concussion. It fucks with everything from your vision to your emotions." Piper replied, remembering a time her younger brother Cal had given himself a concussion while trying to teach himself to skateboard.

"Let's go, Alex. You sleep when the doctors say you sleep." Polly stated, getting to her feet enough to loop an arm around Alex's waist. Piper slipped her purse over one shoulder and grabbed the overnight bag with one hand before helping Polly to get Alex on her feet.

"C'mon, Alex. Work with us a little, babe." Piper grumbled once they got Alex on her feet.

The tall woman did her best to stay awake, but it was proving far more difficult than she was prepared for. She couldn't see for the life of her, as she seemed to have misplaced her glasses, and there were still glittering white specks floating around in her vision. "Glasses?"

"You don't need those right now, we'll lead you. Just keep walking." Piper responded, frustrated that she'd forgotten them on the coffee table. She'd also forgotten all about getting a coat on Alex once Polly had shown up. Hopefully it wouldn't be necessary in the hospital.

xXxXx

Piper filled out as much of Alex's information onto the form as possible once they'd gotten to the emergency room. There were plenty of other people waiting, but Piper hoped they'd be seen soon. Polly had stated that she was staying until they got Alex seen about, knowing full well that Piper could take care of it from that point, but not caring.

"I'm not leaving until I know she's been taken care of, Piper. She doesn't look hurt, she just looks sleepy. They'll ignore you all night if they feel like it. I'm giving them half an hour before I reap havoc." Polly glared at every hospital staff member she saw, hoping one of them would get the right idea and bring Alex back.

"You'd do that for her?" Piper asked, softly. Alex was out cold between the two, her head resting on Piper's shoulder. They'd given up trying to keep her awake in the car, and had to practically carry the woman into the hospital.

Polly's soulful dark eyes searched Piper's own. She sighed and looked at Alex for a moment before looking back to Piper. "She's had it rough. I think she needs people who would reap havoc for her. Besides, she's not that bad. Actually kinda cute when she's asleep."

Piper nodded, chuckling, a bright smile on her face. "She's super cute when she's awake, too. God, I hope she doesn't have brain damage or something." Piper's smile had disappeared, replaced by a look of complete distress.

Polly inspected the back of Alex's head, making a disgusted face when she touched old, dried up blood. She got over it quickly, though, and went back to gently feeling around. "It's bumped out, which is way better than in. It is a decent sized bump, but I don't think she'll have any brain damage."

"How can you tell?" Piper asked, desperate for any glimmer of hope.

"Because. I just can." Polly stated, giving Piper a tight lipped smile.

The truth was, Polly was definitely concerned about Alex's well-being. She was afraid with the way that Alex couldn't seem to stay conscious, that there was some significant damage that had been caused. However, she knew that if she voiced that fear, Piper would lose it and that wouldn't do anybody any good at all. From what Piper had told her about Alex, Polly knew enough to know that Alex was a survivor, and she truly hoped the tall, green eyed woman would pull through and heal quickly. If not for her sake, then for Piper's.

"Vause!" Someone called out, causing both Polly and Piper's heads to whip to the side in the direction of the voice.

The women reacted quickly after nearly giving themselves whiplash. They stood and walked (dragged) Alex behind the nurse until they were led to a room. With help from the nurse, they managed to get her onto the bed, the crinkly paper tearing a bit in the process.

"You're the girlfriend?" The nurse asked, no emotion in his voice.

"Yes." Piper responded.

"Alright. So what happened here? She hit her head, right? Any clue how that happened?" The nurse questioned, taking Alex's vitals quickly. He shined a small flashlight in her eyes, "She's not waking up.."

"I know; we've been trying. I don't know what happened. She left with a stranger to talk about something and came back like this. She's got bruises already on her back and elbows and the back of her head is bleeding. Or it was." Piper answered, standing at Alex's side. She was feeling a bit over-protective, hating the way the burly man was handling Alex like she was a rag doll.

"Do you think she was sexually assaulted? Did she mention anything about something like that when she got home?" He tilted Alex's head to the side so that he could assess the damage before simply rolling her onto her left side and examining the bruising to her back.

"I don't think so." Piper shook her head, trying not to get caught up in memories of the time Alex _had_ been assaulted. "She was gone for about an hour and a half. I don't know where they went."

"It's possible that she was unconscious for a while when it first happened before she managed to gather herself enough to come home. I'm gonna take some blood samples." He pushed up Alex's sleeves, inspecting the bluish bruising that was flowering on the back of her elbows. "Yeah, she's landed pretty hard on them. That or elbowed the hell out of someone. Pardon my french."

He sat about finding a good vein, a look of obvious relief showing on his face when it proved to be an easy task. "Good, good. She's not a junkie."

Piper was about to say something, but Polly beat her to it.

"Would it make a difference if she was?"

The nurse shook his head, "Didn't mean it how you took it. It's hard to find a good vein when they're all shrivelled up from getting God knows what injected into them. You're girl's got a few scars, but she must not have stuck with it."

Piper and Polly exchanged looks before eyeing the nurse.

"Hey, at least she quit. Alright, I'm gonna get this to the back and bring you a gown to put her in. You can leave her bra and panties. Take the earrings out, any other body jewelry. I'll be back."

The nurse left the room, closing the door behind him as he went. Piper exhaled and her shoulders slumped. "There's so much I don't know about her, Pol."

Polly stood up and rubbed the small of Piper's back. "I know. But, like he said, at least she stopped, right? Should we try and wake her up again?"

xXxXx

Several hours later, Piper was startled into wakefulness by the sound of Alex's voice. The blonde had stretched out on her side in the hospital bed, thankful that there had been enough room for her along with Alex. The blonde propped herself up on her elbow just enough so that she could meet her girlfriend's eyes. The steady beeping of the monitor was the only noise beside's their breathing.

"Pipes?" Alex called out softly, once more.

"I'm here." Piper replied, leaning forward and kissing Alex's forehead.

"My head hurts." Alex whispered, closing her eyes in the darkness.

"You hit it pretty hard. Do you remember what happened?" Piper asked, softly, reaching for the call button so that a nurse could get Alex something for the pain.

Alex was silent for so long that Piper feared she had fallen back asleep. She was about to try and wake the brunette, but Alex sighed, letting the blonde know she was still awake.

"I'm not sure," Alex answered, sounding both confused and groggy. "But I'm tired. I really just want to sleep. Can I?"

"Talk to me for a little while. Then you can."

Alex nodded, "Everything hurts."

"A nurse should be in here any second."

"Mm."

"Alex."

"Mmhm?"

"Alex." Piper said again, raising her voice enough to startle her lover a bit.

"Yeah? I'm awake." Alex said, her voice giving away the fact that she wouldn't be for much longer.

Piper kissed Alex's cheek, tenderly. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Love you.." Alex mumbled before falling silent aside from her deep, even breathing.

The nurse walked in less than a minute later, a cautions smile on her face. "Everything alright, girls?"

Piper sat up and looked at the older woman, then back down at Alex, who was sleeping soundly on her side. "She woke up, for a moment. Said her head hurts. You guys are sure there wasn't any significant damage?"

"She hit her head very hard, but her skull isn't cracked and her brain isn't bleeding. It's a bit swollen, which is why her head hurts. It's also not uncommon for someone with a concussion to be confused and extremely drowsy. You'll probably be able to leave in the morning after the doctor examines her. Was she able to tell you what happened?"

Piper shook her head and sighed, "She said she isn't sure."

The nurse wrote something down on her chart, "Memory is a fickle thing in situations like this. The good news is everything is reading normal. Her blood pressure is good, her heart is working fine. She's got a fever but it's not too high. I'll get that taken care of."

"Thank you." Piper said, watching as the nurse fiddled with Alex's IV. They'd given her a saline drip after discovering she was a bit dehydrated.

"This is just Tramadol. It'll help her rest, but it won't keep her from waking when we come in to check on her again in a little while. Alright, done. Do you need an extra pillow or blanket? Anything?" The nurse asked, as she walked towards the door.

"No, but thank you again." Piper responded.

"Of course, dear."

xXxXx

A/N: Please leave me a review and let me know what you think. Thank you. -SK


	18. Faded

A/N: Hey everyone. Thank you to everyone who is still following this story. Thank you for the reviews, they really help to keep me motivated. Here's chapter 18. Enjoy.

Winter Roses 

The next morning, after an exam by the doctor, Alex was allowed to leave. She was still a bit on the foggy side of things, and couldn't see for the life of her without her glasses, but the doctor was satisfied that she would most likely make a full recovery. He asked her to return if she had any further issues, or if she was still confused within the next few days. Alex had been about to tell him 'no', but Piper had cut in saying they'd be back if Alex wasn't back to 'normal' soon. When the doctor had asked Alex what had happend to cause her to hit her head so hard, she'd responded that she'd been jumped on her way home. He didn't seem to buy it, but left it alone, giving Piper a skeptical look that practically screamed he knew Alex was lying.

"Well, happy holidays, then. I hope it goes more smoothly for you now, with Christmas being tomorrow, and all." He had said before leaving the room so the girls could get their things together and go.

Polly had come and picked them up, driving them home so they wouldn't have to walk home in the snow since all the tourists were being greedy with the cabs. Alex was quiet, holding her head and trying not to move very much. She had a pretty major case of whiplash and all the muscles in her neck and shoulders hurt, along with her back and elbows. Piper was sitting close to her, running a soothing hand over her forearm.

"How ya feeling, Alex?" Polly tried, her voice calm and quiet since she knew Alex must have a massive headache.

Alex was silent for a moment before she responded, "I'm fine. Thank you for driving us. You didn't have to."

"You should've taken the doctor up on the perscription." Piper mumbled, knowing very well that Alex was not 'fine'.

Alex sighed, "I don't need it."

"You sure, buttercup? 'Cause you look like a zombie." Polly stated.

"It's just normal face." Alex deadpanned.

"No, it isn't. You look like you're in pain because you _are_ in pain." Piper said, trying not to sound like an over-protective mother, but knowing she had failed by the glare Alex shot at her.

"If I'm the one in pain, let _me_ be the one to deal with it. Jesus." Alex rubbed her temples and closed her eyes tightly. She wasn't trying to be a bitch, but this whole situation irked her. She hated going to the hospital because it wasn't like people didn't already pitty her enough, and now her girlfriend _and_ fucking Polly were both treating her like a child. "I just hit my head. That's all."

Polly caught Piper's eyes in the rear-view mirror before she looked back at the road and spoke again, "You didn't just hit your head. You were unconscious. Not like a blackout, but like.. For real, dead to the world. We had to carry you. So, you should consider that before snapping at your girlfriend for giving a damn."

Alex rubbed her hands roughly over her face before running them through her hair, her brows pinched together and a scowl on her face. "Goddamn it. Look. I'm sorry. It's just really hard to focus and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I'm so tired of that."

"Well, maybe if y-"

"Polly." Piper warned, glaring at her friend from the back seat.

The long legged woman beside Piper shook her head, a low, humorless chuckle escaping her lips. "What, afraid I can't take it?"

Piper was baffled, "No, I just-"

"Don't want your besty to be mean to your girlfriend? I can fucking handle it. C'mon, Polly. Speak your mind. I'm a big girl." Alex grumbled, knowing she was being a bit reckless with her relationship by getting into it with her lover's best friend. Alex couldn't find it in herself to give a damn, though. She was so frustrated with the entire situation. She thought maybe if she pissed both of them off, she'd finally be left alone for a while. That's all she wanted. Alex would happily walk home half blind and concussed if it meant she didn't have to hear them pittying her. She might have been able to handle it on any other day, but currently, she could not.

Polly had done an hours worth of research on concussions when she'd gotten home the night before, so she knew Alex wasn't in complete control of her emotions. Not that she ever really was, but now it was most likely worse. From what Piper had told her of the blonde's relationship with Alex, the brunette was not usually one to pick fights unless she felt cornered. Polly kept that in mind while also considering how badly Alex must actually be hurting, even if the green eyed woman said she was fine. Polly decided to change her response from hostile to something else.

"I just want you to be okay. Piper loves you, ya know?"

Alex hadn't been expecting that statement from Polly. She felt like a giant asshole. She sighed and rubbed her temples again, trying desperately to get her head to feel even just a little bit better. "I know.. I'm sorry. Again."

"Why won't you get the perscription filled?" Piper asked in a soft tone.

Alex waited a minute before answering just as softly, "Because I don't think it's a good idea for _me_ to have possession of high power pain-killers."

Piper swallowed, her mouth dry. "Why?"

Green eyes focused on Piper's blue as much as was possible without the assistance of her eyeglasses, and Alex mumbled, "Addiction."

The rest of the ride was silent, and Alex wasn't sure if it was because of her revelation or because Polly and Piper both had run out of things to talk about. Either way, she was grateful. Alex apologized to Polly once they'd reached their apartment complex, feeling bad for being a dick to someone who'd helped her when she'd seriously needed it. Polly accepted the apology, but not without informing Alex that she was only being so forgiving because Alex was still 'loopy'.

The girl's took the elevator, neither really wanting to climb all the way to the 7th floor. Once inside Piper's apartment, Alex walked slowly to the couch and picked up her mother's leather jacket before sitting down. Piper handed her the secretary lenses she so obviously needed and Alex thanked her quietly. Alex pushed the glasses up her nose and inspected the damage to Diane's favorite article of clothing.

"Alex.. What really happened? Please, don't lie to me." Piper sat down beside Alex, rubbing the other girl's back.

"Just an old.. Uh.." Alex rubbed her bottom lip and averted her eyes. She couldn't think clearly enough to come up with a believable lie. "My old boss. Wanted to have a conversation. Didn't end well."

"Obviously. What did they do to you? Was it the guy that came to the door? Because you didn't even know who that was." Piper stated.

"Piper, I can't tell you any more than this: I fell out of a moving car. You don't need to know anything else. My former boss is not to be fucked with and he thinks that I've somehow done exactly that." Alex didn't look at the blonde until after she'd finished speaking, and even then it was only a glance. Piper looked both confused and mortified.

"You fell out of a moving car!?" Piper squealed, panic all over her face.

Alex flinched and even that hurt.

"Were you in the _Mafia_?" The blonde questioned before standing up and pacing around quickly.

"No!" Alex cried, before cradling her head again, "Oh, fuck. God, my head hurts."

Piper rushed back to Alex's side, worry clear on her face. "Let me get you some Tylenol?"

Alex nodded, glad Piper was distracted for now. Her head did feel like it was about to explode, but Alex was more concerned with keeping Piper clueless about her former job description and who her former employer was. She felt a little bit bad for manipulating her lover, but knew it was for the best. She had to keep the blonde safe, no matter what.

Piper returned quickly with a glass of water and three 500 miligram pills. Alex took them and slowly finished off the rest of the water. She was hungry after having passed up the hospital breakfast, but she also felt sick to her stomach. In short, Alex wasn't sure if she'd be able to keep the food down while she was so anxious. The brunette clenched her teeth and bent down to remove her boots, trying not to show any pain on her face.

"Here," Piper saw through Alex's front and knew that her lover was trying to hide how badly she was actually hurting. The blonde didn't wait for Alex to respond and helped Alex to lean back before unzipping the boots herself and pulling them off.

Piper sat the boots by the door and came back to sit beside her girlfriend. She knew Alex didn't want to talk about it, but the blonde wasn't able to get her mind off of one specific thing that Alex had said the night before. "Alex,"

The other woman kept her eyes closed, "Yes?"

"Who is Kubra?"

At that, Alex's jade eyes popped open and she sat up straight, hissing in pain as she did so.

"Hey, hey. Calm down." Piper cautioned, noticing how alarmed Alex appeared to be just from her saying that specific name. "Is that your boss?"

Alex swallowed the bile that had come up. She felt clammy all over, like she might vomit at any given second. She inhaled deeply, trying her best to get ahold of herself. "How the fuck do you know that name?"

"You don't remember? You said you think 'Kubra' killed your mother. Last night, when you made it home." Piper informed her lover, not liking how Alex was reacting to this conversation at all.

A brief memory flashed in Alex's mind of her time in the car with the imposing man and his lackies. She remembered he had said some things that made her feel like Kubra had a hand in it all, but she couldn't be sure. Alex didn't remember, however, anything about how she'd ended up back at Piper's apartment. In her mind, it went from being in the car with Kubra to being in the hospital.

"Fuck." Alex groaned, "You aren't supposed to know anything. Not names, no details of any sort."

"Alex.." Piper was beginning to get a little bit scared. She eyed her girlfriend harshly, waiting for the brunette to say something that made sense.

Alex had no clue what to do, and so she covered her face with her hands and let out a frustrated sound before pushing her hands roughly through her hair. She stared at the blonde for a moment, trying desperately to think of a way to get out of this situation. Why did the world always have to fuck with her? Alex continued to look at her girlfriend, trying to memorize her face. Imprinting the look of fear that Piper was sporting, so she would have a reminder for when and if things got tough. She'd do anything to keep that look off Piper's face.

"Quit staring at me and just fucking tell me what's going on." Piper said in a commanding tone. She was afraid for not only Alex, but herself now that Alex had informed her that she was once involved with apparently very dangerous people. People that were now back in Alex's life.

"I can't." Alex finally said, sounding small and vulnerable. "I can't tell you because the only reason they're leaving you alone is because you _don't_ know anything."

Piper squinted at her girlfriend, confused, scared and angry all at the same time. "Alex, what the fuck does that even mean?"

Alex shook her head, wanting nothing more than to disappear.

Piper stood up, "Alex, these people know where I live. You think that they won't mess with me if they feel like it? They don't know if I know anything or not!"

"I told him you didn't know anything because you don't." Alex said, trying to remain calm and keep her voice down. Her head hurt so terribly.

"What happens if he doesn't believe you!?"

Alex clenched her hands in her hair and tugged, eyes squeezed shut. She had no clue what the fuck to do about any of this. She'd managed to put Piper in danger without even realizing it and she felt like the most horrible piece of shit alive for doing so. Alex couldn't win for losing.

"What-now you have nothing to say?" Piper questioned. "If this guy pushed you out of a goddamned car, what makes you think he won't do the same thing to me? It's fucking Christmas tomorrow, Alex! My family is coming here and if there's someone scoping out this place, they'll know what they all look like! They could be listening right now, for all know!"

"Piper-"

"Planning to take me out!"

"Pipes, please be quiet." Alex tried, her nerves in total chaos.

The blonde woman was in no state to be quiet. She was angry with Alex for getting her involved in something like this, even if it was unintentional. She was scared of something happening to herself or her family because of it. Piper was scared for Alex, as well, but her temper was raging at the moment. Her anger combined with her fear was a force to be reckoned with.

"You don't get to tell me to be quiet! If _you_ weren't so quiet and actually _spoke_ to me about your previous lifestyle, maybe I wouldn't be in this shituation to begin with!" Piper snapped while pacing back and forth.

Alex's brows quirked upward at the bridge of her nose, letting Piper know that she'd effectively managed to hurt the brunette's feelings. Alex pushed her glasses up and rubbed at her bottom lip, her eyes avoiding Piper's. "I didn't mean to cause this."

Piper rolled her eyes, "Fuck-ton of good that does me, Alex."

"I'm sor-"

"Alex, you think he _killed_ your mother." Piper stated, staring at Alex until the dark haired woman finally met her eyes. "And now he knows where _I_ live. Not where _you_ live."

The green eyed woman clenched her jaw, "I'm not gonna let anybody hurt you, Piper."

"Should I call the police?" Piper was nearly frantic.

"No! No, don't do that. Please."

Piper glared at Alex, so frustrated and scared that she didn't know what to do with herself. "Alex, I can't have this in my life."

"I know. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I promise." Alex tried, desperate to somehow right this situation.

"Can you promise that they won't come here again?" Piper asked, knowing what she had to do to protect herself and her family.

Alex met Piper's wide blue eyes, fear evident in her own.

"I take that as a 'no'." Piper said, softly.

"No, I can't promise that they won't come here again, but I can promise that I will do everything I can to keep you out of this." Alex stated, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"What if everything you can do isn't enough?" Piper asked, walking up to Alex and lifting her chin so that Alex was looking up at her.

Alex knew the answer to that question. If Kubra wanted to, if he felt like Piper was any sort of threat to him, he would not hesitate to 'neutralize the situation'. Alex had to figure out how to get the blonde off his radar. She already knew that the man had had someone watching Piper while she was in the car with him. He could still be out there.

Waiting.

Listening, just like Raphael had been.

"Alex, I can't put my family in danger." Piper said, still looking down into grey-green eyes.

The brunette looked away, pulling out of Piper's grasp. She nodded and closed her eyes, nodding again. She knew what Piper was getting at. Alex knew. She rubbed at her lip and ran a shaking hand through her hair. Tears were fighting to free themselves from her eyes, but Alex tried to hold them back. This was her own fault. She should've known better.

Piper got down on her knees in front of Alex, the reality of the situation and what she was doing weighing heavily on her shoulders. "Don't cry, baby.."

Alex shook her head, trying to convince both herself and Piper that she _wasn't_ crying, but then it all fell apart and her shoulders began to shake. Alex hid her face in her hands to stiffle the keening sound, but it didn't work as well as she would have preferred. Piper quickly moved to sit beside her on the sofa and pulled the brunette into a tight embrace.

"Al.. Alex, it's not your fault." Piper said, even though she'd practically blamed the girl moments earlier. Alex clung to Piper's shirt for a moment before wrapping her long arms around the blonde's torso and hanging onto her as if her life depended on it. Piper hated this, but she had to do what was best for herself and her family.

"You have to get this- whatever it is- straightened out, Alex." Piper whispered, stroking Alex's ebony tresses. "Until I know it's safe to be around you, until you're not being watched anymore.. We can't be together. If these people hurt my family, I'll never forgive myself for not doing the only thing I can to prevent it. If they hurt me, you'll never forgive yourself, either."

Alex pulled back, searching Piper's eyes, tears still falling. "But, I love you."

Piper's heart siezed up and her own eyes finally glassed over. "I know.. I love you, too."

Alex sniffled and tried to pull herself together. She had no idea what to do, now. She knew that she no longer had a girlfriend, and that it wasn't fair. That was it. Alex moved away from Piper and stood up on wobbly legs. She needed to put her fucking boots on, again. Get all of her shit out of Piper's apartment. Go back to her own, right next door.

Piper watched as Alex stood there, looking lost. It hurt her to see Alex like this, so upset but trying to appear like she wasn't. The brunette ran her hand through her hair, again, looking around like she was trying to find a clue as to what to do next. Phoebe was in the process of making figure eights between Alex's feet.

Finally, Alex met Piper's eyes.

"I don't know what to do." Alex whispered.

The blonde couldn't stand it any longer. "You don't have to do anything right now. Stay with me for a few more minutes."

Alex looked like her world was falling apart, but at Piper's words she simply shook her head. "I can't."

"Alex," Piper tried.

"No. I can't drag it out, Pipes. Please, don't ask me to do that." Alex stumbled a bit on the way to where her boots were, her balance a bit off due to the concussion. She shoved her feet back into her boots, not bothering to zip them up. She pulled on her beanie and tossed her scarf around her neck.

"Al, please just slow down." Piper stood up and moved toward Alex.

Alex avoided Piper and grabbed her jacket off the couch and pulled it on, doing her best to ignore the pain in her neck and shoulders. She knew she had tons of other items spread throughout Piper's apartment, but she couldn't remember what or where they were for the life of her. God, she was such a fuck up. Ruining one person's life after the other.

Piper watched as Alex stood there once again, looking unsure of herself. Then, the brunette turned around and walked towards the door, her eyes red and unfocussed behind her glasses. The blonde intercepted her, blocking her from leaving the apartment.

Watery green eyes locked with Piper's. "I need to go.."

Nodding her head, Piper whispered, "I know. But let me hug you, at least. Please?"

When Alex didn't try to get away, Piper wrapped her up in a tight embrace, careful not to touch where she thought the bruises were on her back. Alex was limp for a second before returning the hug and kissing the side of Piper's head. The brunette kissed her next on the cheek and Piper closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of Alex's lips. The brunette went to pull away, but Piper stopped her by turning her head and connecting their mouths softly.

It was warm and tender. Both girls were extremely emotional, tears trickling down their faces. Piper's hands caressed Alex's face and Alex's hands tangled gently in long, blonde waves. They kissed for a long while before Piper was eventually the one to break it, resting her forehead against Alex's. Long fingers disentangled themselves from Piper's hair and took hold of her face, softly. Alex placed a soft, yet firm kiss to the blonde's forehead.

"I love you, Piper."

Piper nodded, her vision blurry. She blinked her tears away. "I love you, too."

Alex gave the blonde a sad, tired smile. Then she left, closing the door quietly behind herself. She stood there in the hallway for a moment before going to her own door and letting herself in.

She didn't bother to turn the lights on or lock the door behind herself, Alex just made her way to her bedroom. It still smelled like Piper. It still had Piper's clothes in it. Alex dropped her things on her mattress and stepped out of her boots. She was going to go to sleep and hope and pray to any God that may or may not exist, that this was all just a nightmare. Alex wanted to wake up next to Piper.

Not alone.

On the other side of the wall, Piper was sitting at the edge of her own bed. Her blue eyes were staring into space. This was not what she had planned to do today. She had originally just wanted to spend the day taking care of her girlfriend- making sure the tall woman was truly alright. Now, Piper knew for a fact that Alex was certainly _not_ alright. And it was her fault.

"I can't believe I did that to her." Piper whispered to herself.

Alex was probably in her bed, crying herself to sleep. God, Piper felt like such a horrible person. But it was the right thing to do, wasn't it? She had to protect her family. Piper had no clue what sort of 'job' Alex had in the past, but she knew if this 'Kubra' person would push Alex out of a moving vehicle, then he was definitely not the type of person she wanted anywhere near her or her family. But then again, he did already know where Piper lived. It might not make any difference if Alex was there or not. In fact, if they came looking for Alex again, wouldn't they just show up at her door, anyway?

"Fuck." Piper said, rubbing harshly at her face.

Maybe if they knew she had broken up with Alex, they'd leave her alone. But what if they thought the reason she had broken up with Alex was because Alex had told Piper about them? God, it all seemed so crazy. Christmas was the next day. Piper's mother and father would be there. Piper didn't know if she had made the right descision or not. Her heart felt like she'd gone in her chest and physically crushed it. Her brain was in overdrive, thinking of all the possibilities. Eventually, Piper decided to call her mother and inform her that it wasn't necessary for them to come to Piper's apartment, because she would be coming to them, instead.

Carol didn't notice how close to tears Piper sounded. Instead, she simply scolded her daughter for making such drastic last-minute changes. In the end, the older woman stated that she was glad she wouldn't have to make the drive, and her house was better suited that Piper's apartment for that sort of thing, anyway. She got off the phone with a cold instruction for Piper to be there by 9 the next morning. The younger blonde went to agree, but the call disconnected as her mother ended the call from her end.

Piper put her phone down on the coffee table and looked around. There was nothing for her to do. Everything was clean in the kitchen, she kept her bathroom organized, the cat had both food and water. She wandered into her bedroom and took note of Alex's clothes mixed with hers in the laundry basket that was in the corner of her room. The blonde sat down on her bed and sighed.

Piper couldn't stand being by herself and being afraid, so after a few minutes she decided to gather up the gifts she'd gotten for her family and sat them on her couch. She took a quick shower and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a black sweater, packing an outfit for the next day in the same overnight bag she'd just used the night before. Once she had everything she felt like she needed, Piper left her apartment and took the elevator, warry of strangers the entire time.

Miraculously, she managed to hail a cab. She gave the driver her parent's address, and sat back as the car pulled away from the sidewalk and towards her destination. Piper tried to keep it together, to not think of what she was doing. She was successful for a few moments before her emotions got the better of her.

She'd left Alex all alone to deal with this terrifying situation. Alex, who had a pretty bad concussion and whiplash. Alex, who was probably so depressed because of what had just happened, wouldn't even try to stop someone from hurting her again. Alex, her lover, who _hated_ being alone. Who hated Christmas to begin with. Piper wiped her eyes and did her best to hold it together. Alex was also strong. The blonde knew it had to be like this until the Kubra situation was taken care of. Or at least, that's what she told herself.

xXxXx

Piper got out of the cab and slowly carried her things to her parent's front door. Her father answered, looking a bit shocked to see her. Piper moved passed him, explaining herself along the way. Bill grabbed the largest of her bags and followed behind the blonde.

"I didn't want to risk being late," She stated, walking up the stairs to her old bedroom.

"Coming over unannounced is so terribly rude, Piper." Carol called from the kitchen, where she was probably pouring herself another glass of wine.

Piper rolled her blue eyes, "So is drinking at 2 in the afternoon when you have company, Mother."

"I heard that!"

"Good!"

Bill walked into the room and sat the bag down before giving his daughter a hug. "How are you doing?"

Piper took a minute to steady her emotions before answering, "I'm alright. Just wanted to be with family."

Bill nodded, "Of course. Well, you know where everything is. Make yourself at home, dear. I'll be in my study."

The blonde forced a smile and closed the door after her father had exited the room. She felt like her chest was being crushed. Piper had never experienced anything even remotely similar to this feeling in her entire life. It felt heavy and empty at the same time. There was also the sharp pangs shooting through her chest every time she thought about _why_ she was feeling that way.

Alex.

Or, the lack of, rather.

Pulling out her cell phone, Piper turned the screen on, silently hoping that the beautiful brunette had sent her a text. There was nothing. Piper knew better; Alex wouldn't beg Piper to change her mind. She'd stated once in the past that she didn't want to have to convince anyone to be with her. And now that the blonde had gone and made it very clear that they _couldn't_ be together, Alex would certainly not be reaching out to her. Piper felt like the biggest jerk to have ever existed. Only now that she'd spent an entire cab ride thinking about it, did she realize that what she'd done was not the only way to get through the situation.

In fact, it was the _worst_ way. Piper had pushed Alex out of her life. Again. And she'd done it when Alex truly needed her. She was hurt and needed to be watched over, not left by herself with some crazy psycho mob guy after her. Piper opened her messages and selected an old conversation between herself and her lover. She typed quickly, knowing there was a chance she could talk herself out of it again if she gave herself the chance.

 **To Alex:** I'm coming home tomorrow. Can we talk about this more then? I made a mistake. I don't want to not be with you.

 **To Alex:** I love you.

Piper stared at her phone for a solid minute before forcing herself to lock the screen and place the phone in her back pocket. She took a deep breath to try and steady her nerves so that she could face her mother, but it had the opposite effect from what she was aiming for. Piper's eyes filled with tears and her throat constricted, a whimper escaping. The blonde hid her face in her hands and cried, not able to stop for a long while.

 _'What have I done?'_ Piper wondered to herself.

She sat on her bed and tried again to calm herself, nearly jumping out of her skin when her phone vibrated. Piper fumbled around until she managed to get her phone out. With shaking fingers, she unlocked the screen.

 **From Polly:** Where are you?

Piper sighed.

 **To Polly:** Decided to go to my parent's for xmas.

 **From Polly:** You took Alex with you!? What about her concussion?

 **From Polly:** What do Bill and Carol think? Piper, she can't handle tough situations right now. We learned that in the car ride home from the hospital.

 **To Polly:** I didn't bring her with me, Pol..

Ten seconds later, Piper was answering a call from her best friend. She sighed and prepared herself for a difficult conversation. "Hello, Polly."

"If you didn't bring her, where is she? Nobody answered when I knocked. And I knocked on both doors." Polly stated, sounding frustrated. "I was just coming by to see how she was doing since you didn't answer my call earlier. Had me freaked out a bit."

Piper shook her head, "I didnt' know you called, I'm sorry. Alex and I got into a little bit of a fight.. And I may have completely fucked my relationship up."

The smaller woman groaned on the other end of the conversation. "What happened?"

"I overreacted. Or.. I just panicked. And I broke up with her. And she looked so lost, Pol. But now I'm here and I can't just _leave_. Where are you?"

"Well, I guess I'm gonna go home."

"Wait! Will you go inside her apartment and see if she's there? Please?" Piper rambled, hoping like hell that her best friend would at least try and help her right the situation. "She didn't answer my texts."

"You want me to just walk into her apartment?" Polly sounded dumbfounded.

"Yes. Please. She's either not there or she's asleep. I just need to know she's okay." Piper pleaded.

Polly sighed, "You owe me. Major."

Polly kept the phone to her ear and moved to the door on the right of Piper's. "Alright, I'm gonna knock again before I just barge in like I own the place." She knocked with her right fist, hoping she was loud enough to wake Alex if the woman did happen to be asleep.

After a few moments of nothing but silence, Piper urged Polly to try the knob, as Alex wasn't the best at locking her door. Polly twisted the cold metal, informing her best friend that the door was, in fact, unlocked. She pushed it open and walked inside before closing the door behind herself, quietly. Turning back around revealed a very clean living room. Like Piper had informed her, it was well organized and even a bit lonely feeling. Polly noticed a few of Piper's favorite movies in a neat pile, but kept on walking. The layout was the same in this apartment as it was in Piper's, just mirrored. Polly made her way to where she knew the bedroom was.

"Door's open," She mumbled.

"Is she asleep in her bed? Please tell me she's asleep in her bed."

Polly walked slowly into the bedroom, taking note of a broken rocking chair in the far corner. There was a twin mattress in the floor, pushed up against the wall. Alex was curled up in a ball, holding her head. "She's here.. She still has her jacket on, Pipes."

"Is she okay?"

"What, you want me to wake her up and ask her?" Polly growled.

Sheepishly, "Would you?"

Grumbling, Polly sat the phone down on Alex's night stand. She lent forward and gently shook the leather covered shoulder of the sleeping woman. Alex inhaled deeply but made no effort to wake up. The long haired woman groaned and stretched out, her features pulling together in what Polly assumed was pain. Polly tried again, doing her best to forget about the fact that this could be considered creepy. She wasn't trying to be creepy, she was just checking on a friend.

"Alex." Polly called out, shaking Alex's shoulder again.

Green eyes slowly cracked open from behind crooked eyeglasses. Alex squinted at Polly and blined a few times. "What the fuck."

"Piper asked me to come check on you. So. How are you? How's your head feeling?" Polly said, figuring she may as well get on with it so she can get through this awkward moment as quickly as possible.

"What? Where's Piper?" Alex asked, her voice sounding like she had eaten gravel. She propped herself up with a sore elbow. "Why are you in my.."

Polly watched as realization dawned on Alex of what had happened between herself and Piper. The black haired woman's brows pulled tightly together, and her chin trembled for a few seconds before she inhaled sharply, her eyes watering up instantly. " _Fuck_."

"Hey. Hey.." Polly helped Alex to sit up all the way and sat beside her, rubbing her back gently so as not to hurt the bruises she remembered were there. "Piper sent me here to check on you, Alex. She fucked up. She says she texted you. I don't know what happened, but it'll be alright."

Alex shook her head, causing a sharp pain to explode hotly in her skull, neck and shoulders. She gasped, her arms immediately wrapping around her head, trying desperately to keep herself still. "Aghh."

"Come on, Alex. Let's lay back down. You need to be calm and still. Piper loves you. She's on the phone right now." Polly stated, working quickly to get Alex out of the leather jacket she seemed so fond of. She helped the fatigued woman to lye back down and pulled the black comforter up to Alex's shulders.

"I'm gonna talk to Piper for a minute. Go back to sleep." Polly said, sighing at the realization that Alex was already out.

Polly snatched up her cell phone and walked quickly out of Alex's room. "Piper. Why the everliving _fuck_ aren't you here taking care of her?"

"I freaked out, Pol." Piper said, sounding small and ashamed of herself.

"So you just _left_ her here after dumping her. She just got out of the hospital, Piper!" Polly snapped.

"Shhh!"

"Sorry." Polly huffed, "Look. She needs you here. So.. Be here by noon tomorrow or I will personally hunt you down and throw a bitch fit right in front of Bill and Carol."

"What are you gonna do? And since when do you care about her so much? I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering. New development, Pol." Piper said from the other end.

"I'm gonna stay _here_ with her until you get here tomorrow. And I care about her because she cares about you. She's weird, yeah, but I know she's not a bad person. Good vibes and all that." Polly said, sounding a bit put out for having to say it out loud. "I told you she needs people who'll raise hell for her. So be prepared. You're not here by 12, I raise hell. I've got my own Christmas plans."

"I'll be there. I promise. Thank you so much, Polly. Really." Piper said, her voice filled with emotion.

"Yeah. Well. You're welcome."

xXxXx

A/N: Please review, you guys. It really does help with motivatioin. I'll see you next time. -SK


	19. Bottoms Up

A/N: I'm so sorry that it has taken me like 3 years to update this. You can all thank MsViolet85 for finally talking me into getting this thing on the roll again. I wish I had a better reason for taking so long, but the truth is I just simply haven't been feeling very inspired lately. I think the worst is behind me now, but I wont go making any promises as to when the next update will be. Anyway. Here's this thing that I wrote. You should all know that this is the lowest I will go with this story. It does go uphill from here.

 **Trigger Warning** : Extreme violence

Winter Roses

Polly awoke with a start to the sound of something crashing into a wall. She sat upright on the couch and blinked several times until she could make out what was going on and remember where she was at. The sight of a tall, pale, dark haired woman brought her to her senses pretty quickly.

Alex was throwing things.

"FUCK!" The brunette growled, before throwing a small box at the wall opposite her. She was in nothing but a grey sweatshirt and a pair of navy blue tights, her hair pulled up loosely in a sloppy bun of sorts.

The box slammed into the far wall, the sound of glass breaking filling the air. Polly assumed that Alex didn't know she was there. The smaller woman decided to stay still on the sofa until Alex calmed down a bit, not wanting the woman's wrath turned on her. Polly watched as Alex kicked the stack of DVDs and then slapped the wall angrily, her face a bit red.

"Fuck." Alex seethed, slamming the heel of her palm into the wall over and over again before resting her forehead against it.

May as well get it over with.

Polly cleared her throat.

Alex whirled around to face her, a look of pure fear on her face as she gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. When Alex recognized who it was that had frightened her so badly, the terror evaporated from her face and was quickly replaced with anger once again.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Alex asked, bewildered.

"Piper asked me to check on you last night. Remember that?" Polly questioned, hoping that she did. Otherwise, it could mean her brain was injured worse than they initially thought.

"Yes. But why are you here, now?" Alex questioned, still just standing there. She was shaking a bit, trying to keep her anger at bay.

"I stayed over to keep an eye on you for Piper last night."

"Piper doesn't give a fuck about me. You really shouldn't be here." Alex stated, shoving her glasses further up her nose and moving to pick up the box she'd most recently thrown.

"But she does. She texted you. She wants to fix whatever's wrong. She told me she made a mistake, Alex. She wants to work whatever happend, out." Polly said, watching as the taller woman inspected what was inside the box.

"Polly," Alex dropped the box, not caring about it's already shattered contents. She stared at the brown eyed woman. "I want you to leave."

"Okay." Polly stood up quickly. "I'll leave. I wasn't trying to barge in on your territory, I was just worried about you. You shouldn't be alone right now. I'm sorry that you and Piper had a fight, but it's all gonna be better, soon."

Alex scrubbed at her face with her hands, sighing in frustration. "We can't just fix this, Polly.

Polly quirked a brow, "What happened?"

The tattooed woman sighed and looked at the floor, not offering any form of answer to her ex's best friend. Alex had seen the text messages from Piper, but she knew that the blonde was in danger as long as she was in Alex's life. As much as she desperately wanted to be with Piper, she was even more desperate for Piper to be safe. That wasn't possible if they were together. That had been made very clear to her the night previous.

Not until Alex found a way to fix the situation with Kubra.

"Alex," Polly took a step towards the taller woman.

"Thank you for staying over and making sure I didn't die in my sleep. But I want you to leave, now. Tell Piper not to come here." Alex said, trying her hardest to keep her voice from shaking. She knew by the saddened, worried look on Polly's face that she hadn't been very successful, but at least she'd gotten the words out at all.

Polly deflated, hating the way Alex was just pushing Piper away. She had no clue what exactly had happened between the bruette and her best friend, but she did know that they were in love. She'd heard it in Piper's voice the night before and she could see it in the pain Alex was trying to hide. Polly nodded, slowly.

"I'll tell her." Polly stated, pulling on her coat and grabbing her purse from beside the couch. She glanced back one last time at Alex. The raven haired woman was staring blankly at her, looking numb.

Once she'd closed the door, Polly quickly walked down the hall to the elevator. She checked the time on her phone, glad that it still had about a 30% charge. It was just after 9am. She knew Piper would be in the middle of Christmas rituals with her family, so just decided to text.

 **To Piper:** I don't know what happened between you two, but Alex doesn't want you to go there. She woke me up by throwing things and hitting the wall, so I'd say she's not taking it well.

Polly shoved her phone back in her purse and got off on the ground level. She knew she probably looked like crap, but fuck it. It was Christmas; she was allowed to look a little out of it.

xXxXx

Piper visciously wiped at her eyes before grabbing the bags she'd brought with her on the cab ride. Her father had already paid the cab fare as another gift to her, including a large tip for the driver since it was Christmas. The blonde mumbled her thanks to the large, hairy man in the driver's seat and got out, bumping the door closed with her hip. She sniffled, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes before making her way inside her apartment building.

The blonde ignored the holiday music playing in the elevator and refused to make eye contact with the elderly couple who got on with her. She recognized them as the ones who'd said she and Alex made a lovely couple even before they were actually together.

"Dear," Came the old woman's kind voice, "Where is your smile hiding?"

Piper's eyes automatically met deep brown ones. "It's, uhm.. I don't know."

"How about you go find it, then. Hmm?" Said the older womn with a knowing twinkle in her eyes. She took Albert's hand and led them off of the elevator when it opened on their floor.

Piper was thankful that nobody else entered the elevator and she was alone now. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, doing her best to try and calm the aching feeling in her chest. She knew where to find her smile, but she'd gone and ruined everything.

The blonde got off the elevator and checked the hallway before walking towards her door. She unlocked her door and drug her suitcase inside before locking her door directly behind her. Maybe she was being paranoid, but she didn't care. For all she knew, Alex's former boss had put a hit out on her. Piper sat on her couch and stared blankly at nothing while Phoebe crawled all over her. After a few minutes, she decided to pull off her boots and winter-wear since she had no desire to go anywhere else that day. Fuck Christmas. Once out of her coat and other things, Piper went to her room to change clothes. All she wanted to do was curl into a ball and sleep for the rest of her life.

On the other side of the wall separrating their bedrooms, Alex stretched her long limbs out across her tiny mattress. She'd just woken up from a nightmare involving her mother, Piper and Kubra, and felt sick. The tall, pale woman flexed the hand she'd used to abuse the sheetrock in her livingroom and flinched. It hurt now, unlike before. Alex swallowed, her mouth dry. She felt dehydrated, too. Probably from all the crying she'd done after Polly had left.

Alex slowly got to her feet, trying not to make her head hurt any worse. She didn't bother with her glasses since she planned on going straight back to sleep after a nice, cold bottle of water. She squinted to try and focus so she wouldn't trip over anything. She really should've picked up after throwing everything around earlier. Once in her livingroom, Alex stopped.

Something was off. Someone was in her apartment, with her. Alex couldn't see or hear whoever it was, but she could feel it in her gut. She took a slow, timid step foreward, straining her ears and eyes to find some trace of where the intruder could be. _I really should've grabbed my glasses_ , Alex berated herself in her head, afraid to make any sound out loud.

After a few seconds of standing there completely frozen, the hairs on the back of Alex's neck stood up. Then, there was a large hand over her mouth. Alex cried out into it, jumping in shock. Whoever it was, was behind her the whole time.

Fear pulsed through Alex's veins and she fought to shove the hand off of her mouth, but the person behind her was bigger and stronger. Alex tried with all her might to twist around so that she could at least see who the intruder was, causing them both to stumble several feet.

It was Aydin.

Alex tried to scream, but the man was having none of it. He glared at her with hatred in his dark eyes and wrapped his free hand around her throat. Once he was sure he was cutting off the air flow enough to make screaming difficult, he moved the other hand from her mouth and shoved the woman as hard as he could by the throat into the wall. In full on panic-mode, Alex brought her knee up as hard as she could between his legs, causing him to groan in pain and drop heavily to his knees. He was stronger than Alex expected though, and brought her down with him. Aydin grasped around for something on the floor with his free hand, managing after a few short seconds to find what he was looking for. With a deep growl, he slammed it into Alex's head, hoping to knock her unconscious.

Alex gasped in pain, but managed to keep her eyes open, fearing that if she _were_ to black out, she would certainly die. Aydin held her down by her throat and straddled her before adding his other hand to the mix, doing his very best to choke the life right out of her. Alex clawed at his hands, grunting in fear and pain when he only squeezed harder and sat on her belly.

Piper sat on her bed, intent on crawling beneath the covers, when she was startled out of her thought process by the sound of something crashing against a wall. She immediately got to her feet, trying to figure out where, exactly, the sound had come from. Then, she heard it again.

Next door.

At first, Piper thought Alex must be throwing things like Polly had mentioned earlier, but then she heard what sounded like someone falling. Muffled cries. Piper rushed to her door and unlocked it, quickly opening it, exiting, and closing it in time to keep Phoebe from following her. Alex's door was closed, but when Piper tried the knob, it opened.

Inside, a muscular, black haired man with an olive complexion had Alex down on the ground, trying to strangle her. Alex was struggling, making choking sounds and kicking her long legs, her face red and eyes wide. It was _horrible_. Piper quickly backed out of the room before either of the people on the floor noticed her, pulling the door to, quietly. She ran back into her own apartment and called 911, knowing that she had to get someone there right away. She spoke in a near whisper, not wanting to alert Alex's intruder to what she was up to. Piper demanded both an ambulance and police.

Once she gave the adress and hung up, Piper grabbed the baseball bat she kept under her couch and left her apartment, once again. She pushed the door open against the 911 dispatcher's request and was faced with the same sight she'd seen the first time. The man was still ontop of Alex, but this time Alex wasn't struggling near as much as she hand been before. The brunette was feebly clawing at the large hands clamped around her throat, but it was obvious that it wasn't doing her any good. Her body was jerking awkwardly at odd intervals. Two seconds later, Alex wasn't moving at all, anymore. Piper's blood was boiling. She walked quickly but silently towards them, until she was right behind the man.

"Hey!" Piper yelled, causing the man to release Alex and whip around.

Piper swung the Louisville Slugger with all the force she had. The sound it made when it connected to the side of the man's head was sickening. A mixture between a _crunch_ and a _squish_. He fell over in a heap, half on top of Alex in an unnatural position.

The blonde dropped the bat on the floor and rushed to Alex's side. Piper shoved the man off of Alex's torso, hoping like hell that her lover wasn't already gone. The blonde did her best to ignore the blood streaming down Alex's face from a cut that went through her right eyebrow, but it was difficult. Still, the she managed. Piper checked Alex's bruised throat for a pulse.

"Alex. Alex, please, _please_ wake up." Piper cried, not sure whether or not she was feeling Alex's pulse or her own. Her heart was beating hard and fast, adrenaline flowing througout her entire being.

Alex remained still, eyes shut.

"Breathe, damn it!" Piper commanded, trying to remember the basics of CPR.

She straddled Alex's waist and put her hands in the center of Alex's chest. She pumped hard three times before clamping Alex's nostrils shut and breathing into her mouth. Nothing happened. Piper tried again, with the same results. Tears were pouring from Piper's eyes, making it hard to see anything, but she couldn't give up. The blonde had to keep trying. She pumped three more times and breathed deeply into Alex's mouth, praying desperately.

"Here, let me." A man's voice said.

Piper looked up to see a paramedic. She moved aside, grabbing Alex's hand. It was limp and felt cold, but not terribly so. Alex _always_ had cold hands. Piper watched with wide eyes as the man tried giving Alex CPR from a professional. There were several other people in the small aparment now as well, but Piper couldn't take her eyes off of Alex.

"Alex, please.. I love you, you can't leave me like this." Piper said, not giving a fuck who heard her.

"I got no pulse-I need a boost!" The man yelled out.

Piper watched as they cut the sweatshirt right down the center, revealing the center of Alex's bare chest. Someone made Piper let go of Alex's hand and then the man yelled out 'clear'.

The limp body on the ground jumped as the electricity shocked it, that image instantly burning itself into Piper's memory. Wide blue eyes didn't blink, and no breath was inhaled when Alex had no reaction to the defibrillator. The paramedic looked at Piper, taking in the sight of a woman who was looking at her dead lover. It was a look he had seen far too often. He had to try again.

"One more time.. Clear!"

Alex's body jolted and the air filled with the sound of her gasping for breath. Piper grabbed her hand once again and kissed it over and over. Alex was wide eyed, her glasses nowhere in sight. Piper moved so that she would be in the dark haired woman's line of vision.

"Alex, it's gonna be okay." Piper gasped, tears streaming.

The green eyed girl struggled to focus on Piper, her expression one of pure fear. Her eyes were severely bloodshot, many of the tiny veins having burst. This caused the green of her eyes to appear almost supernatural, and it made Piper's stomach churn.

"Let's get her on the stretcher." Someone said. "What's her name, blondie?"

"Alexandra Vause."

"The intruder is unconscious but not dead." Someone else stated.

"Take him to **hell** in a seperate ambulance." Piper seethed.

"Caucasian female, one Alexandra Vause, late twenties to early thirties. Strangulation victim. Laceration above the right eye.."

"No sign of forced entry."

All of the voices and words started blending together. Piper told the police what had happened, informed them that Alex was her girlfriend. Piper didn't bother telling them that she'd actually just broken up with her because she planned to fix that mistake as soon as possible. Alex couldn't seem to speak, but her cry of discomfort caught Piper's attention.

"She's in shock. You can ride with her in the ambulance. She needs you." Said the paramedic who had brought Alex back from the dead. He nodded towards Alex's hand- the brunette was reaching for Piper, the terror still evident in her eyes.

"I'm here." Piper whispered, kissing the side of Alex's face that wasn't covered in blood.

xXxXx

It had been a month since the attack. The man who had attacked Alex was behind bars for attempted murder. Or, he would be after he got out of the hospital. Piper hadn't gotten into any trouble at all, even though she thought she might, at first, for going against what the 911 operator had told her to do. Now, things were just starting to calm down.

Piper brought her cup of coffee to her lips and blew on it before taking a sip. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the taste of the warm liquid. Hoping it would work quickly. This was her first day back at Popi since Alex had been attacked, and her stomach was in knots.

"You okay?" Polly asked from beside her.

The blonde was silent.

"Are you ever going to forgive yourself?"

More silence.

Polly sighed. "Piper, you couldn't have known."

"That's not true, Polly."

"You were just doing what was best for your family. You didn't know that guy would sneak into her apartment. You had _no way_ of knowing that!" The small brunette stated, hating that Piper was being so hard on herself.

"But he did, Pol." Piper stessed, "I broke up with her, left her all by herself right after she got out of the hospital, and then.. He said he waited for you to leave and for her to be in her room before entering. He _knew_ she was _alone_ and already injured."

"She forgave you, Piper."

"Where is she now, Pol?"

Polly closed her eyes. "We don't know."

Piper looked at her best friend with sad eyes. "Exactly. Nobody knows where she is. Not even Red."

"Red's a bitch anyway, from what you have told me." Polly grumbled.

Piper didn't respond.

"Well, you know the boss-guy doesn't have her because that whole system went down when that 'Aydin' prick got arrested." Polly said.

Aydin had a cell phone and his wallet on him when Piper had rendered him unconscious. With those two things, the police were able to figure out who he was and what he was doing there. It hadn't been easy to find Kubra, but once they had tracked him down, he was toast. The police had been looking for him for years, and now that they'd found him, he wasn't going anywhere. Ever.

"Did the cops arrest her and just not tell anybody?"

Piper shook her head, "No, they had no reason to. She'd been out for a while before the attack even happened. No evidence against her. That or they just don't want to press charges because she's been through enough. Paid for her crimes.."

"She'll come back, Pipe." Polly said, hoping that it was true.

"Why would she?" Piper asked, "I broke up with her, Pol. I never got the chance to apologize or take it back. She just.. Vanised. After 4 days in the hospital."

Polly nodded, "I know. But why didn't you take it back when you were at the hospital?"

"Because, I though she would just _know_. I guess she didn't realize that I wasn't just there because I felt responsible. I never knew I could miss someone this much." Piper whispered.

Polly was determined. "We will find her, Piper. I promise."

xXxXx

A/N: Yes, I realize that this chapter was quite dark. I apologize if it has upset anybody to the point of being angry with me for writing it. The thing is, stuff like this does actually happen to people. Usually, if my experience, when it rains, it pours. That being said, I will remind you again that it is uphill from here, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Please review and let me know what you think. I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. -SK


	20. Somewhere Out There

A/N: I'm back. I do apologize that it has taken so long. Life doesn't always go the way we would like for it to. This is probably not my best work, but I did finally finish writing this chapter a few days ago and figured I may as well post it. Also, MsViolet85 has been griping at me again, so thank her. I have hardly slept so I apologize once again if the editing is sub-par. So.. Ya know. Read this thing I wrote. If ya wanna.

Winter Roses

The air was thick with their heavy breathing as Piper pulled Alex's hips towards the edge of the sofa cushion. The brunette looked down at her through hooded, emerald eyes, the desire nearly causing them to glow in the dim lighting. Piper grinned seductively before unclasping the black, lacey bra and tossing it to the side, revealing her lover's full, heavy breasts.

Alex's long, thin fingers tangled in Piper's flaxen locks as the younger woman caressed and stroked her nipples. A gasp echoed throughout the room when Piper sucked and tugged on the small, steel piercings found there. This seemed to go on forever until Piper knew Alex needed more from her.

The blonde leaned back and looked into Alex's beautiful eyes, holding them hostage as her fingers hooked into the lacy black boyshorts. Piper let her eyes drop to Alex's bare chest, then allowed them to wander down past her smooth, tight belly to her milky, toned thighs. The blonde felt her mouth water as she pulled the panties down and off of Alex's perfectly arched feet, taking note of the perfect black polish found on her toes.

Feeling Alex staring at her, the blue eyed woman looked up. The look on her lover's face was pure sex. Alex's full lips were parted, red lipstick and winged eyeliner still perfect. Her brows were slightly raised, her pupils blown out and irises a much darker shade of green than Piper had ever seen before.

Chuckling at how ready Alex was for her, Piper began kissing the inside of Alex's thigh. She made her way tenderly to the apex of Alex's thighs before inhaling. Her lover was very ready for her, but Piper made her wait a bit longer by repeating her actions on the other leg. Once she reached the brunette's core the 2nd time, Piper lifted Alex's legs and hooked her knees over her shoulders.

"Please.." Alex whispered, her hands tangling once again in blonde tresses.

Piper had no desire to resist Alex's plea.

With a flat tongue, Piper licked the length of her, collecting quite a bit of her lover's arousal. Alex sighed, the sound echoing throughout the room as it had before. Hips dipped and spine arched, the brunette released a plethora of pleasured sounds. Then, it was time for the sensual dance.

"Ahh.." Alex cried, her hips rolling slowly against Piper's talented tongue.

Piper's heartbeat was loud in her ears, but not enough to block out the sounds of Alex's sensual breathing and occasional moans. She massaged Alex's hips for a moment before moving one hand beneath Alex's leg. Sensing no resistance from the woman she was pleasing, Piper slowly pushed two fingers deep inside of her lover. The muscles constricted around her, trapping her inside the warm, silky, wet walls. Alex cried out in pleasure, fingers tightening in Piper's hair.

"Oh.. fuuuck." Alex gasped as the blonde curled her fingers towards her g-spot, sending an electric shock of tingling pleasure jolting through her core.

"Hard and fast or soft and slow?" Piper questioned in a soft voice, lifting her head to look at Alex's face.

Alex bit her bottom lip, groaning at the loss of movement or friction. "Surprise me."

Piper smiled. That hadn't been a choice, but she wouldn't deny her lover what she wanted. She began pumping her fingers slowly, putting a bit more force behind each thrust forward. Then, she felt her face being pushed downward. The blonde licked her lips before taking Alex's hardened clit into her mouth and sucking on it in time with her thrusts.

"Oh, shit.. Fuck. Fuck." The porcelain skinned woman cried softly, her legs beginning to shake and twitch.

Piper's heart-rate continued to rise; she could both hear it and feel it now. It was making her wish this would never end. She sucked harder on Alex's clit and curled her fingers with a bit of force against her g-spot, massaging it until she felt Alex's knees begin to wobble uncontrollably. The brunette moaned, hoarsely, her breathing shallow and rapid.

"Mmmh.." Alex pressed down on Piper's head, grinding and rocking her hips sporadically. She was about to cum. Piper could tell by the way her walls were fluttering and clenching hard around her fingers, the way her breathing sped up, the jagged movements of her hips.

"Unghh.. Fuck, Piper." Alex gasped out just before she arched, her body stiff all except for trembling legs.

"Piper.."

"Piper!"

"Wake up."

Piper bolted up, startled and a wee bit flustered.

"I swear to you, Pipe, I'm gonna have to buy ear plugs if I'm gonna be staying over here with you." Polly grumbled before exiting Piper's bedroom and closing the door with a soft click.

The blonde wiped the sweat off her brow and looked around.

She wasn't in her living room and Alex was nowhere to be found. Piper felt her chest crack open just a little bit more and gasped at the raw, sharp pain it caused. The blonde clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, trying to breathe through it. Once she was able to inhale without feeling like there was a knife lodged in her heart, Piper stood up and wiped at her eyes.

Exiting her room, Piper found Polly sitting on her couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. There was another mug on the coffee table and Piper was thankful. Her best friend had been staying with her for the last week, right after the dreams started. Not all of them were sex dreams. In fact, most of the time they were nightmares that included watching herself strangle Alex, the defibrillator not working, or breaking up with the brunette. There had only been one other sex dream, and she'd been woken up right at the start of it.

"Sounded like a good one, this time." Polly said, taking a sip of her hot morning beverage. She both sounded and looked exhausted.

Piper sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad at you for having a wet dream, Piper. It's just not my favorite thing to wake up to. It was a wet dream, right? Usually your nightmares are much less.. breathy? Usually there's crying." Polly stated, eyeing her best friend.

"Yeah. I was.. We were christening the couch." Piper said, her voice sounding far away, matching the look in her eyes.

Polly rubbed Piper's knee. "We're gonna find her.. We'll check her mom's house again, the homeless shelters.."

"The women's shelters. I don't think she'd go anywhere that she could be cornered by a man." Piper took a drink, "What if she's back on drugs, Polly? This whole thing would've been an excellent excuse to relapse if she really was addicted to pills and stuff."

Polly sighed at the thought. "That is possible.. If we find her and she's high out of her skull, we'll just have to get her sober."

"Polly, what if she's dead?" Piper asked. She'd been thinking about the possibility for the last week, probably causing her nightmares. It certainly didn't help that Piper already knew what 'dead Alex' looked like in real life.

The brown eyed woman looked at her best friend. She didn't really know how to respond, so just started with the first thing that came to mind. "She was apparently functioning well enough when she left the hospital. They said she'd probably make a full recovery if she got plenty of rest."

"But what if-"

"Piper, the whole lot of her former gang-style family is in prison. They took them all down." Polly reassured.

"But she doesn't take care of herself.. I should've been taking care of her then, and I should be taking care of her now."

Polly nodded, "All of that is true, Piper.. But you cant change anything about the past. All you can do is try to secure the future. We're gonna find her. I don't care how long it takes, one way or another between the two of us, we'll track her down. Even if she's somehow escaped to Antarctica."

"Australia is a safer bet. Alex hates the cold.." Piper mumbled, her tone very forlorn. The blonde took a deep drink from her black coffee mug, remembering all the times Alex had used it. Blue eyes closed as Piper tried her hardest to imagine that she could still taste a trace of Alex's lips.

xXxXx

The smell never seemed to fade away, to Alex. She had hoped that after being there for a few days that she would be desensitized to the overly-clean, bleached smell of the mental hospital. It turned out that it would take longer. Or so it seemed. Other things were easier to get used to. Like the stupid buzzing of the lights that could be heard all through the building at all hours. If you got distracted, you couldn't hear it anymore. But breathing wasn't optional. She tried to remind herself of that often, especially now that she'd had a taste of what it was like to not be able to.

Alex shuddered and rubbed anxiously at her throat, trying to rid herself of the feeling of hands crushing her windpipe. She began pacing, her eyes wide as breathing became more difficult. The brunette closed her eyes and tilted her head towards the ceiling to try and open up her airway. She inhaled as deeply as she could though her nose and released it slowly through her mouth. It wasn't enough. Alex ran her nails down her throat to try and dislodge the invisible hands that were wrapped around it, but it wasn't helping. All she managed to do was hurt her bruises. She was truly trying not to have a second panic attack in less than 6 hours, but they seemed to occur anytime she even thought about not being able to breathe.

"Hey," Her new roommate called, "Hey, you're having an episode. Just remember, man. Ya gotta breeeathe through it. Come on. One, two, threeee.."

"Fuck off, Lolly." Alex grumbled, her chest starting to hurt.

"I'm just tryin' to help you." Lolly shrugged, leaning back against the wall while sitting cross-legged on her bed. "Since you suffocatin', an' all."

"Fuck off!" Alex growled, glaring hatefully at the tiny blonde woman. She knew that her roomie was honestly trying to help her out, but it never actually did any good. Especially when Lolly had to go and say words like 'suffocating'.

"Okaaay. Jeez." Lolly side-eyed Alex through her taped up glasses like she was insane. "I'm gonna go find someone better suited to deal with.." She gestured to Alex's form, "All this."

Alex tore her own glasses off her face and paced around before shoving them back on and pushing them into her hair. She ran her hands angrily over her face and tried once again to make the phantom-hands let go of her. She knew she must look as crazy as she felt. No wonder Lolly always looked at her funny.

"Just let go.." Alex whispered before shaking her head in frustration and gasping for breath. "Please."

"Vause? Everything alright?" Said a voice that Alex hadn't been expecting.

Alex startled and whirled around, eyes wide and afraid. "Jesus fuck."

"She's havin' another one of those panic things. Like she had this morning and woke me up." Lolly stated, trying to help the nurse figure it out so she would do something about it.

"Go to the TV room, Lolly. I'll help Alex." The nurse stated, walking slowly towards Alex so she wouldn't make it worse.

"Take a deep breath through your nose, Alex. There aren't any hands around your throat. Nobody's sitting on your chest." Nurse Berdie stated, watching as the much taller woman began to calm down a little. "Nobody's hurting you at all, Alex. You came here for help, we wont let anybody hurt you here."

xXxXx

Calculating brown eyes stared at Piper like they could see straight through her and right into her very soul. The woman across from her twitched her lower jaw from side to side a few times before a hand came up and forced its way through a wild, curly mane of strawberry blond frizz.

"A'right, so lemme get this straight. You dump my best friend when she needs you the most, she gets attacked in her own apartment and strangled -to death, mind you- the paramedics bring her back, thank fuck, and then you let her.. leave. You let her leave and now you can't fucking find her." Nicky glares at the blonde. "Tell me, how the fuck does that even happen?"

Piper gulped, "I was asleep.."

There was a vein in Nicky's neck that looked close to bursting. "What the fuck kind of excuse is that!?"

"NICHOLS!" The officer at the desk in the back of the crowded visitation room yelled.

Nicky closed her eyes and took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm down.

"I checked her mom's house. I've checked with Red. I went to all of the women's shelters.. She hasn't been back to her apartment that I know of. I swear to you, Nicky, I am trying to find her. But I just don't know where else to look. I could barely get her to open up to me about anything. The only places I could think of her going to are obviously not where she's at." Piper rubbed furiously at her eyes. She really didn't want to cry anymore.

"You seem awful worried about someone you dumped."

Piper felt like she'd been slapped. "I'm in love with her. I don't think when I panic and when she told me the situation she was in, I did a stupid stupid stupid thing I will never forgive myself for. I was going to ask her to take me back. To forgive me."

"Why didn't you?"

"She disappeared before I could."

Nicky nodded and heaved a heavy sigh. "Ya fucked up, Blondie."

"Do you know of anywhere else she could possibly be?" Piper asked, sounding every bit as forlorn as she looked.

A few moments of silence passed as Nicky wracked her brain for any place her best friend might have run away to. Finally, the smaller woman shrugged and offered the only possibilities she could come up with. "Either she's hit the road and wants to be alone for the next year like she did last time, or she's finally checked in to a mental-help hospital thing."

Piper looked at Nicky curiously.

"Look, you're her girlfriend. Or.. were. Whatever. Anyway, I'm sure you've gathered by now that Alex has got some pretty significant emotional issues. Someone told her bipolar; I don't think that's accurate, and told her as much over and over. She used to 'joke' about needin' to go to a professional hospital to get her shit straightened out. Say it once, it's a joke. Keep mentioning it, it's something ya think about often. I'd check around those places. I dunno if they'll tell you whether she's even there, but it's worth a shot." Nicky shrugged, looking disheartened.

"Thank you. Please, call me, write me, whatever you want so I can keep you updated." Piper said, holding eye contact.

"Oh, I will. Trust me."

xXxXx

A/N: So, that was short. I know you guys probably wanted more, if you're still even interested in this. Sorry, again. Anyway, I won't say when the next time I'll post will be because apparently, I'm not good at updating. Maybe review and lemme know what you thought. -SK


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